What's The Difference Between Creepy and Romantic?

[KissingSunlight]

Does anyone realize how creepy romantic movies are? You do half the things the hero/heroine does in those movie. You will wind up in prison. At the very least, you will have a restraining order against you. Even romantic songs have serious codependent and stalkerish vibes to them. I am starting to think that the line between what is creepy and what is romantic is thinner than most people would care to believe.

So tell me, what is the difference between creepy and romantic?

 

[Saelune]

Liking them back. That's literally the answer. Also I suppose if they are an actual threat to your well being.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

How hot they are. Hot guys/gals can get away with a LOT of creepy shit, because most people are just so please hot people are paying attention to them it never registers that Lucy Lu or Brad Pitt outside your window is really fucked up.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Attractiveness.

Not just how pretty you are, of course (Though that helps a fuckton, particularly upfront). It all about what the other person sees in you prior to the engagement of socialization. It's part of the reason for the 'girls like creeps/assholes' thing (Perceptions change depending on which eyes your using), and why socialization can be so terrifying for some people - It's confusing as fuck sometimes.

 

[balladbird]

plenty of people realize how creepy romance movie protagonists are. XD I've encountered more than a few articles and videos over the years about how crazy/stupid/creepy/highly illegal the actions of guys in chick flicks can be.

I'm far from someone with unilateral authority to speak on behalf of womankind, but based on my personal experience, I don't think most girls really want a lead from a romance movie, just someone who appreciates them.

as to what separates creepy and romantic... I'd say the state of the relationship and how long the two parties have known each other counts for a lot more than looks, though I can see how that'd be important too.

Take two situations where everything else is equal, for instance: Say, a guy parks his car in front of a girl's house, and holds a boom box playing a love song over his head outside her window.

As I said, all things are equal, in both scenarios the guy looks the same, in both scenarios his intentions are the same.

Now, in one scenario he's a friend of the girl whom she's known for years, whereas in the second scenario he's someone who works in the same building as her, but with whom she's never exchanged more than customary greetings.

Personally, if I were a girl I'd be vastly more likely to have a positive reaction in the first scenario, especially if it was a gesture I recognized as being in the guy's personality beforehand.

If I were a girl in the second scenario... I'd probably be fearing for my life and calling the cops.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

How attractive the person is. I don't even think this is a cynical view. It is what it is.

 

[GrumbleGrump]

Liking them back. That's literally the answer. Also I suppose if they are an actual threat to your well being.

Yep. Pretty much it.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

Well, let's see.

Real romance involves empathy and the understanding that the object of your affections is a living, breathing, flesh-and-blood individual with hopes and dreams and fears. Real romances are nurtured over time and typically grow out of a strong friendship. In my experience, it's something that sneaks up on you. You find the right girl to goof off with, proceed to goof off with said girl for several months - and then your hind brain goes "Hey dude, I think you're in love."

On the other hand, rom-coms and romance novels aren't too concerned with the trappings of realism. They have good vibes to sell and anywhere between ninety minutes to a few hundred pages to do so. Seeing as a lot of us suspend our disbelief while watching movies, the requisite audience for "Pretty Boy does Illegal Shit to Win Back his Love's Trust" tends not to mind that much. It's absolutely creepy in real life, but if it's onscreen and the perpetrator has the face of Matthew McConaughey or Zac Efron, then the gushing may commence.

Here's another example. There's this forgotten Hugh Jackman vehicle called "Kate and Leopold" that sees a Victorian aristocrat get whisked off to modern-day New York. Of course, modern male New Yorkers are boorish and uninteresting, and Kate is a career-driven woman who's missing... something. Leopold obviously starts out as this vaguely charming mental case, but his being Gentlemanly As Fuck (TM) strikes Kate as being whimsical and true-to-life and inspiring and whatnot. Of course, Leopold also learns an object lesson in this, since he comes from a society which was stifling its women and has to thank Kate for being exposed to the joys of Theoretical Gender Equality. Of course, the movie doesn't address the ways in which women still have a lot to fight for - it doesn't matter. She gets her Masculine Dreamboat, he gets his Feminine Dreamboat and Kindred Spirit.

If someone pulled off half the shit Jackman does in the movie in real life, they'd be arrested. No amount of dapper whimsy would save the day.

 

[mecegirl]

Romance movies and novels are fictional. There is a lot about what happens in them that just wouldn't fly in real life. You really shouldn't take it seriously because the average woman wouldn't fall for any of it. Try busting into the wedding of a woman that you recently fell in love with for instance(a common rom com trope). You'd get kicked out. Even if she were cheating on her fiance with you so you two had a relationship she wouldn't stand up for you, she'd just be mad you blew their cover.

 

[sky14kemea]

Allow me to use pictures to help.

Spoiler: creepy

Spoiler: romantic

Puppies make everything less creepy

Also for a curveball, it's creepy if you're expecting a reward or a certain outcome for yourself. It's romantic if you're doing it because you think they'd like it, and don't want anything in return.

 

[Sonmi]

Reciprocity, that's pretty much it.

 

[cleric of the order]

It's the placement of the emotion.
Or rather the humour of the person implementing it, by it's nature a romantic act is impulsive, irrational and focused around awe even if consumerism have thus made a eunuch of the idea. It is and always been obsessive, destructive, temperamental and violent like love itself.
In essence there is nothing that separates a romantic act from a creepy one bar personality, if they cannot kindle their blood or heart, then likely it will not be because there is no originality there, nothing but convention and expectation.

 

[KissingSunlight]

Thank you for the replies so far. I did just want to ask the question and let the people answer it without any context or prompting. However, there is a low post rule here. So, I used mainstream romantic entertainment as an example of the subjectivity concerning what is creepy or romantic.

I'll be honest. Some of the replies do open up a can of worms about hypocrisies of what women complain about with men.

Sexual Objectification:

On the other hand, rom-coms and romance novels aren't too concerned with the trappings of realism. They have good vibes to sell and anywhere between ninety minutes to a few hundred pages to do so. Seeing as a lot of us suspend our disbelief while watching movies, the requisite audience for "Pretty Boy does Illegal Shit to Win Back his Love's Trust" tends not to mind that much. It's absolutely creepy in real life, but if it's onscreen and the perpetrator has the face of Matthew McConaughey or Zac Efron, then the gushing may commence.

How hot they are. Hot guys/gals can get away with a LOT of creepy shit, because most people are just so please hot people are paying attention to them it never registers that Lucy Lu or Brad Pitt outside your window is really fucked up.

Allow me to use pictures to help.

Spoiler: creepy

Spoiler: romantic

Puppies make everything less creepy

Also for a curveball, it's creepy if you're expecting a reward or a certain outcome for yourself. It's romantic if you're doing it because you think they'd like it, and don't want anything in return.

So, the two picture are men who are different in attractiveness. Also, why do women expect men to do things for them and should expect nothing in return? How would you like it if a guy doesn't reciprocate when you do nice things for him?

Let me add, women in romantic movies do some creepy things in romantic movies as well. The best example would My Best Friend's Wedding. Julia Roberts play a woman who friendzoned a guy. He moves on and get engaged with someone else. When she finds out, she seek to sabotage the wedding. With the help of a gay guy(another friendzoned man), she hopes the guy will change his mind and falls back into love with her.

How about those romantic movies and books about a woman who strings along two or more guys before deciding who she really, truly love?

OK, romantic stories are not meant to taken seriously. I hope women do understand and appreciate the confusion a man have when they see a woman swoon over these stories.

Just one more thing to add. From the responses so far, would it be fair to say that women should stop public shaming guys for being "creepy"? From what I read so far, he biggest crime he committed would be not looking like Ryan Gosling when he showed romantic interest in a woman. Just a thought.

 

[sky14kemea]

So, the two picture are men who are different in attractiveness. Also, why do women expect men to do things for them and should expect nothing in return? How would you like it if a guy doesn't reciprocate when you do nice things for him?

Let me add, women in romantic movies do some creepy things in romantic movies as well. The best example would My Best Friend's Wedding. Julia Roberts play a woman who friendzoned a guy. He moves on and get engaged with someone else. When she finds out, she seek to sabotage the wedding. With the help of a gay guy(another friendzoned man), she hopes the guy will change his mind and falls back into love with her.

How about those romantic movies and books about a woman who strings along two or more guys before deciding who she really, truly love?

OK, romantic stories are not meant to taken seriously. I hope women do understand and appreciate the confusion a man have when they see a woman swoon over these stories..

Is it the mutton-chops? I think they're dashing.

I mean, I hate romantic movies so I kind of get the confusion too? Sort of.

Those movies where a woman dates two different men at the same time are bullshit. No one should ever string people on like that, man or woman.

I guess I should've been more specific with what's expected to be reciprocated after a romantic gesture. A thanks/smile/hug would be fantastic, but if I did a gesture to a guy I wouldn't expect him to do something equally as extravagant back, nor would I expect any sexual reward. (Not that I'm saying men always expect that, I'm not that blinded).

TBH the Media is definitely the worst cause of all this confusion.

 

[Phasmal]

Spoiler: Oh look people are claiming it's attractiveness

Context and reciprocity. That's literally it. It has nothing to do with attractiveness, those who say it does aren't spilling the hard truths they think they are, they're just misinterpreting situations. For instance, I'd bang Chris Evans like a screen door in a hurricane, but I'd still think it was weird if I found him face down in my laundry basket inhaling like a crack addict.
How attractive someone is may make the person their romantic gesture is aimed at more likely to accept it, but it's the acceptance, not the attractiveness that matters.

And context is important. Social situations are hard, so yeah, it's a thin line between sweeping someone off their feet and skeeving them the fuck out. You should really try to know the person and what they like first.

Lastly, don't take lessons from romantic films in the same way you wouldn't take lessons about driving from racing movies. They're not a how-to. People don't work the way they do in films in real life. I've known one too many people who expected life to play out like a film and it'll blow spectacularly up in your face.

 

[The Lunatic]

Being attractive is a pretty big part of it being reciprocated.

I'd probably say, assuming it's just a one off-thing that there's plenty of things that would be creepy for an unattractive person to do that an attractive person could probably get away with.

 

[Stewie Plisken]

Spoiler: Oh look people are claiming it's attractiveness

Context and reciprocity. That's literally it. It has nothing to do with attractiveness, those who say it does aren't spilling the hard truths they think they are, they're just misinterpreting situations. For instance, I'd bang Chris Evans like a screen door in a hurricane, but I'd still think it was weird if I found him face down in my laundry basket inhaling like a crack addict.

This example doesn't prove your point, Phasmal. There is absolutely no context in which sniffing one's laundry basket could be interpreted as romantic. The question is when a gesture that is intended as romantic would come off as creepy.

 

[Gengisgame]

Spoiler: Oh look people are claiming it's attractiveness

Context and reciprocity. That's literally it. It has nothing to do with attractiveness, those who say it does aren't spilling the hard truths they think they are, they're just misinterpreting situations. For instance, I'd bang Chris Evans like a screen door in a hurricane, but I'd still think it was weird if I found him face down in my laundry basket inhaling like a crack addict.

This example doesn't prove your point, Phasmal. There is absolutely no context in which sniffing one's laundry basket could be interpreted as romantic. The question is when a gesture that is intended as romantic would come off as creepy.

Even think it somewhat proves the opposite.

They said they would find the idea of Chris Evans in there laundry basket weird, if it had been a 300 pound, sweaty, balding, grease ball they probably would have found the situation stomach churning.

 

[happyninja42]

Liking them back. That's literally the answer. Also I suppose if they are an actual threat to your well being.

Pretty much, considering I've seen people describe the exact same behavior, from the exact same person, as being both romantic, and disturbing as hell. And oddly enough, those opinions fell on whether they found the person attractive or not. Funny that.

 

[JustAnotherAardvark]

creepy = ( (awkwardness - social skills) / attractiveness ) * persistence