Resident Evil
Problem: I need to go to the bathroom.
Solution: There are no bathrooms here, go away.
Problem: I am hungry.
Solution: I have to find the Rooster Emblem hidden in the evidence locker to turn off the waterfall blocking the hidden doorway that leads to the secret facility containing the Tyrant Type-F that I have to kill with the rocket launcher I found in a Volkswagen Beetle parked outside so that I can pick-up the Pawn Key that unlocks the elevator to Sub Level A where I can find the Fuse that I can use to restore power to the maintenance tram system that will take me to the secondary facility--why the fuck does maintenance get their own tram anyway?--where I need to find the Blue, Yellow, and Red key cards which I'm sure involved those fucking Grey Tablets because why wouldn't it, and doing that of course will unlock the doors that will lead me to the storage facility, where I can get the Dual Golden Lugers that will trip the wall-mounted trap that lets me pass through to the Storage Shed where I can find the pesticide that I can use to kill the vines blocking the bridge across the chasm to Control Room B, where I can use the terminal to move the cameras and locate where the hell they left the Red Chicken Cross which I need obviously to unlock that one door that leads to the room with all those God damn Plaques, I think it's the Green Ivory Rat Plaque I need to unlock--no wait, that's the bathroom, I need the Yellow Tungsten Macaw Plaque to unlock the security blast doors that lead to the boat, where I can start my two hour ride across--GOD DAMN HUNTERS ON THE BOAT!--to the island facility where they keep the Tyrant Type-32Ts which I need to kill a couple of in order to get the Tyrant Blood Sample, which is needed by that one kinda wonky computer system to power up and produce a Tyrant Serum B which for some reason opens a door to the Briefing Room, where I can find God Damn Bats aplenty as well as the Beta Tape D-6 to play in the machine on sub level D of the main island facility after using the God damn heavy Red Valve Handle to lower the ladder that lets me climb to the surface where I can use the Surface Tram to--GOD DAMN LICKERS ON THE TRAM!--go back to the main facility where I can use the Fire Hose to put out a fire that's started in the Conference Room for some reason, which hides a block of C-4 how the fuck, which I can use to blow a hole in the wall to the Computer Terminal room because doors are for pussies, where I can use the Beta Tape to power up the terminal that will let me place an online order to Pizza 73.
Problem: The delivery boy is at the door.
Solution: Solve a random math puzzle to ZOMG STOP THE RUNAWAY TRAIN WHY NOT?!@?!?!
