Whats wrong with long term relationships?

[launchpadmcqwak]

I just got a girlfriend and i feel all smug about it, (cause it's totally awesome) But reading around on the escapist i see a lot of you who are against the idea of a long term relationship, and i cant really see why someone would be against it.

so yeah...opinions?, anecdotes?, statistics?, whatever

 

[Phasmal]

I'm not quite sure who is against long term relationships, a lot of people here are in long term relationships.

I've always had long term relationships (I haven't had a relationship that lasted less than two years); but it doesn't always end up that way. People can go into a relationship wanting it to be long term and then it doesn't work out.
And I've nothing against people who don't want long term relationships either, to each their own and all.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

I don't think people are really against long-term relationships at all on The Escapist. What I've noticed is people that realize or believe that they are not the type of person that wants a long-term relationship. That's fine in my book.

These people aren't trying to convince others that their way is right, but they do make themselves known. However, I've never actually seen anyone outright condemning the idea of long-term relationships here.

 

[hazabaza1]

People can't get girlfriends and are bitter.

 

[endnuen]

I see more people on here that can't even say 2 coherent sentences to girls without choking on their tongue?

But to your topic:
I find no reason to NOT be in a long-term relationship. If I wanted it to be short-term, we might as well just be friends with benefits until we grew bored of each other.

 

[Doclector]

I'm not necessarily against it, but logically it seems like a bad idea. L-word is a symbiotic emotion. It gives you positive emotions, but the more you experience it, the more dependant you become, creating a myth that you can't live without it. The longer you're with someone, the more damage it will cause when she inevitably leaves.

 

[Vanitas likes Bubbles]

Well first, I need to actually get a girlfriend to decide on this particular subject.

Wouldn't mind having a long term relationship with someone. Someone that I will love and cherish every moment with......... don't look at me like that, yes, I'm that sappy romantic guy.

 

[bobmus]

People in general tend to be fairly judgemental of people who intend a long-term relationship, or have one, whilst they're still in school. It's a pretty patronising point of view, and doesn't help a couple's chances when other people give such negative opinions about it. It seems once you make it out of school and into a more adult environment that people take it more seriously though, which is good.
Source: Personal Experience

 

[Girl With One Eye]

All of my relationships have been long term, I'll always pick a long term relationship over a casual fling. In my opinion it's better to be with someone you love.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Really?


I've made it no secret that I've been in a relationship for 9 years and I haven't seen anyone condemn me for it.

 

[Esotera]

The amount of time and effort that a long-term relationship requires is way too much for me at the minute, I've not even finished my degree and started a career yet. Then you have people who want a break from serious dating or just want their own company for a while.

I don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with long-term relationships, but there's something wrong with believing that absolutely everyone should be in one whenever they can.

 

[ResonanceSD]

People can't get girlfriends and are bitter.

^ this. I'm not bitter... yet. -_-'

 

[Zantos]

I'm not necessarily against it, but logically it seems like a bad idea. L-word is a symbiotic emotion. It gives you positive emotions, but the more you experience it, the more dependant you become, creating a myth that you can't live without it. The longer you're with someone, the more damage it will cause when she inevitably leaves.

Oh ho ho, now that it bitter as the bloody Aire!

OT: There's nothing wrong with long term relationships. It's the people in them that are the problem. There's no way of knowing if a someone who's a good T20er will also be good for a test series until you try it. If you end up with a clingy, overcontrolling, emotional wreck then that's not good, but you keep on hoping next time she'll be your best friend who just keeps getting better. Either way, it's not the fault of the relationship. It's you, or them, or the fact they percieve every female friend as a threat so will actively stop you spending time with them.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I've only ever been in long-term relationships (except one which I knew I was making a mistake when it started, and it's just as well that the girl was very understanding and I stopped it before a potential break-up would be messy) and to be honest, I can't really see these 'anti-long term couples' people...

I've seen plenty of 'fuck relationships' or 'fuck marriage' people... so... nnnh?

Unfortunately, my relationships have never really ended well, but I wouldn't give them up for anything, oddly enough.

*shrug*

 

[Zhukov]

People can't get girlfriends and are bitter.

This is perhaps a little broad and blunt, but essentially correct.

Given the demographics of a site like this, there's going to be a distinct element of "No really, it's not that I can't get a girlfriend, relationships just suck."

And of course there's the usual element of, "My last relationship went pear-shaped, therefore relationships suck", but you'll find that anywhere.

 

[Eleuthera]

People can't get girlfriends and are bitter.

One more for the "this" crowd. I'm pretty sure I was (somewhat) like this as well at some point in my desperation dating career life, but I got over it (not the not being able to geta GF part, the bitterness part).

 

[Doclector]

I'm not necessarily against it, but logically it seems like a bad idea. L-word is a symbiotic emotion. It gives you positive emotions, but the more you experience it, the more dependant you become, creating a myth that you can't live without it. The longer you're with someone, the more damage it will cause when she inevitably leaves.

Oh ho ho, now that it bitter as the bloody Aire!

Indeed, but it is true. Well, at least, inarguably, the part about L word being symbiotic. There could still be much debate about whether somebody leaving is inevitable, but it's what I believe.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I'm more of the opposite...

well... for myself anyway! I'd rather not everyone on the planet was in a long term relationship, because then I will neve meet someone! :/

I just (well, a year ago, but it feels like yesterday) and I am looking forward to whenever I will get that again with someone else! I also never actually beleive anyone who says that they don't want that...! I recon they just HAVEN'T had it to know what they are missing!

 

[Terminal Blue]

I'm not against "long term relationships", I suppose in layman's terms I'm probably in one. However, I am however against the sheer level of posturing and bullshit which seems to come as part of the package for most people.

I'm against having your relationship with one person take over your life just because you're fucking them, and I don't see why the people already in your life, your friends and the people who have actually supported you, should suddenly come second to someone you enjoy exchanging bodily fluids with.

I'm also against being "coupley" around other people. That's not a point about PDA, heck I have no problem if you want to fuck each other in the middle of the road, but I hate this weird expectation that you'll function as a single social unit. It's annoying to people who already know you, and outright cruel to people who have their own relationship problems or are single. Basically, I think regardless of what kind of relationship in you're always separate people, if you're so neurotic about each other that you can't function independently you should probably get out of a relationship and get psychotherapy.

I'm also against making promises you can't keep. I don't believe you can promise to love someone forever and ever (unless one of you is dying). The fact is that relationships only work because they mutually provide for people, and the only logical way to handle them is to accept that there may come a time when said relationship no longer provides what someone is looking for. If that sounds harsh, then ask yourself whether any happiness you'd feel from doing otherwise is actually real happiness or just something you've deluded yourself into.

But yeah, there are long-term relationships and long-term relationships. Personally, I think it's very important to build up an emotional connection with the people you have sex with. I just don't think that should supersede or abrogate the equally important emotional connections you've already formed.

I suppose ultimately I don't think having sex with someone makes them particularly special. I don't really see what it changes between anyone, and I'm against treating it as something particularly special and non-substitutable. But I'm very much alone in this regard (heck, even my partner doesn't always feel the same way).

 

[Dryk]

^ I get in trouble sometimes with my girlfriend because I'm not used to automatically trying to get her invites to everything. But for the most part we function fairly independently, I wouldn't be able to deal very well with anything else.

OT: I haven't seen anyone rail against long-term relationships, I've seen people say that they don't want one or they're not in one though.