When death happens around you

[Nivag the Owl]

An old acquaintance of my brother (used to go to school together) recently hung himself (R.I.P). Death is always all around but when it happens to someone you know, or somebody you've heard of, it just seems surreal. It's crazy that stuff like this actually happens. I didn't really know him that well but I knew of him. He was kind of ok with my brother but there was bad blood between him and one of my brother's friends. But yeah, I didn't really know him so please no condolences. I know a lot of people will miss him.

I have a good friend who's older brother also died in a car crash (R.I.P). The driver survived but all four passengers died in the crash. She was fairly depressed for a couple of years (for obvious reasons) but she's back to her happy self now.

Have you ever been around any deaths or known of any deaths from relatives or friends or friends of friends, that just seem surreal to you?

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

Well, there was this one girl from the school I went to... Rosemary... nearing the end of the last school year, she went missing.
She had hung herself in the forest nearby... I can still remember her smiles... she sat across from me in Science...
It just seems unreal. I moved on with life, and I think most others have as well.
Even her best friend (or one time best friend) seems to have moved on. It's all we can do.

 

[Lost In The Void]

The worst thing I think was when one of my friends, her boyfriend and two others collided head on with a semi. The girl and her boyfriend died, but the two others lived. It was really surreal because I talked to her the night she died on Facebook, saying have a good time at the party she was going to. Funny how things change so fast

 

[TimeLord]

My grandmother died of MS but we all knew it was coming as she had been sick for years so It didn't really affect me much

 

[Queen Michael]

No, I'm actually very low on empathy, which is a problem sometimes. And the only person close to me who ahs died is my grandpa, who was suffering horribly, so that was more of a relief.

 

[comadorcrack]

Well, there was this one girl from the school I went to... Rosemary... nearing the end of the last school year, she went missing.
She had hung herself in the forest nearby... I can still remember her smiles... she sat across from me in Science...
It just seems unreal. I moved on with life, and I think most others have as well.
Even her best friend (or one time best friend) seems to have moved on. It's all we can do.

Yeah rose was a nice girl. She was usually up for a laugh with me josh and dave. But then... =/ well what done is done...

 

[BlindMessiah94]

I have a good friend who's older brother also died in a car crash (R.I.P). The driver survived but all four passengers died in the crash. She was fairly depressed for a couple of years (for obvious reasons) but she's back to her happy self now.

I don't mean to sound like a dick, but I beg to differ.
This whole post is probably going to sound really judgmental but I don't care, I think it's important to say it.
I don't know your friend obviously but I do know that when a person deals with great trauma in their life, they never get "back to their happy selves". Most people just supress what's going on, and find it easier to put on a show for all their friends and family. That way they don't have to deal with what's going on. Even years later after putting the past behind you, it will always be a part of you.

I guess the term "happy self" just really bothers me. People are happy sometimes and unhappy others. No one can ever be in one state permanently. It's a bit naive to think someone is just fine after something life changing like their brother dying.

I have a friend who's father died last year. They were best friends. He really suppressed a lot of his emotions and all the people in his circle of friends figure "It's been a year he's fine now" and expect him to be fine, come out, party, have fun, all the time. As soon as he has tried being real with people everyone abandons him because it is easier. Most people do not want to have to deal with the fact that someone they know is in a dark place. They prefer a facade.

Situations like this teach people that there are two types of friends you can have - those who are there for you when it is convenient and comfortable, and those who are there for you even when it's not.

I hope that you are the latter for your friend.

 

[Valksy]

Not had an actual death. But a few years ago a woman I cared for deeply made a suicide attempt. She drove out into the middle of no where in the North East of England in the dead of winter in the middle of the night, took a large handful of sleeping pills, opened the windows and laid down to die of exposure.

She sent me a text message and after some musing over what I thought was a "good night" I realised it was actually a "good bye". She was more than 300 miles away from me - I couldn't reach her in person.

I spent the whole night - at least 8 hours on the telephone with her. Talking and talking. Please close your windows. Please try to stay awake. Turn on your engine for a while and use the car heating. Please stay awake.

She made it. And I don't think that she ever forgave me. She lives less than 50 miles from me now and we have never really spoken since.

I honestly think that she would have died.

 

[snide_cake]

I worked at Australia Post for a while there. One day one of the posties on a motorcycle was hit by a car and killed.

You could feel the sobriety rippling through head office.... even though we were confined to an office, far away from the life of a postie, we felt it. Couldn't imagine what it was like for her family, for her co-workers.

All I remember is the feeling that simmered close to depression throughout head office, and the horrible taste in your mouth when you heard how the DC manager was trying to get two other posties out there to complete her round. That was the kicker -- the public would be angry if their mail was late, never mind that it was because of the death of someone.

 

[Christemo]

I saw two British soldiers ripped apart by sustained assault rifle fire in Northern Ireland on March 7th last year by the Real IRA. I was in the area by chance, and I was about 15 feet away when it happened.

It was horrible. Totally horrible. Gunfire is very loud, a lot louder than it is in films or games. I dived to the ground. All I could hear was the shots, the screaming and the dull thuds of bullets hitting flesh. I didn't see the first bit, I was too scared to look. However, at the end, one of the shooters advanced on one of the almost dead soldiers and fired into his body about 20 times, until he wasn't even a person anymore, just punctured flesh and bone.

It's weird, time seems to stop when people die, there's this electricity in the air, and this kind of dull realization of total terror you get. After the shooters drove off, I just ran the fuck out of there. I didn't want to get questioned. I just got back in my friends car and told him to drive out of there as fast as I could. I was lucky, the remaining soldiers must have been so on-edge they could have shot me.

Since then I've been suffering OCD, paranoia and manic depression. I know I never shut up about this, but it really has dominated my life. I haven't been the same since.

i thought the Real IRA was just some IRA followers who began shooting people in a random Irish town once, i didnt think they still existed.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

Good friend of mine in high school had a congenital heart defect which I often ribbed him about (good natured, he did the same about my weight). He went home one day complaining that his chest felt a bit sore. You can guess the rest.

Later friend from work came off his bike and died, that was pretty horrible.

Relatives wise, mother's father went into a coma after falling off a ladder putting Christmas presents in the attic and died a week before Christmas. Mother's mother died of stomach cancer two years later. I was told recently she actually died of MRSA, but they didn't tell us because we were too young.

Father's father died the week before I came to university after a months long battle with lung cancer, then skin cancer, then liver and kidney. It ate him away almost literally. Utterly heartbreaking. Father's mother died on New Year's Eve from a malignant tumuor on her leg leading to septicaemia, and she had heart problems besides.

I'm aware of death, yes.

 

[BonsaiK]

Have you ever known of any deaths from relatives or friends or friends of friends, that just seem surreal to you?

Yeah, all of them, and there are many. It never stops feeling weird no matter how often it happens.

Spoiler: excerpts from my drama-fueled life - don't click here if easily depressed or upset

My partner suicided, I got the phone call from her mum who found her hanging in the toilet of her house. Not happy times. Turned out that she had planned the event well in advance. Especially surreal was that she had a will - I didn't expect to be heir to an inheritance from a partner at the age of 30.

My Mum died of cancer. When it was diagnosed she elected to not have surgery of any kind. I got to watch her take her last breath and pass away right in front of me. In retrospect I think that the hospital staff turned off the life support when I got there to visit her. Probably the right thing to do as she was in horrid pain with no hope of recovery.

My Dad died of a brain tumor that arrived as side-effects of medication he was taking for other ailments. It appeared overnight in hospital after he fell out of bed. We said our goodbyes and the doctors switched the machine off that was keeping him alive but in a vegetative state.

All my grandparents are now dead, from various things, most had cancer. One went insane first and started accusing my Mum of weird things that she didn't do before eventually going to an asylum.

A guy at my first job hung himself. Nobody knows why, he left no note. Seemed happy enough the day before. He was deaf and also had trouble speaking, maybe the isolation that can sometimes come with being deaf and functionally mute had something to do with it.

A guy who I studied music with was shot dead outside a nightclub after making dumb racist comments to a kid who happened to have a gun. His photo made the front page of the local paper, along with an amusing article which painted him in the most positive light possible and ignored little details like his racism and also his membership in one of my town's (at that time) most popular death metal bands.

Several people I have worked with in my most recent line of employment have succumbed to drug overdoses that have either killed them or crippled them for life, a very common thing in my line of work. Some people think drugs are glamorous and fun until they wind up in hospital and can't move their legs.

 

[Lucifron]

My cousin hung herself in her apartment. I'm probably not as fucked up by it as the guy who found her was (he was apparently in love with her and a recovering drug addict, go figure). It's very difficult to relate to someone you've grown up with ceasing to exist. It is, as the OP said, surreal.

I didn't allow myself to be sad during the subsequent months because I wanted to help her family, so I might have a latent depression ready to burst out at a later traumatic date.

 

[Kinguendo]

Hmm, okay then.

A guy I talked with a few times at my school died of that thing where your heart just stops, I didnt know him that well.

My uncle was killed whilst stationary on his motorbike at the age of 40, he was at a traffic light in front of a lorry when someone thought there was a space in front of the lorry that they could pull into... they were wrong. They knocked my uncle off of his motorbike when his head got trapped between the motorbike and the curb, breaking his neck in three places and killing him instantly. I was told that the people that tried to resusitate him were fire men and the youngest guy was trying the hardest... when he finally stopped he just burst out crying.

My father took it particularily hard and as a result his heart became incredibly weak, I saw the man who taught me how to be the best person I can be get so weak he couldnt hold a glass without shaking. He was admitted to hospital during my first year in college and I couldnt concentrate on anything other than that... I tried to quit but he wouldnt let me and I was so angry at him for it, but eventually he was discharged and the doctors said he would get better... a year ago last month he died at the age of 44 of a heart attack, he was completely alone at the time and I hadnt seen or spoken to him in over a year.

Both of my grandparents are still alive and have had to bury 2 of their sons in the space of 5 years.

I didnt know the first guy that well and as a result was just shocked, I put a brave face on for the loss of my uncle but seeing everyone else slowly break down is a demoralizing sight and at the funeral it is simply impossible to keep it bottled up and as soon as I heard that my father had died without any warning I couldnt even stand... I didnt move for about 2-3 hours and couldnt eat anything or sleep for 2 days, his death is the most painful experience of my entire life and I have certainly been scarred by it.

 

[Red Bomb]

I was in a band afew years back. We were rehearsing in this really horrid, damp little warehouse, like we did every week. We were setting up and my friend was fiddling with his amp, turned it on and hit the deck. He died instantly of electrocution. I dont know how it could happen and I dont care. I dont want to know.
I'll never forget when all of us realised what just happend. It was chaos, grown men screaming in hysterics... I'll never forget that.

I have also seen a woman jump in front of a high speed train at Clapham Junction station in London (she jumped in front of the Gatwick Express) That was pretty nasty. But luckily I was about 4 platforms over, apparently only her leg was left :s

All deaths seem surreal to me. Even if it's 'expected'.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

Oh yeah, I went through high school, my best friend was constantly trying to hang himself. I cut him down at least twice in one year. Also near our school there's an old building (no-one seems to know what it does, something to do with water) and a stream runs by the footpath I used to walk along on my way home from school, we found some kid fainted and a girl was crying, they'd found seen a body in the stream. A girl, she'd hung herself the night before and the rope must have been a little loose because it slid off the tree and she was carried a mile or so downstream.

Kinda freaky!

 

[Trifixion]

Goddamnit I was hoping there wouldn't be a thread like this.

Do not click below unless already depressed by the above posts and wanting to read still more.

Spoiler

At least six good friends of mine have been killed by drunk drivers. My father's brother literally drank himself to death - liver failure. My aunt, the woman I inherited my house from, was a violent alcoholic for the last twenty years of her life. And people ask me why I don't drink.

My best friend from high school developed inoperable spinal cancer his senior year - I had to watch him slowly waste away and die over the course of eight months, all the while trying my best to keep his spirit up.

People I thought I knew well who unexpectedly committed suicide with very little warning beforehand. A cousin was rear-ended by a tractor trailer on the entry ramp to an interstate. Plenty of other examples.

But the worst? Fifteen years ago, my fiancee was killed in a drive-by shooting literally four days before our wedding. No relation, no connection, no nothing to the actual target, she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Police figured out who the target was supposed to be and who the gang was who did it, but they never figured out who the actual shooters were.

While the other deaths I've faced have always felt "surreal," as the OP put it, that one drove me into a literal suicidal-edge nervous breakdown. When I came out of it a few months later, I was pretty much who I am today - cynical, bitter, and antisocial - though the latter has been slowly wearing away thanks to some real friends I've made in the past decade and a half. I haven't been involved in a serious relationship with another woman since. Haven't even considered it as a possibility.

 

[radarbsm]

My Grandpa died of a heart attack. My grandma freaked out but I did all the right things by calling 911, listening to the operator, and most important is I stayed calm.
Heart attack happen around me a lot but most people survive.

Wow what a great way to start the day off with such a depressing thread. It is going to be a great day. {Not sarcastic either}

 

[Ironic Pirate]

To try and lighten the mood, here is a song surprisingly good for coping.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjAPoN8qs0Q


Makes you feel less alone. My grandpa died last year, but he had had I stoke when I was younger, so I nver really knew him.

 

[Jharry5]

My great-aunt was diagnosed with dementia when I was around eight or nine. Due to my age, I only saw her two times after the diagnosis before she died, but when I did see her, the difference was plain to see. She'd forget names; her sister (my grandmother), her husband (who'd died from a heart failure a few years before)... even what town she was in. The last time I saw her, she didn't even remember me.

My Grandad had a massive stroke a few years back. Even at eighty, he'd always been mobile, independant and self-reliant. When I went to visit him the day before he died, he couldn't talk, could barely lift his hands up. But he could hear us talking. I'm thankful for that much.

Both times, though, when it did happen it was almost a relief to see the suffering end, which helped cushion the blow somewhat. That surreal, numb feeling still hit, just not as hard as the news that a friend of mine that I'd gone all the way through school with was found dead last year. I still don't know why. It came as a real shock.