When do single ladies prefer to be approached?

[Adventurer2626]

I know, I'm just another poor sap looking for romance advice, but bear with me. I'm the pretty stereotypical white, nerdy, introverted guy so I feel there's no elaboration needed there. I'm okay with talking to people but first of all the conversation has to actually start and second I need something to talk about. I am atrocious at making up small talk; I need something to work off of.

That being said, I would like to know when girls like to be approached. There's hardly ever a clear cut "I am single" cue women (at least that I'm aware of) so picking one out I correlate with Russian roulette most times. I rarely see a woman by herself in any situation. Most times, she's working if she is. In social situations, I usually see women in a small to large group and often times there's a couple guys. This makes it much more awkward than approaching a girl by herself.

So my question is, in what situations are looking to meet someone or at least open to being approached?

I'm assuming that it's mostly poor form to ask someone out while they're waiting on you in a restaurant, grocery store, etc. Most of the being hit on complaints are from one of those.




Captcha: easy as cake. I hope so lol.

 

[gazumped]

Personally, I like to be approached when I've been friends with the approacher for a good few months, at least. >_>

Might not be that helpful to you but I'm just saying, as an introvert, I'm never going to want to take time out of my life to socialise with a stranger outside of polite requirements, if I can help it.

On the most part, however, I wouldn't complain about being hit on so long as it wasn't done so in a way that made me feel uncomfortable/unsafe. The general rule I've heard from ladies - friends or other - is the same. So never approach a lady if there's a possible power imbalance where she may fear retribution if she declines, so this could be if she's serving you at work (could lose a customer if she turns you down) but she could also be concerned that you are a much darker threat (don't forget if you're a total stranger she has no reason to know if you're trustworthy or not) so only do it in a place where she wouldn't feel intimidated by a stranger - for instance, hitting on someone at a relatively secluded bus stop after dark would be a big no-no.

For a similar reason, approaching a lady while she's in a group might actually be a time when she's most open to being hit on. Not only does she have her mates on hand in case he gets leery, it's also nice to show off that someone's asking you out - and if she's single/looking for love her friends may well encourage her to take you up on it even if she's nervous about it! You might want to start off with the opening question 'Excuse me, I was wondering, are you single?' whether she's in a group with guys or not (remember, one of those girls might be her girlfriend) and if she isn't then you can quickly doff your hat and exit. In fact, it wouldn't be a bad line to start with any lady, that's your cue to whether or not she's available right there, and it puts your intentions out right off the bat. (Don't insult her intelligence by trying to pretend you were just interested in some friendly conversation with a stranger or just wanted to 'make friends'.)

And the final golden rule: If she's not interested, back off immediately. No one can blame you for trying but they can blame you for being a dick about it or trying to pressure her into it.

 

[Adventurer2626]

*Snip*

For a similar reason, approaching a lady while she's in a group might actually be a time when she's most open to being hit on. Not only does she have her mates on hand in case he gets leery, it's also nice to show off that someone's asking you out - and if she's single/looking for love her friends may well encourage her to take you up on it even if she's nervous about it! You might want to start off with the opening question 'Excuse me, I was wondering, are you single?' whether she's in a group with guys or not (remember, one of those girls might be her girlfriend) and if she isn't then you can quickly doff your hat and exit. In fact, it wouldn't be a bad line to start with any lady, that's your cue to whether or not she's available right there, and it puts your intentions out right off the bat. (Don't insult her intelligence by trying to pretend you were just interested in some friendly conversation with a stranger or just wanted to 'make friends'.)

And the final golden rule: If she's not interested, back off immediately. No one can blame you for trying but they can blame you for being a dick about it or trying to pressure her into it.

Hadn't really thought of that. I'll have to keep that possibility in mind when I'm out. I actually prefer the friend -> girlfriend transition, it's just not an option at this time unless I lean heavily on my friends to introduce me to someone they know. So I'll just be a bit more forward/confidant and use some common sense.

 

[Lilani]

Personally, I like to be approached when I've been friends with the approacher for a good few months, at least. >_>

Might not be that helpful to you but I'm just saying, as an introvert, I'm never going to want to take time out of my life to socialise with a stranger outside of polite requirements, if I can help it.

On the most part, however, I wouldn't complain about being hit on so long as it wasn't done so in a way that made me feel uncomfortable/unsafe. The general rule I've heard from ladies - friends or other - is the same. So never approach a lady if there's a possible power imbalance where she may fear retribution if she declines, so this could be if she's serving you at work (could lose a customer if she turns you down) but she could also be concerned that you are a much darker threat (don't forget if you're a total stranger she has no reason to know if you're trustworthy or not) so only do it in a place where she wouldn't feel intimidated by a stranger - for instance, hitting on someone at a relatively secluded bus stop after dark would be a big no-no.

For a similar reason, approaching a lady while she's in a group might actually be a time when she's most open to being hit on. Not only does she have her mates on hand in case he gets leery, it's also nice to show off that someone's asking you out - and if she's single/looking for love her friends may well encourage her to take you up on it even if she's nervous about it! You might want to start off with the opening question 'Excuse me, I was wondering, are you single?' whether she's in a group with guys or not (remember, one of those girls might be her girlfriend) and if she isn't then you can quickly doff your hat and exit. In fact, it wouldn't be a bad line to start with any lady, that's your cue to whether or not she's available right there, and it puts your intentions out right off the bat. (Don't insult her intelligence by trying to pretend you were just interested in some friendly conversation with a stranger or just wanted to 'make friends'.)

And the final golden rule: If she's not interested, back off immediately. No one can blame you for trying but they can blame you for being a dick about it or trying to pressure her into it.

This is pretty much the advice I was going to give, lol. Most ladies I know get just a bit creeped out by a guy they don't know asking them out, or flirting with them. That is why you hear women complain about getting flirted with--it's not that they're trying to show off how much they're getting flirted with (usually), it's that they're being put in an awkward situation by a total stranger. And it's also another reason to try to be friends with them, first. Movies will tell you strangers asking other strangers out on coffee dates is cute and romantic, but in reality the girl is thinking "Who is this guy? Is he a stalker? Why is he paying attention to me?" It probably isn't fair to assume all guys are stalkers until proven otherwise, but depending on the situation the caution can be very warranted.

 

[Smeatza]

snip

I'm wondering how....

Personally, I like to be approached when I've been friends with the approacher for a good few months, at least. >_>

and this....

Don't insult her intelligence by trying to pretend you were just wanted to 'make friends'.

Add up.
How do you be friends with someone for a few months before being approached, but yet not make friends first?
I'm not trying to be a dick, just intrigued.

 

[gazumped]

snip

I'm wondering how....

Personally, I like to be approached when I've been friends with the approacher for a good few months, at least. >_>

and this....

Don't insult her intelligence by trying to pretend you were just wanted to 'make friends'.

Add up.
How do you be friends with someone for a few months before being approached, but yet not make friends first?
I'm not trying to be a dick, just intrigued.

No dick-ness here, it's a good point! The 'don't pretend you just wanted to make friends' comment was in reference to when the OP is approaching attractive strangers in the hope of getting a date. Of course if the OP is going to approach an actual friend, that they've made through normal friend-making procedures (which don't tend to include going up to strangers on the street) then that's a different kettle of fish. Although I'd say it's still no bad thing to be honest that you find them attractive, making someone's acquaintance through friends, work or other activities means you'll be hanging around them enough by default that you tend to figure out if you like things about them other than whether or not you think they're good looking, and so there's at least more to your friendship than 'I saw you and thought you were hot so now I want to hang around you'.

But yeah, no one's going to think that a stranger's trying to get your number just for the sake of making a new friend, which is maybe a shame because that would actually be a nice and easy way to make friends...

 

[Smeatza]

No dick-ness here, it's a good point! The 'don't pretend you just wanted to make friends' comment was in reference to when the OP is approaching attractive strangers in the hope of getting a date. Of course if the OP is going to approach an actual friend, that they've made through normal friend-making procedures (which don't tend to include going up to strangers on the street) then that's a different kettle of fish. Although I'd say it's still no bad thing to be honest that you find them attractive, making someone's acquaintance through friends, work or other activities means you'll be hanging around them enough by default that you tend to figure out if you like things about them other than whether or not you think they're good looking, and so there's at least more to your friendship than 'I saw you and thought you were hot so now I want to hang around you'.

But yeah, no one's going to think that a stranger's trying to get your number just for the sake of making a new friend, which is maybe a shame because that would actually be a nice and easy way to make friends...[/quote]
I agree, it is a shame. I've never been a fan of social politics (for lack of a better word).
Thank you for the reply, I didn't even ask the question but you're advice was interesting nonetheless.

 

[Angie7F]

I also think that it is best to meet people through work or mutual friends, school, some kind of workshop etc.
Unless I am in a bar where it is assumed that you will get hit on, it is pretty scary if a guy suddenly asks for your number.

On the other hand, if it is at bars and clubs, I dont feel creeped out or dwell too much when a guy that i am totally not interested in approaches me.
Maybe practicing in a bar can build your confidence?

 

[Xarathox]

I know, I'm just another poor sap looking for romance advice, but bear with me. I'm the pretty stereotypical white, nerdy, introverted guy so I feel there's no elaboration needed there. I'm okay with talking to people but first of all the conversation has to actually start and second I need something to talk about. I am atrocious at making up small talk; I need something to work off of.

That being said, I would like to know when girls like to be approached. There's hardly ever a clear cut "I am single" cue women (at least that I'm aware of) so picking one out I correlate with Russian roulette most times. I rarely see a woman by herself in any situation. Most times, she's working if she is. In social situations, I usually see women in a small to large group and often times there's a couple guys. This makes it much more awkward than approaching a girl by herself.

So my question is, in what situations are looking to meet someone or at least open to being approached?

I'm assuming that it's mostly poor form to ask someone out while they're waiting on you in a restaurant, grocery store, etc. Most of the being hit on complaints are from one of those.




Captcha: easy as cake. I hope so lol.

The easiest answer is if they're at a location that encourages it. Parties, clubs and the like are places where it's expected for that kind of interaction. Outside of that, you had better be goddamn good at snake charming people because that's an iffy outcome.

 

[Adventurer2626]

Thanks for all the advice! Good to hear from the other side's perspective.