When's it okay to dislike "special" people?

[DestinyCall]

I think you bring up an interesting question. As you, say it's not good to dislike someone for being "special", but if someone acts in a negative way, should you treat them differently than you would a "normal" person? If you would normally dislike the person based on their behavior only, how much slack should you give them if that behavior may be the result of a condition beyond their control?

Personally, I think it is important to consider the situation carefully and avoid quick judgements. If the individual has significant developmental impairment, they may not be aware of the effect their behavior has on other people and may not be able to quickly adapt to different social situations. Social behavior is complex and often times contradictory. Just as a young child might behave inappropriately without realizing or fully understanding the consequences, so might an individual with mental impairment. On the other hand, some children are very much aware of the way their behavior affects other people ... and use that knowledge to manipulate or annoy. Intent is pretty darn important. It wouldn't be right to blame him for being offensive if his intent was positive but his unique limitations prevented him from expressing himself appropriately.

I've known a few people who could be described as "special" and they were all interesting and complicated people who often struggled with meeting and interacting with new people because they couldn't fit in to the narrow band of behavior that is considered "normal". One of them was a guy with Torette's - it didn't affect his speech very much, but he had a VERY distracting facial twitch that made even a brief conversation with a new person pretty uncomfortable for everyone involved. He couldn't stop the annoying facial expressions and he didn't want to immediately tell ever person he met "Yes I have a medical condition. No, it is not contagious." It was always interesting to see how long it took for someone to ask about the constant twitching ...

Generally, I think it is better to err on the side of forgiveness and compassion, rather than assuming the worst. If you are willing to give him a chance and get to know him a little better, you might learn that he is a decent guy with some weird behavioral ticks that are off-putting to strangers. Or you might confirm that he is a loud annoying jerk with a crappy sense of humor. There's no way to know for sure unless you give him a chance. And then when you explain why you dislike him, it won't be due to his special needs and related behaviors, it will be due to knowing and disliking him as an individual.

 

[Sir Thomas Sean Connery]

In my view, it is absolutely ok to dislike literally anyone for literally any reason. I don't use the word "literally" lightly here, either.
Dislike is just something we feel. Suppressing it is just repression.

What matters is how we act. I would say it wouldn't be ok to hit the guy or be a massive dick to him.
Actions matter. Thoughts do not.

 

[Colour Scientist]

regardless of "whatever" a person may be they can always, still, also be a prick.

hell, i've know drug dealer "gangsta" paraplegics, deaf supremacists and a bucketload of gay sexists in my time...

Except that those are two physical disabilities and a sexual orientation, people with intellectual disabilities might not have the capacity to fully understand why what they're doing is wrong.
This is why the situation requires more patience and tolerance.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Someone who is not capable or realizing that assaulting others is not okay should not be in a workplace environment. The mocking tone of voice and copying words back is one thing, but the instant the OP mentioned the person physically pushing people around, "patiently understanding" went out the window.

My bad, I misread the OP.
Edit: Also, just to state the obvious, having an intellectual disability is not the same as being an ethnic minority.
I doubt Terry Pratchett ever intended that statement to apply to something like this.

 

[Jun_Jun]

regardless of "whatever" a person may be they can always, still, also be a prick.

hell, i've know drug dealer "gangsta" paraplegics, deaf supremacists and a bucketload of gay sexists in my time...

I don't wanna be that person but... did you just compare gay people with physically disabled people? :/ If so I better file for disability payouts from the government .

OT
Honestly if the 'special'person is speaking obnoxiously and that's it you can always smile politely ignore them and just walk away from them and that can be it. But, if they like to shove people, hit etc. It's probably best off just taking a different route and avoiding them completely rather than get into a position where you have to defend yourself but somehow are a horrible person if you don't just sit there and let them hit you.
I will admit this is from my own personal experience from my younger years there was this very 'special' needs girl in my primary school who used to grab me by my hair (which was long, supposedly she liked long hair) and drag me around school during recess and nobody could do anything to stop her (not even the teachers were allowed to make and attempt), eventually after the third time I started hitting her arm to get her to stop (she had crazy strong grip) it landed me in detention. It was supposed to be a 3 day suspension but my Mum managed to bump it down to a detention on the condition I could see a counsellor about the whole ordeal, the counselling session turned out being about why we shouldn't 'bully the special needs kidsin our school'.Afterwards I just walked completely the other way when I saw her I always wanted to keep a block between me and her to avoid me getting detention for trying to defend myself from getting whiplash as a 8 year old.

 

[Ryan Hughes]

Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

Go ahead and dislike them. Really, no one should demand that one person like another. As far as your question, it is very difficult to tell how much of their personality is the result of their condition and how much is due to other factors. With physical disabilities, it is easy to gauge how much it effects a person's life by talking to them. Mental conditions are far more obtuse. However, keep one very important thing in mind: As hard as it is for you to deal with, it is likely much more difficult for the disabled person to deal with. To put it a bit more directly: I will say that those at the highest risk for physical, mental, and emotional abuse are the mentally disabled, and I would not be surprised if his actions were the result of some form of physical abuse. Now, couple that anger and hatred with their disability, and you might see why this person may act out like this.

 

[Murais]

I think it's quite alright to dislike a mentally handicapped person if they bite.

This has happened to me. He bit me on the arm, I got very close to cracking him across the face before his caretaker caught up and explained the situation. I let it go at that and went back to my business.

Except he kept on trying to bite me.

I understand that the guy couldn't help it, but I refuse to be painted as the bad guy because I was less-than-tolerant of some hundred-pound lump trying to gnaw on my arm.

He could have given you a really nasty infection that could have led to amputation or blood-poisoning if he broke through the skin. I'd have probably clocked him after the second time, too. Gotten visibly angry/threatening, at least.

Having grown up with mentally handicapped family members, I can genuinely say that sometimes they are assholes. Like anyone else. And you have to call them on it. Like anyone else. My great-uncle, despite having Down's Syndrome, was a very observant man and sometimes he would use it to pick up on people & their habits quickly, and sometimes he would use it to troll the hell out of you for a laugh. Depended on the day and his mood.

 

[AnnaIME]

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

See, I think we can agree that it's absurd to say you can't ever dislike "special needs"-people. The idea is that you shouldn't dislike them simply for being "special," and that's a perfectly fine sentiment with which I agree. Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

Of course you can dislike people, no matter what their intellectual capacity is.

I see from your profile that you are Swedish - is that correct?

If you work in Sweden, then this trash collecting person is probably employed by a company that provides meaningful work for people with intellectual disabilities. The biggest is Samhall, but there are others. This means he has a supervisor, and part of that supervisor's job is to help deal with the issues that occur. The fact that he acts inappropriately is such an issue. If you talk to him or to his supervisor about this, I think they would appreciate it. They need to know these things, particularly about the pushing. You seem like a nice person, but others he annoys may not be so nice. This is an "arbbetsmiljöfråga" for you, but for him it's a safety issue.

 

[Bertylicious]

Lots of people are dickheads. If they happen to have learning difficulties then they may not understand what they're doing or be otherwise angry, I know I would be, but that's an explanation not an excuse, and it certainly doesn't invalidate your own feelings. So it's okay.

Just don't be a dickhead yourself in response. Do what that AnnalME fellow* suggested, he seems sensible.

EDIT: *- AnnaIME, also she.

 

[Spade Lead]

At my job, the people who take care of emptying trash cans are the kind of people we call "special" nowadays to be considerate. One of them annoys the heck out of me. His way of speaking is annoying -- he speaks like a schoolyard bully whoadopts a mocking tone of voice and repeats what the bullying victim's said. He makes stupid jokes. He sometimes shoves people as a joke (that I don't find the least bit funny). Luckily, he's never shoved me so far, probably because I stay away from him.

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

See, I think we can agree that it's absurd to say you can't ever dislike "special needs"-people. The idea is that you shouldn't dislike them simply for being "special," and that's a perfectly fine sentiment with which I agree. Thing is, every part of their personality is created by their being "special," or to put it differently, they would be entirely different people if they weren't special. So is it ever okay to dislike a person who's "special"?

I don't give a shit if they are special or not. I had a woman with Down's Syndrome tell everyone she was my girlfriend, and she did the same thing with two other guys I hung out with, and I straight up called her a liar to her face. She got upset and started crying and kept asking why I was being so mean, and I kept telling her it was because she was telling people (specifically, MY GIRLFRIEND) that she was my girlfriend.

It isn't right to put them in camps and starve them to death, but that doesn't mean everything they do is automatically okay.

 

[Abomination]

I treat everyone equally. I don't care how many chromosomes you have. If you're annoying me I'll consider you annoying.

 

[Silverfox99]

I have a brother with down syndrome and yes dislike the behavior this person is showing. It doesn't sound like someone I would like to be around. The problem I encounter being around families and people that are special is that during their lifetime people would let bad behavior slide because of their disability. Or people don't know how to deal with that negative behavior. So special people tend to have somewhat of an understanding that they can get away with more. This is not good for them or the people around them.

Also, they tend to communicate differently then general society. This is where most of the problems that I have seen start. More than likely this person is looking for friends, but doesn't know how to go about it. Throughout this persons life time he will have been picked on more than most people. More often than not the normal people that hang out with them would have been making fun of them and acting like bullies. So he is trying to copy learned behavior to make friends but failing. Just like everyone else he needs peer approval. So I am betting he had gotten laughs at his jokes both verbal and physical so he continues to do this behavior.

This doesn't mean you have to seek him out and try to be friends. Set your boundaries with him and do not give him attention if he does bad things. This is the best thing you can do for him. Dislike his actions but have sympathy for his situation.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I wouldn't say his personailty is define by him being "special", I mean they are other special people whose personailty is fine? I would say it's ok to dislike him for his personailty only since you didn't mention about disliking for his speciality ability.

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

Someone who is not capable or realizing that assaulting others is not okay should not be in a workplace environment. The mocking tone of voice and copying words back is one thing, but the instant the OP mentioned the person physically pushing people around, "patiently understanding" went out the window.

The OP's job is to collect this person's trash because they are intellectually impaired.
The person is not employed there.

No, I'm pretty sure you got that wrong. If you read the OP correctly, he says at his work, the people who take the trash are what they call "Special". I'm not sure how you can take it any other way.

The OP works somewhere. The asshole who thinks it's ok to push, shove and demean people takes the trash from the OP's workplace.

OT:

If a disabled person/ethic minority/gay/lesbian/straight/white/black/transgender/whale/midget/dwarf/elf actually fuck elves/dolphin and so on are a dick to me, my friends or others, they are a dick. If they try to hide behind their label, I will just laugh harder. If they actually have a condition that means they cannot understand what is wrong or right or to not attack people at work - THEY SHOULDN'T BE WORKING! We have disability care for this damn reason. If someone doesn't understand what someone is saying at first, or accidentally say something mean - ok! If someone is constantly demeaning, hating on and heckling others - not ok! If someone is getting physically aggressive, especially more than one - not fucking ok! The last two on that list should not be working.

 

[Casual Shinji]

The thing is though that even annoying people without mental problems are hardly ever aware of the fact that they are annoying. Annoying people tend to be ones who think they're awesome and funny, when really they're not.

In your case you can dislike his actions, but try not to hold it too much against him if in fact he has no real control or understanding over what he's doing. If it's his actual personality, you can dislike him all you want. I once knew a kid in elementary school who had like cerebral palsy and was confined to a wheelchair. And he apparently took this as his right to be a dick to everyone. And whenever someone was a dick back he'd go tell the teachers who would then lecture us on the importance of accepting people with disabilities.

 

[BringBackBuck]

Assholes are assholes and if they behave like assholes tell them. No special treatment.

Really? If someone near me said or did stupid things because he didn't like me and was being an asshole, then he's an asshole. If that person did it because the part of his brain that manages impulse control doesn't work due to a clearly obvious genetic malfunction he's not an asshole, he's an unlucky son of a ***** and I will treat him very differently.

 

[88chaz88]

The only thing I don't find okay is just casually referring to them as "special". Has this actually become socially acceptable? Because it's really fucking insulting. Aren't the terms 'disabled' or 'mentally challenged' good enough?

 

[Scars Unseen]

The only thing I don't find okay is just casually referring to them as "special". Has this actually become socially acceptable? Because it's really fucking insulting. Aren't the terms 'disabled' or 'mentally challenged' good enough?

I prefer the term "snowflakians."

No, I'm not serious.

 

[Sarge034]

You are going to feel the way you feel. As copout of an answer as that sounds that's about what it comes down to. Just so long as you act in a professional manner and deal with any incidents with the individual in official channels all is good. I've had similar issues at one of my jobs and all you can do is grin and bear until official action is required.