When's it okay to dislike "special" people?
- Thread starter Queen Michael
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Which is why it's called "special education" / "special needs education" right? Because if there's one thing professionals in that field are setting out to do, it's demeaning and insulting the people they've dedicated their lives to helping?88chaz88 said:
You'll notice the difference there is the addition of 'education' and 'needs'. This is referring to mentally challenged requiring education that's out of the ordinary, it's fine and descriptive. Shortening the terms to simply "special" and using it to refer to the people isn't cool. You wouldn't call a Japanese person a "Jap" would you.Professorohki said:
You can dislike whoever you want for whatever reason, society just don't like you disliking certain people for certain reasons, so just dislike them in secret. Don't let anyone know. If you choose to take action against such a person don't do it directly, scheme and backstab, it's not the moral way but it's the smart way.
Society is like a game, it have it's own rules, and if you should play this game well you should be mindful of these rules.
Society is like a game, it have it's own rules, and if you should play this game well you should be mindful of these rules.
I'm not going to comment on this particular case because I don't know the person involved or the details of his disabilities.
What I will say is that yes, it is perfectly possible for someone to have a developmental/learning disability or a mental/neurological disorder and also just be a dick.
I know lots of depressed people who you might have to make allowances for, but who are perfectly nice people. I've also known one or two depressed people who were manipulative and needy (in addition to the neediness depression can cause).
I know autistic people who yeah, may sometimes seem annoying to me, but who I would still count as friends. I also know autistic people who I can't stand to be around.
I have severe bipolar disorder, and people in my life have often had to be lenient with me, but generally I've managed to sustain strong friendships and treat others with respect. My sister had a bipolar friend/housemate who was completely unreliable and inconsiderate, and who I had no time for at all.
It's a tough call to make, and sometimes I do worry that I might be taking an unfavourable view of someone because of their disability, but at the end of the day it can be difficult to tell where someone's personality ends and their disability begins. You just have to try your best to differentiate and make your own mind up.
Of course, if you do dislike someone don't be a dick about it yourself. That goes for everyone though, not just disabled people.
What I will say is that yes, it is perfectly possible for someone to have a developmental/learning disability or a mental/neurological disorder and also just be a dick.
I know lots of depressed people who you might have to make allowances for, but who are perfectly nice people. I've also known one or two depressed people who were manipulative and needy (in addition to the neediness depression can cause).
I know autistic people who yeah, may sometimes seem annoying to me, but who I would still count as friends. I also know autistic people who I can't stand to be around.
I have severe bipolar disorder, and people in my life have often had to be lenient with me, but generally I've managed to sustain strong friendships and treat others with respect. My sister had a bipolar friend/housemate who was completely unreliable and inconsiderate, and who I had no time for at all.
It's a tough call to make, and sometimes I do worry that I might be taking an unfavourable view of someone because of their disability, but at the end of the day it can be difficult to tell where someone's personality ends and their disability begins. You just have to try your best to differentiate and make your own mind up.
Of course, if you do dislike someone don't be a dick about it yourself. That goes for everyone though, not just disabled people.
Yup, I'm Swedish. And whoever hired him must have focused on that sort of thing, yeah, it's not like they just happened to hire three mentally handicapped people for the exact same workplace.AnnaIME said:
They're more common than you think.Sleekit said:
Also, the Deaf community tend to be dicks to people with disabilities. This is quite possibly due to their desire to distance themselves from the disabled.
I'd like to point out that you've been avoiding confrontation with this person when maybe you should just tell him to stop very calmly.
This is pretty spot on. People with mental handicaps or disabilities often have trouble with their perception and expression of emotions. He very well may think that what hes doing is friendly horsing around and unless spoken to correctly will continue to do so. Just saying, dont jump to disliking the guy so quickly...Colour Scientist said:
It's kind of difficult in as much as (as has been noted) they may not have the capabilities to understand that their behavior isn't acceptable.
But then, they aren't going to get better for other people continuing to pretend that their behavior is acceptable. And their failure to understand isn't, to my mind, a good reason to allow them to continue to create an unpleasant environment for everyone else. "Ignorance of the law is no excuse," yatta yatta.
In as much as they don't understand, perhaps they deserve an extra strike. But I'd still be inclined to have words with their supervisor, if possible- not in an attempt to get them fired or disciplined, but just in as much as it's their job to oversee their subordinates' behavior.
You don't have an "obligation" to pretend that you're okay with being shoved and bullied, and I really can't conceive of an argument that could make a strong case otherwise.
But then, they aren't going to get better for other people continuing to pretend that their behavior is acceptable. And their failure to understand isn't, to my mind, a good reason to allow them to continue to create an unpleasant environment for everyone else. "Ignorance of the law is no excuse," yatta yatta.
In as much as they don't understand, perhaps they deserve an extra strike. But I'd still be inclined to have words with their supervisor, if possible- not in an attempt to get them fired or disciplined, but just in as much as it's their job to oversee their subordinates' behavior.
You don't have an "obligation" to pretend that you're okay with being shoved and bullied, and I really can't conceive of an argument that could make a strong case otherwise.
Hve you explained the problem to him calmly? It's already been said, but disabled people might require more patience and understanding than everyone else. I know it's not the same (I don't think) but I've been shouted at, brushed off, etc because of my mental illness. It's not nice. First time it happened, it was a shock, since I had no idea it was an issue. I am now forever conscious of it and it can make things harder. So, best not to keep it to yourself and then let it explode. Best to calmly explain. It may take a few times, too, since he may have trouble understanding at first. He's a dick if he keeps it up, though.
That being said, perhaps he has just seen you and your friends/co-workers doing similar stuff. Maybe he's seen other people doing it. Maybe he takes it too far or maybe you notice it more with this guy. A lot of maybes in this, a lot of possibilities.
That being said, perhaps he has just seen you and your friends/co-workers doing similar stuff. Maybe he's seen other people doing it. Maybe he takes it too far or maybe you notice it more with this guy. A lot of maybes in this, a lot of possibilities.
Do we know that this is the case here? I had the impression that the OP was using "special" as a euphemism for an intellectual disability rather than a behavioural one or a mental illness. If the person is just slow, that certainly doesn't mean they're can't be intentionally being irritating (or that they won't understand that they're being irritating if someone points it out).BringBackBuck said:
From what I've seen, some behavioural issues in people with developmental delays is caused by people not pointing out bad behaviour based on the assumption that they don't know any better - but if no one ever tells them, how are they going to learn?
So talk to your supervisor about him, or to his supervisor, or to your "arbetsmiljöansvarig". You can improve your own work environment, and you really are doing this guy a favour by speaking. We have some employees with special needs at my job too, and part of why they are there is for them to improve their social skills.Queen Michael said:
You can dislike anyone you want if they give you a reason to do so.
However, in the case of "special" (I hate that word, but I don't think the word disabled is the correct term here) you need a lot more patience and understanding than you would with someone else. For a lot of them, their behaviour is compulsive and uncontrollable. Discussing it with them might help but they sometimes can't change or control themselves.
It doesn't mean you can't dislike them but it's good to keep in mind that there is a reason behind their behaviour, unlike some people who are just cunts.
Acting hostile or nasty towards them will make them feel even worse. They already have a lot to deal with.
Saying that, I once lived with my ex and his friend (to cut costs etc) who was autistic who was the biggest bellend I've ever known. He'd regularly try pass it off as his autism but I know it wasn't as severe as he made out and I know autistic people knew the difference between right and wrong which he didn't. He was screaming and shouting at me putting a plate in the sink and calling me all sorts of names, then tried smashing up the house. My ex asked him to apologise to me later and he just said, "well no because I've got Aspergers."
One time me and my ex had a massive argument, I went downstairs to sit on the sofa and cry so he came down later and watched me cry while sniggering. I've never known an autistic person be as horrible as him.
He couldn't excuse himself as much as he tried. The day we moved out I had some serious words with him.
However, in the case of "special" (I hate that word, but I don't think the word disabled is the correct term here) you need a lot more patience and understanding than you would with someone else. For a lot of them, their behaviour is compulsive and uncontrollable. Discussing it with them might help but they sometimes can't change or control themselves.
It doesn't mean you can't dislike them but it's good to keep in mind that there is a reason behind their behaviour, unlike some people who are just cunts.
Acting hostile or nasty towards them will make them feel even worse. They already have a lot to deal with.
Saying that, I once lived with my ex and his friend (to cut costs etc) who was autistic who was the biggest bellend I've ever known. He'd regularly try pass it off as his autism but I know it wasn't as severe as he made out and I know autistic people knew the difference between right and wrong which he didn't. He was screaming and shouting at me putting a plate in the sink and calling me all sorts of names, then tried smashing up the house. My ex asked him to apologise to me later and he just said, "well no because I've got Aspergers."
One time me and my ex had a massive argument, I went downstairs to sit on the sofa and cry so he came down later and watched me cry while sniggering. I've never known an autistic person be as horrible as him.
He couldn't excuse himself as much as he tried. The day we moved out I had some serious words with him.
In this case, no. "special" or not the guy is still a prick. And since you're supposed to treat anyone with a different gender, race, belief, sexuality or in this case, "specialness" just like any other equal person. You're free to loathe him just like you would with any other prick. Just don't judge all special people by his actions, there's always that one rotten apple hiding amongst the fresh once. There are some really great "special" people too.
And, no it's not just you. I get kinda uncomfortable around them too if I have to be brutally honest.
And, no it's not just you. I get kinda uncomfortable around them too if I have to be brutally honest.
You are allowed to dislike anyone as much as you want, but you are not allowed to discriminate.
That is how I live. I can hate anyone as much as I want. But I will never discriminate them for what they are.
Of course this philosophy leads to all sort of accusations because they can always say you hate them because "x defining characteristic".
You can dislike and hate him as much as you want. Well to the extend you feel right about it.
That is how I live. I can hate anyone as much as I want. But I will never discriminate them for what they are.
Of course this philosophy leads to all sort of accusations because they can always say you hate them because "x defining characteristic".
You can dislike and hate him as much as you want. Well to the extend you feel right about it.
JoJo said:
If you want an even better term than "Developmentally disabled" I'd go with "Differently abled" it's what my girlfriend and I use and it's much nicer.
Well if he's doing all that then no, I don't think anyone would blaming you for hating him
Of course you're not, and anyone who says you are is a dick. You dislike him because of the way he behaves, not because he's special. Also, while they might be entirely different people if they weren't special, you can't tell that. Normal and even gifted people can be inconsiderate or loud, and just like not every "normal" person has the same personality, not every "special" person does either. No person's personality is wholly determined by anything so simple as whether they are "special" or not.Queen Michael said:
You don't have to explain it to him, in fact, I would recommend not confronting him with it at all. I would go straight to his supervisor and report him, citing the right of anyone he's shoved to file assault charges, and then subtly hint that employees being found guilty of multiple counts of assault probably looks like shit on the company profile.
It doesn't matter how dumb someone is, or whether or not there's a genetic reason for him to be dumb. Actions are what matters, not the intent behind them, and you should not be expected to witness or be the victim of daily assault at work. If this person doesn't understand that you don't just shove and hit people for no good reason, then he doesn't deserve to keep his job.
It doesn't matter how dumb someone is, or whether or not there's a genetic reason for him to be dumb. Actions are what matters, not the intent behind them, and you should not be expected to witness or be the victim of daily assault at work. If this person doesn't understand that you don't just shove and hit people for no good reason, then he doesn't deserve to keep his job.
If my disability was to punch people repeatedly across the face, you do not have to grin an bare it.
HOW EV ER (broken apart for EM PHA SIS)
I think it is someone's job - maybe not yours, but someone's - to take my face punching disability and help me. I think by disliking me for punching you across the face uncontrollably you make my life a little worse. You need to find a way to help mould my face punching it a positive thing, whether it be by making sure I understand that what I'm doing is wrong, by making sure I'm isolated in some way, or... you know. You have no responsibility to tolerate my actions, but you do have one to aid me, because I'm as much a victim of this disability as you are now. We're in this together, for thick and for thin. And I ain't gonna help myself.
HOW EV ER (broken apart for EM PHA SIS)
I think it is someone's job - maybe not yours, but someone's - to take my face punching disability and help me. I think by disliking me for punching you across the face uncontrollably you make my life a little worse. You need to find a way to help mould my face punching it a positive thing, whether it be by making sure I understand that what I'm doing is wrong, by making sure I'm isolated in some way, or... you know. You have no responsibility to tolerate my actions, but you do have one to aid me, because I'm as much a victim of this disability as you are now. We're in this together, for thick and for thin. And I ain't gonna help myself.
Some of the best people I've ever known were mentally or physically handicapped.
Some of the biggest assholes I ever knew were handicapped too. To the point where they would physically abuse those around them, despite knowing better, because they knew they could get away with it. It's fine to hate those people, they're horrible people.
Some of the biggest assholes I ever knew were handicapped too. To the point where they would physically abuse those around them, despite knowing better, because they knew they could get away with it. It's fine to hate those people, they're horrible people.