When's it okay to dislike "special" people?

[GonzoGamer]

he speaks like a schoolyard bully whoadopts a mocking tone of voice and repeats what the bullying victim's said. He makes stupid jokes. He sometimes shoves people as a joke (that I don't find the least bit funny). Luckily, he's never shoved me so far, probably because I stay away from him.

Am I a bad person for disliking him?

Don't feel bad. In my HS the only bullies were the "special" kids and we would fuck with them back. I remember crazy gluing one kid who would always take random swings at me and other kids. Just don't assume all "special" people are like that (no shit) because a couple of the nicest kids I ever met were on the short bus too. Everyone has disadvantages, not everyone's bitter about theirs.

 

[PinkiePyro]

"special" or not its perfectly okay to dislike someone due to past behavior...particularly someone being a jerk

just like everyone some "special" people are jerks some are plain annoying and some are nice..

Saying that, I once lived with my ex and his friend (to cut costs etc) who was autistic who was the biggest bellend I've ever known. He'd regularly try pass it off as his autism but I know it wasn't as severe as he made out and I know autistic people knew the difference between right and wrong which he didn't. He was screaming and shouting at me putting a plate in the sink and calling me all sorts of names, then tried smashing up the house. My ex asked him to apologise to me later and he just said, "well no because I've got Aspergers."
One time me and my ex had a massive argument, I went downstairs to sit on the sofa and cry so he came down later and watched me cry while sniggering. I've never known an autistic person be as horrible as him.

He couldn't excuse himself as much as he tried. The day we moved out I had some serious words with him.

.. okay as I am someone who has Aspergers I can confirm that guy was a asshat!

yes.. Aspergers is a form of autism but we are really high functioning we may have issues with talking face to face and dealing with stress but NONE of that behavior you describe is Aspergers related (well screaming could be but not over a plate)and even if it was its no excuse young aspies can some times wreck stuff during panic attacks but as an adult he would know when one was coming on and know how to prevent it (I have been attack free for 14 years)and even if it was a panic attack he still should apologise for it.

if you see him ever again please hit him and tell him to stop being a dick and making us other aspies look bad (if he even has it)

 

[Bestival]

South Park said this pretty well in the Deathcamp For Tolerance episode; Just because you tolerate something/one doesn't mean you have to like them...
If the guy's being a dick, by all means hate him for being a dick. Just don't call him a retard to try and hurt his feelings when he goes over the line sometime, just call him an asshole like you would anyone else.

 

[Godhead]

It's ok to not like someone for being a dick. But I'd like to think that it's not ok to not like someone just because they're mentally handicapped.

 

[Davey Woo]

I find I have less of a problem with 'special' people and more of a problem with their carers.
When I was at school there were a few kids in the year that had autism of varying severity. One or two had quite severe autism and were obviously very anxious socially and found it difficult to learn, and they were very dependent on the one-to-one care they received, on the other hand, a couple of the kids had seemingly minor autism and could easily hold conversations with people and were fine studying in the subjects they enjoyed. The problem I had was that the carers treated all of the autistic children in the same way, as if they were incredibly needy and couldn't handle anything on their own, I remember thinking at the time that, with the more able kids, if they had just been treated the same as other 'normal' kids, then their autism would not have had anywhere near the same impact on their school life as it was having, all just because their carers essentially treated them like very young children, rather than the teenagers that they were.

Another situation I remember was going to see a movie, and there was a group of special-needs adults who were in the cinema, along with their carers. One of the people was constantly groaning, shouting and basically ruined the film for me. Now I'm all for inclusiveness, however in this case, I don't think the guy was even really capable of understanding what was going on in the movie, so why was he there? I can't help but feel like it was just the carers who wanted to see the movie, and the only time they had was whilst they were at work, so they just brought along these disabled people to kill two birds with one stone, and it just pissed me off.

Anyway, long story short, I think I just hate people, indiscriminately.

 

[Gunner 51]

You raise a rather interesting question there, Queen Michael.

I've had a mixed bag of experiences with special people, some of them are the nicest folks around, people who could be Mr Rogers in disguise. The kinds of people who would bend over backwards and appreciate the kinds of people "normal" people would take for granted. Real princes among men.

And others who are completely rude, arrogant and use their disability as a shield to make themselves untouchable from being called out for being arsewipes.

I'll admit, my first experience with the disabled folks was one with a girl called Pearl. She was wheelchair-bound and one of the nastiest children I'd ever come across. She would routinely bully or scream obscenities other children and if you didn't get out of her way, she'd use her wheelchair as a battering ram or a steam-roller. If you took her to task, she'd lie to teachers and say that you were hitting her and they would believer her every freakin' time. She was practically Angelica Pickles in a wheelchair.

Pearl had soured my view on the disabled for many, many years. But when I met more disabled people, I realised that they were every bit as varied as everyone else.

But one thing I object to is referring to them as special, because they're pretty much the same as anyone else really. No better or worse than anyone.

Embrace the cool ones, bollocks to the arseholes. And above all, don't let the bastards get you down.

 

[Eamar]

It's ok to not like someone for being a dick. But I'd like to think that it's not ok to not like someone just because they're mentally handicapped.

The difficulty being discussed is that sometimes people act like dicks or behave deeply inappropriately because they're mentally handicapped. It's not always easy to judge whether someone's just being a dick or if it's down to their disability, particularly if you don't know them all that well.

I totally agree with your sentiment, but it's often really not that simple.

 

[Eamar]

Another situation I remember was going to see a movie, and there was a group of special-needs adults who were in the cinema, along with their carers. One of the people was constantly groaning, shouting and basically ruined the film for me.

Oh man, that's a tough situation. I'll admit my heart has sunk on several occasions when I've sat down in the cinema only to hear a special needs person shouting out. I always feel a pang of guilt right afterwards, because they have exactly the same right to be there as I do... but at the same time, there are certain situations where certain codes of conduct are required, and keeping quiet in the cinema is one of them.

While I wouldn't usually suggest segregation, I really do think dedicated screenings for people with those sorts of problems would be the best solution. Lots of places do special autism-friendly screenings and they seem to have been well-received, after all.

 

[Davey Woo]

Another situation I remember was going to see a movie, and there was a group of special-needs adults who were in the cinema, along with their carers. One of the people was constantly groaning, shouting and basically ruined the film for me.

Oh man, that's a tough situation. I'll admit my heart has sunk on several occasions when I've sat down in the cinema only to hear a special needs person shouting out. I always feel a pang of guilt right afterwards, because they have exactly the same right to be there as I do... but at the same time, there are certain situations where certain codes of conduct are required, and keeping quiet in the cinema is one of them.

While I wouldn't usually suggest segregation, I really do think dedicated screenings for people with those sorts of problems would be the best solution. Lots of places do special autism-friendly screenings and they seem to have been well-received, after all.

What I struggle with, is are they even capable of ENJOYING the film? Like, if you haven't got the mental capacity to be stop yourself from randomly groaning and shouting, have you got the ability to understand what's going on in the cinema? and if not then WHY bring them? Other than for the reason I stated, because its actually the carers that want to see it and they have no time to outside of their caring hours.

 

[Eamar]

What I struggle with, is are they even capable of ENJOYING the film? Like, if you haven't got the mental capacity to be stop yourself from randomly groaning and shouting, have you got the ability to understand what's going on in the cinema?

I think that's straying into dangerous territory, as it varies massively from case to case. It's perfectly possible for people to be unable to control their speech while still functioning completely normally mentally (think Tourrette's Syndrome), and the same can be true for cerebral palsy, where the yelling might be a response to the pain that's common with the condition. I don't know enough to make a blanket judgement though.

 

[Mr. Eff_v1legacy]

It's fine to dislike anyone you want. You have no obligation to anyone. Why should you feel bad about it?

I think it's pretty sad that this needs to be discussed.

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

I'm going to echo what some people are saying here: just because someone's mentally handicapped doesn't mean they're free from judgment, but it does mean that you have to consider exactly how they're handicapped in your judgment. If they're acting like they do just because they aren't understanding that it's bothering people instead of malicious intent I'd say your grounds for disliking him are a fair bit slimmer.

Honestly it's a really hard thing to say. There's certain things you'll judge socially inept people for that it's not considered acceptable to judge mentally handicapped people for. Things like the jokes that you mentioned. Regardless of what disorders they have some people will just tell really bad jokes and not get that they aren't funny. That's usually considered a perfectly acceptable reason to dislike someone for provided there isn't some sort of medical reason for it, even if the problem resulting in the bad jokes is the same.

I'd say that it's perfectly acceptable to be annoyed with someone like the guy you're talking about or even dislike them provided that you're keeping the reasons they might have for it in mind. So really just how you should treat everyone else

 

[RiseUp]

I normally try to make certain allowances for people's conditions. I work as a lifeguard at a public pool/waterpark, and as you can imagine, I run into a lot of people with special needs. How much I let them get away with is situational, but there's always a line. When they cross it, I do tend to feel angry with them. I don't blame them (even though they still make their own decisions, they're influenced by their disability, which is impossible to fault them for), but it's not wrong to get angry at someone for violating rules of social conduct.

The movie theater example above raises a good question though, how to react to situations like that in public (outside a professional environment). For that, I don't have any answers.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

If the person is an asshole, then yes. It shouldn't matter if they're disabled or not, if they're jerks, then you shouldn't feel bad about that.

Let's just say... I've had experience with people that have disabilities, and I've found that there are all types. (Thankfully, most of them have been nice people, though some weren't so friendly...)

 

[SKBPinkie]

I dunno - I feel like it's something that needs to be analyzed on a case-to-case basis. Is it the disability that's causing the rude behavior? Or is he simply using that as an excuse? Is it something that's triggered by something and happens very rarely or does it happen often? Can he be cured at least such that he doesn't disrupt other people?

The more I think about this, the more I feel like labels like "special" or disabled are in need of change. As helpful as they might be for classification / organization, peoples' use of these terms often leads to unnecessary prejudices.

 

[Queen Michael]

He makes stupid jokes.

What are those jokes? I can't help but chuckle at the idea of a "special" person annoying people by making horrible jokes. Can you give us examples :=)

I can give you one.

Let's say he's chatting to my boss. The other people usually try to make a little small talk with the trashcan-people when they're in their office collecting the trash. To avoid an embarrassing silence, I guess, though I hate hearing it since people talk so unnaturally to them. In a kind of "I am being nice to the retard" kind of voice.

Anyway, the conversation might be something like this:

Trash guy: I'm done for today in an hour.

My boss: Then you'll have to make sure not to miss the train home.

Trash guy: If I do that, I'll have to run after it. And try to catch up with it. [Annoying laugh]

 

[Caiphus]

Ah, well. It's a tough question. As long as you realise that these people probably lead rather difficult lives, and sympathise with that, then you probably aren't doing too much wrong.

I worked retail for a couple of years in a mall, and a mentally incapable man would "visit" around once every week. A couple of the other employees would hide when he did so, and it was left to the remaining staff to deal with him. And he would shriek and yell near other customers, and we'd have to babysit him for a while and make sure he was happy so he wouldn't panic and cause a scene. No idea if he had a carer and, if he did, where the hell they were. But yeah. It was frustrating and annoying. What can you do though? The man clearly couldn't control himself; he had the brain of a two year old.

So yeah, I must say I disliked him for causing me grief, and for annoying/driving away other customers. But, whatever. It would have been worse if it was a normal, fully intelligent person coming in and making a damn fuss every week. If it was, we would have called security.

 

[The_Echo]

It depends on what you mean by "special," as special needs can mean a variety of things.

It could be that this special person just has a learning disability, or someone like my brother, who holds little control over his muscles and is effectively mentally limited to the extent of a toddler.

And your leniency should depend on how "special" they are. Some people with special needs just plain cannot and will not ever work in a manner we might consider acceptable. Others have the capacity to learn and adapt despite their circumstances. The former portion generally won't be in the workforce. Special needs people who are capable of work and self-sufficiency have no excuse to act inappropriately, and in a worst-case scenario are effectively abusing their deficiency for a free pass into social acceptance.

Unfortunately I think America (dunno about the rest of the world) just stamps every special needs person with the same "don't be mean to me" stamp, and they wind up getting special treatment by default regardless of how much they may or may not actually need it.

At the end of the day, "special" people are still people. Treat them as such.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

If you know the guy personally or work with/around him daily then by all means, it's fine to dislike the guy. There's always going to be an asshole in a group, even among the special needs group. Likewise, there are going to be people who shame you for disliking a single special needs person no matter how well you know the guy.

 

[Evil Smurf]

Anyone can be a dick, you can dislike anyone for it.