I graduated high school last year. Hated the place with a passion. Anyway, I got a full ride scholarship to a local college to kill time without completely atrophying my ability to think, and have been trying to consider what I intend to do with the remainder of my life.
I'm coming up empty: There isn't really anything I can think of that seems even tolerable.
The bases of my conundrum probably stems from the fact that for about 70% of the year, I just don't give a shit about pretty much anything and exist in a stasis of apathetic boredom. the remaining 30% (usually split into segments of days or weeks every couple of months) is a sort of manic frenzy of creating grandiose plans for novels (I love reading and creative writing), plans for my education (particularly mathematics and physics, which I love), and generally how awesome puppies and blades of grass are.
I'm getting burned out on this. I've noticed trends of laziness and apathy in myself since I was in grade school, and always just assumed I did it to project the image that I'm more talented and intelligent than I really was, but this is worse: I'm not getting anything worthwhile out of my college courses because I just go through the motions of passing instead of trying to get any sort of REAL comprehension out of it. 2 years from now, I'll almost certainly still be living with my parents, doing the same job, and have dropped out of college because I lack the drive to keep me going.
I'm really not sure how to go about trying to fix this. I've spent a large amount of time thinking about what my future is going to be like if I continue down this path, and to be perfectly honest, what I'm seeing myself turn into now, let alone how far my dreams will degenerate and my intellectual capacity will fade in a couple years of this scares the shit out of me.
no idea why I'm posting this on forums, but any advice?
I'm coming up empty: There isn't really anything I can think of that seems even tolerable.
The bases of my conundrum probably stems from the fact that for about 70% of the year, I just don't give a shit about pretty much anything and exist in a stasis of apathetic boredom. the remaining 30% (usually split into segments of days or weeks every couple of months) is a sort of manic frenzy of creating grandiose plans for novels (I love reading and creative writing), plans for my education (particularly mathematics and physics, which I love), and generally how awesome puppies and blades of grass are.
I'm getting burned out on this. I've noticed trends of laziness and apathy in myself since I was in grade school, and always just assumed I did it to project the image that I'm more talented and intelligent than I really was, but this is worse: I'm not getting anything worthwhile out of my college courses because I just go through the motions of passing instead of trying to get any sort of REAL comprehension out of it. 2 years from now, I'll almost certainly still be living with my parents, doing the same job, and have dropped out of college because I lack the drive to keep me going.
I'm really not sure how to go about trying to fix this. I've spent a large amount of time thinking about what my future is going to be like if I continue down this path, and to be perfectly honest, what I'm seeing myself turn into now, let alone how far my dreams will degenerate and my intellectual capacity will fade in a couple years of this scares the shit out of me.
no idea why I'm posting this on forums, but any advice?
