http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb132.jpg
Following WWE's PPV, Payback, the team of Cody Rhodes and Goldust were facing what seemed like an impossible situation. They were losing, constantly, and there was nothing they could do about it. Cody Rhodes came up with an idea: He would search for a new partner for Goldust in hopes that his brother would be able to succeed without him. After a couple of matches in which Goldust teamed with random jobbers, Cody announced that he'd found the perfect partner, someone "of the stars." Goldust said he'd seen this partner and that he agreed. The following week on Raw, the WWE Universe saw the debut of Stardust, someone who was dressed up to look much like Goldust.
The question that everyone had was this: Who is Stardust?
<img height=270>http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb133.jpg
Look, it's impossible to tell exactly who he is. As we saw in The Dark Knight, once someone puts on makeup, it's impossible to tell who is behind it. No, you can't even remove the makeup. That would be mean. So, we have to use other ways to figure out exactly who Stardust is. Some might call this "reasoning" or "logic."
The first place to start is to look at the Superstars who haven't appeared on TV since Stardust's debut. We then have to look at the body type of the person playing the character. That, unfortunately, rules out someone like Paul Heyman's client, Brock Lesnar, who conquered The Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania. (But how funny would that have been?) The Undertaker is also ruled out. This also rules out Darren Young, who is currently (so we think) rehabbing an ACL injury, Xavier Woods, and David Otunga; you can tell that Stardust is not black.
Perhaps the most logical person one could think of would be Christian, who suffered a concussion, was cleared to perform, but hasn't stepped forth in a WWE ring since. Or so we think. Christian is athletic and can do many of the moves that Stardust does, and the body type fits. However, we saw Christian on a WWE Pre-show, which unfortunately rules him out of the mix.
Since 3MB's breakup -- due to the release of both Jinder "Ginger" Mahal and Drew McIntyre -- Heath Slater has only appeared on the WWE's main shows once, which had him tested as a face by standing up to Rusev and Lana. That was, however, on the same Raw on which Stardust debuted, and Slater has since appeared on Superstars, back as a heel, facing off against Adam Rose.
<img width=260>http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb134.jpg
Justin Gabriel hasn't appeared anywhere since Stardust's debut, which would make him a potential choice. However, we've heard Stardust talk, and Stardust is most definitely not South African. It's possible that Gabriel could mask his accent, but probably not that well, especially with him not being a trained actor. Tyson Kidd is another one whom we might be able to suspect, but Kidd is too short and with his history of injuries probably wouldn't be doing some of the moves that Stardust can do.
The Miz would have been a good man to suspect, especially because he finished filming The Marine 4 right around the time Stardust debuted, but The Miz came back to TV recently with a new "Hollywood" gimmick, so it can't be him. Zack Ryder is a potential candidate, although he might be too much of a jobber to be considered for the role of teaming with someone like Goldust. Still, so far, Ryder is the most likely candidate.
We might be able to suspect Damien Sandow, given that his current gimmick is dressing up as random people lately, but Stardust isn't a real person and Sandow hasn't kept the same attire for more than one show in a row. Stardust might be played by someone who was not previously signed to a WWE contract, which would give us any number of potential candidates, but with the recent budget cuts, it's unlikely that this is the case.
<img width=275>http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb135.jpg
There's only one other potential person behind the Stardust makeup, and that person is someone whom we haven't seen on TV for months. It becomes clear upon thinking of him that there was no other person. CM Punk is Stardust. Yes, that's who is behind the Stardust makeup, and he's the one who is currently teaming with Goldust. It makes sense, doesn't it? Punk is a proven veteran who has accomplished as much as almost anyone in the squared circle, he's incredibly athletic, and he's still signed to a contract. He just took some time off to be repackaged, and then came back as Stardust.
I mean, look at the billed heights and weights. Stardust is billed at 6'2" and 220 lbs. CM Punk is 6'2" and 218 lbs. He's the closest in body type to the new "dust," and it's not unreasonable to think that he might've gained two whole pounds during his time off. This would also explain why we haven't heard but a peep from anyone in the WWE about Punk since Stardust debuted. They didn't want to let anyone in on the secret. It all makes perfect sense.
Stardust = CM Punk.
Now stop chanting "CM Punk" during less-than-stellar matches. When AJ Lee comes out you can stop chanting "CM Punk" for the entirety of her segments. It's annoying and disrespectful for one, but also: Punk didn't leave you. He's just portraying a different character. And WWE fooled you all.
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Following WWE's PPV, Payback, the team of Cody Rhodes and Goldust were facing what seemed like an impossible situation. They were losing, constantly, and there was nothing they could do about it. Cody Rhodes came up with an idea: He would search for a new partner for Goldust in hopes that his brother would be able to succeed without him. After a couple of matches in which Goldust teamed with random jobbers, Cody announced that he'd found the perfect partner, someone "of the stars." Goldust said he'd seen this partner and that he agreed. The following week on Raw, the WWE Universe saw the debut of Stardust, someone who was dressed up to look much like Goldust.
The question that everyone had was this: Who is Stardust?
<img height=270>http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb133.jpg
Look, it's impossible to tell exactly who he is. As we saw in The Dark Knight, once someone puts on makeup, it's impossible to tell who is behind it. No, you can't even remove the makeup. That would be mean. So, we have to use other ways to figure out exactly who Stardust is. Some might call this "reasoning" or "logic."
The first place to start is to look at the Superstars who haven't appeared on TV since Stardust's debut. We then have to look at the body type of the person playing the character. That, unfortunately, rules out someone like Paul Heyman's client, Brock Lesnar, who conquered The Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania. (But how funny would that have been?) The Undertaker is also ruled out. This also rules out Darren Young, who is currently (so we think) rehabbing an ACL injury, Xavier Woods, and David Otunga; you can tell that Stardust is not black.
Perhaps the most logical person one could think of would be Christian, who suffered a concussion, was cleared to perform, but hasn't stepped forth in a WWE ring since. Or so we think. Christian is athletic and can do many of the moves that Stardust does, and the body type fits. However, we saw Christian on a WWE Pre-show, which unfortunately rules him out of the mix.
Since 3MB's breakup -- due to the release of both Jinder "Ginger" Mahal and Drew McIntyre -- Heath Slater has only appeared on the WWE's main shows once, which had him tested as a face by standing up to Rusev and Lana. That was, however, on the same Raw on which Stardust debuted, and Slater has since appeared on Superstars, back as a heel, facing off against Adam Rose.
<img width=260>http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb134.jpg
Justin Gabriel hasn't appeared anywhere since Stardust's debut, which would make him a potential choice. However, we've heard Stardust talk, and Stardust is most definitely not South African. It's possible that Gabriel could mask his accent, but probably not that well, especially with him not being a trained actor. Tyson Kidd is another one whom we might be able to suspect, but Kidd is too short and with his history of injuries probably wouldn't be doing some of the moves that Stardust can do.
The Miz would have been a good man to suspect, especially because he finished filming The Marine 4 right around the time Stardust debuted, but The Miz came back to TV recently with a new "Hollywood" gimmick, so it can't be him. Zack Ryder is a potential candidate, although he might be too much of a jobber to be considered for the role of teaming with someone like Goldust. Still, so far, Ryder is the most likely candidate.
We might be able to suspect Damien Sandow, given that his current gimmick is dressing up as random people lately, but Stardust isn't a real person and Sandow hasn't kept the same attire for more than one show in a row. Stardust might be played by someone who was not previously signed to a WWE contract, which would give us any number of potential candidates, but with the recent budget cuts, it's unlikely that this is the case.
<img width=275>http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/16/09/70/40/clipb135.jpg
There's only one other potential person behind the Stardust makeup, and that person is someone whom we haven't seen on TV for months. It becomes clear upon thinking of him that there was no other person. CM Punk is Stardust. Yes, that's who is behind the Stardust makeup, and he's the one who is currently teaming with Goldust. It makes sense, doesn't it? Punk is a proven veteran who has accomplished as much as almost anyone in the squared circle, he's incredibly athletic, and he's still signed to a contract. He just took some time off to be repackaged, and then came back as Stardust.
I mean, look at the billed heights and weights. Stardust is billed at 6'2" and 220 lbs. CM Punk is 6'2" and 218 lbs. He's the closest in body type to the new "dust," and it's not unreasonable to think that he might've gained two whole pounds during his time off. This would also explain why we haven't heard but a peep from anyone in the WWE about Punk since Stardust debuted. They didn't want to let anyone in on the secret. It all makes perfect sense.
Stardust = CM Punk.
Now stop chanting "CM Punk" during less-than-stellar matches. When AJ Lee comes out you can stop chanting "CM Punk" for the entirety of her segments. It's annoying and disrespectful for one, but also: Punk didn't leave you. He's just portraying a different character. And WWE fooled you all.
<color=D6D9DA>_________________________________________________________________________________
If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
For an archive of all my previous WWE reviews and articles, please go <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846764-Marters-WWE-Reviews-Archive>here.
Talk to me on the Twitter, <url=https://twitter.com/martertweet>@martertweet.
