Why dishonered is the best game that will ever be made

[Quazimofo]

Skyrim. In Whiterun, shortly after downloading Dawnguard.

So I'm just minding my own business, making my way to the market in the center of town, when THIS asshole...

kindly informs me for the millionth time how I probably never visit the Cloud District. Before I can quaintly remind him who he's talking to (the muthafuckin' Jarl, beeyatch), a vampire lord suddenly appears out of nowhere and mauls him to death before my very eyes.

And many a song of celebration was sung that night.

yeah, i always hated that guy. Fyi though, funnyjunk links never work on the escapist. You can see them as the poster, most others cannot. Don't use them please.

The only funny story i can think of right off the top of my head happened during a tabletop 40k game.

My kroot had just lost a combat with some sanguinary guard (no big surprise. on a d6, they needed a 2+ to negate any damage i caused, could wound my guys on 3+ to my 4+, hit on 3+ to my 4+, and my already pitiful armor was useless because they had power weapons).

On my next turn the guard was still there holding an objective. As they were fleeing, the kroot took a few potshots, managing to wound 2 of them despite their poor aim and only average guns.

Both shots scored kills.

From then on, even though i lost the game, i imagine that scenario as the 2 marines triumphantly high-fiving at another fight well fought, before being simultaneously shot in the face by their fleeing, defeated, foes.

 

[Dick Johnson]

Assassin's Creed 3.

On the mission to destroy the tea shipments, there was a random civillian leaning on one of the shipments. I approach my objective and plant the bomb/light the fuse etc to destroy the shipment, expecting the civillian to run away. The fuse lights and I get a prompt to run (and run I did) but the civillian completely ignores this, is caught in the explosion, and sent hurtling rag-doll into over the pier and into the water.

...Well I guess Connor did kill civillians.

 

[PureChaos]

Boulder's Gate: Dark Alliance when the pub owner woman reaches into her cleavage and gives you money to thank you for your hard work. I just find that funny

 

[Carrots_macduff]

Topicless Thread Creation
Posting a thread without any discussion value, or with a deliberately misleading title, will get you penalized and your thread locked. This includes creating a poll without an accompanying discussion.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/codeofconduct[/quote]

well in that case it's a pity the content creators of this site aren't beholden to the same rules as us forum scrubs.

 

[Unsilenced]

Hitman: Absolution

(Actually a good game by the way.)

The strip club level. My target is walking along a corridor, followed by a stripper who is in turn being followed by a guard.

My plan is to choke out the guard and hide his body while the other two have their backs turned. However, non-lethal take downs make a bit of noise, so I have to wait until the other two have gone through a doorway. That way when they turn to see what the noise is their line of sight will be blocked.

I mess up the timing. The target doesn't see me, but the stripper does. While I'm choking the guard (it takes about four seconds) she walks right up and watches. "Oh crap", I think, "she's going to raise the alarm any second now." But she she doesn't. She just stands there for a couple of seconds, then says, "Heh, I'm actually a guy. See the hair on my top lip? Yeah, waxing doesn't work." Then she turns and walks back after the target without any fuss.

I have no idea what random stripper guy's deal was, but his discretion was much appreciated.

Heh. I heard him say that line through the one-way mirror that's on that level. I guess he knew I was there. Didn't tell my target though.

Such a bro. :v

 

[II2]

Fallout 3.

Very top deck of Rivet City (a beached aircraft carrier, fyi), on the platform where the suicidal guy will jump from one that side mission. You can see the Washington monument. Turn 180 degrees. Save. Arm MIRV, Aim 45' into the ground. Jump and shoot.

After the light and clipped explosion sound ends, you can see how far you can ragdoll into downtown DC with the unfinished one-side-textured "distance" art assets. You can even hit the monument and fall to an unfeatured plane of low res dirt texture.

Same sorta thing in Megaton. You can blow yourself up up and away (preferably along with Confessor Cromwell), far above the town where your twisting spastic ragdoll corpse eventually hits the ceiling skybox and you can see megaton from above: a square of land with floating in space with megaton's interior in the middle, like a golf hole.

 

[Dead Seerius]

Snip

Thanks for the info. I edited it so hopefully it's fine now.

 

[TheFunPolice]

Goddamn these are so funny...

My experience comes from L.A Noire, I was playing it with a friend, (we took turns in controlling) and neither of us could drive for shit, so after finishing a few side missions, we discovered that we could get Cole's partner to drive the car. We decided to give driving one more go for real, just to see if it was actually possible to drive across the street without taking down a lamp post and your favorite grandma...After another failed attempt, we were standing outside the car and I said

"Okay, let's get Chuck to drive, there's no way he could be worse than us"

So after getting in, we were waiting in the passenger seat, waiting for Chuck to get in. Then my friend said

"And now we can relax ^_^"

Just as he said that, Chuck got in, and immediately floored it off the pavement, hitting a lamp post and proceeded to drive it directly into an active street, shoving his way between a tiny gap in between two cars..And then the screen blacked out

My friend and I proceeded to suffocate

--------------------------------------------------------

Another time comes from playing Dead Rising 2 with the same friend

We had wound up fighting the Psychopath "Slappy", the insane kid's mascot who wields flame throwers and roller blades
I was the one playing and we were seriously running low on food, which is when I found a liquor store....After chugging 2 bottles of whiskey, 2 bottles of wine, and a bottle of vodka, my friend said to me

"Dude, is chuck gonna be okay after drinking all that?"

to which I responded

"Ha! don't worry, Chuck's a hard guy"

Literally, Not a second after I said that...Chuck proceeded to violently vomit out his intestines in the ugliest shade of yellow I've ever seen.. And he continued to vomit for roughly a minute, And by this time, Slappy had managed to start damaging us again, so I had to keep chugging bottles of whiskey, only for chuck to keep vomiting it up seconds later...

Basically....Chuck isn't a hard guy...

 

[Kyr Knightbane]

I was attacked randomly by a thief in Skyrim and a horse fell out of the sky onto his head...

Clearly not all of the dragons hate me.

I had a good hearty chuckle at that one. I remember running around in skyrim, killing random bandits when i happened upon an open courtyard area. I sneak in and took out 2 of them with my bow. Then i dropped down into the courtyard and brandished my blades. No sooner than i drop in, i hear a freaking Giant Roar and drop in from where i came from. The bandits mob him and become part of the Skyrim Giant space program. I shook my head and walked away. I think that Giant is still in there, just wandering around. I should load my save and see...

 

[TheFunPolice]

Oh! And another one! From Halo: Combat Evolved

In the Eighth level in Halo, there's a part where you can get in a banshee if you're fast enough. After I acquired it, I decided to stay in it for the entire mission...After getting it through a variety of doors that it clearly wasn't designed to get through, I got to the end of the mission.

As I drove my banshee through the last tiny door, which it CLEARLY wasn't meant to get through, the cutscene played

Okay, and believe it or not, I'm not making this up..

The Banshee appeared in the cutscene, sliding along the walkway which the cutscene took play, And this is where it gets stupid..

It killed masterchief. In the cutscene...I'm not kidding...It had enough speed when I got it through the door to break the laws of the game and actually kill him in the cutscene.

After he died, you could see his body in the middle of the walk way, and the cutscene continued as if he was still there

I AM NOT JOKING.

 

[Nihlus2]

There is always the classic Mammoth of Skyrim:

Upon witnessing me slaughtering its master, it does the only logical thing by spontaniously launching itself into the upper stratosphere. Rumour has it that it is still up there, waiting...


One that was more weird/annoying would be the infamous bosses of Deus Ex: Human Revolution, the first one in this case:

So I was running a none-lethal playthrough on hardest difficulty as my first playthrough, and of course the bosses were programmed without any means of none-lethal takedown as the room was literally stockpiled with a smaller militia's worth of weapons. But stubborn as I am, I take out my Stun Gun and decide that now was the time to blow that 15+ ammo I had gathered so far, in case I found myself in a tight spot.

Cue a few minutes later after much dodging and hit-and-run I feel proud as I finally watch him succumb to the constant tazer shots... only to discover the cutscene literally showing at least 15-20 hullet holes in the man's upper torso alone. Guess that stun gun lied when it claimed it was a none-lethal weapon.

 

[jhoroz]

I remember while playing skyrim, that dog from the Clavicus Vile mission approached me and began having a conversation with me, when suddenly a dragon out of nowhere appears and begins chewing on the dog's ass, while the dog obliviously continues speaking to me, not at the least bit bothered by what's happening around him.

Also...

Not something that's personally happened to me, but still too funny not to post onto here:

 

[Patrick Buck]

Oh, I was just coming to this thread to disagree, because I finished Dishonoured yesterday, and it had a REALLY disappointing ending.

Rest of the game was fun though. I particually enjoyed the parts where I fucked up, then one guard standing next to another shot his friend by accident. His body flew past me, shortly before I paused the game amd broke down laughing. I swear just after he got shot, the second guard was framing "Motherfu-" with his lips. :')

 

[Suicidal_Ferret]

There's so many to choose from...

Skyrim: I once had an epic battle outside Markeath when an Elder dragon picked a fight with me, my companions, my horse, my dog, and the travelling Kha'jiit traders. The battle kept moving until a group of the Fallen got involved and it turned into a complete cluster.

Or the time I was on horseback and a dragon knocked me and my horse high enough into the air I could see my house from there and I landed...and didn't die.

Or how Parthanax's body keeps randomly appearing in town. I sneak attacked him on the mountain top but now his bones show up in Whiterun...or Solitude...or random places.

 

[elbrandino]

Once in Skyrim I was running along through the vast wilderness when a dragon attacked me. Just as I got ready to fight him, I noticed he seemed to be flying a little low. He did a low pass behind a hill but it looked like he hit the ground unintentionally. Before I had time to do anything else, I heard the dragon die and a mammoth shot up about 200 feet into the air from behind the hill, hit the ground stiff-legged, and died on the spot. Best dragon attack ever.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

World of WarCraft (Pre-Cataclysm)

There used to be an Alliance soldier named Private Thorsen stationed at the camp in northern Stranglethorn Vale. Every so often he'd make a comment about going out on patrol, then he'd start to walk south into the zone. A few minutes into his patrol he gets ambushed by a trio of Kurzen soldiers. If you save Private Thorsen, he gives you a quest.

One time a friend and I were questing in STV, and we saw Private Thorsen on the road. We figured we'd follow him and pick up his quest. Before he managed to reach the place where he gets ambushed, he was attacked by a roaming Panther.

Private Thorsen draws his sword and shield, and charges at the panther. The panther dashes toward Private Thorsen. They both run through each other and keep going for another ten paces or so. They both stop, turn around, and charge at each other again. Again, they run right through each other, and keep going for another ten paces or so. They both stop, turn around, and charge at each other...

This continued to go on for a good ten minutes before a random Horde player stepped in and killed both the panther and Private Thorsen.

 

[tehbeard]

This is my flag. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My flag is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My flag, without me, is useless. Without my flag, I am useless.