Why do people stop themselves from being happy?

[PurePareidolia]

Simple: some things are more important.

Like with most things it comes down to values - I value being happy, but did I value it more than say, getting good marks on my exam? No? So I studied instead of watching movies.

Besides, I can always watch all the movies I want now exams are over. Smaller cost, same benefit, so that's what I'm doing.

Think of it like insurance - if I go for all the happiness now, I run the risk of not being able to be happy later. So I spend some time not being happy while I minimize my future risks, then if I want to say, spend several days straight playing Skyrim, there's nothing stopping me.

 

[Zhadramekel]

Some people just can't help it. They don't think they deserve to be happy. They believe that no one hates them more than they themselves do. Stopping themselves from being happy is their way of punishing themselves.

 

[Nealran]

In my personal opinion and experience, it's because emotions are by nature unstable. As we grow, our perspective changes, as does what makes us happy. Even on a day-to-day basis, a similar variety of factors can keep a person ecstatic one day and miserable the next. And in the grand scheme of things, great achievements and dreams cannot keep us constantly happy; by our very nature, we have to move on.

It is, in my opinion, part of being human. We choose what we want to keep in our lives, and choosing what we sacrifice can keep us from short term happiness. We don't like to choose. Particularly when the choice is between short term happiness and long term gain. However, we do still make choices on a daily basis. And our experiences with these decisions can lead to stopping ourselves from being happy if we believe that another decision will be healthier for us in the long run.

 

[WaruTaru]

What about the cliche quote "it's not about the destination but the journey that matters"? To achieve happiness is to reach the destination, which would mean the end of the journey, which in turn leads to stagnation and decay of the spiritual self, or whatever that is the essence of the human spirit. Once you achieve happiness, you have nothing else to strive for, or something like that.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Well, lately I've been unhappy and here's why. Broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years (known her for 6 years) about a month ago due to the fact that we were barely seeing each other and complications arose. I (foolishly) planned my life around being with her, I saturated myself in her, she made me so happy. Sure, I was happy when she wasn't around, and I have a life apart from her, but since she's been gone, I feel...lost. Everything feels like it's not working for me and I don't know how to move forward. Everything (and I mean everything, even some phrases can trigger memory floods) reminds me of her, seeing her name throws me into panic attacks.

On top of this, I've been searching for jobs for 11 months and have been rejected by all of them, stress will not let me take up tertiary study, girls around here show no interest in me or are taken, and my recent training blew up in my face. That's why I'm unhappy...oh, and due to some massive amounts of bullying in the past, I have depression. Maybe that'll help, I did not mean this as a baww post, I'm simply trying to give some insight.

 

[babinro]

My take on it is that being happy is often associated with routines and lack of change. Happiness is a goal that can be achieved...and should people achieve it they may no longer see purpose in their actions.

As such they will either sabotage themselves so the goal remains out of reach, or change what they consider to be happiness based on their current position. Despite having reached these goals, people are inherently striving to get more, and are thus never fully satisfied.

 

[Aurgelmir]

Happy Snip

How about we deny ourselves happiness now in "promise" of more happiness later?

Work overtime now = Money, Money = new things, new things = happiness

But when you get to the last point you don't really get the Happiness you thought you'd get, and you start all over.

Or people that are constantly displaying destructive behavior about things that make them happy could have a feeling of not deserving the "good thing" that makes the happy. So it is a sort of self punishment for not feeling adequate.

 

[fordneagles]

Social programming and/or peer pressure. That's about it.

 

[Toshiooh]

I can't be bothered to see if someone suggested this but I think my philosophy teacher developed a rather good idea.

People love the ideal of happiness, so if they believe its within their grasp they then reject it as an impure form.

He also said something cool about people who commit suicide are actually in love with life but just can't stand the fact that theirs isn't going well.

Both theories point at the fact that happiness really what you make of it, and therefore an artificial state.

 

[Engarde]

What is happy? That is a more important question. When do people know if they are happy? Is it quantifiable? Will sacrificing some now (for example, to work) for some later (to buy nice things with pay) work out better in the long run? Is it really a good destination? Is the journey more fun? Will I end this tirade with another stupid question?

Personally, I don't know about anyone who sabotages themselves from feeling happy, plus it might vary from person to person. Why do people seek out depressing media and movies to make them cry? Doesn't that seem like pursuing the opposite of happiness? Will I start asking silly questions again?

It's complicated and I guess it is what you believe it to be. Some simple things make me very happy like seeing a once messy room tidied. Some things make me extremely annoyed for no reason, such as someone eating an icecream saying MMMM IS SO GOOOOOOD. It really, really grinds my gears that they won't shut it, I don't mind not having icecream but having some silly person making all those stupid noises does bother me.

I can't speak for others as for I know I am crazy but it seems to me that if rejecting happiness is so common, is it such a noble goal in the first place? It's way beyond me to try work that much out.