Why do so many marriages fail today?

[SillyBear]

Pretty straight forward.

Why?

Is it simply to do with the fact that there are no faults divorces now, so in the past people were just as unhappy but were unable to divorce each other?

Or is it more complicated and is it a reflection of our social climate?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. What do you think?

 

[DarkRyter]

Conflicting schedules, financial burdens, crystal meth...

Marriage is hard, anything that you're supposed to maintain over a lifetime is supposed to be.

 

[ezeroast]

I'm thinking that its much easier and less frowned apon these days to get a divorce. In the good old days you would stick it out and make it work.
I dont care who you marry be it the 'perfect' girl, after a long enough time together you will always find things that get on you nerves/annoy the crap out of you.

 

[Arkvoodle]

We've become a society addicted to quick fixes and easy solutions. Neither of those can be applied to marriage without serious consequences.

 

[Woodsey]

Before you used to have the shit stigmatised out of you for getting divorced, and now you don't.

 

[Tasachan]

I think it's a combination of things.
1. Society pushing the "YOU should be happy. If you aren't happy, change it!"From a married perspective, sometimes it feels like it would be more fun to be able to travel and go out on my own -- that maybe that would make me happy. It feels like there is more focus on personal success, a good job and a nice car and whatever.
2. Or the "there IS a Mr. Perfect for you!" If your spouse isn't making you happy, then instead of trying to fix things, look elsewhere.
3. Acceptance of divorce, obviously. It's less traumatizing on children and on the adults now than it was in the past. There is more support and less stigma.
4. Obviously there is also cases where people rush to get married only a few months into their relationship and realize they made a mistake. (By "mistake" refer to my 2nd point)

There's probably more, but I've gone blank.

 

[bdcjacko]

I blame Disney. Every movie is about a guy fighting against all odds to get a girl to like him, over coming incredible odds, and then they end with getting married and living happily ever after. And that sets unrealistic expectations.

 

[Aisaku]

Personal success or recognition has become important to the point people aren't willing to make the effort to remain married. What's in there for myself? They ask themselves. And since divorce has become socially acceptable, not even children are reason enough to try. There's got to be something more to keep them together.

My parents are divorced. From that experience I'd say that a couple that has compatible and or complementing personalities, that share life expectations and morals are more likely to remain married. But if anything, the current trend leans towards more divorces.

 

[Happy Sock Puppet]

Just a little advice from a guy who celebrated his 7th anniversary exactly 10 days ago and is still happily married (no kids in the picture...yet)

1. Birth control, people, birth control. Don't bring another life into the world until you have your shit straight first.

2. Live below your means. It's better to have an older car and be able to fix the plumbing/Air conditioner/random crap that quits on you than to have a nice car and be broke.

3. Chillax. Discuss and work out your problems and don't hold grudges.

4. While sometimes you can seem more like business partners, you are still lovers. Act like it.

Many couples don't do the above things, and it's the poor kids who really pay for it in the end.

 

[BanicRhys]

Sadly enough, it's probably stuff like both partners working, less of a stigma around divorce etc.

 

[DanielBrown]

I actually read an article about this a few months ago, and there was a scientific explanation behind it. Don't take my word for it to be true however, since I read it on Cracked.com, but I'm a pretty gullable person so I trust everything I read on the internet.

In short;
Birth control pills fools the body to be pregnant.
When pregnant women are hardwired to be with their family.
Birth control thus makes the woman prefer guys she actually isn't competable with.
Woman stops eating birth control pills and realise the dude she married is unattracive and weird.
Divorce!

 

[Biosophilogical]

I think it's a combination of things.
1. Society pushing the "YOU should be happy. If you aren't happy, change it!"From a married perspective, sometimes it feels like it would be more fun to be able to travel and go out on my own -- that maybe that would make me happy. It feels like there is more focus on personal success, a good job and a nice car and whatever.
2. Or the "there IS a Mr. Perfect for you!" If your spouse isn't making you happy, then instead of trying to fix things, look elsewhere.
3. Acceptance of divorce, obviously. It's less traumatizing on children and on the adults now than it was in the past. There is more support and less stigma.
4. Obviously there is also cases where people rush to get married only a few months into their relationship and realize they made a mistake. (By "mistake" refer to my 2nd point)

There's probably more, but I've gone blank.

Then comes the question of if these things are actually bad (the 'wanting Mr/s Right', less stigmatised divorce, etc Though I would say that not wanting to work through problems because "Hey, f*** working for something!" is not a good thing). I mean, apart from the exception I pointed out, is it really a bad thing to not continue a relationship that shouldn't have started in the first place? Or does the problem lie in there being bad reasons/circumstances to get married?

OT: Tasachan got it pretty spot on I'd imagine, though I'd like to add that previously, before women's rights, and when having a family was basically a social necessity, that marriages weren't necessarily about being happy. A couple hundred years ago (and even in some places today) there are arranged marriages, which has nothing to do with love, meaning you can't exactly lose the spark that got you together in the first place. So there is a lower percentage of 'convenience', arranged or socially mandated marriages, so the majority of couples are held together by love, rather than an external pressure, so when the going gets tough, or when the couple grow as individuals, there isn't anything holding them together.

 

[tstilwell]

If there is one truth to the universe it is that marriage takes work. I believe that too few people want to put forth the effort and committment required to make a relationship work. If it gets difficult, they want out. My wife and I made a committment and we both have had times when we would probably smile if the other one fell down the stairs. BUT, we don't give into that, and if we are feeling that, we realize that something is wrong between us and we work on it. So far (knock on wood), there has not been a problem that we could not surmount. She isn't my wife, she is my partner. Together, we can do anything.

 

[WolfThomas]

Why?

The Pill. Straight up.

Tricks a woman's body to think it's pregnant (simplest explanation), this changes the type of men woman are attracted to, even unnoticeable things like their scent and taste of saliva. So the girl meets a guy and they fall in love, eventually get married and may have some kids, usually gets pregnant before she notices any change and this maintains the effect the pill had. Eventually several years down the track, she's no longer taking birth control and her preferences change without her knowing, suddenly the man she shares her bed with doesn't smell or taste or feel like the man she fell in love with, may not desire to have sex with. All of this puts strain on the marriage, till it falls apart or one of them cheats.

At least that's my theory. Of course not all divorces are because of this, but I figure a significant proportion are influenced by it.

Edit: I'm also not just making this up there's research done into the oral contraceptives effect on the major histocompatibilty complex which determines what sort of partner you seek. When your not pregnant you want new and different genes to create a stronger offspring, but when you're pregnant you want similar genes around you so you and the child are less likely to get sick.

Edit: Edit:
Reference:
http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/275/1652/2715.full

 

[Terminal Blue]

There are two main age groups at which people statistically tend to divorce.

The first is around the mid-20s.

The second is around the 50s or 60s.

Actually, a lot of people divorcing now are people who have been together for decades, who have children and seen them grow up. These are people who got married because it's just 'what you did' when you hit a certain age.

It's not because people are lazy or lack commitment. You might be able to say that about this generation, but not the previous generation who actually constitute a huge bulk of divorce cases. My guess, it's because for the first time in history we're on the verge of admitting that whatever film and TV might tell you most people don't fall in love for the rest of their lives. Most people don't end up in fairytale romances with people they adore forever.

Most people just get married because it's what you're supposed to do. Many people regret it. That's always been the case, we've just finally reached an age where people can do something about it, and thank God for that.

 

[drakythe]

We've become a society addicted to quick fixes and easy solutions. Neither of those can be applied to marriage without serious consequences.

I feel as if I could write an essay on this subject but it would (mostly) come down to this. Society is so used to instant gratification that marriage, something that takes "work" is too hard for the mindset of a lot of people. Also, without the stigma of past generations many don't feel a need to work it out.

PS: Been married for 4 years this month

 

[Gaiseric]

From what I've seen in both marriage and other relationships it is because of poor communication.

 

[Gaiseric]

We've become a society addicted to quick fixes and easy solutions. Neither of those can be applied to marriage without serious consequences.

I feel as if I could write an essay on this subject but it would (mostly) come down to this. Society is so used to instant gratification that marriage, something that takes "work" is too hard for the mindset of a lot of people. Also, without the stigma of past generations many don't feel a need to work it out.

PS: Been married for 4 years this month

Congratulations buddy.

[sub]I was about to type something creepy...[/sub]

 

[emeraldrafael]

I'd say a waning desire to be with that person that over time lessens and lessens.