Why do so many marriages fail today?

[zelda2fanboy]

Money, money, and money. Also, money. My sister got divorced over money. My mom almost got divorced over money. Namely, it comes down to one person spending all the money without properly consulting the other person not spending all the money. And before you make any assumptions, it was the men spending all the money. Both spouses in each marriage had their own incomes.

Really, marriage is all about money and partnerships are the least stable form of business model. It takes one person to fuck everything up and that's about it. Control is an issue, too. One person feels like they've got more power than the other, thanks either to gender roles or who has the job or just being a prick.

 

[Saelune]

Because most couples fail to get together based on proper similiar interests that will span longer than phsyical appeal, and people want more than they need.
Consider the fact that bars are the main avenue for dating. Why?
I would expect to find a good mate at a gaming convention, since we are likely to have similar interests.
It is common apparently for straight couples to be too different. The man likes his sports, the woman likes to shop (going on stereotypes) which dont really go together. A couple would succeed better if they both have similar enough interests to enjoy eachothers company long after sexual interest begins to fade.

 

[Mustang678]

There has been no change in how effective a marriage is other than it's become MUCH easier to get a divorce.

 

[velcrokidneyz]

3. Acceptance of divorce, obviously. It's less traumatizing on children and on the adults now than it was in the past. There is more support and less stigma.

Um i wanna call bullshit on that, when my parents divorced it was not that easy. at all. it fucking kills me still and it caused me to hate my father more than anyone on this planet, so i call bullshit hardcore.

EDIT:

forgot to add my response, i hafta agree with the instant gratification society and the fact that people always look for the easy way out. i know for a fact that whomever i marry will be the one im with til death.

 

[TheLoneBeet]

People are more okay with it now than before. Being divorced isn't such a big deal as it used to be so more people are alright with doing it. Marital problems have always existed it's just that people would work through them or just deal with them rather than deal with the social stigma of being a divorcee. In my opinion anyways.

 

[Thunderhorse31]

People are lazy and don't want to work at things.
People have unreasonable expectations.
People are self interested boobs.
People marry because they think they are in love without thinking past their genitals.

Two major things IMO:

1) Love is mistaken as a feeling and not an act.

2) Couples (from some of the ones I've known) tend to think that marriage is a destination and not a journey.

I know there are other things as well, but these are the two most prominent things that I've seen in failing marriages.

These. We've all bought into the idea that love is something you simply fall into and out-of through no choice of your own. You like someone one day but are bored with them the next, and rather than working on improving a relationship, you quit and go find someone else. Never mind that you made a promise to stick by them no matter what, your happiness and the convenience at which that happiness comes is always the first priority.

*rolls eyes*

Because people aren't being socially/religiously restrained into unhappy relationships that have run their course.

We all make mistakes. Now we're just not afraid of the church making our lives hell for making them.

The grass is always greener where the dogs are shitting, my friend.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Just a little advice from a guy who celebrated his 7th anniversary exactly 10 days ago and is still happily married (no kids in the picture...yet)

1. Birth control, people, birth control. Don't bring another life into the world until you have your shit straight first.

2. Live below your means. It's better to have an older car and be able to fix the plumbing/Air conditioner/random crap that quits on you than to have a nice car and be broke.

3. Chillax. Discuss and work out your problems and don't hold grudges.

4. While sometimes you can seem more like business partners, you are still lovers. Act like it.

Many couples don't do the above things, and it's the poor kids who really pay for it in the end.

definitely sweet and to the point.."points" you have their, i'll definitely have to remember this nice little list (granted it's semi on what i was planning to do, but sometimes a helpful little reminder to yourself can get you back on track after a rough day/week)

OT: well with the major shifts in pro/anti religion, gay/straight/etc, and the world being in a more "hyper tense" state, rather than at a more peaceful/economically prosperous time, i'd like to think that has some effect to it, but overall idk..as long as the world keeps turning and i make it home in one piece each night, i'm good to go on everything else.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Because most couples fail to get together based on proper similiar interests that will span longer than phsyical appeal, and people want more than they need.
Consider the fact that bars are the main avenue for dating. Why?
I would expect to find a good mate at a gaming convention, since we are likely to have similar interests.
It is common apparently for straight couples to be too different. The man likes his sports, the woman likes to shop (going on stereotypes) which dont really go together. A couple would succeed better if they both have similar enough interests to enjoy eachothers company long after sexual interest begins to fade.

while i dont disagree with this, i would like to put out there that my most loving/successful relationships thus far, we had plenty of things similar, but at the same time we also had lots of key differences (like me gaming heavily and being a techie kind of and her obviously opposite) in which with differences it always kept the partner guessing on what would happen next, and that kind of added some spice/fun to the relationship not always expecting the same thing with that person everytime.

 

[lumenadducere]

Honestly, I think a large part of it is because people rush into it. I have seen so many people my age get married after dating for 2 years or less. I don't think that's anywhere near enough time, especially if you haven't lived together to really see how compatible you are long-term. People change and grow, and I very much believe you need to see how you do that together before you commit for life. But rather than doing that they get excited about how they feel now and think that everything will remain the same after five, ten, or fifteen years...when in reality it's far more work and the changes that your relationship will go through are things that you can't foresee.

Also, Happy Sock Puppet's post before mine has got some simple but very oft-forgotten advice. Communication and planning are key. As is maintaining the relationship.

 

[Saelune]

Because most couples fail to get together based on proper similiar interests that will span longer than phsyical appeal, and people want more than they need.
Consider the fact that bars are the main avenue for dating. Why?
I would expect to find a good mate at a gaming convention, since we are likely to have similar interests.
It is common apparently for straight couples to be too different. The man likes his sports, the woman likes to shop (going on stereotypes) which dont really go together. A couple would succeed better if they both have similar enough interests to enjoy eachothers company long after sexual interest begins to fade.

while i dont disagree with this, i would like to put out there that my most loving/successful relationships thus far, we had plenty of things similar, but at the same time we also had lots of key differences (like me gaming heavily and being a techie kind of and her obviously opposite) in which with differences it always kept the partner guessing on what would happen next, and that kind of added some spice/fun to the relationship not always expecting the same thing with that person everytime.

Im not saying marry your clone. Differences are good for when not together, and to possibly bond, since sometimes its nice to try what your partner likes. But thats not what I was answering. I was just saying why most fail.

 

[loc978]

I'd say marriages only used to work out before because of the stigma against divorce and such as was mentioned repeatedly in this thread... but I don't think that it was a good thing that those marriages worked out. I see climbing divorce rates as evidence that more people who marry foolishly early and wind up in a relationship that makes 'em miserable can actually find a way out.
Now we just need to educate people so that they take more care in choosing their partner. The stigma our society teaches is no longer against divorce, but against being single... and that's just as damaging.

 

[Shuichi_boy]

A healthy divorce rate is a good thing.

It means that women have reached a point in society where they are not property anymore and they also have options available to them to make careers for themselves.

For women in a bad situation, and there are many, this is very good.

As for everyone else, well, sometimes things don't last forever. Nothing wrong with moving on.

 

[Astoria]

I think people just don't take it as seriously as they used to. It's more of a 'why not' attitude towards marriage now rather than 'I want to be with the person for the rest of my life'. I know a few people who got married after just 6 months of dating.

 

[SillyBear]

3. Acceptance of divorce, obviously. It's less traumatizing on children and on the adults now than it was in the past. There is more support and less stigma.

Um i wanna call bullshit on that, when my parents divorced it was not that easy. at all. it fucking kills me still and it caused me to hate my father more than anyone on this planet, so i call bullshit hardcore.

And I'm going to call bullshit on your call of bullshit! XD

There is no shred of doubt that in the past divorce was more traumatic for all involved. If you were the child, everywhere you went people would be judging you and your life. You would be put down by everyone and you would be seen as a lesser child. A "bastard" child.

Today, no one really cares that your parents broke up outside your family. You can still find work, love and opportunity. In the past you would have a really hard time finding any of that if your parents were divorced, because it was a huge social stigma.

Hope I explained it well enough!

 

[Lazy Kitty]

Because a divorce is easy to get now.
Personally, I think this entire marriage thing is a scheme from religions and recently also governments to make people pay money just to be together.

 

[Mathak]

Because you no longer need to flip off the pope, kick the catholioc faith out of your country and start your own religion every time you want a divorce. That's quite a bit of paperwork.

 

[Dark Knifer]

Just a little advice from a guy who celebrated his 7th anniversary exactly 10 days ago and is still happily married (no kids in the picture...yet)

1. Birth control, people, birth control. Don't bring another life into the world until you have your shit straight first.

2. Live below your means. It's better to have an older car and be able to fix the plumbing/Air conditioner/random crap that quits on you than to have a nice car and be broke.

3. Chillax. Discuss and work out your problems and don't hold grudges.

4. While sometimes you can seem more like business partners, you are still lovers. Act like it.

Many couples don't do the above things, and it's the poor kids who really pay for it in the end.

Congrats on your anniversary and good advice

OT: The obvious factor is it's much easier to get a divorce these days but I'm not sure divorce is the only way a marriage can fail. My girlfriend's parents aren't close anymore. The mum wants a divorce but can't afford to do so cause they need the money and she's worried he'll do something drastic because of that. So, IMO divorce is more common but that doesn't necessarily mean that marriage is more likely to fail these days. It's just easier to end it.