There has been no change in how effective a marriage is other than it's become MUCH easier to get a divorce.
Why do so many marriages fail today?
- Thread starter SillyBear
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Um i wanna call bullshit on that, when my parents divorced it was not that easy. at all. it fucking kills me still and it caused me to hate my father more than anyone on this planet, so i call bullshit hardcore.Tasachan said:
EDIT:
forgot to add my response, i hafta agree with the instant gratification society and the fact that people always look for the easy way out. i know for a fact that whomever i marry will be the one im with til death.
People are more okay with it now than before. Being divorced isn't such a big deal as it used to be so more people are alright with doing it. Marital problems have always existed it's just that people would work through them or just deal with them rather than deal with the social stigma of being a divorcee. In my opinion anyways.
ravensheart18 said:
These. We've all bought into the idea that love is something you simply fall into and out-of through no choice of your own. You like someone one day but are bored with them the next, and rather than working on improving a relationship, you quit and go find someone else. Never mind that you made a promise to stick by them no matter what, your happiness and the convenience at which that happiness comes is always the first priority.FrossetMareritt said:
*rolls eyes*
The grass is always greener where the dogs are shitting, my friend.Murais said:
definitely sweet and to the point.."points" you have their, i'll definitely have to remember this nice little list (granted it's semi on what i was planning to do, but sometimes a helpful little reminder to yourself can get you back on track after a rough day/week)Happy Sock Puppet said:
OT: well with the major shifts in pro/anti religion, gay/straight/etc, and the world being in a more "hyper tense" state, rather than at a more peaceful/economically prosperous time, i'd like to think that has some effect to it, but overall idk..as long as the world keeps turning and i make it home in one piece each night, i'm good to go on everything else.
while i dont disagree with this, i would like to put out there that my most loving/successful relationships thus far, we had plenty of things similar, but at the same time we also had lots of key differences (like me gaming heavily and being a techie kind of and her obviously opposite) in which with differences it always kept the partner guessing on what would happen next, and that kind of added some spice/fun to the relationship not always expecting the same thing with that person everytime.Saelune said:
Honestly, I think a large part of it is because people rush into it. I have seen so many people my age get married after dating for 2 years or less. I don't think that's anywhere near enough time, especially if you haven't lived together to really see how compatible you are long-term. People change and grow, and I very much believe you need to see how you do that together before you commit for life. But rather than doing that they get excited about how they feel now and think that everything will remain the same after five, ten, or fifteen years...when in reality it's far more work and the changes that your relationship will go through are things that you can't foresee.
Also, Happy Sock Puppet's post before mine has got some simple but very oft-forgotten advice. Communication and planning are key. As is maintaining the relationship.
Also, Happy Sock Puppet's post before mine has got some simple but very oft-forgotten advice. Communication and planning are key. As is maintaining the relationship.
Im not saying marry your clone. Differences are good for when not together, and to possibly bond, since sometimes its nice to try what your partner likes. But thats not what I was answering. I was just saying why most fail.gmaverick019 said:
I'd say marriages only used to work out before because of the stigma against divorce and such as was mentioned repeatedly in this thread... but I don't think that it was a good thing that those marriages worked out. I see climbing divorce rates as evidence that more people who marry foolishly early and wind up in a relationship that makes 'em miserable can actually find a way out.
Now we just need to educate people so that they take more care in choosing their partner. The stigma our society teaches is no longer against divorce, but against being single... and that's just as damaging.
Now we just need to educate people so that they take more care in choosing their partner. The stigma our society teaches is no longer against divorce, but against being single... and that's just as damaging.
A healthy divorce rate is a good thing.
It means that women have reached a point in society where they are not property anymore and they also have options available to them to make careers for themselves.
For women in a bad situation, and there are many, this is very good.
As for everyone else, well, sometimes things don't last forever. Nothing wrong with moving on.
It means that women have reached a point in society where they are not property anymore and they also have options available to them to make careers for themselves.
For women in a bad situation, and there are many, this is very good.
As for everyone else, well, sometimes things don't last forever. Nothing wrong with moving on.
And I'm going to call bullshit on your call of bullshit! XDvelcrokidneyz said:
There is no shred of doubt that in the past divorce was more traumatic for all involved. If you were the child, everywhere you went people would be judging you and your life. You would be put down by everyone and you would be seen as a lesser child. A "bastard" child.
Today, no one really cares that your parents broke up outside your family. You can still find work, love and opportunity. In the past you would have a really hard time finding any of that if your parents were divorced, because it was a huge social stigma.
Hope I explained it well enough!
Because a divorce is easy to get now.
Personally, I think this entire marriage thing is a scheme from religions and recently also governments to make people pay money just to be together.
Personally, I think this entire marriage thing is a scheme from religions and recently also governments to make people pay money just to be together.
Congrats on your anniversary and good adviceHappy Sock Puppet said:
OT: The obvious factor is it's much easier to get a divorce these days but I'm not sure divorce is the only way a marriage can fail. My girlfriend's parents aren't close anymore. The mum wants a divorce but can't afford to do so cause they need the money and she's worried he'll do something drastic because of that. So, IMO divorce is more common but that doesn't necessarily mean that marriage is more likely to fail these days. It's just easier to end it.
This is what I personally think. We have to go back about 4 decades to when social observers began to observe a very significant paradigm change in the way people thought about marriage and life in general.SillyBear said:
Pre-1970 (1960's probably began piling the straw on the camels back) people took on an attitude of 'self-denial' towards life and marriage. This meant that short term pleasures/needs were sacrificed for the achievement of longer term goals. For example, a couple would not divorce if they weren't getting on for a period of time for the kids' sake. Personally, my grandparents were testament to this. My grandma would tell me about times she could have walked out on my granddad (for probably being an arshole, like all men do) but didn't and stuck it through because there were children involved. Likewise, my granddad told me similar stories.
In the 1970's and post this decade, people began to put more emphasis on 'self-gratification', where they would not look past short term needs for the sake of longer term ones. Therefore, marriages began to split more because the husband or wife couldn't stand being with their spouse and thus divorced for their own comfort, dealing with the kids/whatever afterwards.
Of course factor in that as times became more modern, women have (rightfully) received more power and ability to go out and make a living in the world, that fear of 'how will I support my kids' that will have hung over their heads in earlier times has been alleviated.
Also factor in that many western societies (Britain for definite) put very little emphasis on marriage and now accommodate things like civil partnerships which have all the legal entitlements and boundaries of marriage, but they just aren't marriages and therefore are easier to separate from.
I also think that people rush into marriage without truly knowing the person they're going to spend their life with. Thus when they start to see quirks they've never seen before, it freaks them out that and can cause breaks.
Anyway, they're just my thoughts, I could be off base on some of them.
PS - A guy called Rob Bell did a good video on marriage/people being together called "Flame". You can watch it free on http://player.flannel.org/map. Click "Get a free ticket" and on the following page scroll to the right until you see Flame. I found it interesting.
Oh my word, you totally ninja'd me!PlatonicRapist said:
Here's an anecdote my grandmother loves to tell with a straight face every time I don't do my chores:
There was a girl who was very lazy, and although it was about time she got married, no one wanted her. However, a man approached her parents one day and asked for her hand in marriage. They warned him that she is very lazy, never does the house work, and would not make a good wife. He said that since she is pretty he would have her anyway. The morning after they got married, she slept in. The next morning he woke her up at dawn and beat the shit out of her with a stick, after covering her with some sort of heavy blanket (not sure how to translate that bit). Ever since then, she was a loyal and diligent wife! And they all lived happily ever after.
So remember little girls, if you don't do the housework, your husband will beat the shit out of you, just like you deserve. This is an anecdote from only two generations ago. If you squint a little, this post does in fact answer your question.
There was a girl who was very lazy, and although it was about time she got married, no one wanted her. However, a man approached her parents one day and asked for her hand in marriage. They warned him that she is very lazy, never does the house work, and would not make a good wife. He said that since she is pretty he would have her anyway. The morning after they got married, she slept in. The next morning he woke her up at dawn and beat the shit out of her with a stick, after covering her with some sort of heavy blanket (not sure how to translate that bit). Ever since then, she was a loyal and diligent wife! And they all lived happily ever after.
So remember little girls, if you don't do the housework, your husband will beat the shit out of you, just like you deserve. This is an anecdote from only two generations ago. If you squint a little, this post does in fact answer your question.
It's a social thing mostly, my ex (HAHA) was a sexual and relationship councilor that had a lot to say on the subject.SillyBear said:
Marriage is intended to be a LIFELONG commitment. Then why is it that the expected marriage age for most people is in their late 20s to early 30s, the tail end of the first third of their life and also the age where they usually have the most debt? Now fifty years ago it wasn't nearly as bad but fifty years ago the average person wasn't thousands of dollars in debt and looking for work.
Go around asking twenty somethings if they could see themselves sleep with one person for the rest of their life, knowing full well that they and their partner would get old and feeble. Hell ask them if they could just LIVE with one person for the rest of their lives, they they could find one person that shares enough of their tastes and interests as they do and that would evolve as person at a similar rate to them.
The trouble with marriage is that people change. Their interests and tastes change with the times and their surroundings. Finding one person when society seems to demand that you find one person is insane but at the same time that's why so many people now are getting divorced. Because that's what society has dictated. You go to dinner a few times, you start sleeping together, then you get married. That's the normal routine. But People are doing that when they're teenagers now which means that phase three is coming in their mid to late twenties. So their entering into binding relationships, with legal factors, when they're not even sure the exact path that their lives might take or what appeals to them at a core level in a relationship... which, guess what, is why my ex and I broke up. Despite her knowing everything there was to know about sex and relationship growth (seriously, when we split she was about a year and a half away from her doctorate) as people we were just interested in different things. We liked different things and we had dramatically different tastes when it came to interacting with one another and spending time together.
That and she was a malicious and manipulative succubus but that's besides the point.
First of all, it tricks your body into thinking you've ovulated not that fertilization has occurred. I know you said "simplest explanation" but it really is a colossal difference.WolfThomas said:
Second, I've gone for the same type of guy since I hit puberty and have been in relationships with guys both on and off the pill for a substantial amount of time. There was no difference and, also, many women don't use oral contraceptives until they have been with a guy for a long period of time (given the potential risk of STDs, condoms would be used until trust has been built up) so, by your theory, their preference would change once they start on the pill and the relationship would end there.
Third, I doubt even a significant proportion of the married population use oral contraception anymore. A lot of people opt for the other forms of contraception because they require less effort and can be more reliable (eg. the implant).
OT: Personally I think it's because marriage is too easy to get into and too easy to get out of. So many couples get married too young these days because, hey, if it goes tits up there's always divorce.
It should be easy to get out of a marriage but more people should realize that the institution has changed with the times. Marriage doesn't have the sanctity it used to have, and it certainly isn't for life anymore, and maybe that's a good thing.
My friend told me that her Relationships professor was going through a divorce. If a person with a doctorate in sociology mainly focusing on relationship science is getting a divorce, we're all screwed... Regular people don't stand a chance. ><