Why not adopt?

[Mister K]

What kind of fucking question is that? Have we gotten to the point where the concept of wanting to have children of your own is alien to half the user base here?

We have gotten to the point when some users really want to adopt, or can't have a child of their own, while most of other pro-adoption voters simply want to win a few morality points by expresing their wish to adopt and to be seen as "good samaritan" in eyes of people they'll never see in their entire life. Same things happen with "going green" and "anti Iraq war". Nothing new here.
P.S. The whole concept of not giving a birth to a biological child because of pain kinda reminds me of the words said by Main hero's wife's friend in R. Bradburries "Firefighter" (sorry if I wrote it wrong, Misa no Engli-Engli no). She said something like this: "Why should I give a birth in pain? I just asked to cut me open and give me my beautiful baby." You need pain while giving a birth to:
1) Strengthen your bond with a newborn (I.E. "I suffered so much and like hell I'll let him/her be hurt);
2) To make you really think about having another one.

P.P.S. Obligatory IMHO.

 

[viranimus]

LOL some threads you can almost taste the demographic.

Lets look at this from the other angle. While the whole "spread my own genes" thing is a legitimate reason, you have to understand that with adoption you enter into a potential minefield related to unknown genes.

How many illnesses do we know of that have genetic factors? So something as simple as knowing of a family history of heart disease, thyroid issues, or all sorts of other issues could come into relevance at practically any stage of the childs development. When you adopt you need to essentially be prepared for ALL of them. With a biological offspring you run the chance of an adherent deviant vector, but at least you not only have a template to work with, but at least a few viable spare parts.

 

[Altorin]

well, apart from the fact if every single person went the adoption route there wouldn't be any kids to adopt, and apart from the fact that adoption is just as stressful if not moreso then actually having a kid yourself, there's the biological urge to reproduce, which I remind you, is actually a good thing. That urge presents itself in wanting to have children of our own, with our likenesses and inherited mannerisms. Adoption should always be considered an option, but to think of someone that just wants to have kids of their own as like, selfish because they're somehow depriving needy children of a home just seems silly to me.

Having kids is really the WHOLE POINT of being alive. You can disagree and find meaning in other things, especially as humans, but we're basically the first species on earth to have that option. millions of species before us, that was the only reason they even existed, was to pass on their genes. It would be wise not to forget that.

If you don't want kids, or you want to adopt, I really don't have anything bad at all to say to you. To each their own. But there's a biological drive to reproduce.

 

[crimson sickle2]

Most people differentiate the problem into having their own kid, so the parental history is important to them. For me personally, I stopped being able to tell people apart based on blood a long time ago, when I was about 12, I noticed how much entirely separate people could act, look, or sound the same. The slight god-complex only increased my uncaring for family ties.
As for my child plans, I'd probably never raise my own or adopt because I'd make a terrible parent. I have a tendency to mess with anyone in earshot range, especially naive children. I figure anything raised by me will probably result in: at best a vigilante; at worst a world dictator candidate.

 

[Alexnader]

The feeling you get while being in a foster home with a family that only wants to do it for the support money is one that will forever scar you when your life was already pretty messed up. Why care about anything when no one cares about you? I would like the chance to prove that I could be a good parent and love my own child so he or she would never have to experience that feeling.

Yeah I feel similarly but at the same time there's a huge drive to have a child that's mine in every way. Sure genetics aren't important relative to the relationship you build with the child but at the same time I can't help but feel like I'd be missing out in not raising a child through every biological stage.

Of course I'm male so it's not like I'd be in much pain for the first 9 months.

Anyway the plan is have one child with the woman of my dreams to further the genetic line etc. Then adopt a second one of a similar age. The motivation being as an only child I personally think that in the long run having siblings will enrich your life, so I want more than one kid but I don't want to contribute to overpopulation. I'm unsure whether to pick the same gender or different, probably different.

Then I'd basically become Odin. Though hopefully my family won't be all fucked up.

 

[gideonkain]

What kind of fucking question is that? Have we gotten to the point where the concept of wanting to have children of your own is alien to half the user base here?

Welcome to the age where logic trumps all emotional value.

Really? This is the Age of Logic, huh? This?

I think SmashLovesTitanQuest was frustrated with the backward nature of alot of people nowadays. Society has taught us to be cynical, distrusting and self-loathing.

So many people say and do things out of a sense of being responsible and not "adding to the problems" the human race has caused for itself.

The fact is, the desire to reproduce is our MOST important instinct - its the one thing that made us the dominant species on the planet. Competition for mates to reproduce with has built and destroyed many kingdoms in history.

There are many good reasons to adopt: inability to conceive, genetic disorders in your bloodline, even vainly not wanting to ruin your figure are better reasons than "My own baby? How selfish..."

 

[poxyrom]

It's a lot harder to love a kid you've adopted. My sister showed me this. She adopted a 5 year old. He's 10 now, and they don't act like family. They act as though she's a foster carer. It's really quite sad.

 

[Paradoxrifts]

I don't want children. Yet the idea of cleaning up a mess made by other people somehow manages to feel even less appealing than that.

 

[Defenestra]

Because I hate children.

Actually no, scratch that. I imagine that I'd soften a bit in that department if I had one, and I have been growing more amicable towards them in general over time. So, assuming life-extension technologies are in placy, I'd likly be quite happy to raise children by about my mid-nineties.

If that time should come, I imagine that I would prefer to raise a spawn that carried my own genes, and then adopt one. Plus one that was a clone of a historical figure.

 

[II2]

Your blood > Others blood

At least, I think that's the thing that resonates with people on an instinctive level, where logic and reason hold no sway. Even if we are staring into an imminent population crisis, people still add their offspring to the problem in the pursuit of survival.

I don't want any part of it... the problems of the world or the experience of being a parent. I had a vasectomy to seal my resolve on that matter. Some people find the notion unthinkable and insist to me that I'll change my mind eventually. I disagree, in knowledge of myself, but will cross that bridge when I come to it, if I am wrong.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Your blood > Others blood

At least, I think that's the thing that resonates with people on an instinctive level, where logic and reason hold no sway. Even if we are staring into an imminent population crisis, people still add their offspring to the problem in the pursuit of survival.

I don't want any part of it... the problems of the world or the experience of being a parent. I had a vasectomy to seal my resolve on that matter. Some people find the notion unthinkable and insist to me that I'll change my mind eventually. I disagree, in knowledge of myself, but will cross that bridge when I come to it, if I am wrong.

Logic and reason still come into it. Developed nations have pretty even birth/death rates. Having a kid in a developed country isn't really contributing to overpopulation significantly. It's places like these [http://www.indexmundi.com/g/r.aspx?v=25] that are the problem, especially because resources are already scarce enough as it is in third world countries.

 

[Alexnader]

snip

No it won't.

Movies like to shove such crap in your face but it's simply not true. "enrich" your life? What does that even mean? Competition for attention from parents is "enriching" your life? If I understand what you think 'enrich' means then you're dead wrong... Brothers who actually "enrich" each other's lives are rare occurrences. Most just plain despise one another, though it does lessen later in life.

I don't know man, I'm 20 and a lot of my friends with siblings have no issues with them. Sure the little sister/brother was annoying when we were 12 but a lot of them are pretty cool now. Furthermore think about what's going to happen as you move on into middle age, if you've got a sibling odds are you'll have nephews and nieces and your kids will have cousins. One extra sibling is like an immediate boost to your family life.

My uncle for instance looks a bit like Saxton Hale crossed with a botanist. Personally I'm disappointed I won't get to be anyone's crazy uncle.

 

[VoEC]

Actually adoption is the only way I could ever have a child.

But sadly, in this country, homosexuals are not allowed to adopt any children (or marry).
So, I guess I will never have any children.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

There's the general evolutionary gene legacy shit which would be nice, but I think if I were to have a kid, having one that is part me would just be way cooler.

 

[Twilight_guy]

People feel a different sort of bond with their genetic duplicate then with a genetic duplicate from someone else. Even if the situation is identical, a child that is your own is different. It might not be 'logical, captain' but that's how it is.

 

[Yopaz]

There's an innate strong urge to have and look after your own biological child, indeed many parents who generally dislike children like their own. How much this affects an individual person varies completely, to some it makes all the difference, others it doesn't matter at-all.

Secondly, it's worth considering that most adopted children (around 72%) have come from at-least negligent homes, if not worse abuse, and then a year or more in a care home and so often have behavioural and attachment problems. Some people can deal with this, many can't. Often traditional parenting techniques don't work on adopted children.

There's also the fact that adopting tends to take years to complete and prospective parents can be rejected for any number of reasons: not having a large enough house, being a smoker, having medical issues, not being judged to have a stable enough relationship, being too old or young, being the wrong ethnicity... potential adopters have to allow a social worker to dissect every part of their life with no guarantee of being allowed to adopt in the end.

A lot of people when they are teenagers or young adults say that they will adopt if they ever have children but as the terribly low adoption statistics show (just 326 in 2010 in England alone out of a population of 60 million), most of them presumably change their mind by the time they've decided to do the deed with "the one".

As for myself... I'd like my own biological children but I wouldn't mind fostering either since I get on well with most children, so scratch me up for a maybe.

Why thank you for making such amazing effort to write everything I was going to say.

Biology and having a wish to transfer your own genes is certainly a part. Raising kids is hard work and raising kids who might have had traumatic lives is harder. The legal problems around adoption are huge. Those were all the things I wanted to say, but you went into such depth to say this that I don't have to.

Adoption works for some, but it's hard work, my aunt has adopted two children from South America (I know one is from Peru) and that has taken a lot of work and time. The way I see it adoption isn't an option unless you're infertile or are having problems having kids naturally. It's just too difficult in comparison and that's what's really sad about it. Kids being orphans because the system is too harsh on those who want to adopt, I would consider adoption if it wasn't such a hassle because there are enough people in the world as it is.

 

[JoJo]

Thanks @Yopaz, it frustrates me that a lot of people on this site seem to think adoption is as simple as picking up a kid from an orphanage and they'll be no different from a child from a stable home.

The motivation being as an only child I personally think that in the long run having siblings will enrich your life, so I want more than one kid but I don't want to contribute to overpopulation.

No it won't.

Movies like to shove such crap in your face but it's simply not true. "enrich" your life? What does that even mean? Competition for attention from parents is "enriching" your life? If I understand what you think 'enrich' means then you're dead wrong... Brothers who actually "enrich" each other's lives are rare occurrences. Most just plain despise one another, though it does lessen later in life.

Speak for yourself, my nine year old sister is more precious to me than anyone-else and I can only think of one guy out of all of my friends who actually hates one of their siblings. Generally most people's experiences seem overwhelmingly positive and I imagine it must be terribly boring to have a childhood without siblings.

 

[Easton Dark]

Actually adoption is the only way I could ever have a child.

But sadly, in this country, homosexuals are not allowed to adopt any children (or marry).
So, I guess I will never have any children.

That is awful. And raises an even more important issue than people not adopting when they could:

People who want to adopt but can't for reasons like this.

 

[Knusper]

It's a noble thing to do, but many parents who adopt actually raise their own child first and then adopt one when they have the experience of raising a child under their belt where possible. That's partly because unfortunately, many kids up for adoption are up for adoption because they have learning difficulties or something.

 

[Stasisesque]

I dislike children in general. I don't want any of my own, and I certainly wouldn't want to adopt one (and make it my own).

But I know people who grew up in children's homes, and I can only hope there will be an increase in adoptions or foster families in years to come because those places do not sound nice.