Witty/Effective Threats

[InvisibleMilk]

I'll shove this guitar so far up your ass you'll fart in E#.

 

[Irridium]

"How about you interface with me ass, by biting it!"

+5 internet points for the first person to tell me what episode of what show its from, and who said it.

 

[FeralPhantom]

I'm going to punch you in the face"

*waits for them to try to talk again*

"With an AXE!"

I love using this one, it always takes them by surprise.

 

[Drakmorg]

one more I remembered, from Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny

"I'm going to cut out your eyes, then I'm going to cut out your nuts, then I'm going to put your nuts in your eye sockets and put your eyes in your nut sack."

doesn't paint a pretty picture.

 

[Lord_Panzer]

I'm going to beat you into yesterday, just to have the pleasure of doing it again tomorrow.

 

[prefectimo]

&nbsp&nbsp This was one I remember from going out to clubs, not sure if this could be called wit but I liked it.


&nbsp&nbsp Some guy was calling me a terrorist because I am an arab when I was out one night. Then this happened. I leaned over to him, guide his ear close to my mouth and quietly whispered to him,
"You say that one more time and I will stomp on your fucking chest and skull until you are dead."
I then leaned back and the guy left without saying a word.

 

[Vuljatar]

"You won't have eyes tonight. You won't have ears or a tongue. You will wander the underworld blind deaf and dumb and all the dead will know; this is Hector, the fool who thought he killed Achilles."

It just doesn't get any better than that, imo.

 

[senataur]

"Baldrick, have you ever wondered what your insides looked like?
"Yes m'lord, I have."
"O Good, well I'd be perfectly happy to satisfy your curiosity should you continue with that nonsense!"

and another,

"Why yes m'lord, how did you guess"
"Oh just a wild stab in the dark Baldrick, which is incidently what you'll be getting if you dont shut up!."

 

[Bofus Teefus]

Back in high school, my big Italian friend was being threatened by his big Italian dad.

Dad- "Shut the hell up, or I'll ground you."
Friend- "You'll ground me?"
Dad- "I'll put you in the fucking ground."

Respect the elders.

 

[toapat]

"How about you interface with me ass, by biting it!"

+5 internet points for the first person to tell me what episode of what show its from, and who said it.

bender of futurama

you think thats tough, then what do you think of this (*pulls out a Sniper rifle+chainsaw+grenade launcher with huge spikes*)

 

[FireFox170]

"How about you interface with me ass, by biting it!"

+5 internet points for the first person to tell me what episode of what show its from, and who said it.

EDIT: I was beaten by the person above me.

As for threats:
"I will kill you."

 

[Lord_Of_Plum]

I am going to steal your pillow, making sleeping a slightly less pleasurable experience.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[Glerken]

I am going to steal your pillow, making sleeping a slightly less pleasurable experience.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You my friend, are a horrible person.
Never in a million years would I do that to even my worst enemy.

 

[Blackadder51]

"Why yes m'lord, how did you guess"
"Oh just a wild stab in the dark Baldrick, which is incidently what you'll be getting if you dont shut up!."

That quote is actually incorrect, this is the proper quote that i think you were aiming for.

.........

Young Crone: Two things, my lord, must thee know of the Wisewoman. First, she is ... a woman, and second, she is ...

Edmund Blackadder: .. wise?

Young Crone: You do know her then?

Edmund Blackadder: No, just a wild stab in the dark which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful. Do you know where she lives?

 

[Flying-Emu]

I wish I was an octopus; that way I could shove eight different feet up your ass!

 

[Straitjacketeering]

"You're going to regret this moment once you're puking your teeth up on the pavement."

 

[Asymptote Angel]

"Did you not go to college or something?"

I dunno, always makes me laugh. I have a friend who says it. Strangely, he and I are both college students.

Edit: Hang on, this is threats, not insults. Sorry for the idiocy. I don't have any good ones.

 

[Jacobistheshiz]

I"M GOING TO EAT YOUR FACE!!!!

Don't make me brake you...

My favorite, SHUT UP WHOOORE!

 

[phatty500]

"im gonna punch you right in the ****". im a guy so that one really threw me off.