women: drawn to the man on top of any hierarchy

[FieryTrainwreck]

Very curious to hear some takes on this phenomenon - from guys and gals who've seen it or experienced it first hand. Some examples, from my personal experience:

I worked with a very cute, very cool gal for a couple years. Always had a bit of a crush on her, but so does just about every guy she meets. Out of nowhere, she ends up with our boss. How do I put this tactfully... he's a douche. Says inappropriate shit almost nonstop. Demonstrates very little consideration for others unless it clearly serves his own interests. Even on shallower metrics (appearance, wealth), he measures pretty poorly. Other than her, I can't find anyone who even likes the guy. So how did he end up with this angel?

Now, again at work, we've got a new boss. Don't know him well enough to judge his character accurately at this point, but he comes off pretty lame. Not very smart or interesting, questionable sense of humor, little on the dickish side. He's certainly more likable than my old boss. Still, he's got some really young gal basically slobbering all over him out of, again, seemingly nowhere. She's been working there for a long time and never showed interest in anyone else. Now, a guy her age is in charge and showing interest, and she's smitten?

One more example, and this one is nerdtastic. I used to partake in a certain MMO that shall not be named. The guild had a variety of guys and gals, and one of gals was into the guild master. She was cute and cool, so he went with it. After a time, he decided he was ready to move on from the game and start his life. Thought he would bring her with him, but lo and behold, she didn't like him anymore! Fast forward a bit, and I'm GM. Guess who suddenly likes me a whole lot? Fast forward a lot, I'm leaving the game behind, and I get absolutely demolished as well. The kicker? Near as I can tell, same girl was all over the next GM...

Come to find out about this theory that women are attracted to men at the top of a hierarchy - any hierarchy. You can be the head of a fucking bowling league or the manager of a Taco Bell - and you will be more attractive to women. Apparently it's something to do with fitness for reproduction, which is valid (on account of being undeniable) grounds for attraction - but how confused is that at this point? Neither of those "achievements" marks you as especially suitable for mating in today's world, but that doesn't seem to be part of the equation.

Anyways, the point of all this: does it make anyone else incredibly sick to see this sort of thing? I mean I'm a bit of a biological rebel in that I become upset with myself whenever I sense that little FieryTrainwreck (what have you heard?!) is robbing me of vital cognitive assets, and I can appreciate that not everyone is like me. Still, doesn't it just seem tool-ish to be so thoroughly controlled by hormones or an invisible biological imperative? I'm not a woman, last I checked, but were I? I think I'd be steel myself against this sort of attraction. Is that a ridiculous notion?

 

[The_Healer]

Interesting theory. Might anger the feminists though (what doesn't?).

I suspect it also has a bit to do with ambition, as being 'friendly' with someone who can give you a pay rise (or similar) never hurts.

 

[Sewblon]

It sounds like you just know a lot of shallow women. Surely normal women who aren't determined to sleep their way to the top of whatever hierarchy they happen to find themselves in exist somewhere.

 

[Sarkule]

Interesting idea, probably just that most of the the women you know are fairly shallow.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Interesting idea, probably just that most of the the women you know are fairly shallow.

Hm. I did a bad job with that bit.

The surprising part is that all of these girls were extremely cool, nice, sweet, etc. If not for the circumstances surrounding them, I never would have suspected they'd fall into these sorts of hierarchical traps (that's... sure, that's probably right). I wouldn't describe any of them as shallow, vapid, vacuous, or anything of the sort. It's just something I've seen so surprisingly often, and it vexes me.

Guys have similar pitfalls with respect to female appearance, so I'm not advocating any type of superiority here. Also, it's obvious that a lot of women do reject these sorts of ideas and, subsequently, don't end up dating the prick boss. My question is more along the lines of: how frustrating is it to see this shit - especially when the "victim" seems otherwise quite sweet?

 

[HardkorSB]

Honestly, you make very poor judgements and operate mainly on assumptions.

First of all, how do you know that the girl even liked your first boss?
You've mentioned how he is a douche and is using people for his personal interest.
Isn't it possible that the girl is using him for her personal interest?
How do you know that she is not a douche?
That "very cute, very cool gal" might be a mask to hide her real intentions.
And even if the cute and cool thing is true, how do you know that your boss has "ended up with this angel"?
Do you follow him on Twitter or something?

Another thing, you don't even know your new boss that much and yet you make assumptions about his character.
From what I can tell, the only problems you have with him is that he's your boss and a hot girl is with him and not with you.

Moving on.
Why do you give 3 sentences to show what a person your boss is and only use the phrase "cute and cool" when describing the 2 girls you like.
That's kind of shallow.
It almost seems like you have more interest in your bosses that the girls.

You also make a claim that these girls are attractred to the "man on top of the hierarchy" for sexual and reproductive reasons.
That's... bullshit.
what is more, you assume that the girl is attracted to that person right after you realize that she's not attracted to you.

You want to know what I think?
I think that you're the douche.
You're pissed off about the fact that someone else has more than you and gets the girl you like (although from your post I can assume that you didn't know much about them, and by "them" I mean your bosses and the girls).

Still, doesn't it just seem tool-ish to be so thoroughly controlled by hormones or an invisible biological imperative?

I think that this sentence describes you more than the people you've mentioned in your post.

That's my 2 cents.
Feel free to disagree.

 

[silasbufu]

Interesting idea, probably just that most of the the women you know are fairly shallow.

Hm. I did a bad job with that bit.

The surprising part is that all of these girls were extremely cool, nice, sweet, etc. If not for the circumstances surrounding them, I never would have suspected they'd fall into these sorts of hierarchical traps (that's... sure, that's probably right). I wouldn't describe any of them as shallow, vapid, vacuous, or anything of the sort. It's just something I've seen so surprisingly often, and it vexes me.

Guys have similar pitfalls with respect to female appearance, so I'm not advocating any type of superiority here. Also, it's obvious that a lot of women do reject these sorts of ideas and, subsequently, don't end up dating the prick boss. My question is more along the lines of: how frustrating is it to see this shit - especially when the "victim" seems otherwise quite sweet?

I think the fact that they're sweet, nice, cool makes you forget they're just human beings, protecting their own interests in any way possible, some of them going a bit too far.
My advice is to not get so attached, unless you get a few clear signs that they're interested, or you might get hurt pretty bad.

 

[ottenni]

Well being in charge does often give the appearance of confidence, success, ambition and lots of other good things that are very attractive. After all, they're the boss.

 

[LiquidGrape]

Interesting theory. Might anger the feminists though (what doesn't?).

Oh, I don't know...rationality?

 

[cerebus23]

Interesting theory. Might anger the feminists though (what doesn't?).

Oh, I don't know...rationality?

dunno the more extreme ones get really angry and any hint of a rational thought, might be best to get a fake id and leave the county in either case.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Honestly, you make very poor judgements and operate mainly on assumptions.

My primary assumption was that people would trust my summaries of these situations based on the fact that I'm privy to a lot more information than anyone here. Instead, I've got someone jumping down my throat based on his assumptions about the fact that I was constantly assuming. If anything, I was trying not to write a fucking novel so people might actually read the post and lend their opinions on this phenomenon - which certainly exists. Apparently I needed to lay out every aspect of these examples in order to convince the doubters that my life experiences are, in fact, actually happening to me.

First of all, how do you know that the girl even liked your first boss?

Do you really want me to go into specifics? They live together now.

You've mentioned how he is a douche and is using people for his personal interest.
Isn't it possible that the girl is using him for her personal interest?
How do you know that she is not a douche?
That "very cute, very cool gal" might be a mask to hide her real intentions.

These are widely held beliefs I'm referencing. Everyone I've met who has also met this girl thinks she's fantastic. Everyone I've met who has also met this guy thinks he's a douche. These aspects of the post are not up for debate. Your inability to take my word on these things is asinine. Should I provide detailed, personal, emotional accounts of my interactions with these individuals to prove my value statements? To a stranger on the fucking internet?

And even if the cute and cool thing is true, how do you know that your boss has "ended up with this angel"?
Do you follow him on Twitter or something?

Mutual acquaintances. Ya know, because we worked together at a large company with a lot of branches and people.

Another thing, you don't even know your new boss that much and yet you make assumptions about his character.
From what I can tell, the only problems you have with him is that he's your boss and a hot girl is with him and not with you.

From what you can tell, this "hot" girl (your words) being with my new boss is the thing that bothers me? I don't think she's attractive, especially since she's far too young for me, so that doesn't even enter into it. And my judgments about my new boss's character are, again, merge with those of my coworkers. It's a consensus opinion at this point, which is why I feel safe expressing it.

Moving on.
Why do you give 3 sentences to show what a person your boss is and only use the phrase "cute and cool" when describing the 2 girls you like.
That's kind of shallow.
It almost seems like you have more interest in your bosses that the girls.

I'm asking you, again, as a reader, to take at face value my appraisals of these people. If you're doubting those fundamental premises of this story, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not going to write my life story in this thread to appease your completely unreasonable doubts.

You also make a claim that these girls are attractred to the "man on top of the hierarchy" for sexual and reproductive reasons.
That's... bullshit.
what is more, you assume that the girl is attracted to that person right after you realize that she's not attracted to you.

Wow. Read more carefully. I'm saying that the theory of hierarchical attraction is linked to reproduction (never said sexual, that was you again - you're really bad at this btw), and that these girls almost seem like victims.

You want to know what I think?
I think that you're the douche.
You're pissed off about the fact that someone else has more than you and gets the girl you like (although from your post I can assume that you didn't know much about them, and by "them" I mean your bosses and the girls).

I'm not sure I've ever seen a person tear into a post with more incoherent zeal. I could very easily demonstrate the values I've assigned to these people with specific details and stories. I could also seek out testimonies from other third parties. Why should I have to? I'm not going through that much trouble to appease the outrageous disbelief of someone in an internet forum.

So yeah, thanks for ignoring the actual topic of discussion and calling me a liar in reference to things you know nothing about. Why are you even here?

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Interesting idea, probably just that most of the the women you know are fairly shallow.

Hm. I did a bad job with that bit.

The surprising part is that all of these girls were extremely cool, nice, sweet, etc. If not for the circumstances surrounding them, I never would have suspected they'd fall into these sorts of hierarchical traps (that's... sure, that's probably right). I wouldn't describe any of them as shallow, vapid, vacuous, or anything of the sort. It's just something I've seen so surprisingly often, and it vexes me.

Guys have similar pitfalls with respect to female appearance, so I'm not advocating any type of superiority here. Also, it's obvious that a lot of women do reject these sorts of ideas and, subsequently, don't end up dating the prick boss. My question is more along the lines of: how frustrating is it to see this shit - especially when the "victim" seems otherwise quite sweet?

I think the fact that they're sweet, nice, cool makes you forget they're just human beings, protecting their own interests in any way possible, some of them going a bit too far.
My advice is to not get so attached, unless you get a few clear signs that they're interested, or you might get hurt pretty bad.

Oh, I'm not really attached to the girls I've worked with, and I understand the whole "they're human too" perspective. I just feel kind of bad for them. Much the same way I'd feel bad for a guy led astray by his raw physical attraction to a complete *****. Just thought I'd solicit similar stories or experiences from others on the subject. Unfortunately I've gotten nothing but picked apart by people who staunchly refuse to believe anything someone types in a forum post. Ah well.

 

[Anthropaphagi]

I think, just as so many threads oversimplify men, you too are oversimplifying women.

I've worked in a variety of industries ranging from Academics to Stock Photography and I while there are a few who will seek at the alleged "Alpha Male" the vast majority of real women don't care about trying to "bag the top of the heap". Quite frankly many of the men at the top of a hierarchy tend to think they can abuse this position to get what they want. Be it from women or those subordinate to themselves. Certainly not saying this is always the case, but I've had that sort of experience more than once. A male, in a position of authority trying to use it to get what HE wants rather than women pursuing him. Hell, I can think of a fair few guys that no one would touch at all, regardless of their position, who tried to use it anyway.

Again, that doesn't mean all men who have authority are bastards about it.

 

[Frank_vinmg]

I don't normally post on forums, so pardon my awkwardness. I just wanted had to comment on Hardkorsb?s comment farther up the page. FieryTrainWreck, your responce was so great I just had to say something, very well put! That was a great response. That will be all, sorry for not adding anything to the discussion.

 

[Insanum]

This is a thread made for BonsaiK's Scientific responses methinks.

But, The way i see it, In laymans terms - Women like power. A man with power gives off the impression he's "Going somewhere" - Take your job for example - Your supervisor has more chance of becoming a store manager before you, because they're a manager.

Women are drawn to power as it's technically[/I] a sign of dominance, And its also a sign of responsibility. Two things women are attracted to, as on a subconcious level those two aspects of a person are attractive qualities to pass onto children. (Dominance more in the "Alpha-male" sense, not the controlling sense)

I don't normally post on forums, so pardon my awkwardness. I just wanted had to comment on Hardkorsb?s comment farther up the page. FieryTrainWreck, your was so great I just had to well put I just had to say something. That was a great response. That will be all, sorry for not adding anything to the discussion.

Well let me be the first person to say: Welcome to the escapist forums. We're a mad bunch, But you'll love it here!

Also, If you quote the comment(s) in question it notifies the poster that you've mentioned them (in a similar way to this post).

Hope you enjoy your torture time here, And remember; for your own saftey, Stay out of the basement.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

I think a better theory is this:

All people, male or female, have a marked propensity to try to affiliate themselves with a person of authority. They do this in the way that they find to be the most efficient and effective. Many times, this results in women becoming romantically involved with straight males in a position of authority, because it is the best way that they see to become affiliated with that authority.

Its not just women that want to be with the authority figures, they just have an easier time at getting what they want.