Hi kids, do you know what time it is? Yes, it's time for the misadventures of the 21 year old virgin!
I'll save you the explanation of how much it frustrates me, god, at least this time. I will say that it shames and kinda scares me how sometimes, I look at my female friends who I genuinely care about and think sexually about them; It feels wrong to do so, especially considering nothing is ever going to happen there; The majority of my female friends are not single, and way outta my league (although every girl is out of my league in my opinion).
I'm left a little confused. I've wanted a girlfriend for a very long time, which to my eyes simply means someone who understands you, and you understand them, but now with me going out a lot more than I probably should, I feel a second urge bugging me, namedly the one to simply get laid.
It feels so wrong to have such feelings-It seems the kind of people who usually have more feelings are the douchebags going around with the philosophy of "F***ing and dumping". I realise there's nothing wrong with two people simply having fun, as long as both parties understand that it's just that, but still, the thought that I could have something in common with such people terrifies me.
And there's been opportunities, unbelievably. Every so often, some girl has got incredibly drunk, and acted inmistakably flirty towards me, even to my autistic lack of recognition to the social signals everyone else seems to be masters of. Every single time I find some way to get out of it, because it feels so morally wrong to take advantage of someone like that, even when I'm also heavily inebriated. Sometimes I do see subtler things, or I think I see them...a girl looking at me wierd, in a good way, or seeming to talk to me a lot more than just a friend, but the girls around here are mostly rather attractive, I never get the balls to do anything about such subtle things because hell, there's no way such attractive girls could want anything to do with me.
Bottom line is, all that happens when a drunk girl comes on to me if that occasionally she apologises the next day. I feel horrible to say this, but sometimes it frustrates me so, I try to be nice and take advantage of girls, and it should be it's on reward, but I'm left feeling unapreciated, dare I say even unthanked. I know, a girl owes nothing to me for simply doing the right thing, but I can't stop these feelings. I try to stop them by reminding myself that I'm far too ugly for anyone to actually want me, but it just doesn't work.
I wonder whether I'm being too nice, whether this moral high road leads nowhere, or whether I'm a terrible person for even thinking such things. What do you guys think?
NOTE: About wanting to be thanked, I know that's awful, but I can't stop thinking it. I guess it's more like I just expect something karmic, that being a generally good person leads to generally good things. I know I shouldn't expect that, but that's why being a good person is difficult.
I'll save you the explanation of how much it frustrates me, god, at least this time. I will say that it shames and kinda scares me how sometimes, I look at my female friends who I genuinely care about and think sexually about them; It feels wrong to do so, especially considering nothing is ever going to happen there; The majority of my female friends are not single, and way outta my league (although every girl is out of my league in my opinion).
I'm left a little confused. I've wanted a girlfriend for a very long time, which to my eyes simply means someone who understands you, and you understand them, but now with me going out a lot more than I probably should, I feel a second urge bugging me, namedly the one to simply get laid.
It feels so wrong to have such feelings-It seems the kind of people who usually have more feelings are the douchebags going around with the philosophy of "F***ing and dumping". I realise there's nothing wrong with two people simply having fun, as long as both parties understand that it's just that, but still, the thought that I could have something in common with such people terrifies me.
And there's been opportunities, unbelievably. Every so often, some girl has got incredibly drunk, and acted inmistakably flirty towards me, even to my autistic lack of recognition to the social signals everyone else seems to be masters of. Every single time I find some way to get out of it, because it feels so morally wrong to take advantage of someone like that, even when I'm also heavily inebriated. Sometimes I do see subtler things, or I think I see them...a girl looking at me wierd, in a good way, or seeming to talk to me a lot more than just a friend, but the girls around here are mostly rather attractive, I never get the balls to do anything about such subtle things because hell, there's no way such attractive girls could want anything to do with me.
Bottom line is, all that happens when a drunk girl comes on to me if that occasionally she apologises the next day. I feel horrible to say this, but sometimes it frustrates me so, I try to be nice and take advantage of girls, and it should be it's on reward, but I'm left feeling unapreciated, dare I say even unthanked. I know, a girl owes nothing to me for simply doing the right thing, but I can't stop these feelings. I try to stop them by reminding myself that I'm far too ugly for anyone to actually want me, but it just doesn't work.
I wonder whether I'm being too nice, whether this moral high road leads nowhere, or whether I'm a terrible person for even thinking such things. What do you guys think?
NOTE: About wanting to be thanked, I know that's awful, but I can't stop thinking it. I guess it's more like I just expect something karmic, that being a generally good person leads to generally good things. I know I shouldn't expect that, but that's why being a good person is difficult.
