Would you stay in a relationship with someone you loved if there was going to be no sex, garuanteed?

[Everin]

Okay, thanks.

In that case, if you love her, then you should wait. I can't remember if you were asking for advice or just if we could be in a relationship like that.

I would have no problem waiting for sex until marriage. You might get to have sex as a married person that way.

I'm married and rarely have sex anymore.

I wasn't asking for advice, but cheers sometimes I feel like her views are a little bit wrong, and it's hard for me to think that cause I also love her and I also want to show her that.
But the original reason for the post was just to see what other people would want to do in this situation. And obviously theres mixed views about it all.

 

[KittyPryde87]

I'd be fine to be with someone who believed in God.
I would not be with someone who believed in what I consider the more illogical beliefs of religious groups.

No sex before marriage is one of these. To believe that is to believe that there is some substantial difference in a relatioship which occurs only after marriage. To me, you make a commitment to someone when you start a relationship. The commitment grows stronger over time, but it should be at its peak long before engagement. Once its reached its peak (ie you're both convinced that you love each other and could commit to each other) there is no reason to not have sex.

Some other beliefs that I consider illogical are:
-Homosexuality is sinful
-Non belief is sinful
-Contraception is sinful
-Abortion is always sinful

QFT. I consider all of those illogical.

 

[khaimera]

Okay, thanks.

In that case, if you love her, then you should wait. I can't remember if you were asking for advice or just if we could be in a relationship like that.

I would have no problem waiting for sex until marriage. You might get to have sex as a married person that way.

I'm married and rarely have sex anymore.

I wasn't asking for advice, but cheers sometimes I feel like her views are a little bit wrong, and it's hard for me to think that cause I also love her and I also want to show her that.
But the original reason for the post was just to see what other people would want to do in this situation. And obviously theres mixed views about it all.

Time for more unsolicited advice

*tips hat and takes off monocle

I think its okay for you to not agree with her view. They don't have to be your views. You can still show love as long as you respect her views and don't try to debate them with her.

There are definitely mixed views but this is still a gaming website and there seem to be more viewpoints of "sex is unimportant" here than other places online and in real life. I've noticed that for a long time.

 

[Marcotic]

yeah as others have said it depends on a number of things.

1. Lovin on the side? -unlikely but possible, she's saving herself, which is sweet but you don't share her religious compulsions thus may have a legit argument. Hey your sacrificing having sex with someone you LOVE (about a million times better IMO) the least she could do is let you have sex.

2. Lovin' substitutes. -depending on the specifics she may not be able to perform in this area as well, but if she can then it can make a long wait bearable.

3. Have you had some lovin'? -I remember when I had my V card, all i could think about is getting laid. After, when I was single I did alright for myself so it wasn't an issue. But when I got into a monogamous relationship with my now wife, if I go a week or so sans sexing I'd go nuts. Actually I think I need sex more now then when I was single, cuz now I am not distracted with locating someone who'll have me. If you are a virgin, it should be easy to stave your self off, but either way she has to know that you expect her to try her hardest to commit to the pre-marital relationship because your giving up a lot, no weak assed attempts, no breaking up without trying every thing to make it work. And lay down a plan (how many years GfBf how many engaged etc.)

4. Is eventual lovin' likely? -Worth asking, I mean, you don't need a guarantee and it's admit ably difficult to ask, but I'd say, again considering what your giving up, it would be fair to ask if she could even see you 2 being wed one day. If the answer is "well no not really" then move on.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Absolutely. Love is about more than just sex.

Pretty much that. Also, if sex is the make or break point for the relationship than, well I don't know much about relationships, but I can tell you this, you don't love her.

 

[Damien Granz]

So, I've been going out with this great girl for a while and we've been spending a lot of time together and all that and we're pretty sure we're in love (i say pretty sure because nothings really taken for granted in my world) and we kiss and all that, but she's Christian and believes that pre-marital sex is sin. Now, I'm not here to complain, I'm completely fine with following her views with that, but I wondered, would other people?
If you were deeply in love with a girl/boy and you wanted to take it a step further but they didn't believe in sex before marriage then would you accept that fact or would you not want to be with them anymore? I guess the question, when it boils down, is:
WOULD YOU BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE IF THERE WAS NO SEX UNTIL YOU WERE MARRIED, GARUANTEED?

Edit: I'm fine with waiting until after marriage to sleep together. In fact, I don't think the relationship needs sex, I think it would be a nice something on the side, cause that's not what I'm in it for. That's my answer

Because sex is a pretty normal, natural and healthy way to express love and so if they were absolutely going to refuse, I would want to look into why, however there would be scenarios that I would continue the relationship without sex. But, it'd honestly depend on why.

Like, are they asexual, like in a purely physical way? That might be a physical thing that there isn't anything I can or should do about, and just have to accept about that person, same as if they weren't interested in my physical sex. It might make a relationship impossible for other reasons, but might not.

I'm not sure that I'd be capable of being happy in a relationship that had absolutely no physical intimacy. Not because of the sex, mind you, but because I'd feel pretty crappy quickly if I couldn't even touch that person, or hold them or what not. But at that point that's more my problem than theirs. I'd just feel like I'd want attention, and that I'd be hurting them by seeking it.

Are they not because they're afraid? I don't really feel that people should make decisions like that based on an irrational fear. So I guess I'd want to get them help.. not so much for the sex, but because they have a phobia that is impacting their life negatively and that likely should be treated or at least looked into.

If it's for political or religious reasons, then, while I find nothing inherently bad about that, that's going to likely make that person incompatible with me, anyways. Not that I couldn't be with somebody that has a different religion than me, but I'm not a very orthodox person and so they'd likely run into many problems with me anyways that'd probably mess with it real quick anyways. And that has nothing to do with sex, again.

So it really depends. I want to say 'yeah, I could do it', but it really does depend on why.

 

[Valiance]

Couldn't you cheat on the person and stay in the relationship, but still be having sex?

 

[Semitendon]

Ahh, see there is a big difference between "no sex ever" and "no sex until marriage".

The first should only be acceptable if you are physically incapable of having sex, i.e. accident/dismemberment/disease.

The second, is a matter of preference, personally, I would have no problem waiting until marriage for sexual intercourse, but I'd have to really, really, be in love to abandon all the other sexual activities.

 

[Damien Granz]

Couldn't you cheat on the person and stay in the relationship, but still be having sex?

If they were 'cool' with it, then it's not really cheating, just a non standard/non monogamous relationship.

Otherwise you're kinda abusing their trust, which is bad regardless of why you're doing it.

 

[Vault boy Eddie]

I'm 26, so if i'm with a woman that isin't going to put out, then it's kinda implied that i'll be getting some strange on the side.

 

[Custard_Angel]

Ask yourself 2 questions "do I want to get married one day?" and "is she worth the wait?"

Your answers to those 2 questions will dictate how you should proceed.

 

[Zeriah]

No. For one I would never marry someone who I had not had sex with. For me sex - especially with someone you love, is a vital part of a solid relationship.

For two, I wouldn't be compatible with someone that religious to begin with.

 

[sumanoskae]

While I agree that love is about more then sex, I do think sex is a part of love.

First of all, if I were to get married, we're talking a LONG time into the relationship, like 5 years at minimum, even then I find the idea uncomfortable.

But most of all, I think I would have trouble distinguishing between lust and love after a while. Like food, sex is instinctual, and being denied something you desperately want for a long time is one of the many pathways to obsession. If the entire crux of our relationship became the fact that we weren't having sex, I may eventually feel pressured into marriage, which would subsequently not last.

The other issue is that I would eventually have trouble being intimate because it would frustrate me so much, as I couldn't do anything to express my love without thinking of sex. For that matter, sex is, for me, an aspect of bonding, and I find it hard to imagine knowing how I feel about a woman until I can, shall we say, look at her just as she is, without hormone tinted shades. When sexual and emotional curiosity is sated, and the only thing that will come out of staying with this woman, is just being with her, THEN I'll know I have something special.

Feelings aren't things we control, to just be wished here and away. I always thought that wanting someone to promise to always feel the same way about you is somewhat wishy washy, refusing own up to consequences and to accept facts of life and human nature. Desiring a quick fix, a potentially and statistically empty promise for something there is no guarantee of having. Further more, I feel that it would be irresponsible of me to make a promise of something I may not even have.

I would avoid a relationship that would require me to compromise so, I think it would just hurt us both in the end. I'd be there if she changed her mind, but I'm not big on gambling blind

 

[mechanixis]

If she was the kind of person who felt that waiting was important, she probably wouldn't be my type anyway. Religious fundamentalism is kind of a deal-breaker, and honestly, there are no other reasons to cite.

 

[Everin]

Couldn't you cheat on the person and stay in the relationship, but still be having sex?

It's assumed that you're not going to cheat on the person cause you love them and all just sayin'

 

[mikev7.0]

I'd be fine to be with someone who believed in God.
I would not be with someone who believed in what I consider the more illogical beliefs of religious groups.

No sex before marriage is one of these. To believe that is to believe that there is some substantial difference in a relatioship which occurs only after marriage. To me, you make a commitment to someone when you start a relationship. The commitment grows stronger over time, but it should be at its peak long before engagement. Once its reached its peak (ie you're both convinced that you love each other and could commit to each other) there is no reason to not have sex.

Some other beliefs that I consider illogical are:
-Homosexuality is sinful
-Non belief is sinful
-Contraception is sinful
-Abortion is always sinful

QFT. I consider all of those illogical.

Sorry Kitty but what does QFT mean?

OT: Speaking for myself, and let's just remove the ideaology from the issue completely and say that they couldn't have sex for the forseeable future, if ever.

When I fall, I admit it, I fall hard. It just takes me awhile to fall so that's okay. So for me by that point there would be all kinds of things I loved about her far more than physically. Can we still talk? hold each other? laugh? learn? play? Heh. Thought so. Are we still playing the game, fighting the contradiction, and laughing at the joke? Then we can still love. Is this the worst that could have happened to us? No, God no.

From my perspective if positions were reversed and my lover stayed with me? Geez, I mean how would you feel? Really? Even if I can't?? I don't know about you but I'd feel very very loved. Call me someone who's seen Pollyanna WAY too many times but if your relationship has withstood that particular challenge then it's both strong and healthy in my opinion. Steel isn't forged in ice after all.

Also for all those telling us that sex HAS to be a part of any strong relationship, is it possible that the word you are really looking for is intimacy? I think a relationship is in a lot more trouble if the love goes away and the sex continues than the other way around.

 

[ShadowsofHope]

No, I would not.

I find sex to be an important and rather enjoyable part of a relationship. I consider it such to the point that without sex, I would feel less intimately involved with the woman and somewhat emotionally and physically distanced, which would not be a good thing in the long term.

Although, I might find it hard to actually break up with them in the end, depending on their reasoning, and what their personality is like otherwise.

As for pre-marital sex.. if you commit to responsible and safe sexual interactions, and accept the potential consequences of sex while going through with it in the end, then I have no issue with the concept. Otherwise (being aloof and irresponsible about it), your just an idiot.

 

[Gunner_Guardian]

Call me shallow but I'm young and my sexual nature is too prominent to last in a situation like that for long. In the end I'd probably say "We should just be friends" since we obviously have different ideas about sex that will lead to more bitter issues down the line.

 

[WorldCritic]

Yes for two reasons:
1. There is more to love than sex
2. Love is a ***** of an emotion that keeps you in line. Sorry, I need to stop doing that.