I'll get on it.PirateKing said:I try to be more constructive rather than mean.Blair Bennett said:You've made quite a few good points here, and I must thank you for not sodomizing my writing as you could have. Ok, you caught me, the only possible way for the surgeon to know what his lungs are like would be X-Ray vision, and I highly doubt that that is a skill he possesses. However, in my defense, this wasn't so much the emergence of the world's next superhero as it was poor wording. I was trying to describe what his lungs felt like. Often I catch myself writing only about half an intended sentence, and I end up leaving myself with a sort of obscure kind of poem. God knows that I've done absolutely zero re-writes on this particular piece of writing. And as for the surgeon's lack of the will to live, this was supposed to be revealed with a written prescription for anti-depressants, placed after the initial writing, as it is supposed to be revealed that the surgeon (left nameless intentionally) is suffering from clinical depression, due to the fact that his 23 year old daughter had recently been diagnosed with leukemia. It was just an idea though, and I never really got around to writing it out, though I need to, as without it, the story sort of seems incomplete. I thank you once again for your time, as well as for humoring me.PirateKing said:Everything I've learned about Lovecraft was from hearing other people talk about it or from research on Wikipedia.Blair Bennett said:I figured the same thing when I was writing it, but I sort of thought it fit (at the time, God knows that happens far too often) as an example of how everything was getting worse, and how the time to make a decision was drawing nearer. I'm glad you read the thing, I know I would not have resolve enough to read this filth again. If it's not a problem, I'd be interested in that novel, and as a response to your statement about H.P. Lovecraft, few people do win in his stories. Just curious, but what did you think of my writing?PirateKing said:I go to school in Washington in a place called Wenatchee. Some people are really smart, a lot of people are really stupid.Blair Bennett said:Where the Hell have you gone to school?PirateKing said:In the schools I've gone to, I think I'm the only person that knows the difference between there, their and they're.
I'm like...a novelist or something. So, I try to improve my writing skill. Any lack thereof I blame on the public school system.
And here is something that I wrote in like, 45 minutes or something, I've been consistently writing creatively (if you can call this creative) for about a year and a half now, and I have definitely gotten better. Here's something I've decided to post, and I know it's hellacious, but keep in mind, I'm 14.
As I'm writing this, my fingers are burning, as if they were on fire instead of getting frost-bite. They've turned a sickly blackish-purple, and I have no doubt that they will require removal upon my unlikely return to Birchwood. Something that makes me uneasy about attempting to go back, as I can't make my living without my hands, not as a surgeon. Not in this lifetime.
Unfortunately for me, the conditions are getting worse, which is why I must make my decision quickly. My lungs are literally freezing. The moisture in the air and on my lungs themselves is nothing more than frost and ice now I'm afraid. Soon, my hands won't matter. Breathing becomes harder and more painful still. It doesn't matter though, I have made my decision, at least unofficially.
Today I woke up and officially decided to stay in the frozen Hell ( and if that isn't a bit ironic, I dunno what is) for the remainder of my time on Earth, which, mercifully, will not be long. My lungs are little more than icy pink, useless masses in my heaving chest. American Dream my ass...Jesus Christ.....how the Hell did I get here?..
The sun. She gives me no solace. She does not help the freezing, even when her rays burn, they do not warm. I pray that this frigid ***** of a mountain let me go, to where, you may ask? it doesn't matter. I just want to leave. Dead or alive. Preferably dead.
For almost a week, I've been a prisoner of this fucking mountain. I should have been found by now. I am a surgeon, surely the hospital needs its plastic surgeon. Surely? As I've written, and said to myself so many times now, it doesn't matter. I'll be dead soon, I welcome the sweet release it promises.
Goddamn it! Damn it all to Hell! I've lost track of time, and I have no idea how long I've been here, at least a week now it must have been, and I've stopped writing as ofter, My hands hurt too much, How is it, that so much money can be bled into the military, and yet, there are not sufficient funds to finance a competent search party. If there is one at all.
When I am finished writing this, I will walk to the edge of the cliff, slit my wrists, and throw myself over. Just in case I don't die fast enough, if that makes any sense. This truly is Hell. There is no fire, no brimstone, no lake of flame. There is nothing. I can see nothing for the driving snow. This journal is the last contact I could possibly have with the peaceful world below this mountain, I have no regrets. I have made peace with my God, and now, I walk to my death.......
I've recently fallen deeply and foolishly in love with limited omniscient narrative perspective writing, after reading Call of Cthulhu again, and so, a lot of what I've been writing recently is in the form of journal entries and such. So once more, I apologize for the emotional turmoil I'm sure to have caused by posting this sample of filth here, on the internet, where everyone can see/laugh/jeer/burn the witch and her wicked writing.
I kind of thought that you were repeating "lung" to much. But then I remembered that this was a journal entry and I cut you some slack.
I've never read an H.P. Lovecraft book, but his ideas of monsters have influenced what I put in my own writings.
I've been writing a "novel" for a while. In the first chapter, the main character, Allen, fights an enormous tentacled creature that can make you go insane just by looking at it. Allen defeats it of course but it is difficult. I don't think anyone ever won in Lovecraft's stories...
P.S. Thank you for all that slack cutting you did, it was well appreciated.
Well, I thought it was kind of depressing. And this is coming from a guy who laughed all the way through Schindler's List(not really). I like the stuff about the hands though and through that learn that he's a surgeon. I kind of found his total lack of will to live unappealing. Maybe I would grow to like him in time though. This is written from first person, so how would he know what color his lungs are? That's what I think. I took a class recently and we did stuff like this. It still hasn't worn off. We were really supposed to nitpick.
No matter how bad you think your early stuff is, it's still stepping stones toward greatness. No one sits down and decides to write the great american novel. It just happens.![]()
Stories are kind of like fossils. You can find them buried if you look hard enough, but then you have to carefully excavate them.
That anit-depressants thing was interesting. You seem to have it all figured out. Time to do some rewrites I say.