Well I once again have gotten a hold of a bootleg of an unreleased movie. This time its the not quite complete footage of the new xmen movie. Now when I say its not complete that means a few CG sections are incomplete and occasionally wolverine's claws are just sticks on his hand. Never the less, the movie itself is intact and complete as per the acting. So now for the in depth review.
The film starts out with a promising look at Logan's childhood and his 100 year, war riddled maturity with his half brother Victor (sabertooth). After a failed firing squad execution the two are drafted into the weapon X program. Next we see them and the rest of the weapon x team flying toward an unknown location. We see my personal favorite character, Deadpool, being played or at least written with surprising incompetence. His jokes aren't similar to his classic comic fare, nor are they funny.
The team drop down into who knows where and begin to wipe out a once again unnamed military force. Agent Zero wipes out soldiers, Sabertooth climbs a wall for some arbitrary reason (he doesn't actually do anything once up there) and the blob punches a tank to death. All in all, neat though its rather cliche. Nothing about the action really stands out much, its all just the usual action flick fare. The team then moves into a military compound in which deadpool engages in some ripped off matrix action. All this is pretty standard, nothing special but at least we get to see our favorite characters acting bad ass. The team procures an unknown chunk of stone and asks the source from the only black man left alive.
Following the information the mad provides, the team takes a small village of other black people hostage and proceeds to once again racially cleanse anyone who looks at them funny. So, in case you haven't been paying attention, so far this is just alot of super powered white guys killing black people. Its alright though, since there's one black guy on the team, even though he does nothing (RE5 anyone?). Logan, apperently feeling uncomfortable about killing anyone but white people, decides that he's had enough and runs away.
The screen darkens and then the subtitles tell us we're in the Rockies, 6 years later. Logan steps out of his little shack, followed by the obligatory semi-nude love interest. Moments later he's being dropped off at a logging camp, because apperently he's a lumberjack and he's ok. Then we cut to a carnival in ohio where we see a former weapon x member working as a carnie of all things. Then Victor comes in and murders him. Thats about it. We then cut to wolverine passing a pine cone through his urethra (screaming) as his love interest watches in horror. Apparently he's having war flashbacks in a desperate attempt to make his character seem deep. Moving on we see wolverine back at the lumber camp, cutting wood and smoking a cigar (all very Freudian).
Moments later up drives good old Doctor Stryker, informing Logan that both the circus freak and Wade have been killed (MOTHER FUCKERS KILLED DEADPOOL OFF WTF. DEADPOOL HAS BEATEN WOLVERINE IN FIST FIGHTS YOU SONS OF BITCHES. ahem). Stryker then tells logan that his country needs him, to which logan replies that he's Canadian (Zing!). Next we see a scene showing us that obligatory love interest has mutant powers. Next we see a mildly touching moment between logan and his love interest which sets the origin for his Wolverine moniker. Its not a terribly exciting time but the acting is done well for the most part and it sets up the story nicely enough. Through out it though there is the constant vibe of "I am so going to get killed" being thrown off by the Loving girl person.
Moving along we come to a scene where the love interest is confronted by Victor while Logan finds a severed wolverine head and claw marks on a tree. Well as you can guess the girl ends up dead and Logan ends up pissed. The inevitable bar fight between Logan and victor ensues, ending with logan's defeat. Stryker shows back up and reenlists logan with the promise of "the tools needed to have his revenge." From there we get the whole "fusing bones with metal" scene and then the subsequent escape. Its all very neat, though not terribly surprising since we've seen glimpses of it before. Next comes his staying with a old couple on a farm. It has its funny bits, such as cutting the sink in half, and is over all a well done section. Oddly enough the old farmer and wife seem to be some of the most well played characters in this movie.
Well shit goes fanward when Agent Zero and a helicopter swoop in and off the old couple. An extended motorcycle and helicopter chase ends in lots of threats and agent zero's explosive death. Its a nice fight, though once again, nothing seems to stand out. There's no part of the battle that really makes your heart beat faster or makes you wonder what will happen next. We get a glimpse of Stryker arming himself with adamantium bullets, setting the stage for a pile of bullshit at the end, but more on that later. Logan travels to Las Vegas and talks to John Wraith, the token black guy from the former weapon x team. Wraith reveals that after logan left the team started hunting mutants for an unknown reason.
Following this we have a boxing match with the now morbidly obese Blob, in the hopes of getting the fat man to spill information. Its all rather pointless however because in the end Logan just threatens him with his claws. As blob explains that vicor captures mutants and Stryker experiments on them we get a scene of Victor hunting down Cyclops and capturing him. From here Wraith and Logan go in search of Gambit, in an attempt to locate Stryker's home base. Of course fights happen, Wraith loses his spine to Victor and Gambit eventually gets beaten by Wolverine. Before his defeat however gambit manages to win the "why the fuck would you do that" award by breaking up the fight between Logan and victor and deciding to take logan on rather then chasing his former captor, victor.
After this fight we skip to a scene of Stryker killing a general who is attempting to shut down the Weapon x project. This seems like an odd action though, because at least to my knowledge, the army might send someone else to investigate why a high ranking official just disappeared. However since this never seems to have any negative effects, I guess I'm wrong.
Gambit and Wolverine infiltrate and bring us to our next bit of utter bullshit: Deadpool. No apperently Wade isn't dead, he's just become an amalgam of lots of other mutant powers. Now, as a fan of deadpool I call foul on this butchering of a perfectly good back story. There's no reason for them to attach the deadpool name to this thing, since he bears no resemblance to the actual character. They might as well have just created a new character and let deadpool just die off. But for the sake of the movie, we'll just follow along and see how this goes.
Well surprise surprise love interest isn't dead and pops back up just in time to make Logan go all emo on us. Well Logan runs out, Stryker acts a *****, Victor starts choking Lovey and logan skips back in to get this film moving again. Well the obvious outcome comes out with logan winning and freeing all the poor imprisoned mutants. But as they try to escape, who should come to their reverse rescue but the abomination this movie is trying to pass off as deadpool, complete with dual katana blades THAT COME OUT OF HIS HANDS LIKE WOLVERINE'S CLAWS. Fuck you movie, really, fuck you.
Now I won't critique the fight in depth, except to say that this deadpool wanna be thing is pretty neat but dies in a very bull shit way considering he too has adamantium bones. Its what happens after this that is the true bullshit through. So Stryker wanders up and shoots wolverine in the head with the adamantium bullets, somehow only removing his memory. Now this is complete bullshit for a few reasons. First, how the hell could he selectively target the memory section of logan's brain with a GUN. Revolvers are not exactly precise surgical tools. Second, shouldn't the adamantium bones just deflect the bullets? I mean, aren't they both indestructible and hence just glace off each other?
Anyways, the mutants meet a nongimp Professor Xavier and escape from the island; Lovey dies of a bullet wound and logan just wanders away not remembering any of this.
TL;DR version
Movie is good, though the fights are mostly forgettable. Jackman is the best actor and all the others are overshadowed by this. They fucking ruin deadpool.
If you're a fan of the source material: 6 or 7/10 (depending on how much of a stickler you are for accurate portrayals of comic characters.)
If you've only heard of the characters: 7.5/10
if its all new to you 8/10
The film starts out with a promising look at Logan's childhood and his 100 year, war riddled maturity with his half brother Victor (sabertooth). After a failed firing squad execution the two are drafted into the weapon X program. Next we see them and the rest of the weapon x team flying toward an unknown location. We see my personal favorite character, Deadpool, being played or at least written with surprising incompetence. His jokes aren't similar to his classic comic fare, nor are they funny.
The team drop down into who knows where and begin to wipe out a once again unnamed military force. Agent Zero wipes out soldiers, Sabertooth climbs a wall for some arbitrary reason (he doesn't actually do anything once up there) and the blob punches a tank to death. All in all, neat though its rather cliche. Nothing about the action really stands out much, its all just the usual action flick fare. The team then moves into a military compound in which deadpool engages in some ripped off matrix action. All this is pretty standard, nothing special but at least we get to see our favorite characters acting bad ass. The team procures an unknown chunk of stone and asks the source from the only black man left alive.
Following the information the mad provides, the team takes a small village of other black people hostage and proceeds to once again racially cleanse anyone who looks at them funny. So, in case you haven't been paying attention, so far this is just alot of super powered white guys killing black people. Its alright though, since there's one black guy on the team, even though he does nothing (RE5 anyone?). Logan, apperently feeling uncomfortable about killing anyone but white people, decides that he's had enough and runs away.
The screen darkens and then the subtitles tell us we're in the Rockies, 6 years later. Logan steps out of his little shack, followed by the obligatory semi-nude love interest. Moments later he's being dropped off at a logging camp, because apperently he's a lumberjack and he's ok. Then we cut to a carnival in ohio where we see a former weapon x member working as a carnie of all things. Then Victor comes in and murders him. Thats about it. We then cut to wolverine passing a pine cone through his urethra (screaming) as his love interest watches in horror. Apparently he's having war flashbacks in a desperate attempt to make his character seem deep. Moving on we see wolverine back at the lumber camp, cutting wood and smoking a cigar (all very Freudian).
Moments later up drives good old Doctor Stryker, informing Logan that both the circus freak and Wade have been killed (MOTHER FUCKERS KILLED DEADPOOL OFF WTF. DEADPOOL HAS BEATEN WOLVERINE IN FIST FIGHTS YOU SONS OF BITCHES. ahem). Stryker then tells logan that his country needs him, to which logan replies that he's Canadian (Zing!). Next we see a scene showing us that obligatory love interest has mutant powers. Next we see a mildly touching moment between logan and his love interest which sets the origin for his Wolverine moniker. Its not a terribly exciting time but the acting is done well for the most part and it sets up the story nicely enough. Through out it though there is the constant vibe of "I am so going to get killed" being thrown off by the Loving girl person.
Moving along we come to a scene where the love interest is confronted by Victor while Logan finds a severed wolverine head and claw marks on a tree. Well as you can guess the girl ends up dead and Logan ends up pissed. The inevitable bar fight between Logan and victor ensues, ending with logan's defeat. Stryker shows back up and reenlists logan with the promise of "the tools needed to have his revenge." From there we get the whole "fusing bones with metal" scene and then the subsequent escape. Its all very neat, though not terribly surprising since we've seen glimpses of it before. Next comes his staying with a old couple on a farm. It has its funny bits, such as cutting the sink in half, and is over all a well done section. Oddly enough the old farmer and wife seem to be some of the most well played characters in this movie.
Well shit goes fanward when Agent Zero and a helicopter swoop in and off the old couple. An extended motorcycle and helicopter chase ends in lots of threats and agent zero's explosive death. Its a nice fight, though once again, nothing seems to stand out. There's no part of the battle that really makes your heart beat faster or makes you wonder what will happen next. We get a glimpse of Stryker arming himself with adamantium bullets, setting the stage for a pile of bullshit at the end, but more on that later. Logan travels to Las Vegas and talks to John Wraith, the token black guy from the former weapon x team. Wraith reveals that after logan left the team started hunting mutants for an unknown reason.
Following this we have a boxing match with the now morbidly obese Blob, in the hopes of getting the fat man to spill information. Its all rather pointless however because in the end Logan just threatens him with his claws. As blob explains that vicor captures mutants and Stryker experiments on them we get a scene of Victor hunting down Cyclops and capturing him. From here Wraith and Logan go in search of Gambit, in an attempt to locate Stryker's home base. Of course fights happen, Wraith loses his spine to Victor and Gambit eventually gets beaten by Wolverine. Before his defeat however gambit manages to win the "why the fuck would you do that" award by breaking up the fight between Logan and victor and deciding to take logan on rather then chasing his former captor, victor.
After this fight we skip to a scene of Stryker killing a general who is attempting to shut down the Weapon x project. This seems like an odd action though, because at least to my knowledge, the army might send someone else to investigate why a high ranking official just disappeared. However since this never seems to have any negative effects, I guess I'm wrong.
Gambit and Wolverine infiltrate and bring us to our next bit of utter bullshit: Deadpool. No apperently Wade isn't dead, he's just become an amalgam of lots of other mutant powers. Now, as a fan of deadpool I call foul on this butchering of a perfectly good back story. There's no reason for them to attach the deadpool name to this thing, since he bears no resemblance to the actual character. They might as well have just created a new character and let deadpool just die off. But for the sake of the movie, we'll just follow along and see how this goes.
Well surprise surprise love interest isn't dead and pops back up just in time to make Logan go all emo on us. Well Logan runs out, Stryker acts a *****, Victor starts choking Lovey and logan skips back in to get this film moving again. Well the obvious outcome comes out with logan winning and freeing all the poor imprisoned mutants. But as they try to escape, who should come to their reverse rescue but the abomination this movie is trying to pass off as deadpool, complete with dual katana blades THAT COME OUT OF HIS HANDS LIKE WOLVERINE'S CLAWS. Fuck you movie, really, fuck you.
Now I won't critique the fight in depth, except to say that this deadpool wanna be thing is pretty neat but dies in a very bull shit way considering he too has adamantium bones. Its what happens after this that is the true bullshit through. So Stryker wanders up and shoots wolverine in the head with the adamantium bullets, somehow only removing his memory. Now this is complete bullshit for a few reasons. First, how the hell could he selectively target the memory section of logan's brain with a GUN. Revolvers are not exactly precise surgical tools. Second, shouldn't the adamantium bones just deflect the bullets? I mean, aren't they both indestructible and hence just glace off each other?
Anyways, the mutants meet a nongimp Professor Xavier and escape from the island; Lovey dies of a bullet wound and logan just wanders away not remembering any of this.
TL;DR version
Movie is good, though the fights are mostly forgettable. Jackman is the best actor and all the others are overshadowed by this. They fucking ruin deadpool.
If you're a fan of the source material: 6 or 7/10 (depending on how much of a stickler you are for accurate portrayals of comic characters.)
If you've only heard of the characters: 7.5/10
if its all new to you 8/10
