Xbox One Owners Are Using Violence to Fix Their Broken Consoles

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

Hammer. Always try a hammer. If a hammer doesn't work, then use fire.

that is so much BS are you trying to destroy peoples machines??? the real answer is ice cream just spoon it in to the drive

Oh PLEASE. Ice-cream won't do anything. It'll just get eaten up by the plethora of spiders that live inside your PC.

The real fix to any computer problem is, of course, an industrial-strength vaccuum cleaner. Because if those microprocessors aren't soldered on tighter than superglue, you probably don't need them anyway.

 

[CriticalMiss]

And, since you don't need a disk drive to play digital titles, you'll have something to do until your new console shows up.

Surely they will have the slight issue of not having a console to play those games on if they need to send it off to be fixed? Unless Microsoft have so many unsold Xbones lying around they are giving them away to disgruntled customers.

 

[RicoADF]

Surely they will have the slight issue of not having a console to play those games on if they need to send it off to be fixed? Unless Microsoft have so many unsold Xbones lying around they are giving them away to disgruntled customers.

Microsoft sends a replacement console then you send the faulty one back once you receive the new one. Nice way to do it esp for this issue as it keeps downtime to nothing, cudos MS.

 

[t850terminator]

Violence.
Solves some things.

 

[Mumorpuger]

Why not? It worked on my NES.

 

[vallorn]

Percussive maintenance for the win!

As yes, the "Litany of Percussive Maintenance" always works. Just slap the side of the machine while going "Work you piece of shit! You have any idea how much money I spent on you?! Work!" and the machine spirits will get their act together and work for you once more.

OT: It always strikes me as odd that no matter what year we live in, ***** slapping your broken piece of equipment usually seems to fix it.

You forgot the ritual oil (Coffee) needed as well as the absolutely necessary Gregorian chant in the background. These help to please the Omnisiah that he may convince the machine spirits in your device to perform their proper functions.

If this doesn't placate your machine spirits breaking down and yelling at your device might cause the machine spirits to take pity on you.

 

[truckspond]

Ah; good ol' Percussive Maintenance. It even worked for NASA During Apollo 12: http://blogs.unimelb.edu.au/sciencecommunication/2010/09/21/just-give-it-a-good-whack/

 

[Sofus]

It takes my pc less time to boot up than it does for you Xbox one... lol

 

[jackpipsam]

I wonder if this could work to fix those bricked PS4s with their pulsing blue lights.

 

[Strazdas]

Ah, so its set now, Xbox one was made in soviet union. Fits with other old technology and hitting it being the only way to fix things. glad we got that sorted. Now how about making something past 1990?

Surely they will have the slight issue of not having a console

Thats not an issue, thats a bonus sideeffect! Its Xbox were talking about you know.

It takes my pc less time to boot up than it does for you Xbox one... lol

YOu know i actaully fast-forwarded the boot up, thats how long it took.

 

[NoeL]

It takes my pc less time to boot up than it does for you Xbox one... lol

I know right? Holy crap that thing's slow! Makes the slow-ass Wii U look fast by comparison.

 

[Qvar]

Ah, the old fixing things Russian style.

I swear I've seen that scene somewhere... Where's it from?

captcha: cold turkey

 

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

I swear I've seen that scene somewhere... Where's it from?

captcha: cold turkey

Well, it's Peter Stormare doing what he does best in Baysplosion-fest Armageddon.