Yet another relationship advice thread

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Glamorgan

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Aug 16, 2009
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Okay. I'm sorry that this is another relationship advice thread, but I'm really confused. See, there is a girl. As always. And I was mad about her for over a year, but after certain events, I got over her. Last term, (Yes, I am still at high school,) I asked her out. At the time, she liked me, but because of a reason I never found out (until now,) she said no. And this is where I got confused.
See, my group at school decided to have a Bond movie marathon, but only me (A guy), and 3 other girls, including the girl I used to like could come. In the end, me and the girl i liked stayed up talking 'till 6 in the morning. She told me about what happened with her last boyfriend, and how that made her say no to me. She ended up really upset, and we ended up hugging. For over a minute. For anyone who doesn't know, this is a long time for a hug. Which is why I'm confused. I'm not sure whether I still like her, and I can't tell if the hug meant anything. I know for a fact that she likes (or liked) another guy, but I don't know what I should do. So... Yeah. Advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
 

Spinozaad

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Jun 16, 2008
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You're in the mysterious, so-called Friend Zone.

Good luck with that.

*edit*

Or, you could, I don't know. Ask her?
 

KindOfnElf

Senior Member
Mar 15, 2010
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girls don't open up easy, that is for AFTER they get really hurt. So, by my own opinion, you should consider yourself lucky that she openly told you why she said no. That... probably means she likes you more than you think. And the hug... beautiful.
So far so good :) Go get her. Slowly, patiently, but still get her.
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Glamorgan said:
Okay. I'm sorry that this is another relationship advice thread, but I'm really confused. See, there is a girl. As always. And I was mad about her for over a year, but after certain events, I got over her. Last term, (Yes, I am still at high school,) I asked her out. At the time, she liked me, but because of a reason I never found out (until now,) she said no. And this is where I got confused.
See, my group at school decided to have a Bond movie marathon, but only me (A guy), and 3 other girls, including the girl I used to like could come. In the end, me and the girl i liked stayed up talking 'till 6 in the morning. She told me about what happened with her last boyfriend, and how that made her say no to me. She ended up really upset, and we ended up hugging. For over a minute. For anyone who doesn't know, this is a long time for a hug. Which is why I'm confused. I'm not sure whether I still like her, and I can't tell if the hug meant anything. I know for a fact that she likes (or liked) another guy, but I don't know what I should do. So... Yeah. Advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Answered in the Relationship problem thread, at the following link: ---> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=40#7125211
 

Glamorgan

Seer of Light
Aug 16, 2009
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BonsaiK said:
Reposted from another thread:
A hug just means she wants a hug, it doesn't mean anything more than that. She was probably hugging you a lot because she knew that the rejection would hurt, she's trying to make you feel better (and thus also make herself feel better about being in the awkward position of having to reject you - this stuff isn't any easier for the one doing the rejecting, you know). I see you've kind of tiptoed around the actual reason why she said no to you, but rest assured you're not in the "friends zone" (which doesn't exist), she just isn't into you that much, that's all. I'd be emotionally moving on from this situation, and finding a new girl to chase. Next time don't leave it a year before you ask her!
I didn't ask her out then. I actually asked her after about half a year ago. This wasn't me asking her out again, in fact, she thinks I'm over her. And she used to like me, so yeah, she has been into me, at least at one point.
But, after all that, you're probably right. You can post this on your other thread if you want. I cbf.
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Glamorgan said:
BonsaiK said:
Reposted from another thread:
A hug just means she wants a hug, it doesn't mean anything more than that. She was probably hugging you a lot because she knew that the rejection would hurt, she's trying to make you feel better (and thus also make herself feel better about being in the awkward position of having to reject you - this stuff isn't any easier for the one doing the rejecting, you know). I see you've kind of tiptoed around the actual reason why she said no to you, but rest assured you're not in the "friends zone" (which doesn't exist), she just isn't into you that much, that's all. I'd be emotionally moving on from this situation, and finding a new girl to chase. Next time don't leave it a year before you ask her!
I didn't ask her out then. I actually asked her after about half a year ago. This wasn't me asking her out again, in fact, she thinks I'm over her. And she used to like me, so yeah, she has been into me, at least at one point.
But, after all that, you're probably right. You can post this on your other thread if you want. I cbf.
Nah it's okay. Anyway now I get it, thanks for clearing that up. But yeah, same response basically applies. Better luck with the next one.
 

thom_cat_

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Nov 30, 2008
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I had a half an hour hug with my last girlfriend.
yes, it was epic and I've never felt better in my entire life.
that's why I feel pretty shit at the moment :D

Really I just advise talking to her about it, it's hard to start up a conversation like this from my experience. And also, once you've got it started REALLY REALLY try to get every single point you want to discuss out in the open. I've had talks that I've gone into and then it turns out I missed what I was trying to say...
yeah, talking is good.
If you can't talk to your GF well then she's not much of a GF is she now? (this also applies to now, when she isn't)
 

Glamorgan

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Aug 16, 2009
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Fluffles said:
I had a half an hour hug with my last girlfriend.
yes, it was epic and I've never felt better in my entire life.
that's why I feel pretty shit at the moment :D

Really I just advise talking to her about it, it's hard to start up a conversation like this from my experience. And also, once you've got it started REALLY REALLY try to get every single point you want to discuss out in the open. I've had talks that I've gone into and then it turns out I missed what I was trying to say...
yeah, talking is good.
If you can't talk to your GF well then she's not much of a GF is she now? (this also applies to now, when she isn't)
So what? Just talk to her about it? Just, moving things fast, even when there aren't things to move, is one of the reasons I fucked it up last time.
 

Nwabudike Morgan

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Oct 25, 2009
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My advice to you is be thankful you're still only having these kinds or relationship problems and haven't started having the "we got in a big fight over something completely meaningless and inconsequential and when she told me how much of a horrible bastard I was being to her I was so overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment I stupidly lashed out at her because I was too much of a coward to deal with the pain of hating myself for treating the woman I love like that and as such blamed her and said some really horrible things that I didn't even mean and because of this she's been at her sister's for the past 3 days" kind of problems.

Real advice: if you aren't sure if you still have feelings for her, you don't.
 

thom_cat_

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Nov 30, 2008
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Glamorgan said:
Fluffles said:
I had a half an hour hug with my last girlfriend.
yes, it was epic and I've never felt better in my entire life.
that's why I feel pretty shit at the moment :D

Really I just advise talking to her about it, it's hard to start up a conversation like this from my experience. And also, once you've got it started REALLY REALLY try to get every single point you want to discuss out in the open. I've had talks that I've gone into and then it turns out I missed what I was trying to say...
yeah, talking is good.
If you can't talk to your GF well then she's not much of a GF is she now? (this also applies to now, when she isn't)
So what? Just talk to her about it? Just, moving things fast, even when there aren't things to move, is one of the reasons I fucked it up last time.
Yeah, she's obviously hung up on some issues with her last bf as you say... and she likes you, enough to give you a minute long hug anyway. (let's just say she doesn't dislike you)
So really, if you just talk to her about it and ask if she likes you and work out the issues with whatever problems she has with you asking her out.
If you just talk straight and ask her, well if she says that she does like you, ask her out.
If she says she likes someone else, well then what harm was done to you? None, you won't get her by not saying anything, and it's worth the initial turn down just to know you tried.

And as the above poster says, if you aren't sure you have feelings for her, you probably don't. At least wait it out until you're sure.
 

Glamorgan

Seer of Light
Aug 16, 2009
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Nwabudike Morgan said:
My advice to you is be thankful you're still only having these kinds or relationship problems and haven't started having the "we got in a big fight over something completely meaningless and inconsequential and when she told me how much of a horrible bastard I was being to her I was so overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment I stupidly lashed out at her because I was too much of a coward to deal with the pain of hating myself for treating the woman I love like that and as such blamed her and said some really horrible things that I didn't even mean and because of this she's been at her sister's for the past 3 days" kind of problems.

Real advice: if you aren't sure if you still have feelings for her, you don't.
You have bad experience
...Hooray for Captain Obvious!
And yeah. I do like her. A lot. I just don't want to admit it to myself.