Yet another Relationship... thing

[rekabdarb]

I'm in dire need of assistance.

I am going to break up with my girlfriend. No if, ands, or buts about it. However I dunno how to do it. I'm taking her to a cabin with my parents this weekend, because my mother who was unaware of the situation kept saying "sure you can come!", and i wanted to do it this weekend. So during the 3 hour car ride back to her house from the previously mentioned cabin I figure i'll get to "the talk" after we eventually stop for food.

But i dunno if that's the right approach or what's up. My friends aren't much help, and asking my parents is awkward, so i'd prefer to ask total strangers about this. Just hoping my girl friend happens to NOT be apart of the Escapist. That would be awkward

 

[SckizoBoy]

A number of questions:

1) Why are you breaking up?
2) Is it imperative that you break up with her this weekend?
3) If answer to 2) is yes, why is it imperative that you break up with her this weekend?
4) If it is imperative that you break up with her, why don't you do so before the weekend?
5) Are your friends and her friends the same set of people?

Regardless, were I in your position (unaware as I am of your situation, I'm going about this purely based on timing). I'd do so on Friday evening, sit down with her and simply say you're breaking up and explain why, all the while being as conciliatory as possible.

However, I may not be the best person for advice on this (I've only dumped one girl, and did so by losing my temper and accusing myself of being a jerk...).

 

[rekabdarb]

1) Why are you breaking up?
2) Is it imperative that you break up with her this weekend?
3) If answer to 2) is yes, why is it imperative that you break up with her this weekend?
4) If it is imperative that you break up with her, why don't you do so before the weekend?
5) Are your friends and her friends the same set of people?

1: A cacophony of reasons which I don't feel like naming. I'm just not happy around her.
2: Because she bought a fishing license so i don't want her to just flush her money down the drain. I was planning on doing it earlier, but every time i think about it i feel like shit.
3: It really isn't however i just want to. I'm not happy anymore and i want the last month of summer vacation to myself.
4: Look to answer 2:
5: No. Her friends at this point are me and 1 other person. She has alienated herself from her 'friends' because... she's socially incompetent i don't know

The main reason is she's to clingy. If i'm not at my phone the first time it rings, she calls until i eventually get to it. Like i'm in the shower, or using the toilet. I've counted around 15 times she called within a 3 minute time.

 

[SckizoBoy]

1: A cacophony of reasons which I don't feel like naming. I'm just not happy around her.
2: Because she bought a fishing license so i don't want her to just flush her money down the drain. I was planning on doing it earlier, but every time i think about it i feel like shit.
3: It really isn't however i just want to. I'm not happy anymore and i want the last month of summer vacation to myself.
4: Look to answer 2:
5: No. Her friends at this point are me and 1 other person. She has alienated herself from her 'friends' because... she's socially incompetent i don't know

The main reason is she's to clingy. If i'm not at my phone the first time it rings, she calls until i eventually get to it. Like i'm in the shower, or using the toilet. I've counted around 15 times she called within a 3 minute time.

Hmmm... that's a rather difficult situation. However, though I'm not sure exactly how you should go about it, but you need to persuade her that the fact that she effectively monopolises your time isn't good for either of you.

The bit I highlighted strikes me as a bit odd, since she's your girlfriend and yet you don't really know the full extent of her character (I don't mean to demean anyone when I say that). The only alternative to going incommunicado after breaking up (i.e. short and blunt when you have 'the talk') is getting the relationship to evolve from that of bf/gf to that of friends during which you help her overcome her social inadequacies.

The only problem is that this requires a lot of work on your part, so you sort of need to weigh up the pros and cons of getting her to be able to stand by herself, because by the sounds of it, she can't. Personally, I'd try that (in a way I've already done it) because the moment you explicitly try to break up with her, something may break in her (for lack of a better way of putting it, though to be honest, without knowing more, I can't accurately assess her emotional strength).

Sorry I can't be of better help...

 

[Sandernista]

1) Why are you breaking up?
2) Is it imperative that you break up with her this weekend?
3) If answer to 2) is yes, why is it imperative that you break up with her this weekend?
4) If it is imperative that you break up with her, why don't you do so before the weekend?
5) Are your friends and her friends the same set of people?

1: A cacophony of reasons which I don't feel like naming. I'm just not happy around her.
2: Because she bought a fishing license so i don't want her to just flush her money down the drain. I was planning on doing it earlier, but every time i think about it i feel like shit.
3: It really isn't however i just want to. I'm not happy anymore and i want the last month of summer vacation to myself.
4: Look to answer 2:
5: No. Her friends at this point are me and 1 other person. She has alienated herself from her 'friends' because... she's socially incompetent i don't know

The main reason is she's to clingy. If i'm not at my phone the first time it rings, she calls until i eventually get to it. Like i'm in the shower, or using the toilet. I've counted around 15 times she called within a 3 minute time.

Hm, that's really hard.

Regardless of how you do it, you should break up with her before the trip. Or, don't bring her along.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

Honestly, I don't think you should take her, regardless of what your mom has said. It's just going to make the trip weird and uncomfortable. You should break up with her beforehand.

 

[rekabdarb]

After a long and annoying day, i have actually agreed with most of you (do it before trip) and the unfortunate task is set to tomorrow at lunch... greaatttt now time to feel like shit for 12 or so hours

 

[LiraelG]

After a long and annoying day, i have actually agreed with most of you (do it before trip) and the unfortunate task is set to tomorrow at lunch... greaatttt now time to feel like shit for 12 or so hours

This is certainly the best option. And don't worry about the fishing license. Something similar has happened to me before. I made the mistake of letting my (now ex) boyfriend come because he had purchased his train tickets. I felt terrible for two days. I was unhappy because I had to kiss someone I didn't love and because I had to lie to someone I used to care about. I felt disgusted, both in the situation and with myself.

 

[Ando85]

Like others have said, I think you should break it off before the trip. Going through the motions for any longer isn't really fair to you or her. I actually did this for a long time. I realized I didn't enjoy hanging out with my girlfriend. But, instead of breaking it off I was indecisive and wasted many nights where dating felt like a chore rather than pleasure.

 

[Orange Monkey]

Don't do it on a car ride dude, if anything break up before the trip, or after it, but not during, because then you will be trapped in the pit of awkwardness from where there is no escape D:

 

[Svenparty]

You don't want to be stuck with her for more than you have to after the breakup. My ex girlfriend begged me to reconsider and it was the most awkward few days ever it'll just make you resent her even more. If she has any events coming up I'd do it just before then so she has other matters to attend to and you can easily have your space.

Good luck! Just broke up with my girlfriend for multiple reasons also and I'm not regretting it.

 

[Avistew]

I think you should break up when you want to... I had a friend who wanted to break up with his girlfriend... he told everyone he was going to but wanted to do it after returning from a vacation... Long story short she got into an accident and got crippled and he didn't feel up to leaving her in that situation so he stayed... He was miserable but in the end he stayed two years more than he had planned before breaking up, and she heard about it and it broke her heart... It would have been much better for both of them if he had broken up right away and then been there as a friend when she had the accident.

Hopefully nothing like that with happen, but you just don't know what might happen in the meantime... and I can't imagine knowing you want to break up but not doing it... She's going to feel like a fool when she realises. I mean, after a nice weekend together, you break up... What did she do wrong? That's probably what she's going to think. And if you say you were already planning to... Then she'll feel lied to the whole time you... well, lied to her by not breaking up.

She can use her fishing license elsewhere. Hell, she can go with your mom and you can stay behind if you feel so bad about it. But I don't think breaking up on the way back from what should have been a nice experience is a good idea.

I would suggest you tell your mom you were planning on breaking up and you don't know what to do now. I know it's awkward but she invited her so maybe she should help about that too.

 

[BonsaiK]

I'm in dire need of assistance.

I am going to break up with my girlfriend. No if, ands, or buts about it. However I dunno how to do it. I'm taking her to a cabin with my parents this weekend, because my mother who was unaware of the situation kept saying "sure you can come!", and i wanted to do it this weekend. So during the 3 hour car ride back to her house from the previously mentioned cabin I figure i'll get to "the talk" after we eventually stop for food.

But i dunno if that's the right approach or what's up. My friends aren't much help, and asking my parents is awkward, so i'd prefer to ask total strangers about this. Just hoping my girl friend happens to NOT be apart of the Escapist. That would be awkward

Don't break up with her on the trip, that'll be agonising. Best place to break up with a girl is at HER HOUSE. Once the deed is done, if things go really bad you can make a quick exit and she'll be immediately somewhere that she's comfortable, so it's better for both of you.

 

[robert01]

Just break up with her. Plan and simple. You can give her whatever reason you want. Bullshit or not, in time to come it won't matter any more anyways. They will move on(or they should if they are normal), same for you.

But don't do it on the trip that will just ruin it completely for you, your parents, and her clearly. Ride out the weekend. But when you get back, axe the relationship.