You Are A Trickster God, Exact Your Petty Revenge

[Scarim Coral]

Let see-

Everyone get a champion buff during World vs World vs World match against Seaferar Rest in Guild Wars 2 (I loathe them so much with a passion due to their aggressive playstyle).

To that guitarist ass who picked on me for no good reason during High school (he was alright before he started to picked on me for some reason), may his fingers get replace with sausages! Hey I am actually showing mercy on him since my darkest wish is for him to have his hands cut off or crushed!

Any hipsters who buy a fedora will automatically get switched with a mainstream hadwear like eg Justin Beiber.

 

[JoJo]

Anyone who starts a sentence or post with "I'm not racist but..." or any similar variation will immediately have all their screennames changed to handles such as "I<3theKKK" etc. Repeat offenders will have their legal names changed, Mr Adolf Lebensraum Goebbels.

 

[eatenbyagrue]

Patton Oswalt has a bit about a rat that he saw, and how that rat must've been summoned by a forgotten Sumerian trickster god. I would like to top that forgotten Sumerian trickster god. I'd just go nuts making everyone have WTF moments

 

[cleric of the order]

Now op, i thank you for such.... consideration but I'm not much of a revenge person.
Those squirming fools, that is loath so sweat, i love in turn.
Why wouldn't I for all their bile, ire it is always so funny when they beat the drums of war.
Crying legion oh what fun, toy soldiers all.
Now come friends why do all of you need follow the wills of petty moral minds or butts for that matter.
There are much bigger fish to fry I'm a god, hehehehe a wonderful one at that.
The trickster is the patron of mankind after a sort, they tend to make man out of clay (thy are fool gods so don't blame them) I'll make my people out of metal instead.
I think ten foot tall, swirling masses of streaming quick silver, breathing fire and smoke.
Perhaps I'd make the world a bit more atmospheric, oh I do love a good bump in the night, almost as much as i love a good ghost story, far too few good ghost stories nowadays.
Maybe I should grant the wish of every human being (within limit), give them what they say they are looking for.
A yoke for those looking for strife, for a reason for their failure.
A mask for those that seek identity.
A liver, raw for every meal an alcoholic eats.
Now that's amusing.
A liar's tongue swings and dances when his back is turned.
A fool's heart grabs him by it's own strings and plays him the puppet.
A politician becomes a literal block of wood.
So many more amusing things to do.
Let's draw out the worst in these people show it to them and watch them break.
What would they be without their shadows in the shadows.
Oh course I'd love just to mess with physics but that's after we make humanity into a carnival.
But that's only after I've paved the way for my invading force.
turning humanity into a mad house is practical and entertaining.
All of you could stand to be this efficient.
For shame internet for shame.
How where did I put those b movies.
I think making some of them come to life is good for a laugh.

 

[Catfood220]

Wake me up in the morning by repeatedly slamming doors in the house. All doors you use that day will slam in your face. If you do it again then the same will happen until your lesson is learnt.

Cut me up or generally drive like a prick? When you get home the wheels will fall off your car (don't want to cause an accident by having wheels fall off a moving car).

Stopping me to try and convert me to your religion will result in you being overwhelmed by people on your way home trying to sell you something or otherwise convince you that they are right.

Same goes for "Chuggers".

 

[Someone Depressing]

There was this guy I hated. He could probably be dead now, I wouldn't know. Anyway, I really hated him for a variety of reasons.

Every time he picks up something full of liquid, the container turns into steam, while the liquid screams profanities at him. That'll teach him, and his little doggy too.

Also, all Jehovah's Witnesses who come to my house will be destroyed by the wrath of the Dying God (read: be forced to play Jenga until they win. On their own). Also I can materialise passive aggressive notes wherever I want. And then set fire to them.

 

[Sarge034]

Snip

But most of my sorrow stems from my own bad luck and shit timing, possibly instigated by a trickster god... Would I play tricks on god or the universe or even... MYSELF at that point?!?!?! dun dUN DUN!!!!! Then who was phone? Sum M. Night Shalamalama shit right there.

But in earnest, I'm less of a trickster and more of a wrath kindda guy.

 

[JohnZ117]

All vegetarians will forever be forced to watch animals hunting and killing other animals on whatever screen/mirror they are near.

All fundamentalists are condemned to attend (legitimate)biology courses until they ace all and repent their ignorant ways.

All Scientologists. . .umm, well, I can't think of any thing worse than what your cult has already done to you. Enjoy your self-imposed hell!!

 

[Username Redacted]

The groups:
Member of the United States Congress
Members of the Westboro Baptist Church
Members of the Parents Television Council

The Punishment:
Yellow snow cones with every meal.

 

[visiblenoise]

Every time someone mumbles something to themselves, they will find themselves screaming it out loud instead.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Something fun. Like have a chart with every single name in the world. Throw a dart at it and whatever name it lands on, everyone in the world with that name poops themselves. Or becomes instantly drunk. Or has pancakes fall on their head. Or talks backwards for a full minute. Something.
And when I'm bored, just throw a dart. Boom! Every guy named Brian squirts milk out their nose for 30secs straight! Brighten up a lot of days, lemme tell ya'

 

[mitchell271]

Fun fact: to scare the shit out of Jehovah's witnesses, I keep a copy of the Satanic bible by my front door. When try to start proselytizing, I pick it up, show it to them and say no thanks.

Hm... The power to make jam explode from any ceiling tile is enough for me. Guy behind you at work won't stop shaking his leg? JAM
Annoyingly loud sorority girls talking in the library? JAM
Your roommate didn't replace the toilet paper roll? Punch in the gut
The PC repair guys at Best Buy are being condescending despite the fact that you're an engineer? JAM

 

[FalloutJack]

Hence forth, people who talk out of their ass shall have their butt where their face should be and their face in their butt's place.

 

[Pinkamena]

I think I'm just gonna steal the skill of everyone who's committing the crime of being better than me at something.

 

[Queen Michael]

Spoiler

Well i will agree on Naruto being an ass there, but we do lack context, he may have paid attention to his kid all the time except for this instance which was essentially the Kage Summit, where it'd be understandable that his attention was elsewhere. Plus he has a Sister, probably friends AND a Mom, Naruto had none of that as a kid so by default its not exactly the same situation, but yes the argument of "suck it up" is a bit douchy. As for Sakura, i will agree there, it seems out of left field but again we have no idea how they married, its essentially a timeskip anyway, given they've gone through Kakashi being Hokage, which brings up the question just how fucking old people get in that universe. Oonoki was, what? 60? 70? He was an old fart at the last war, yet he is STILL alive somehow.

As it stands, the ending feels completely out of left field because there is very little context going for it and it feels rushed to meet that 700 chapter deadline for some reason. Although from recent memory, its hardly alone, look at Histories Strongest Disciple Kenichi which somehow timejumps from them just beating a few Yomi/Yami into somehow the war being won and them having kids on their own, in fact there isnt even closure as to the relationships, so there's something far worse in that context.

Spoiler

That we have no context is a fair point, but that's my problem. We can only judge the prologue by what's actually in it. All we see is Naruto negliecting Bolt. And if it hadn't been that bad, Bolt wouldn't have felt compelled to perform vandalism.

The problem with your Sakura argument is this: We did see Sasuke turn good again. And we did see Sakura accept his feelings of remorse as genuine. So no matter what happened in the time-skip, we still see her accept him right away.

 

[Private Custard]

Parents, if you let your kid kick the back of my seat on a long-haul flight, that thing you want (remote, gamepad, bowl of crisps, pen, mouse etc...) will always be just out of reach.

You'll never be able to get into a perfectly comfortable position, and stay there, ever again!

 

[Trippy Turtle]

I just got back from losing a match due to lag.
Whoever is in charge of Destiny's servers shall constantly lag in everything he does involving the internet for the next two years.

And the lich I had the misfortune of being on my team in Destiny yesterday shall stub his toe very hard at least 5 times a day. Until the day he dies.

I feel a lot better now actually.

 

[FalloutJack]

I just got back from losing a match due to lag.
Whoever is in charge of Destiny's servers shall constantly lag in everything he does involving the internet for the next two years.

He probably does.

OT: People who waste my time shall have time stolen from them to balance the scales.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

People who leave their stuff taking a desk for hours in a crowded library during finals week shall never find it again