You are now the king/queen of the interenet, what is your first command.

[Blondi3]

Kill. ALL. PONIES.

PONYEST!

BTW, why not trolls?

Yes.
Trolls can be entertaining in moderation.

Kill. ALL. PONIES.

You, sir, would be banned from my kingdom.

Fair enough. I shall lay siege to your kingdom and bombard you with all my newly formed flaming pony-parts catapults.

Kill. ALL. PONIES.

You.... monster. You do not deserve to ascend to the position of King or queen if that is your mindset.....

Seriously, in real-life the English royalty love ponies/horses.

Of course, I don't deserve it. I don't think there's a single person alive that does. =X

 

[Aesir23]

Chatspeak is punishable by temporary banishment from the internet. Three strikes results in permanent banishment.

That's basically all I really care about. Aside from getting rid of the idiots in the youtube comments section, pointless Facebook updates (I really don't care that Leah wore the same dress as Rebecca to the social or whatever. Bloody hell I hate most teenage girls.), fanboys, fangirls (of the extreme variety. Sane ones I can deal with), the list goes on really.

 

[HandsomeZer0]

LET THERE BE PORNOGRAPHY!

 

[Ranchcroutons]

Im gonna Knight every findable member of anonymous and make them my personal guard

 

[stormcrow5]

Purge of all things and people i find stupid

 

[astrav1]

No more goddamn "thumbs up comments"

 

[EHKOS]

There will never be a bandwidth limit.

 

[Gudrests]

First decree: Kingdom Hearts fanfics are now illegal unless you pay me.

Do the same for sonic and I will commence with the burning of their churches my lord.

OT: Sonic fanfics as said above. AND, get rid of that shock crap, child porn, and whoever hacked sony...GTFO

 

[Inkidu]

my first decree,proper grammar become law, no more abbreviations or smiley faces

Oh, the irony.

My first decree would be that everyone has to use their real name and a special internet ID number, think Social Security and you got it, this will cut down on cyber-crime, child predators, unfaithful spouses.

You can still have custom names for your avatars and whatnot, but everyone knows your name and your last four digits so they can complain.

The internet will become a more civil place.

That is some Orwellian shit right there i tell ya what. Given up freedoms for security; Just like the USA.

My first decree would be every time Metzen acts like he is the greatest thing to grace literature everyone gets a coupon to kick him in the nuts.

Second would be the outlaw of regulations. No state may regulate the web as a whole without my say so and my lips are sealed.

Third would be porn. I would open the flood gates(lul) and porn would wash over the masses(bulls-eye) and they would smile and be happy(tee hee).

Everyone always assumes Orwell is such an unreasonable fellow.

I'm not going to regulate the internet. There'll still be porn (but no one of the inappropriate age could view it... at least not as easily as lying on the title screen with the naked ladies on it.)

I'm going to hold people accountable for the things they say, do, steal, post, change, write, etc. I'm all for a person's right to use the internet (it won't be free, but the feel will become standard. All the content will be rated by an organization and will be away from children.

I'm basically trying to make people use their freedom responsibly.

 

[Silent Anima]

LET THERE BE PORNOGRAPHY!

Hold on I need to pause my porn real quick I want to read this. Porn for everybody? Mkay, BACK TO pr0n

 

[Impluse_101]

Control Alt Delete all of Rule 34.

 

[Anchupom]

First act of my monarchy - I SHALL FORM AN ARMY OF TROLLS.
Then I shall start to wage an almost unwinnable war.
Either way, it's good for me. I "lose" and the vast majority of elite trolls will be wiped from the internet realm, I "win" and I look like a total fucking badass.


After that, I shall employ Philosoraptor as my advisor and we'll see where it goes from there.

 

[DarkRyter]

As Highest OverAdmin, I would decree rule 34 as rule 1.

 

[Inkidu]

my first decree,proper grammar become law, no more abbreviations or smiley faces

Oh, the irony.

My first decree would be that everyone has to use their real name and a special internet ID number, think Social Security and you got it, this will cut down on cyber-crime, child predators, unfaithful spouses.

You can still have custom names for your avatars and whatnot, but everyone knows your name and your last four digits so they can complain.

The internet will become a more civil place.

That is some Orwellian shit right there i tell ya what. Given up freedoms for security; Just like the USA.

My first decree would be every time Metzen acts like he is the greatest thing to grace literature everyone gets a coupon to kick him in the nuts.

Second would be the outlaw of regulations. No state may regulate the web as a whole without my say so and my lips are sealed.

Third would be porn. I would open the flood gates(lul) and porn would wash over the masses(bulls-eye) and they would smile and be happy(tee hee).

Everyone always assumes Orwell is such an unreasonable fellow.

I'm not going to regulate the internet. There'll still be porn (but no one of the inappropriate age could view it... at least not as easily as lying on the title screen with the naked ladies on it.)

I'm going to hold people accountable for the things they say, do, steal, post, change, write, etc. I'm all for a person's right to use the internet (it won't be free, but the feel will become standard. All the content will be rated by an organization and will be away from children.

I'm basically trying to make people use their freedom responsibly.

People remember 1984; hell it was supposedly a banned book in my dads time in high school and Orwellian has become the same as oppression. And removing that anonymity is viewed as the removal of a freedom and that links to Orwell and that brings us to 1984 where shit is fucked up.

I'm not going to ban books, I'm going to keep videos of people castrating themselves away from minors. Anonymity should protect you from unjust persecution, but not when you just want to act like a tool and run your mouth and otherwise be a troll.

 

[Badong]

Stop hacking Iran. Seriously, I don't want another war just because a bunch of dipshits wanted a few 'lulz'.

That, or outlawing malware. The times I had to purge my system outnumber the years I've owned a computer.

 

[Alade]

Install an escapist-like health bar and start banning people all over the place for stuff like horrible grammar, racism, sheer stupidity (me being the subjective judge of that).

Also some edits to facebook, to make it less annoying...

 

[w00tage]

my first decree,proper grammar become law, no more abbreviations or smiley faces

I like your idea, but when decreeing that everyone shall have proper grammar you should check your own first.

On topic: Were I to become King of the Internetz, I would say this:

-Trolling is punishable by termination of access.

-The Internet is for the sharing of information. This means the sharing of information, not music or movies or games. Buy your own shit. If you feel that you are in a position where you cannot pay for music... get a job. If you cannot get a job, which is a perfectly legitimate thing to say, then you can listen to it on Youtube.

-The only exception to the above law is if the piece of music, the movie, or the game in question is not available in any legitimate way where you are.

-Everyone shall have the fastest internet possible - for free

-Poking fun at things is fun. Claiming superiority as fact is not. If you are a PC gamer, you are not better than your console brethren.

So you're starting off by establishing a Ministry of Propaganda?

KIDDING!

If you are a PS3 gamer, you are no more important than a 360 gamer. If you like Super Mario better than Halo, that is good for you. There will be no persecution because of tastes under my rule.

-All online multiplayer will be free. No DLC will cost more than $10 U.S. dollars unless the amount of content it has warrants it.

-Facebook is an excellent tool, but it shall not be used for pointless updates. I do not give a damn how many shits you took today, I do not care when you are taking a shower, I do not care one iota how mad you are at work. Unless it is something interesting, like you built an awesome new computer or you just graduated college or you found a great new song, then you shall not post it. We don't care.

Facebook will be happy. I think they had to add more servers when my sister got an account.

-Any Facebook posts, or any other posts on any forum, shall have readable grammar and spelling. A mistake here and there is perfectly understandable and forgivable, but you should know how to read and write.

-No mention of lied-about cake, lolcatz, or cats improperly asking for cheeseburgers will ever show their ugly faces on the internet again. Ever. No excuses. None. I despise all three of those.

I think that's about it. Well, there's more, but that's just the first bit.

 

[funguy2121]

my first decree,proper grammar become law, or rather close to accurate. no more abbreviations or smiley faces, and never,ever,ever use numbers for letters

This.

The emoticons I can live with, especially since tone is not as well conveyed in type as in person, but all of the acronyms and misspellings (borne of ignorance or a misguided sense of hipness) need to go, along with all of the people who use them.

Also, since memes have a relevance/laugh-inducing shelf life of about 5 minutes, anyone who uses them after that period should fall under the great banhammer, or whatever. I don't care if you were in the bathroom, you missed your chance. Now go to youtube and try to make something that Bender says fit your context