You can't be sad because...

[Strain42]

Have you ever heard something along those lines? Like somehow you're not allowed to be bummed out that you got rejected by someone you like or McDonalds forgot your fries and you already drove away because someone somewhere out there has it worse than you do?

Now I don't deny that, and yes, I think that if you took someone whose iPod just broke and put them next to someone whose beloved childhood pet just died, normally common sense will side with the latter having more right to be upset at the matter.

But I just don't understand the logic behind it. Why does it only seem to apply to sadness?

Should I also not be allowed to be happy that I found a dollar in my jacket pocket because someone out there just won $1,000 on a scratch ticket? Am I not allowed to be angry at people going 15 miles under the speed limit because someone out there just got rear ended by someone on a cell phone?

What do you all think? Do you think we just use the "Well, at least you're better off than this person" logic as a method of perspective, or is it to just help ground us.

 

[krazykidd]

I think that more of a way to be optimistic . Sure you ipod broke , but at LEAST you're not doing as bad as the next guy! Which now that i think about it , is a terrible thing to do. You're basically looking down on your fellow man when you do that . Like seeing or imaginIng someone elses misery to make you feel better .

But yeah you are alowed to be sad about whatever you want , but try to be optimistic , you'll enjoy life more that way.

 

[Aris Khandr]

Like seeing or imaginIng someone elses misery to make you feel better .

Schadenfreude. I won't link the Avenue Q song. But it is a very common outlook on things.

?Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.?
― Mel Brooks

 

[requisitename]

It actually annoys me to no end when people do that crap. The fact that someone else has it worse (or better) does not in any way change how someone is affected by something.

It totally disregards the fact that such feelings as happiness and sadness are subjective. Something that may be earth-shattering to me may be a walk in the park for someone else.. and vice versa. We all have our own set of experiences that will dictate how a new experience will affect us. It is in no way dependent on someone else's experiences. It can't be. Our previous experiences are the single defining factor in how we react to something. To pooh pooh someone for being sad "because someone else has a worse life" is completely denying that person the right to their own feelings and I view that as incredibly fucked up.

And all that is very poorly worded, I realize. I feel very strongly about this, but I have a hard time putting it into words that make sense. *grump*

EDITed for sense-making on the most rudimentary level.

 

[ChildishLegacy]

While this is true, normally when you have experienced very bad things you tend to get less wound up over not getting your fries or your iPod being broke. It's probably this experience talking when people tell you things like that, because they see how little things like that are in the big scheme of things.

I'm not saying everybody should be traumatized to get a perspective on things, but do just try and think about what you get worked up over if it is something insignificant.

 

[requisitename]

The thing is, Midgeamoo, everyone has bad days. I've been through some truly horrific shit in my life.. stuff I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Does not getting fries or something breaking rank up there with being beaten to within an inch of my life or some of the other, less savory things people got up to at my expense? No, it doesn't. But, if it's one of those days when every little thing is going wrong.. sometimes it can be that ONE tiny thing that starts the waterworks, the sobbing in a corner, the taking to the bed with a promise never to leave it.

And that should be my right. I shouldn't be chastised because there are starving kids in Africa (one of my parents' favorites) and my troubles don't compare to theirs. It doesn't matter. I am not them and they are not me. If I'm terribly upset by something, telling me I shouldn't be used to make me feel horribly guilty on top of being upset. Now I realize that emotions do what they're going to do. It's truly better to feel them and get it over with than bottle them up and try to control them as far as I'm concerned.

And I'm still not making sense. Damnit. I give up.

TL;DR: I don't like it. Full-stop.

 

[Zenron]

Sadness, pain, happiness, fear. All these things are relative to the individual. Just because there may be starving children in Africa doesn't mean that I'm prohibited to feel sad about something in my own life, because the emotional impact of the event is relative to the experiences I have thus far faced in life. Maybe it's just some sort of way to shrug off someone else's problems because you don't really care, or because people whining about something is irritating.

I don't know, it bugs me too.

 

[daveman247]

Its not that people are not allowed to feel sad, its just a good attempt at cheering someone up You know, "it could be worse".

Im infinitely optimistic though, so hey ho.

 

[DaKiller]

My typical response when people say I can't be sad because someone has it worse is:

"Oh yeah? Well I can't be happy knowing that someone else has a better life than me!"