You just killed someone.

[BabySinclair]

1) Use pump/vacuum to gather as much blood as possible.
2) Place body into vacuum seal bag after removing teeth and fingers
3) Bleach stains and clean
4) Wash and bleach hands in sink
5) Looking for fibers and hairs from the decedent, clean all surfaces likely touched to remove prints
6) Lay tarp into the bottom of the car trunk, then body, then vacuum (all in garage)
7) Then drive to one of two locations
7a) If they were known to be with you, bury the evidence at least 10ft deep in the woods far outside of town(nothing will dig down that far)
7b) Otherwise burn the evidence in a garbage dumpster at least 20 miles from the scene of the crime and a good distance from the nearest fire station using a car tire (the spare) and gasoline. The heat should be enough to cremate the body

 

[GLo Jones]

Countless methods have been discussed on /b/. The best I found was to slowly chop it up into pieces and bury in various different random locations over the course of a few nights. The details of how to keep your neighbours from getting suspicious, how to prepare the body/cut it up, and other factors to take into account were made up into a guide. I'd post it, but it's on my other computer.

 

[Dirkie]

Don't bother hiding or trying to remove the evidence. I'm certain the police does have enough toys and trinkets to find traces of blood and other remains even if you cleaned everything. Just call the police, tell them it was an accident and self defence and you might be free within a week or so.
On the other hand, a meatgrinder might be useful to make the body capable of being flushed down the toilet.

 

[Soluncreed]

1. Throw victim into the bathtub
2. Destroy the victims face with a hammer in order to prevent any means of facial identification.
3. Burn fingers and toes to get rid of any and all prints.
4. After blood has gone down the drain, I sould poor large amounts of bleach in order to destroy any remaining DNA and let the pieces, which remain in the tub, to soak in the bleach.
5. I would drain the tub and proceed to package the body up into my car.
6. Then I would drive down a raod that is heavily wooded and begin to take pieces of the body out of the bag and throw it out the window. (I would not keep the parts in the bag, as that would be more suspicious.
7. Continue every 200 ft. until there are no more parts.
8. Drive home and give self a pat on the back for a job well done.

This can only be done if I am given an ample amount of time.

 

[wasalp]

But I have no bottles of acid right now in my house so that's out of the picture.

A simple solution to your acide problem is to use draino(or plumbing cleaner that removes blocage) its on the other end of the pH scale, does the same job and is avaible a most hardware store

 

[benoitowns]

1. Chop them up into many many small pieces.
2. Cook them into stew. A lot of stew.
3. Feed to unsuspecting family member.
4. Profit!
5. Get arrested.

 

[TheScottishFella]

Burning might bring attention from somewhere, perhaps there would be black smoke. Honestly don't know. I mean realistically I could do none of those things, but if I had to....

I live close to a farm, I would throw him into the slurry pit and hope I had no connection to him so that the cops don't poke around my house and farm. But still I could never do something like that.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

1. Clean the body, clothes, and murder weapon of any fingerprints.
2. Clean the floor, my clothes, or anything that got blood on them. If I can't get the blood out its going with the corpse.
3. After waiting until night, I'll sneak out into the woods that are behind my house, find a nice spot, then bury the body and any evidence nice and deep. Preferably behind someone else's house so that it won't be directly linked to me.

Does anyone else find this discussion though a little weird? Or am I the only one?

 

[Urialanis]

Sledge hammer to deal with the face/dental records and fire to deal with the house then just claim I couldn't get to them in time and pretend to be sad. Its in the kitchen so making it look like a gas leak or chip pan fire shouldn't be too difficult.

 

[LightningBanks]

Well, Ive already killed a guy, Im most probably going to get arrested

*picks up knife* Lets get a new high score

 

[Deleted]

Put him in my cellar with all the other dead bodies... that wasn't hard.

Failing that, cut him up, freeze him (so he won't drop blood), put in a box, go to the dump and drop the box off.

 

[ParkourMcGhee]

I assume that I'm dreaming, or have gone utterly insane. Either way, just go about my business as usual.

No need to wash the blood off or anything because in the long run, it doesn't matter.

 

[Trivun]

Easiest thing would be to get a bunch of dead animals and then cook the body. I wouldn't eat the corpse myself, but serve it as another kind of meat to various friends and relatives, and thus the main evidence is gone. I can then simply claim that the blood and the knife and everything else used in the murder is actually used for killing wild animals to cook. If I have a few dead rabbits and stuff stored somewhere that would probably work, given that at least a few of my friends and family know I have a liking for the TV shows of West Country chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, so cooking rabbits and other freshly butchered animals would fit with that mentality. So yeah, the evidence is all gone or accounted for.

[small]For those who don't know, that particular chef used to live in London, then did a show for Channel 4 as an experiment, moving to the West Country for a year to see what it was like living in the country and becoming a self-sufficient organic chef and farmer. He enjoyed the experiment so much that he subsequently moved his whole family out to the house he was staying in, River Cottage, and became one of the country's leading advocates of organic produce, self-sufficiency, and healthy living and eating. He still does shows for the channel now based on organic cooking, including growing his own vegetables and butchering his own livestock and creating mini allotments in cities, and so on...[/small]

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

I would not do that. A murder must be planned correctly and have no traces. The victim has been seen entering my house, there may have been sounds of a struggle, police may have been called. I'm already a suspect so moving the body to the woods must be done where it fits into my daily routine.

I move the body to my garage where it is hidden in a blanket and boxes. The kitchen is cleaned rapidly but carefully, not to miss a spot. I turn the TV on to a film, one that is half way through and I have seen before and know by heart. Fill a glass with some beer and tip the rest away, place old cans near me and sit down.

The body is cut into chunks. After 1 week I take the chunks, bit by bit, down to the harbour and the pier and dumped along with bricks. I keep the head and hands for further destruction. Teeth are removed and fingerprints are burnt off. Face is cut off, like a mask. Hands go into the sea, hands are buried in the allotments on the other side of town.

Of course, like I said, this murder is all wrong on so many levels. Why would I kill a man in my own home? Why would I stab him numerous times rather than just one quick swipe deep into the neck? Surely I could have gotten into his home and made it look like suicide right? Maybe even turn the gas on and leave a candle at the other side of the room to make it look like a complete accident of his own fault. So many better methods than stabbing him in my own home.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Put body on a tarp.
Clean kitchen and knife.
Drive body at least thirty miles away to an abandoned woods.
Bury body.
Cut off hands, disfigure face to make the body unidentifiable.
Move.

 

[Ekonk]

Shoot self.

Turn self in.

I like to think of myself as having a moral compass.

 

[rekabdarb]

#1 clean kitchen with Amonia, get's rid of those protein based stains (semen, blood, etc)

#2 wait til midnight, drive behind my house to the wooded area that is covered with wolves and illegal pot growing, chuck bags in.

#3 realize i haven't been wearing gloves the entire time, go find bag with baby wipes and quickly go over the body and wash him up good. Be sure to bring gas mask dad has lying in garage.

#4 (which should be #2) chop up body.

 

[sdafdfhrye3245]

Since you did not specify where I am in the world I will assume I am in Antarctica so I will just feed the body to my dogs and make a nice sauce out of the blood.

 

[lacktheknack]

Play the first scene of Indigo Prophecy, but but replace "bathroom stall" with "floorboards".

Then, take his wallet and flee to Antarctica.

 

[lacktheknack]

Build brick walls around the corpse.

Be careful you don't get too cocky... this is what Edgar Allen Poe's character did in The Black Cat, which didn't work.