You know you're British when...

[Febel]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

never heard that one before but I'm not British either

Verb: To hit someone or something with a glass/tumbler, usually when drunk and/or angry with someone.
: "I fully glassed the wanker last night!"
Not to be confused with "Bottle", verb, To hit someone or something with a bottle.

OT:
When you can pick up on sarcasm and irony through any medium, including text.

When you know that all the Welsh shag sheep, and that ginger is a race, and inferior to every other race.

When you look at your former colonies in the same manner as a parent does a wayward child, a mixture of pride and disgust, in equal measure.

I already knew that about the welsh and...well...
GINGER'S HAVE SOULS!

 

[William MacKay]

well I'm British and I drink coffee (three pints a day) - so their.

You must all be wrong.

you measure coffee in PINTS?
dear god i hope you like it black, or theres a bunch of cows near your local Tesco with VERY sore udders.

 

[Lukeje]

When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.

Thanks for the generalization there, although i realise that's a rather pointless thing to say in this thread.
But you do realise that xenophobia isn't just a British thing right?
It's all around the world!
And Britain is a pretty equal place to live.

But you know when your british when you begin defending Britain over stupid points.

AHA! You are an American spy, good sir! I see that American English spelling there! You shall be imprisoned in the Tower of London within the hour!

That's the correct English spelling[footnote]According to the OED.[/footnote]. The s spellings arise from hypercorrective English, and should only properly be applied to words derived from French. And as a Brit I'm sure you share a hatred of them.

 

[LuckyClover95]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

Yup! Yarmouth fo sho.

You know you're British when you GET FREE HEALTHCARE
You know you're British when you have your friends, and your pub crew friends. (I'm 16 so this isn't entirely true yet, however I do have a few pub friends and I know my family certainly have friends and pub friends. )
You know you're British when EVERYTHING can be done with tea.
You know you're British when you've complained about the weather every month of the year.
You know you're British when (true story, saw it on the news) everyone is trying to get a holiday to Libya because 'it's cheap right now.'
You know you're British when at least 2 female teenage acquaintances are pregnant.
You know you're British when you've been drunk in a park multiple times (a young British tradition, classy aren't we.)
You know you're British when every city has one, infamous, knifing and violence road.
You know you're British when you're taking the piss out of the French ;D KIDDING GUYS

 

[Camaranth]

When Bloody is a frequently used word in your vocabulary, often in the place of curse words, or supporting them,

I use it atleast xD

Bloody is not a bloody curse. It's a bloody useful adjective!

when you can't stomach 'tea' from another country (I get mine shipped to me)

You go to spain on holiday and eat in a British cafe, and expect everyone to speak english

you don't tip

and can imitate 6 different accents all of them british.

Oh and it's painful to your ears to hear people mispronounce words and places despite the spelling of the word in question making no bloody sense. eg Greenwich, pronounce Gren-itch not Green-witch grrr

 

[Caveworm]

That you spell centre and colour correctly. ^_^

 

[omega 616]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

Or "bottle".

When you say scone like "soone".

When you extend your pinky while drinking a brew.

When you like to que.

when you like to complain.

When you don't want the greatest sporting event in the world in your country ... till you hear France are going to get it, then you want it out spite.

When if you don't have children at 20 your a freak.

When you know what a bif/bifta is.

 

[Jazoni89]

You know your british when this kinda music isn't alien to you.


Fat tune by the way

 

[karamazovnew]

You know you're British when...
you know all of the English history, museums, music bands, painters, writers and really really want to be a British citizen? Pretty please? No? Damn you sir and your tidy customs office! I shall return!

 

[socialmenace42]

When you ask a French man who spilled red and blue paint on his flag.

WIN

When you manage to be condescending without even realising it.

Also important, you sneer at the spell-checker when it tells you globalisation is spelled with a z.
If you see the word 'colour' spelled without a 'u' in it, you throw a fit.
And you know how to pronounce (and spell) aluminium

(I'm not a grammar Nazi, i swear. I'm just British)

-EDIT- Also, when you always try your very best to avoid making a scene...

 

[Da Orky Man]

When the words 'Balderdash', 'Poppycock', 'Scallywag', 'Shenanigans', 'Cad', 'Bounder', 'Egads', 'Haberdasher', 'Nincompoop', and 'Rapscallion' are all used as exclamations/insults in your daily vocabulary.

Well, mine anyway.

Add embuggereance to that list.

 

[NikolaiK]

When you refuse to define yourself as British and instead refer to the country in which you live. Or in my case, the best part of the country in which you live (Southern England)
Also when you drink PG tips

 

[Hawkmoon269]

When you feel the overwhelming desire to defend the NHS when another nationality tries to criticise it.

Also, if when you can quote Shaun of the Dead

 

[Tizzmarelda]

When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.

Il let bender handle this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY_amJ0YZrM

 

[Continuity]

When you manage to be condescending without even realising it.

Also important, you sneer at the spell-checker when it tells you globalisation is spelled with a z.
If you see the word 'colour' spelled without a 'u' in it, you throw a fit.
And you know how to pronounce (and spell) aluminium

(I'm not a grammar Nazi, i swear. I'm just British)

All very true, I can't stand default american spell checkers, drives me nuts. At work they have office installed with an american locale and it doesn't store settings between uses, so every damn time I use word I have to change the default dictionary to British or it "corrects" all my British spellings... very very annoying.

 

[Jazoni89]

When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.

If we were xenophobic we wouldnt have loads of foreigners and a government to spineless to talk about immigraton.



You know your British when you have an instense hatered for the name Thatcher.

Yes, you are correct there.

It even makes it even more surprising that American's worship the damn woman, when us brits hate every single fibre of her being. Hell, she even stole the kiddies school milk to save some public spending. If that isn't a sign of a cold hearted ***** then i don't know what is (which got her the nickname Margaret thatcher, the milk snatcher).

I'm just glad that I wasn't in my twenties in the 80s, then I would of known about it, with all the taxes, and all the other shit that thatcher threw on young British people.

 

[RN7]

When you know you're not British but you still incorporate the words "bloody" and "tosser" into your normal, everyday conversations with other people who you know are not British.

 

[Daveman]

When you ask a builder or a plumber whether he wants a cup of tea.

That or when you first vomit in the street due to chronic alcoholism..

 

[Toasted Nuts]

You know you're British When....

...you go abroad and instead of trying to speak the language you point at what you want saying it in english slower and louder.

...you are watching Sport and your National team always loses.

...you realise that every other country hates you.

...you can't buy petrol...because its too expensive.

...you hate unemployed people because you know you are essentially giving them money through taxation.

...getting absolutely smashed on a weekend is the "normal" thing to do and trying to be more continental and drinking a moderate amount in a relaxing atmosphere doesn't feel "right".

...your favourite native food... is a curry.

 

[Genericjim101]

You know you're British when you start using the word "glass" as a verb.

Yup! Yarmouth fo sho.

You know you're British when you GET FREE HEALTHCARE
You know you're British when you have your friends, and your pub crew friends. (I'm 16 so this isn't entirely true yet, however I do have a few pub friends and I know my family certainly have friends and pub friends. )
You know you're British when EVERYTHING can be done with tea.
You know you're British when you've complained about the weather every month of the year.
You know you're British when (true story, saw it on the news) everyone is trying to get a holiday to Libya because 'it's cheap right now.'
You know you're British when at least 2 female teenage acquaintances are pregnant.
You know you're British when you've been drunk in a park multiple times (a young British tradition, classy aren't we.)
You know you're British when every city has one, infamous, knifing and violence road.
You know you're British when you're taking the piss out of the French ;D KIDDING GUYS

LLanidloes has all this and it's only a little village in Mid Wales... Granted every year there's a fancy dress event that has thousands of people coming to town from all over the country to get drunk when most of this happens.