You know you're British when...

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Edith The Hutt

Flying Monkey
Oct 16, 2010
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Mackheath said:
this isnt my name said:
Nimcha said:
When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.
If we were xenophobic we wouldnt have loads of foreigners and a government to spineless to talk about immigraton.

You know your British when you have an instense hatered for the name Thatcher.
Thats more Scottish than overall British, seeing as how-you know-she put our economy on the shitheap.
Most people who grew up north of Peterborough are in this camp.
 

Plinglebob

Team Stupid-Face
Nov 11, 2008
1,812
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brownstudies said:
When someone else's inability to queue LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING can put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

If, whenever important world news breaks, no matter how many news sources are available to you at the time, it somehow doesn't seem real until you've heard it from the BBC.
Both of these are scarily true of me, especially the BBC one. Give all the arguments you want regarding free press, but there's something slightly comforting about having a News Network that is mandated by law to be as un-bias as possible. Doesn't always happen though :(

Jazoni89 said:
Cockney rhyming slang is easy.

Apples, and pears - Stairs

Dog, and bone - Phone

Pork pies - Lies

Skin, and blister - Sister

Tommy Tank - Wank

You just have to find two things related and rhyme it with another word. It was used in London as a sort of inside language, that most people wouldn't get. I would love to confuse an American with it though, that would be quite the laugh.
My two favourites are "Berk" (as in Berkshire Hunt, figure it out) and Brahms and Lizt (Pissed).

To carry things on, you know you're British when:

You think 22 men standing in a field for 4 days is a real sport.
You automatically for a single queue for multiple checkouts without being told too. I work in an extremely chavvy town, but the queue in the Macdonalds is always perfect.
You use comedic understatement, irony and sarcasm without realising it.
You hate your country, but will defend even its most stupid aspects whenever a foreigner says a bad word about it. The anger in the UK regarding American comments about our health service wasn't what you were saying (we've been saying it for years), but that it was somoene else saying it.
 

Plinglebob

Team Stupid-Face
Nov 11, 2008
1,812
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snugglesgold said:
You know your British when your prepared to defend your love of Marmite to the death!
Also when you hear the word wanker used on an american show and fall off your chair laughing becasue,to Americans, it's not that rude a word
Also this. Whats even better is when American shows try to show they have a British character by using 2 fingered swearing, Bugger, Bollocks and Wanker, but getting the contexts completely wrong.
 

MadMechanic

New member
Nov 6, 2009
383
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You quote the Goon Show almost non-stop, and various characters from it are your role model...

I've met Englishmen who like Thatcher. Most of them are from the South.
Ask the average Northerner what they think of Thatcher? Prepare to hear foul language that would make a sailor blush. There are some Northerners who like Thatcher, but they're very few and far between, and have little if anything to do with the old heavy industry she smashed.
I myself am Northern (and British, having close relatives from all 4 parts of the UK), but am completely indifferent to Thatcher.

YKYBW...
You frequently remind people that England =/= Britain, and vice-versa.
You enjoy smoking pipes or cigars (or both, at the same time)
You buy a box of 70 tea bags - and finish it all by yourseld in 6 days. When the box states it should last a family of 4 for 2 weeks. I'm addicted damnit!
Americans frequently shoot/bomb you when you're out on opperations with them
Practically all elected politicians in your country for the past 20 years are self-serving, inefficent, corrupt, journalist-fondling little cretins who should be put against the wall and shot
You use the word cretin as your worst insult
The majority of newspapers in your country are filth, unworthy of being used as toilet paper

But despite all of that, and the other negative stuff mentioned in this thread- you're still proud to stand by your flag, and call yourself British.
 

Pegghead

New member
Aug 4, 2009
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When you run out to the mailbox and back to the house and you already have sun-burn.

When you pester Americans for being fat and unhealthy yet scoff down fish, chips and pork pie.

When you clutch your valuables tighter when near an Australian.

When you lose at cricket.

When you have no qualms about calling an American a Yank but feel incredibly insulted when called a Pom.
 

The Artificially Prolonged

Random Semi-Frequent Poster
Jul 15, 2008
2,753
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You know your British when;

1. You support a fellow national athlete/team in a sporting event that you know little of or don't follow normally, and then angrily complain that said athlete/team is useless when they lose, *cough Wimbledon.

2. You bring up the war at every chance you get around Germans

3. You bring up Waterloo at every chance you get around the French

4. You bring up the Armada at every chance you get around the Spanish

5. You constantly bring up America spellings of words and refer to NFL Football as Soft Lads Rugby around Americans

6. You judge people based on the football team that they support

7. Are inconsistent when deciding to use either imperial or metric measurements

8. You ever use the phrase "Tally Hoe"

MadMechanic said:
You quote the Goon Show almost non-stop, and various characters from it are your role model...
You silly twisted boy.
 

Davey Woo

New member
Jan 9, 2009
2,467
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You know you're British when you pronounce the word 'ass' as 'arr-s'.

About all I can think of at the moment.
 

floppylobster

New member
Oct 22, 2008
1,528
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When you're 'abroad' and you start whining that things around you aren't British enough. And you can't believe they don't have HP sauce.
 

Edith The Hutt

Flying Monkey
Oct 16, 2010
134
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Pegghead said:
When you run out to the mailbox and back to the house and you already have sun-burn.

When you pester Americans for being fat and unhealthy yet scoff down fish, chips and pork pie.

When you clutch your valuables tighter when near an Australian.

When you lose at cricket.

When you have no qualms about calling an American a Yank but feel incredibly insulted when called a Pom.
Run out to the mailbox? What is this foolish colonial concept?
 

EeveeElectro

Cats.
Aug 3, 2008
7,052
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jck4332 said:
Somebody tried to sue one of my friends for this, I find it rather humorous.
Someone ran over your friend and tried to sue your friend for putting a dent in their car?! >_> *facepalm* I thought it was bad last week when some man rammed his fucking massive pram into the back of me and when I turned round he gave me a filthy look like I had jumped in front of his pram last minute to spite him, even though I obviously don't have eyes in back of my head.

PeacanPie said:
It's true, I've never seen a non-British person do a decent impression. They just don't have what it takes to be like us. However, the British population of the Escapist surprises me. o:
I think it's cause people won't get the joke if it's not glaringly obvious. Like Frenchmen wear berets and stripey white tops, Russians wear those funny hats and do a dance... >_<
I was surprised at the number of Brits on here, but more surprised most of the competitions this website does are for America only *boo hiss*
 

silent-treatment

New member
Oct 15, 2009
159
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Jazoni89 said:
this isnt my name said:
Nimcha said:
When you use 'could of' or any variation thereof.

Or being extremely xenophobic.
If we were xenophobic we wouldnt have loads of foreigners and a government to spineless to talk about immigraton.



You know your British when you have an instense hatered for the name Thatcher.
Yes, you are correct there.

It even makes it even more surprising that American's worship the damn woman, when us brits hate every single fibre of her being. Hell, she even stole the kiddies school milk to save some public spending. If that isn't a sign of a cold hearted ***** then i don't know what is (which got her the nickname Margaret thatcher, the milk snatcher).

I'm just glad that I wasn't in my twenties in the 80s, then I would of known about it, with all the taxes, and all the other shit that thatcher threw on young British people.
Good news everybody, We don't actually worship her because half of us have never even heard of her. Sorry make that more then half really. What all did she do to make everyone so pissed off at her because she got mentioned and like three or four of you guys, so far, went off right away.

Also Meryl Streep is able to make even the worst person awesome.
 

dex-dex

New member
Oct 20, 2009
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The Diabolical Biz said:
When the words 'Balderdash', 'Poppycock', 'Scallywag', 'Shenanigans', 'Cad', 'Bounder', 'Egads', 'Haberdasher', 'Nincompoop', and 'Rapscallion' are all used as exclamations/insults in your daily vocabulary.

Well, mine anyway.
I say shenanigans and nincompoop and rapscallion all the time and I am not British.
I am Canadian.