Armitage Shanks: The Movie
One man and his friends stand against a tyrant
... they said it couldn't happen...
They were wrong!
Narrator:... they thought it was over...
They were wrong!
Narrator:... they thought the world was safe...
They were wrong!
[Cut to extreme close up of jim_doki's face]
jim_doki: Sweet Zeus... not again...
[cue large explosion, Metallica's The Unforgiven starts playing]
Narrator: A burnt out vet ..
[cut to Iron Ninja trawling the Escapist.]
Iron Ninja: Off-topic discussion... shit; I'm still only in off-topic discussion... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce.
Narrator: A leader with far too much ULTRA..
[Ultrajoe stands at the head of an army him]
Ultrajoe: And If We Succeed, No One Will Remember. And If We Fail, No One Will Forget!
Narrator: A capitalist on the prowl...
[Galt stands in an office, wearing an expensive suit while berating a group of salesman]
Galt: You can't close the posts your given, you can't close shit, YOU ARE SHIT! Hit the bricks and beat it pal, 'cause you are GOING OUT!
Narrator: The law-man who pushed it too far..
[Cut to Police chief wilson shouting at his rogue detective Armitage Shanks]
wilsonscrazybed: Shanks, you've pushed it too far. The Escapist doesn't stand for this stuff.. hand over your avatar, you're off the case.
Shanks: yeah?! Well your mum is off the case!
Narrator: A woman with a secret to hide..
[Larenxis on the street, being hassled by a reporter]
Larenxis: The Truth?! The Truth?! You can't handle the truth!!
Narrator: They are all that stand against a man beyond redemption...
[Cut to PurpleRain relaxing in an armchair]
PurpleRain: I've seen horrors... trolls and flame baiters.. horrors that you've seen... But you have no right to call me a murderer! ...you have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to. Judge. Me!
[Cue Rob D Clubbed to Death [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFS4zYWxzNA&feature=related] as weapons are grabbed off shelves.]
PurpleRain [Voiceover while the main characters have training montage]:
It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means, for those of you who haven't seen the Zero Punctuation comments. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror.
[Music still plays while New Classic is shot in a slow motion drive-by, the liscence plate reads 'P-Ra1n'
[Cut to Ultrajoe, while in a helicopter with Armitage Shanks]
Ultrajoe: Smell That? You Smell That?
Shanks: Smell what?
Ultrajoe: ULTRA...ULTRA, nothing else in the world smells like that.
[Music changes to Nine Inch Nails Wish, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRyshAQ1r80] FireDaemon tackles Iron Ninja]
FireDaemon: There are some things you just can't jump!!
[Cut to PurpleRain in a highbacked armchair, Shanks stands in front of him, restrained by ratslaves]
Shanks: Do you expect me to talk?
PurpleRain: No Mr. Shanks, I expect you to die!
[Cut to jim_doki as he draws a sword]
jim_doki: My name is jim_doki, you killed my father, prepare to die!
[Close up of guns shooting, running feet, cut to Galt on his knees in the desert]
Galt: You finally, really did it. You MANIACS! You BLEW IT UP! Aw, damn you! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
[Music reaches climax in time with huge explosion. fades out as screen fades to black]
PurpleRain: (voiceover, whispered) The horror... the yahtzee fanboys... the horror..
Text: Coming 2008
