You took over the world....now what?

[daywalker1776]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

 

[Mordreich]

"I demand your ultimate cup of coffee, black. You have five earth minutes. Make it perfect."

 

[My name is Fiction]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

 

[Free Thinker]

My newly conquered people!
My first item on my new agenda is...Mini-skirt Fridays! All attractive women MUST wear a mini-skirt!
...that is all.

 

[the rye]

Well firstly i would build huge military forts all around the world, next i would create a non-existant enermy so i could rally the world against them. I would then begin the GREAT PURGE, i'll start by testing my citizens to see how noble they are in virtue.

Next will be the construction of a great city that shall be my capital, and have a patriotic song written for this great city. Next i shall have an epic poem written praising my heroic triumph over corrupt politicians and the ignoble upperclass. After this i shall invest vast amounts of money in transhumanism and spacetravel. First the world then the galaxy!

 

[Wes1180]

Do exactly what I do in Tropico 3, anger people, lose money and then get killed, all whilst trying to be a good leader

 

[Ace of Spades]

I would probably let things continue to run as they are, but I would force every world leader to take part in a giant paintball game. 'Cause it would be funny.

 

[Faine']

Implement something like this: http://www.thevenusproject.com/index.php

 

[Naheal]

Begin the great purge.

Of...? (Don't keep us in suspense!)

In short:

Spoiler

-PC gaming elitist snobs
-Fucking emos.
-Super patriotic yanks.
-Fox news.
-French Separatists
-People who don?t understand Socialism, yet hate it anyway.
-People who hate atheists because they don?t believe in a god.
-The Parents Television council and their nazi free speech suppression.
-Bobby motherfucking Kotick.
-Anti-Abortionists.
-People against gay marriage.
-People for the union of church and state.
-Bleeding heart liberals.
-Rich arrogant people.
-Affirmative action supporters.
-People who hate the military.
-Lawyers.
-Stock brokers.
-Greedy people.
-Racists.
-Pop stars.
-The cast from the jersey shore.
-Family first groups.
-People who won?t shut the fuck up about drugs.
-People who don?t believe in evolution.
-People against the legalization of marijuana.
-People who have an annoying laugh/voice and don?t shut up.
-Women who go nuts for little kids.
-Any religious extremists.
-The Vatican.
-People who think video games are raping the minds of America?s youth.
-Parents who let their little hellspawn run free unsupervised.
-People who advocate censorship.
-Mac elitists.
-Loud commercials.
-Stations that bleep out swearing on my favorite shows.
-Lazy people at fast food restaurants.
-Slow people who walk in front of me.
-Politicians.
-People who always want to fuck or party.
-Gaming pirates.
-Overprotective parents.
-People who hate smokers.
-PETA
-The Tea Party
-Overzealous moderators.
-Noobs.
-12 year olds on xbox live.
-Teamkilling fucktards.
-Video game fanboys.
-Pretentious art snobs.
-Insanely dedicated sports fans.
-People against punishing criminals.
-Alcoholics Anonymous.
-Most of my brother?s friends.
-Political Correctness.
-Airheaded girls.
-People who write fucked up fan fiction.
-Tech support.
-Gay people who keep trying to shove their sexuality down my throat.
-Black people who always play the race card.
-Illegal immigrants.
-Board of education.
-Paparazzi.
-Reality TV.
-"The fashion police"
-Beauty/slut/celebrity magazines.
-Angsty teenagers.
-Rappers.
-Companies that pull music off of youtube.
-Bankers.
-Weeaboos.
-Overimpatient people.
-The French.
-People who ***** about the government all the time.
-Certain charities and their guilt-tripping ways.
-Private healthcare.
-Over sensitive pussies.
-People who can?t take a joke.
-Feminist zealots.
-People who sue everyone.
-People who hate every genre of music that isn?t their own.
-Bros.
-People who don?t get shit.
-Women who use PMS as an excuse to be a *****.
-People with some sort of learning disability who use it as an excuse for shitty work.
-Ivy league schools.
-Religious schools.
-People who see the world as black and white.
-Politicians who halt the progress of science.
-The Japanese.
-People who believe they have the right to do whatever they want.
-Self-titled experts.
-Employees at stores who bother me.
-Gaming companies that turn out repetitive bullshit.
-Pikeys

Wrote a list when I was bored and home sick one day.

>Tech Support

WHAT THE HELL DID WE EVER DO TO YOU!? You kill the idiots who think that their CD tray is an attached cup holder and we'll be fine!

OT: Continue to enact my plans. My plans are contingent upon how I took over, so I'd either be a brutal dictator at first, slowly easing into giving more freedom to my now scared shitless population, or an aggressive diplomat, eliminating potential problems before they have a chance to cause more problems. Preferred weapon for the latter is character assassination followed by arrest and execution.

 

[Jedoro]

I'd pretty much do global Communism/Socialism/everyone's fucking living at the same standards. All adults would be required to carry a handgun at all times, while the carry of long arms is optional; automatics would remain limited to military and licensed individuals. Firearm safety would be a part of the education process up until graduation, and state-funded shooting ranges would be in place, with everyone being required to go at least one a month.

Renewable energy source research would be well-funded, and as much as possible would be recycled.

As supreme ruler of the world, I reserve the right to kill anyone at any time, but this would be saved for people the world is just better off without. My standing military would act as a police force, but with much less paperwork so they didn't hate the job. Offenders are shot on sight, their bodies incinerated.

Don't let me run the world, I'd set it up for a lot of people to die. Hopefully it would leave the intelligent alive, but hey, shit happens.

 

[Geminel]

So, rather than going over 6 pages of this I'll just ask if anyone has yet answered along the lines of:

"Relinquish my throne and distribute my power evenly among every living human on Earth."

That's what I'd do. I would do it so that it made everyone a sovereign ruler of their own world within the bounds of their ability to manipulate it.

 

[legion431]

Step 1: Destroy all Religions and Religious Zealots, by force if necessary.

Step 2: Use destroyed wood and Metal from Cathedrals and Churches to build actually useful buildings.

Step 3: Get whatever the fuck I want. (This step never ends)

Step 4: Fix all countries problems.

Step 5: Destroy all armies and make my own Super Army, which will be treated with care.

Step 6: Kill anyone I don't like.

Step 7: Fix everything with Science.

Step 8: ???

Step 9: PROFIT!

Step 10: Leave the Universe, Immortal and forever young, and let this world sort itself out.

How can you leave the world to sort itself out when I'll be here to fuck everything up?

 

[Mr.Mattress]

Begin the great purge.

Of...? (Don't keep us in suspense!)

In short:

Spoiler

-PC gaming elitist snobs
-Fucking emos.
-Super patriotic yanks.
-Fox news.
-French Separatists
-People who don?t understand Socialism, yet hate it anyway.
-People who hate atheists because they don?t believe in a god.
-The Parents Television council and their nazi free speech suppression.
-Bobby motherfucking Kotick.
-Anti-Abortionists.
-People against gay marriage.
-People for the union of church and state.
-Bleeding heart liberals.
-Rich arrogant people.
-Affirmative action supporters.
-People who hate the military.
-Lawyers.
-Stock brokers.
-Greedy people.
-Racists.
-Pop stars.
-The cast from the jersey shore.
-Family first groups.
-People who won?t shut the fuck up about drugs.
-People who don?t believe in evolution.
-People against the legalization of marijuana.
-People who have an annoying laugh/voice and don?t shut up.
-Women who go nuts for little kids.
-Any religious extremists.
-The Vatican.
-People who think video games are raping the minds of America?s youth.
-Parents who let their little hellspawn run free unsupervised.
-People who advocate censorship.
-Mac elitists.
-Loud commercials.
-Stations that bleep out swearing on my favorite shows.
-Lazy people at fast food restaurants.
-Slow people who walk in front of me.
-Politicians.
-People who always want to fuck or party.
-Gaming pirates.
-Overprotective parents.
-People who hate smokers.
-PETA
-The Tea Party
-Overzealous moderators.
-Noobs.
-12 year olds on xbox live.
-Teamkilling fucktards.
-Video game fanboys.
-Pretentious art snobs.
-Insanely dedicated sports fans.
-People against punishing criminals.
-Alcoholics Anonymous.
-Most of my brother?s friends.
-Political Correctness.
-Airheaded girls.
-People who write fucked up fan fiction.
-Tech support.
-Gay people who keep trying to shove their sexuality down my throat.
-Black people who always play the race card.
-Illegal immigrants.
-Board of education.
-Paparazzi.
-Reality TV.
-"The fashion police"
-Beauty/slut/celebrity magazines.
-Angsty teenagers.
-Rappers.
-Companies that pull music off of youtube.
-Bankers.
-Weeaboos.
-Overimpatient people.
-The French.
-People who ***** about the government all the time.
-Certain charities and their guilt-tripping ways.
-Private healthcare.
-Over sensitive pussies.
-People who can?t take a joke.
-Feminist zealots.
-People who sue everyone.
-People who hate every genre of music that isn?t their own.
-Bros.
-People who don?t get shit.
-Women who use PMS as an excuse to be a *****.
-People with some sort of learning disability who use it as an excuse for shitty work.
-Ivy league schools.
-Religious schools.
-People who see the world as black and white.
-Politicians who halt the progress of science.
-The Japanese.
-People who believe they have the right to do whatever they want.
-Self-titled experts.
-Employees at stores who bother me.
-Gaming companies that turn out repetitive bullshit.
-Pikeys

Wrote a list when I was bored and home sick one day.

I was fine up until the Politicians. Well, I guess I need to go underground and start the resistance now.

OT: I would move the Capital to Jerusalem, and set up a Partially democratic system: A Unicameral House and a Dictatorial Head or "Protectorate". The Protectorate, while the most powerful person, does have limitations, and the Unicameral Legislature, while severely limited, does have some great strengths and cannot be legally abolished. I would then go about arresting protesters and rebels, fixing up the environment (Maybe some grass can finally grow in Northern Africa again), and moving us out to space.

 

[Lem0nade Inlay]

If I could pull it off, I'd pretend to resign and elect a new Government, but I'd still rule silently with an invisible hand.

 

[Hristo Petrov]

I will build a series of underground vaults hide 1% of the human population in them and then bomb the hell out of everyone else. Overpopulation crisis averted for a long time.

 

[CaptainKoala]

Torture every single person in the Steam company for being so fucking stupid and disabling my account for what might be the most retarded reason in the history of anything.
I am being disabled because Steam has to follow PayPal's retarded stupidity.

What did PayPal do that forced Valve to go along with it?

 

[bart56912]

1 i would turn all of the nyc into a death race corse just like split second
2 change the name of the entire world to the united states of bart
3 piss on the entire autralian board of classifcation and have them dragged into the street and shot
4 take every thing i ever wanted
5 destroy city affter city and make tv shows where poverty ridden and peaple with mortal ilness fight to the death all for my entertainment

 

[Alon Shechter]

Torture every single person in the Steam company for being so fucking stupid and disabling my account for what might be the most retarded reason in the history of anything.
I am being disabled because Steam has to follow PayPal's retarded stupidity.

What did PayPal do that forced Valve to go along with it?

I made a new PayPal account matching my country so I can buy from Steam's idiotic system, my uncle sent me a little bit of money to make the purchase.
Of course, an account getting money? PREPOSTEROUS! So they limited me in suspicion that I am a thief, followed by Steam doing it as well.
Now they want me to enter a credit card and proof of address, both of which are unrelated to the situation.

 

[CaptainKoala]

Torture every single person in the Steam company for being so fucking stupid and disabling my account for what might be the most retarded reason in the history of anything.
I am being disabled because Steam has to follow PayPal's retarded stupidity.

What did PayPal do that forced Valve to go along with it?

I made a new PayPal account matching my country so I can buy from Steam's idiotic system, my uncle sent me a little bit of money to make the purchase.
Of course, an account getting money? PREPOSTEROUS! So they limited me in suspicion that I am a thief, followed by Steam doing it as well.
Now they want me to enter a credit card and proof of address, both of which are unrelated to the situation.

That sounds like a load of bullshit to me. If I were you, I would just give it to them. Unless you never want to use a game on Steam again.
PS: Not to take their side, but you do have an extremely large collection of games. Almost suspiciously large. But that has nothing to do with getting money in your PayPal account. Sorry dude, that sucks balls. (Yes I looked at your steam account through your Escapist profile)

 

[Alon Shechter]

[snip

Well, that extremely large number of games came from a different credit card, and money that I've personally earned and used in the summer sales.
I don't really know how to "give it" to them, sadly.