You took over the world....now what?

[notsosavagemessiah]

now i sleep.

 

[Dr. wonderful]

Two words:

Dance. Party.


*Flashing lights and women in leather appears*

Let's do this! *Pelvic thrust*

 

[BabyRaptor]

I rule the world? Good. Nobody can say I can't go off and murder all the people who've screwed me over.

Oh, and I'll make it a law that I can get Barq's Root Beer anytime/anywhere I want for free. Seriously love that stuff.

 

[Jazzyjazz2323]

Fuse Mount Everest with a railgun!

 

[TimeLord]

If I own the world and everything in it....

Build rockets!
[HEADING=1]TO SPACE[/HEADING]

 

[Darth Crater]

1. Secure power - make sure that nobody else can take the world from me.
2. Secure immortality - gather the great minds of the world, throw unlimited resources at them, and tell them to "cure death."
3. Have fun.

 

[daywalker1776]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

Fair enough, I will need intelligent henchmen in my army. But still, we get 72 virgins (and some grapes if you want).

 

[My name is Fiction]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

Fair enough, I will need intelligent henchmen in my army. But still, we get 72 virgins (and some grapes if you want).

"Grapes no. Wine, perhaps..."

 

[My name is Fiction]

Two words:

Dance. Party.


*Flashing lights and women in leather appears*

Let's do this! *Pelvic thrust*

*joins the party with a dozen glow sticks on each arm and one in mouth*

 

[trophykiller]

So you managed within a weekend to not only find a coupon for 4 free tacos at jack in the box, but also become Ruler of the World. Now what? You had a set of plans to take over but accidentally threw away your plans as to what to do afterward in the shredder along with the map and passwords to your super secret stash of porn. What was it you had planned to do once the world was under your control?

Get my super secret stash of porn back, someone might hurt her, I mean it, I mean... um, no, I haven't grown an emotional attachment to porn and married it.

On a more serious note, improve and stabilize the world economy by having certain exports made by certain countries, and keep it that way, then legalize guns everywhere and leaving a bill of rights that enforces free speech, religion, and the right to bear arms, then fill said bill of rights with sarcasm(to keep future rulers from growing corrupt because they know they'll look like an idiot if they do).

Then I intend to fill PSAs with sarcasm so people will actually listen to them(don't drink and drive, or atleast not unless you're a special person who's unnaffected by alcohol, because those people totally exsist), then get colonies on the moon so we can harvest the helium 3 isotope(enough energy to last earth for thousands of years, plus it's the safest place to put a reactor), then hold a press conference telling people not to hate others for their religion(then fill it with sarcasm so people will actually listen), then finally, research long distance space travel and spread our human-ness to other planets.

After that, write a book about how to rule the planet and about my political views on things such as the evils that are unneccsesary war, racsism, lying to the people, gun control, and political correctness. Oh, and say how sarcasm is the only way to get people to listen, because everyone here knows it's true.

 

[trophykiller]

Fuse Mount Everest with a railgun!

Remind me not to invade your planet.

 

[trophykiller]

Begin the great purge.

Of...? (Don't keep us in suspense!)

In short:

Spoiler

-PC gaming elitist snobs
-Fucking emos.
-Super patriotic yanks.
-Fox news.
-French Separatists
-People who don?t understand Socialism, yet hate it anyway.
-People who hate atheists because they don?t believe in a god.
-The Parents Television council and their nazi free speech suppression.
-Bobby motherfucking Kotick.
-Anti-Abortionists.
-People against gay marriage.
-People for the union of church and state.
-Bleeding heart liberals.
-Rich arrogant people.
-Affirmative action supporters.
-People who hate the military.
-Lawyers.
-Stock brokers.
-Greedy people.
-Racists.
-Pop stars.
-The cast from the jersey shore.
-Family first groups.
-People who won?t shut the fuck up about drugs.
-People who don?t believe in evolution.
-People against the legalization of marijuana.
-People who have an annoying laugh/voice and don?t shut up.
-Women who go nuts for little kids.
-Any religious extremists.
-The Vatican.
-People who think video games are raping the minds of America?s youth.
-Parents who let their little hellspawn run free unsupervised.
-People who advocate censorship.
-Mac elitists.
-Loud commercials.
-Stations that bleep out swearing on my favorite shows.
-Lazy people at fast food restaurants.
-Slow people who walk in front of me.
-Politicians.
-People who always want to fuck or party.
-Gaming pirates.
-Overprotective parents.
-People who hate smokers.
-PETA
-The Tea Party
-Overzealous moderators.
-Noobs.
-12 year olds on xbox live.
-Teamkilling fucktards.
-Video game fanboys.
-Pretentious art snobs.
-Insanely dedicated sports fans.
-People against punishing criminals.
-Alcoholics Anonymous.
-Most of my brother?s friends.
-Political Correctness.
-Airheaded girls.
-People who write fucked up fan fiction.
-Tech support.
-Gay people who keep trying to shove their sexuality down my throat.
-Black people who always play the race card.
-Illegal immigrants.
-Board of education.
-Paparazzi.
-Reality TV.
-"The fashion police"
-Beauty/slut/celebrity magazines.
-Angsty teenagers.
-Rappers.
-Companies that pull music off of youtube.
-Bankers.
-Weeaboos.
-Overimpatient people.
-The French.
-People who ***** about the government all the time.
-Certain charities and their guilt-tripping ways.
-Private healthcare.
-Over sensitive pussies.
-People who can?t take a joke.
-Feminist zealots.
-People who sue everyone.
-People who hate every genre of music that isn?t their own.
-Bros.
-People who don?t get shit.
-Women who use PMS as an excuse to be a *****.
-People with some sort of learning disability who use it as an excuse for shitty work.
-Ivy league schools.
-Religious schools.
-People who see the world as black and white.
-Politicians who halt the progress of science.
-The Japanese.
-People who believe they have the right to do whatever they want.
-Self-titled experts.
-Employees at stores who bother me.
-Gaming companies that turn out repetitive bullshit.
-Pikeys

Wrote a list when I was bored and home sick one day.

Wait, when you say people who don't believe in evolution, what about those who believe in it to a degree(Cow that makes yummy steak + cow that makes yummy steak = cow that makes yummy steak) but don't buy the claim that we are descended from single celled organisms, sea creatures, ect seeing as how there are little or no biological similarities between humans and germs(Us: Billions of cells, in all sorts of different types, Them: One. Freaking. Cell.)

Also, I belive god made the dinosaurs to be awesome. Think about it, one has a spiked tail, another has shield for a head, another is covered in feathers and colorful as a rainbow, yet will shred you to pieces(velociraptor. Yes, they had feathers, which acually made them cooler in my book).

Oh, and one of science's greatest mysteries, t-rex arms(too small to fight with, eat with, or look cool with) is explained with this: it was a joke. A building sized, ravenous death machine, built like a brick sh!thouse and capable of killing anything in it's path, attached to adorably undersized arms.

 

[Kraiiit]

1.World leaders and government bodies will disappear quietly. Yup, even the marginally 'good' ones.
2.Transnational Companies and large businesses are broken up, the proceeds liquidated and scattered.
3.Reshuffle the global population for a roughly equal racial and property distribution.
4.Religious extremists and terrorists cells eliminated with a minimum of collateral damage.
5.Censorship removed from all forms of media.
6.No further manipulation.
Then watch from the shadows- see where the world goes from there. Prepare nuclear warheads, just in case.

Basically, a 'reset' in the balance of power, doing away with humanity's self-imposed burdens- but without mass genocide, preserving existing knowledge. I doubt the eventual results will be pretty, but on the oft-chance that it should be, I could sincerely state that my faith in humanity would be restored.

 

[daywalker1776]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

Fair enough, I will need intelligent henchmen in my army. But still, we get 72 virgins (and some grapes if you want).

"Grapes no. Wine, perhaps..."

screw it, just give me some Coors Light and Jack Daniels and I'll be happy, you can get whatever you want.

 

[My name is Fiction]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

Fair enough, I will need intelligent henchmen in my army. But still, we get 72 virgins (and some grapes if you want).

"Grapes no. Wine, perhaps..."

screw it, just give me some Coors Light and Jack Daniels and I'll be happy, you can get whatever you want.

"i'v never had Jack denials but I always wanted some."

 

[daywalker1776]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

Fair enough, I will need intelligent henchmen in my army. But still, we get 72 virgins (and some grapes if you want).

"Grapes no. Wine, perhaps..."

screw it, just give me some Coors Light and Jack Daniels and I'll be happy, you can get whatever you want.

"i'v never had Jack denials but I always wanted some."

Well that is about to change.

 

[My name is Fiction]

Do you remember Franklin D. Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights. Well, I'll start with those, and then probably make all the oil executives pay for all the damages they caused to the world, and then send them to jail for a very long, long, long time. All the workers of said oil companies will be fine, give them public works jobs until they can find something else. Also, while we are on that subject, transfer all people on unemployment and not actively seeking a job within the next month would be immediately transferred to public works until they can find another job. If they refuse, then they don't get the unemployment checks. And, simultaneously, negotiate with the unions of all workers of the world to set up a system of governance that prevents lazy workers from being defended from said unions. Also, establish a new world currency, and invest in nuclear energy until a more efficient green energy is found (in case you're wondering, I would also invest heavily in green and nuclear energy R&D). Finally, remember the space program, how we were going to send a guy to Mars, and colonize the moon, and other stuff like that, well say hello to space program Mk. II.

"So you take over the world for good reasons?"
"I agree with everything you say, can I be your henchman?"

Why of course comrade, may the attack begin at dawn.

"all right but what are we attacking at dawn?Wait I'm a henchman I don't ask questions I hit things with a hammer."

And it is for your loyalty that you will be answered. We attack...Activision HQ as part of my 34 step plan to enslave the human race with the exception of a few who will be either my wives or my henchmen and their "loved" ones.

"Good Good, but what if your said loved ones need plastic surgery so they don't feel ugly."
"All good evil organizations have good health coverage since most henchmen die off with in a day."

Don't worry, just about everything imaginable that involves going to a hospital is covered for my henchmen. Also, the life expectancy of my henchmen is about one week.

"Now all what should I call you, you need an EVIL name to go by."
How about Ochiva, Sounds very exotic."

Agreed, we will go with that. All the world will tremble before Ochiva.

"Yes Ochiva, we are not only successful at taking over the world but also this topic as well."

Yes, but now the Escapist knows too much. You know what must be done.

"Yes, master..."
*Press self destruct on my profile*
"Now they will never find us!!!"

Good, now that that is taken care of, let's go to the moon and celebrate with the 72 virgins that the Muslims thought they'd get. And don't worry, they are all women, and sexy at that.

"Being the EVIL scholar that I am that 72 virgins was a mistranslation, what they actually got was grapes!"

Fair enough, I will need intelligent henchmen in my army. But still, we get 72 virgins (and some grapes if you want).

"Grapes no. Wine, perhaps..."

screw it, just give me some Coors Light and Jack Daniels and I'll be happy, you can get whatever you want.

"i'v never had Jack denials but I always wanted some."

Well that is about to change.

"I know they use it in BBQ sauce too."

 

[kuyo]

Galactic conquest. Let's colonize the shit out of space.
I'd also restructure the banks and regional governments because 1. I don't need them challenging my authority and 2. I don't need their bungling getting in my way. May as well send them off to the off-world mines, I was going to have the robots do it, but sending the old authority figures to a gruesome fate sends the right iron fist message I'm going for. I wouldn't publicize it, but the puppet governments would notice the disappearances and know the score. Then I'd get on universal health care and robotic implants.

 

[vitralizer]

I shall eliminate ALL religion in favour of objectivism.

 

[Angus565]

You know, catch a movie, get some coffee.
enslave humanity
What?! I mean-
LOOK KITTENS!