Your biggest dick move

[s0m3th1ng]

I fucked my dorm-mates gf...while he was sleeping in the same room.
Kid was a douchebag anyway so I don't feel to bad. Man was she a slut.

 

[daemon37]

I once screamed at a family having lunch, from the passenger seat of my friend's car as we drove by. Immediately afterward I felt bad about it.

 

[TheTim]

i slashed some kid's bike tires in 7th grade whom i did not like, turns out that he lived 3 miles away from my school where i did it.

 

[kwagamon]

I once picked up a kid (about age 10-11-ish) up by his throat and was actually about to squeeze until I realized what I was doing. I put him down as I realized how much of a total dickhead I am. I've come to terms with it, though. I've managed to contain the jerk aspect of myself to times where it would be funny... or when this girl I know who I really hate is around. Luckily those tend to coincide, so it's all good.

 

[Nolanp01]

Seriously? Thats all you have? Hmmm... maybe I am going to hell. Where to start....

Age 12, I regularly took younger cousin's loudest toys outside, turned them on, set them on fire, and then would yell for him so he'd see. That same cousin was regularly hung from a door knob by his underwear.

Age 15 I would regularly take my younger step sibling's toys outside and throw them in the lake. I only threw noisy ones in.... well that and some of their favorite ones.

That December, one of the step siblings was calling me names. I picked him up by his underwear, walked outside and threw him in the lake.

I superglue a sibling's hands to his face. He couldn't feed or dress himself till after a trip to the hospital.

While another was sleeping I wrapped him up in his bed sheets and carried the whole mess down the hall. (Think Santa Claus.) I threw the hole mess down the stairs.

Daily I would liberate an item from my teacher's desk. Soon she was complaining about her 2 hole punches, 3 staplers, 3 boxes of markers, and finally the icing on the cake: 2 weeks of base copy work sheets. No homework for 2 weeks.

Ok.... lets fast forward.... There's more.... but... yeah

I locked my coworker in a tiny basement area. Found out he was afraid of small spaces and the dark. Atleast thats what his supervisor told me after he was found 3 hours later.

Bets - It's amazing what you'll get people to do when you put $100 on the table....

I bet 3 other coworkers to drink a gallon of milk (each) in an hour and hold it down for another
hour. The look on their faces when they were 90% of the way done was priceless. (*Oh.... oh god this was a bad idea*). Ok, yeah, none of them held it down. Best part.... for less then $10 I gave 3 people the runs for the next 2 days. (Yeah, much of it comes back up.... but by then the damage is already done)

I bet a coworker to eat a large can of corn in 2 hours and keep it down for the rest of the day. He came close.... didn't make it. He did hold it down though. Also complained about defecating corn for the next week.

I bet a coworker to eat a jar of mayonnaise plus a can of coke in an hour and keep it down for another hour. So close..... She didn't make it.

I told a coworker I'd pay him $50 to snort a can of Dr. Pepper. He gave up half way through. Was so awesome while it lasted though. Snort... Gag... Cry... Snort gag, sputter.... cry some more..

Offered money to have another female eat a jar of pickles and drink the juice in an hour and hold it down for another. She was close. Turns out that drinking that much vinegar really messes with digestion. Complained about diarrhea for the next week.

Offered $40 to another to eat 3 habanero peppers raw (including the seeds) in 15 minutes. He gave up after only 2. He yelled for something to drink.... I gave him a warm Dr.Pepper. Off he went down the hall screaming.

Other fun with co workers...

I put every chair in the building in a co-worker's office. The office is not much bigger then a bed room and we had over a 100 chairs in there. She had to climb over and through them just to turn the lights on.

I took a 5 inch leg-span spider throughout different offices, setting it loose, taking pictures of it by "land marks" in their offices and then left the pictures laying out. The spider was later released into my back yard unharmed. Discovered >20% of my coworkers were terrified of spiders.

Took office desk chairs from 3 different offices, belonging to 3 different people apart and then rearranged the parts so that no single one had enough to make a chair. I left each of them with an hex wrench... all of them too small or too big to do anything with.

hmm....I think that's enough for now....

Sounds like your co-workers are simply idiots.

 

[scorptatious]

Back when I was a wee lad, my best friends started hanging out with a kid I didn't like. Back then I didn't have too many friends so I saw this a threat. So throughout the 2nd and 3rd grade I was constantly pestering them, getting into arguments with the kid I hated,and sometimes fighting. Than one day we were playing capture the flag, I was able to catch him on our side of the field and I accidentally knocked him down. I mocked him for being caught as he got up and walked over to prison.

Looking back, I could've definitely handled the situation I had during that period of time a lot better.

Also, during my time on the WOW forums, I have made some stupid topics that have caused some E-drama. I won't go into the details.

 

[Stryc9]

About six years ago my two closest friends got screwed by one of their friends on an apartment lease and were forced to move out with next to no warning so while I was helping them move we took the valve cores out of all four of the other guy's tires and threw them over the fence into the neighbor's yard. He missed two days of work because he couldn't get his tires to keep air in them. I don't feel bad about that though.

 

[Sirisaxman]

Seriously? Thats all you have? Hmmm... maybe I am going to hell. Where to start....

Age 12, I regularly took younger cousin's loudest toys outside, turned them on, set them on fire, and then would yell for him so he'd see. That same cousin was regularly hung from a door knob by his underwear.

Age 15 I would regularly take my younger step sibling's toys outside and throw them in the lake. I only threw noisy ones in.... well that and some of their favorite ones.

That December, one of the step siblings was calling me names. I picked him up by his underwear, walked outside and threw him in the lake.

I superglue a sibling's hands to his face. He couldn't feed or dress himself till after a trip to the hospital.

While another was sleeping I wrapped him up in his bed sheets and carried the whole mess down the hall. (Think Santa Claus.) I threw the hole mess down the stairs.

Daily I would liberate an item from my teacher's desk. Soon she was complaining about her 2 hole punches, 3 staplers, 3 boxes of markers, and finally the icing on the cake: 2 weeks of base copy work sheets. No homework for 2 weeks.

Ok.... lets fast forward.... There's more.... but... yeah

I locked my coworker in a tiny basement area. Found out he was afraid of small spaces and the dark. Atleast thats what his supervisor told me after he was found 3 hours later.

Bets - It's amazing what you'll get people to do when you put $100 on the table....

I bet 3 other coworkers to drink a gallon of milk (each) in an hour and hold it down for another
hour. The look on their faces when they were 90% of the way done was priceless. (*Oh.... oh god this was a bad idea*). Ok, yeah, none of them held it down. Best part.... for less then $10 I gave 3 people the runs for the next 2 days. (Yeah, much of it comes back up.... but by then the damage is already done)

I bet a coworker to eat a large can of corn in 2 hours and keep it down for the rest of the day. He came close.... didn't make it. He did hold it down though. Also complained about defecating corn for the next week.

I bet a coworker to eat a jar of mayonnaise plus a can of coke in an hour and keep it down for another hour. So close..... She didn't make it.

I told a coworker I'd pay him $50 to snort a can of Dr. Pepper. He gave up half way through. Was so awesome while it lasted though. Snort... Gag... Cry... Snort gag, sputter.... cry some more..

Offered money to have another female eat a jar of pickles and drink the juice in an hour and hold it down for another. She was close. Turns out that drinking that much vinegar really messes with digestion. Complained about diarrhea for the next week.

Offered $40 to another to eat 3 habanero peppers raw (including the seeds) in 15 minutes. He gave up after only 2. He yelled for something to drink.... I gave him a warm Dr.Pepper. Off he went down the hall screaming.

Other fun with co workers...

I put every chair in the building in a co-worker's office. The office is not much bigger then a bed room and we had over a 100 chairs in there. She had to climb over and through them just to turn the lights on.

I took a 5 inch leg-span spider throughout different offices, setting it loose, taking pictures of it by "land marks" in their offices and then left the pictures laying out. The spider was later released into my back yard unharmed. Discovered >20% of my coworkers were terrified of spiders.

Took office desk chairs from 3 different offices, belonging to 3 different people apart and then rearranged the parts so that no single one had enough to make a chair. I left each of them with an hex wrench... all of them too small or too big to do anything with.

hmm....I think that's enough for now....

Epic, just epic. You sir, are a legend!

OT: I used to pick on my little sister a lot, sometimes "torture" the cat, let's see...
Oh, one time I was pulling my sister's hair and I somehow got her to start grabbing it herself (she was 3) and so until I told them otherwise, my parents thought she was pulling her own hair the whole time.

 

[xDarc]

A crazy ex gf, who made me miserable for a year, who tried to kill herself when I attempted to dump her the first time- revealed to me that she was pregnant and she was going to have it.

I told her I didn't believe her.

I told her even if she was pregnant and she had my child, that the only thing that kid would ever see from me would be a check. I would not be involved in its life, and especially hers by default. So, she had better think twice beffore bringing a kid into this world that will never know his real father.

She had an abortion and started dating women last I heard.

Ice cold, but everyone is better off.

 

[redeemer09]

i kicked a injured cat out of my way and loughed.no lie

 

[WolfThomas]

I have done horrible things to an annoying housemate in the past, things I hesitate to mention even on a vaguely anonymous forum.

On another note, I seem to have this amazing ability to cock-block people I slightly know (acquaintances, friends of friends) by stealing the girl, taking her back to my place and then she ends up sleeping on the couch, my sister's bed etc.

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

I almost cheated on someone but luckily I got cold feet at the last second. I've made some major changes since then.

Also, Something that really bothers me, I am a complete asshole to my little brother when he sometimes doesn't deserve it. I am a very nice person in real life. Very approachable, and I go out of my way to help other younger kids and loners at my school when they are looking scared or confused, something that gets me a lot of smack from my friends.

But for some reason, I am all the things I hate about other people to my little bro. It now physically feels weird and uncomfortable to be nice to him. I'm pretty sure that once I get away from my family for a while, I'll lighten up.

Speaking as a little brother myself, you really should be nicer to your younger sibling. I have a sister who treats me like a plague victim. I'll just ask to borrow something of hers (ie. a dvd or something) and she'll be a massive ***** about it, sometimes going so far as to just saying "No, fuck off!"

She's partially the reason I don't live with my father (she lives with him)

A crazy ex gf, who made me miserable for a year, who tried to kill herself when I attempted to dump her the first time- revealed to me that she was pregnant and she was going to have it.

I told her I didn't believe her.

I told her even if she was pregnant and she had my child, that the only thing that kid would ever see from me would be a check. I would not be involved in its life, and especially hers by default. So, she had better think twice beffore bringing a kid into this world that will never know his real father.

She had an abortion and started dating women last I heard.

Ice cold, but everyone is better off.

You did the right thing, although you could have been less of a dick about it.

 

[the_pleasure_is_mine]

Stole my friends girlfriend...

He was a dick and she was easy.

In my defense, I was bored and it was hilarious.

 

[Tdc2182]

I almost cheated on someone but luckily I got cold feet at the last second. I've made some major changes since then.

Also, Something that really bothers me, I am a complete asshole to my little brother when he sometimes doesn't deserve it. I am a very nice person in real life. Very approachable, and I go out of my way to help other younger kids and loners at my school when they are looking scared or confused, something that gets me a lot of smack from my friends.

But for some reason, I am all the things I hate about other people to my little bro. It now physically feels weird and uncomfortable to be nice to him. I'm pretty sure that once I get away from my family for a while, I'll lighten up.

Speaking as a little brother myself, you really should be nicer to your younger sibling. I have a sister who treats me like a plague victim. I'll just ask to borrow something of hers (ie. a dvd or something) and she'll be a massive ***** about it, sometimes going so far as to just saying "No, fuck off!"

She's partially the reason I don't live with my father (she lives with him)

Yeah, I also have an older brother who was a dick to me.

It may be the fact that we aren't close enough in age to understand each other, and that he isnt young enough to get the tyke treatment.

Its hard to explain. We love you and all, but sometimes I cant take it.

 

[YouEatLard]

Remembered more...

Myself and 15-20 friends were drinking at a bar one night. There was also an idiot there that I didn't like. He was whining and drinking himself into a stupor. He had been spitting for a while and got up to use the restroom. Before he left he asked for someone to order him an ice water. He went off to the rest room and most likely threw up. The waitress came and I ordered for him. "One Vodka on the rocks please."
Yeah, when he got back, he had almost half of it down before he hap-hazardly put the glass down and barely sputtered "Thats not water...". Spent the rest of the night vomiting.

ALL SHOULD TRY THIS...
I put two annoyatrons each in two different co-workers offices. If you don't know what these are look them up. They are so awesome. I hid them in the vents in the ceiling so the sound would echo and bounce around. That same week I also brought left 5 lbs of chocolate covered espresso beans in the break room. Both would regularly have coworkers run in to see what the matter was as they started screaming when they'd beep. One unplugged and finaly attacked a printer with a knife. The other walked around only taking a step when he heard the beep. He took vacation for 2 weeks.
The espresso beans left in the break room work well on their own as well. Think 10-20% of the office bouncing off the walls and at each others throats.

Regularly put air horns on the ground on their side so that their button would be hit when the door was opened on Monday morning.

One of my coworkers was calm, controlled, and rather quiet. This annoyed the piss out of me. Regularly I'd walk in and *clean* his desk for him. This envolved me throwing everything that was on his desk... behind the desk. The desk was heavy and too much of a pain to move. He started keeping the desk clean though. I'd also regularly kick his trash can across the room, shut the lights off, and slam the door. I might also knock over some chairs for obstacle as they were trying to find their way to turn the light back on.
After months of this, one day I was sitting at my desk and typing an email. Out of nowhere I heard a battle cry from the hallway. He ran in cackling like a mad man and kicked my trash can across the room. He then ran to it and proceeded to stomp it into a useless hump of sheet metal. He then ran out, killing the lights and slamming door so hard 3 pictures fell off the wall and broke. I just sat there in the dark trying to figured out what the hell just happened.

I'll think of more.... give me time. There's just so damn much.

Sorry.... other people are put here to make me happy and I damn well plan to take full advantage of that fact!

 

[Blindswordmaster]

I once wore the same underwear for three days, three days of working out and summer yard work, and duck taped then around my little brother's head. This was only in retaliation for him kicking me in the balls with cleats on.

 

[DarkerSlash117]

My biggest dick move was telling the girl that I like to go die of cancer, whom I still like today... yeah I know, that doesn't stand up to some of the others on this thread

 

[William Dickbringer]

I smacked a fly using a friend's notebook during school
yeah was funny

 

[Eggsnham]

Well the worst thing I've done, was I went to this movie theatre and I had all this vomit, and I sat on the balcony and I threw it down, and all the people were vomiting all over each other and ahh it was horrible *crys* That was the worst thing I ever done in my life.

*cookies to those that get the reference*

I know that line!!

I just can't for the life of me remember where it came from.

It's gonna piss me off now.

OT: I avoid a girl who really likes me, yet I have absolutely zero attraction for. Now, I wouldn't do that just because I'm not attracted to her, I'm not that much of an ass. She's also incredibly annoying and has some issues that need to be sorted out - issues that she talks about constantly.

 

[Nostalgia Ripoff]

One time I pushed a kid in the pool. He scraped the side of the wall.

It was an accident, I swear!