"Son of a mother!"
"Well, bugger."
"OK, I'm going . If I'm not back in time for , avenge my death"
"Aaahhh! It's eating my face!" - in reference to any damage suffered in any game, ever.
"I got in a fight with a bear. And there was lava, and chainsaws, and something to do with a motorbike... Then more lava..." - My standard excuse for being late to anything, or for having cut myself whilst shaving. It says something about my friends that they don't find this strange.