Your Epic Moments in DnD

[KingKamor]

This is a bit long, but bear with me.

In Hackmaster, my lawful good fighter character died in the first session due to a poor roll. My GM decided to be nice and let me come back as a chaotic evil Walker, which is a powerful ghost that can take over corpses and use them as his own. Upon my first body-jump, I get reintroduced to the party and we're on our merry way. We ended up having to mediate between two factions that had been warring with each other for ages, but if they didn't stop then there was an evil army that would come in and kill them all. Some powerful wizard or another cast a time-loop spell to make it so that they would have hundreds of chanced to accept each other and avoid destruction. For some ungodly reason, the party sent me over to the less affluent faction to tell them that an alliance would be preferable, since the richer faction was actually short-staffed.

The queen remarks, "Wouldn't it be easier to simply march on their city now, since they are so short-handed?"

My response? "That's a fantastic idea, your majesty!"

And thus we march out in time to watch the rich city fight the evil army. The city's army is crushed, but the evil army is weakened, so we end up winning the day. My character leveled, gained a bitchin' suit of armor, and received 15 elite troops from the army he lead for that faction to act as his henchmen.

 

[NobodyPro]

In the one D&D game I have played we added a couple of things to the existing rules including eating races alive and cannibalism for an insane character. At one point every character was near starving and we refused to cheat, so we ate one of the party members. He was an elf and two of us have played Dwarf Fortress, I still do occasionally. We died in the next battle we fought anyway, at the paws of the worlds luckiest giant rats.

 

[jhackofalltrades]

I've had 3 epic moments, two from DM'ing and one from my first game, 2E on all three.

First scene involved a Shambling mound meant to at least halfway beat up whichever party member was closest. Due to some nice rolls by the party and shitty initiative for me, my fat nasty monster gets it in the first round. I decide on a parting shot having not done anything with him at all, tell the PC that the Shambling Mound looks dead at him and says Fuck Yooooooouuuuuu.
I roll a nat 20 which floors me and lets me roll again. Another one pops out. Then another and one last natural 20, last roll was a regular hit. 4x max damage plus rolled damage equal one well splatted Thri-kreen warrior. The fuck you roll is legendary among my gaming group.

Second scene involved the culmination of an adventure in a corrupted gnomish fun house. A mine cart ride fending off nasty unique uber-gremlins who are trying to tip or slow down the cart. PC's run this way then that, knock some off, and finally at the very end, run to the front of the cart to gain speed and get away from the huge boulder rumbling along the tracks behind them. I enjoyed putting my players through that entire adventure taking typical fun house rides and experiences and seeing how far I could twist them.

Last epic moment was my first. I'm playing the stereotypical dwarven warrior with an axe to grind. One of the munchkins in the party was playing an elven ranger and kept screwing with my character about everything. He exploded, unslinging his axe and I, being in the moment, brought my arms out and to the side. "You wanna fight?" My arms go backward, every joint in my shoulders and back pop very loudly and appropriately "Bring it on!" I was overly impressed with myself but having huge fun. Needless to say the munchkin elf backed off and I was having a blast rp'ing the little bearded psycho.

 

[darkfire613]

I'm DMing a group currently, and we're running a semi-serious campaign with fairly stupid-acting characters. One friend has two characters, a dwarf warrior (alignment chaotic evil) which shall be called "dwarfy" after his in-game nickname, and a human paladin (lawful good obviously) whose name is "FancyBritches McPantyhose," shortened to Fancy.

The campaign we're running involves horror and an emphasis on shadows and light. I created a monster which can remain mostly invisible (20+ spot check to notice) when in darkness and moving at a rate of 2 squares or slower. Fancy ran right into the shadow, heard the whistling sound of the claws of one of these creatures (called Scythes) go past his ear, and he turned around, still in darkness, to shout back at the group, "hey guys, I think I heard something!" before ducking barely soon enough to avoid getting hit again.

Realizing something was in the shadow, Dwarfy grabbed a torch to throw in to the shadow, but he didn't light it first. This ended up being good however, because he rolled double-1s on his attempt to throw the torch, resulting in a swing downward, causing torch to connect with crotch, stunning him for 1d4 turns, which obviously rolled a 4.

My group is hilarious.

 

[Georgie_Leech]

This thread has a notable lack of rogues; let me try to rectify this.

Playing a 4th edition semi-crazy Human Rogue as part of a group, the DM was upset at our plot-predicting ways and so tried to get rid of a bit of our rapidly developing ego. His choice was an angry, young but fairly big red dragon that landed near our level 6 party. It was suppossed to be a significant challenge, but it didn't quite go as planned. Thanks to a pair of action points from milestones, a rapier, a couple daggers, a pair of shortswords enchanted against acid, and an interesting bit of acid you could coat pretty much anything non-metallic with (but my shortswords worked too), I was able to solo the wyrm in one round, largely due to sneak attack bonuses (punctured organs, etc.). Thanks to the DM's habit of narrating our actions after our round is over, rather than as the actions are declared, we got this, as he was suitably impressed by the awesome set of rolls I got:

"Thinking quickly, Mykrulea sprints towards the great beast as it lands. He quickly scales a nearby boulder and takes a flying leap at the wyrm's head. He almost misses, but jams his daggers into the beasts' eyes to grab hold. As the beast flings back its head in an awful roar, Mykrulea is tossed into the air. As he falls, his rapier is drawn, pointed at the top of the dragon's head. The enchanted steel holds true against the bone and scale of the red, and sinkes to its hilt, piercing the brain. Despite the wyrm now thrashing madly, Mykrulea manages to remain atop the neck and draws his Shortswords of Acid Protection. Coating them with a dangerous acid, he flips off of the dragon's head, twirls in the air, and slashes with both blades at the back of the neck. The coated weapons slide through the beast, shearing its head clean off.

"In the aftermath, Mykrulea hops lightly down off of the dragon's back and shrugs at the astounded adventurers."

And just because they were busy poking around the corpse to admire my work, I was able to pickpocket 20 gold.

 

[IxionIndustries]

Ahh.. D&D...

The first I can remember is with one of my first mages. He was a necromancer, and we had somehow alotted an army. We were sieging this one god's city, and my necromancer was in charge of the mage's unit. He had about 15 skilled magi at his disposal, and as we were deposited in the city through the breach, we met at their colliseum. I decided to put my troops to work, and have them create a Gravewalker from all the corpses in the colliseum. So basically, we had this giant, walking graveyard with a fucking arena on it's back, with 16 mages channeling a big ball of energy inside. Suffice to say, we ripped that city apart.

Then, there's my dwarven Binder. We were setting out to retrieve an artifact from a dwarf city, and my character had been banished for practicing "dark" magic. I bound Naberius, a vestige who improves diplomatic skills. I rolled a 19, with a bonus of 5, and managed to get through the ELITE GUARDS of this freaking city, just by saying "Hi, I'm here to clean the thingy,".

Another time with my Binder, was when we were in an arena scenario. Whenever a Binder wants to summon a vestige, it creates a pretty big effect. It just so happened that one of my vestiges called down a giant fucking ice-cicle within the summoning circle. So before the match started, my dwarf started doodling a circle in the sand, much to the confusion of the audience. Then, as my opponent charged at me, they ran straight into a large ice-cicle, and shit themselves. Then I killed them in one hit with a battle-axe as they were running away.

 

[grimsprice]

I was playing a Shardmind (construct), and i got eaten by a big flan cube thingy. I forget what it was called, it was supposed to suffocate me to death, but i don't need to breath, so i sat inside it doing damage.

I KILLED IT SINGLE HANDEDLY FROM INSIDE IT.

LOL.

 

[Pegghead]

My friend was playing a wizard elf, we'd been in a battle with quite a few goblins.

He casts this area effect spell, perfect rolls all round, each goblin was killed.

We laughed heartily as I crossed the goblins off the list.

 

[Naheal]

This thread has a notable lack of rogues; let me try to rectify this.

Playing a 4th edition semi-crazy Human Rogue as part of a group, the DM was upset at our plot-predicting ways and so tried to get rid of a bit of our rapidly developing ego. His choice was an angry, young but fairly big red dragon that landed near our level 6 party. It was suppossed to be a significant challenge, but it didn't quite go as planned. Thanks to a pair of action points from milestones, a rapier, a couple daggers, a pair of shortswords enchanted against acid, and an interesting bit of acid you could coat pretty much anything non-metallic with (but my shortswords worked too), I was able to solo the wyrm in one round, largely due to sneak attack bonuses (punctured organs, etc.). Thanks to the DM's habit of narrating our actions after our round is over, rather than as the actions are declared, we got this, as he was suitably impressed by the awesome set of rolls I got:

"Thinking quickly, Mykrulea sprints towards the great beast as it lands. He quickly scales a nearby boulder and takes a flying leap at the wyrm's head. He almost misses, but jams his daggers into the beasts' eyes to grab hold. As the beast flings back its head in an awful roar, Mykrulea is tossed into the air. As he falls, his rapier is drawn, pointed at the top of the dragon's head. The enchanted steel holds true against the bone and scale of the red, and sinkes to its hilt, piercing the brain. Despite the wyrm now thrashing madly, Mykrulea manages to remain atop the neck and draws his Shortswords of Acid Protection. Coating them with a dangerous acid, he flips off of the dragon's head, twirls in the air, and slashes with both blades at the back of the neck. The coated weapons slide through the beast, shearing its head clean off.

"In the aftermath, Mykrulea hops lightly down off of the dragon's back and shrugs at the astounded adventurers."

And just because they were busy poking around the corpse to admire my work, I was able to pickpocket 20 gold.

I'm also noticing a lack of mages in this thread... perhaps I should fix that.

First character was a mage (2nd ed) and I ended up creating entirely new and interesting ways of handling lower level spells. For instance, I was the first in the group to start up a grease fire through the Burning Hands spell. I also had a tendency to angle a bouncing Lightning Bolt to where it'd hit the majority of whatever opposing force we were up against. My personal favorite spells, however, were generally from Illusion and Evocation. My best one was the use of a Change Self spell to infiltrate a thief's guild (along with our party thief) and I got called out to demonstrate some of my abilities. I glared at the guy and casted a Mage Hand spell to pick his pocket (Got a good 1000gp gem off of it) and tossed a Knock on the door to the head of the guild's quarters. Later, when they decided to lock the doors with actual magical locks, I took the thief, with a pair of memorizations of Dimension Door, and put us both directly in the guildmaster's quarters, forcing him into insanity by throwing him into an illusion of being on a rack and having a rag in his mouth. We took what we needed and disappeared, but not before wiping the guildmaster's memories of the party thief. All he had memory of was an elf in black leather armor torturing him.

We found out later that he had died that night. We attributed it to heart failure through the illusion.

 

[GrimTuesday]

I killed a Halfling as my level 5 Half-Orc Paladin of Kord. I failed my athletics check and fell on him. I then Scalped him and took it as a trophy. The DM not only took away my powers but also had a priest of Bahamet burn them... so I buried my ax in his face and took the scalp ashes.

 

[Gamblerjoe]

It was an evil campaign where we were using the anthropamorphic templates from savage species. i was a rat assassin. we were assassinating some political opponants for someone, and my character wanted to kill everyone in the entire mansion. Though arguably in poor taste, this included going after his kids. (they were anthropamorphic animals if that helps). these were high level characters (15+) so his sneak attack was pretty good, his death attack DC was high, and his coup de grace could kill a pit fiend. he was a bow guy with 6 str though. when the kid woke up, he was completely unable to hit him and/or deal significant damage with his dagger, and the scene played out like a Benny Hill skit.

I was playing a 17th level sorcerer (variant version that trades familir to use metamagic feats normally). We were fighting an army of 10-20 HD creatures. I had gr d-door cast on myself. as a move action i d-door into the middle of a group of enemies. i cast an empowered fire burst and roll mostly 9's and 10's, totalling over 120 damage. the DM takes a bunch of enemies off the battle field. then i cast a quickened benign transposition and trade places with a fighter who is right behind me in initiative. he gr cleaves everyone my sorc left standing.

A friend of mine one-shoted a boss with a leap attack crit that immediately prompted a character audit (which he passed).

A had a cleric with an assassin cohort (in a different evil game). the assassin took the feat "death blow" which lets you coup de grace as a standard action. my cleric cast hold person on a guy, and the assassin killed him. this caused the game to be put on pause, and the DM to give a very stern warning.

 

[Veldaroth]

I usually play magic users so whenever I have to use stealth I don't do very well. Also, those always seem to be the times I roll really badly so I feel a lot like Elen. "I GOT A 4!!!!"
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/images/oots0090.gif

I ended up failing three stealth checks in a role when we were just standing there, so I kept randomly face planting. Luckily, the rest of my party grabbed me and held me up after the first time I hit the ground.

 

[Toriver]

I just thought of another great moment to add.

So I was playing a Kalashtar Warlock in a 4th edition campaign about half a year ago. The premise of the character was that he gains his powers from the Quori half of his soul, which varied significantly from the character's human half of his soul, in that it happened to be incredibly powerful and incredibly insane. So the human half would be dominant outside combat, and the quori half when in combat. It was a lot like Ichigo and his Hollow form in Bleach. Anyway, we were facing a gelatinous cube in a cave, and the DM somehow allowed me to use Curse of the Dark Dream on it. I rolled a natural 20 on it for a critical, so I had to come up with a really horrifying nightmare that this cube would "see". What was it the cube saw? A gigantic Bill Cosby materializing from nowhere with a spoon, on one of his usual raves about Jello, and very hungry. The cube's "mind" was utterly crushed as Cosby reached down with his spoon and scooped out a nice big bite. In game, only the cube could see this, but out of game, the entire party was ROFLing hard.

 

[GrimTuesday]

I can't believe that I forgot my Chairchucker story... I told it on my favorite race thread and everything.

Ok so what happened was I was playing as my Half-Orc Paladin, who at that point was a Paladin of Kord, and for our admirable service to the king we were invited to the Ball in honor of the Grad Duchess. So what happened was my character go so unbelievably drunk that at the slightest insult to him by the Grand Duchess (she told him that he was a big man, he took it as her calling him fat) he began to throw chairs at her. In the end I threw 12 chairs all hitting the Grand Duchess and was arrested after beating one of the 13 royal guards to death after they tried to subdue me.

I was brought before a judge and charged with high treason but got off when I rolled a natural 20 on a bluff check while I was convincing the judge that I was merely trying to kill the demon that had taken the place of the Grand Duchess. So not only did I get off but I also got a medal for my valor. From that day forward that character has been known as "The Chairchucker".

 

[traski999]

had a game where I body slammed a bugbear with four health left (triple crit) and the DM said "your wearing the bugbear like a suit roll to see if you can stand"... nat 1, "roll to breathe?"... nat 20, repeat from turn three of the fight till turn 12 and about 10 mins after the fight... coupled with my inability to hit anything i got the nickname "elmo the suit"

 

[Nightkind]

I was playing a campaign once shortly after 3rd edition came out. We only played like two sessions but one of the other players kept whining about the loot. "How come we never get anything good. I want a new sword damn it!" So the DM proceeded to let him find a new sword. The player, not thinking that the DM would do something like that without malicious intent, didn't inspect the sword which magically appeared before him. It was a cursed blade that once grabbed, could never be released. That alone wasn't bad, but we had to return to a town where weapons were strictly forbidden except by those in the guard. Failure to comply: Immediate Death. Again, no big deal, just fight off the guards and run. Another curse the DM had on the blade, cannot harm any creature of good or neutral alignment. His character was killed and the DM let him roll a new one with an added rule: "Don't ***** about the loot."

 

[ghost_of_93]

So my friends and i were sitting around the table late at night. We were in an epic fight against the boss and my rogue sorcerer assassin ran up a tree with spiderclimb jumping onto the dragon. the DM rolled crap that night so i ended up hitting the dragon with a barradge of spells and attacks dealing out 300ish damage. i ended up getting thrown off and "eaten" the Dm did not declair me dead so i found someway to hack myself out of the dragon...nothing like dragon guts on a nice blade and new cloak. The DM ended up storming off in a fit and my party ended up bowing to me. We got a new DM after that.

 

[Eumersian]

Craft Mac n' Cheese.

One of my friends was thinking about taking some kind of crafting skill, and came up with that. He didn't even know why it was so funny.

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

My first character was in 1st edition. I was staying at a friend's house and saw the books and we started to play. My other friend and I rolled characters while the third GMed for us.

I was a lawful good fighter with an 18 87/100 strength and other high scores for states.

My other friend was an elf wizard, whose alignment we later classified as "Dumbass" and you'll see whay in a second.

Anyway, we start off in the bar, not knowing each other. I ordered a beer and the elf goes to play craps at the table with this "Greasy, mousy looking guy."

My beer is on the way, and my friend rolls horribly for the craps game, decided the guy is cheating, and tries to cut the die in half with his knife. He fumbles and gets it stuck in the table. He rolls to get it out, fumbles again, and the knife goes flying into the barmaid...carrying my beer.

Barmaid dead and beer spilled, my character rushes the elf and pins him to the wall, lifting him off the ground with one hand all the while screaming with rage, "MY BEER!!!!"

Elf fails fortitude check and pisses himself.

A parfight ensues, elf dies, my lawful good character feel responsible and takes him to the nearest temple to get him revived. We're lvl 1, so we obviously don't have the money, so I make a deal that we'll work off the debt.

Elf gets revived and he's not happy about the deal.

Elf makes a bargain with one of the clerics. My character will beat him in a test of strength and elf will beat him in some other test.

Cleric says he'll be right back (Being new, I didn't know they could do stuff to boost stats >.>) and proceeds to whup my ass in the strength contest. I admit defeat and agree to work another year to pay off the debt. I refuse to challenge the cleric again as I'v made a deal fair and square.

Elf gets beaten. Then decides to challenge cleric again with a combat test. Elf's staff against cleric staff. They fight three times. Each time, Elf looses by serious blow to the head, from which, he develops a twitch in both eyes and the corner of his mouth.

We finally leave the temple and head to another city. I forget the exact circumstances here, but someone threw a ring at Elf, who caught it and melted it in his hands, which burned them obviously. He then proceeded to try to kill the person who threw the ring and I stepped in and told him to stop or I'd have to stop him. The guards come and arrest him and they wind up cutting his left leg off at the knee I believe.

After that, we called him, "Stumpy McTwitchinson."

For those of you who might recognize this story from Knights of the Dinner Table, I was Mallek. XD

Also, I was playing a D20 campaign with the GM from the above story as a player and another GM. I was new to the campaign and didn't know my friend's character so I was being a smartass. He ended up putting his gun to my character's head and I said, "I press the safety on his gun."

My friend about dove at me across the table. The GM said, "Dude, you know how there's goth served? You just got gaming served." It was really funny.

Yes, I'm the guy from that Knights of the Dinner Table story too. XD

 

[Lullabye]

Unlike many of my group, I despise open combat. I prefer assassinations. Odd for a major bloodline silver dragon sorcerer.
A group of 4 of us had been sent out from our guild to stop a large goblin camp from invading. We got to the camp relatively unharmed, and found that the goblins were not just bloodthirsty creatures. There were sort of semi civilized. Well, it came to the point that someone had to convince/distract the 5 goblins guarding the opening to their circus tent(my dm is retarded).
Si being a sorcerer who has high charisma, and the only one who speaks goblin, my group pushed me out of the bushes they were hiding behind.
Suddenly i ts my turn, the goblins are looking at me funny, and I have no idea what to do. So I just do what the first thing that comes in my head says.
Neebs.
I remembered when Neebs distracted the entire evil army in Doraleous and Associates, so I figured, hey, might as well give it a try.
It worked.
i managed to get all the goblins to give me their sword, and 5gp each, in order for me to ice enchant their weapons(100% satisfaction guaranteed). I corroded 3 of the swords, ice enchanted the other two, and proceeded to bloody murder the 5 unarmed goblins.
Now I always think:
WWND?
[sub]What would Neebs do?[/sub]