Your Mission: Kill Deadpool

[digipinky75910]

If there's one thing I know, the internet is made of creativity.

You are an average comic book assassin for hire. Your client is your average evil wealthy guy who has hired you to kill or otherwise permanently get out of the way/ stop / defeat Wade Wilson/ Deadpool.

You have a particular set of skills. Your terms include all expenses paid. You have access to equipment reasonably available in the comic book universe. You have a reasonable amount of time to plan, no more than a year. If you need to subcontract other characters reasonably available in the comic book world, you also have access to legal favors and connections through your employer or otherwise a part of your expenses. You have an almost 4-th wall knowledge of Deadpool's history and abilities, and are aware that he is somehow able to contact some other dimension you know little about.

You are not permitted to simply pay off Deadpool or otherwise reach a mutually beneficial agreement, or clone him against himself.

So what will you need? How will you do it? How long will it take you?

I'm honestly curious to see what you come up with and if it's even possible.

 

[tippy2k2]

Isn't it impossible?

I thought he had the healing powers similar to Wolverine so if even a small piece of him is still around, he'll come back...

Well either way, I would find a way to get him onto a rocket and then fire said rocket into the sun.

Let's see you quip your way out of that one Deadpool!

 

[digipinky75910]

Isn't it impossible?

Nothing's impossible, at least I hope not. Not only does Deadpool have a healing factor better than Wolverine's, he's also cursed to be immortal. How far does that go? Dunno. If there's anyone that can defeat him, it is the internet.

Your plan is similar to something I was thinking of. I also have an alternate plan that I will keep secret for now.

Don't forget the immortal words of Stan Lee

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[Johnny Novgorod]

Not only does Deadpool have a healing factor better than Wolverine's, he's also cursed to be immortal.

Reverse the curse with some more magic and strip him of his genetic immortality by putting him through the machine Logan went through in The Wolverine?

 

[madwarper]

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Spoiler: Learn2Youtube

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The same way Superman deals with all his problems. Toss him into the Sun.
Will it kill him? Probably not. But I highly doubt he'd be able to get out.

 

[sky14kemea]

Do I get any money in advance?

If so, I take the money and go tell Deadpool that someone's out to get him, then buy him a pizza.

I love Deadpool.

 

[Thaluikhain]

The thing from the second Xmen movie when someone gets injected with liquid adamantium comes to mind. Not necessairly kill them, but stop them from doing anything while you do anything else.

 

[Random Argument Man]

Psshhh, easy.

Step 1.Buy or create a "Break the 4th wall machine".
Step 2. Convince the CEO of Marvel to make his comic boring by making Deadpool dark and broody instead of fun.
Step 3. Make ridiculous rules with ridiculous legal repercussions to never let anyone revive the character.
Step 4. Wait until the fans are tired of him and never buy any product from him again.

And then his existence will shatter and his life will slowly wither away.

 

[Erttheking]

Offer to split the money with him.

I feel like that would work somehow. No idea how, just that it will.

EDIT: Whoops, guess that's not allowed.

Um...ask him nicely?

 

[mrjoe94]

Put Chimichanga on top of a covered up pitfall and wait.

Bury him under metric tons of gravel and concrete?

 

[Asita]

...You want me to deal with the guy who has a personal teleporter, Wolverine's healing factor, and has quite literally been cursed with immortality by cosmic powers? Alright. I find out where he is and send Squirrel Girl in his direction via an anonymous tip (I'm not about to let him find me by reading her thought bubbles!)

 

[Chaos Isaac]

Iunno, set up a weird ass teleportation grid so that when he uses his teleporter, he winds up at least ten feet below molten magma.

And, well, I guess he's dead then. Don't think he can out regenerate that kind of damage.

Or, you know, go back in time and shoot him in the face before he could regenerate.

 

[FalloutJack]

Okay, I got this. First, find Dr. Jonathan Ohnn (The Spot!) and explain the situation.

Tell him to build a dimensional portal that leads to an anti-universe (A universe composed of anti-matter where if two of the same particle ever meet, the result is total annihilation).

List this under 'Expenses' when you bill your employer.

Locate the alternative Deadpool (Anti-Wade) on the dimensional viewer.

Invite the Deadpool you've been hired to kill for tea and murder. He'll never be able to resist.

Tell him during tea-time (promising that murder will come later) that you've got something cool to show him.

Switch on the portal and have him look at his alternate self.

Kick him through, right into Anti-Wade, and shut down the portal.

At this time, you will have probably destroyed a universe to kill Deadpool, you bastard. But on the bright side, you can now get paid.

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

Well, if what I've heard is true, then all I need to do is ask for some of the payment in advance and use that money to get a job at Marvel Comics. Sure it won't kill him off permanently, but the guy paying me won't know that.

 

[rcs619]

Would it be within the rules to use the money to pay off Squirrel Girl to do it for me, and then pull up a chair to watch the show? Everybody has their price, and infinite resources can buy a lot of nuts. Just saying.

 

[Fappy]

There are so many feasible methods within the Marvel U it is kinda hard for me to chose one. I guess I will go with time-fuckery

Step 1: Make the right friends within Latveria. Preferably those of influence that have access to Doom's castle.
Step 2: Contract Ghost to hack into Doomstead's security system and disable any active Doombots in the castle.
Step 3: Hire some muscle as backup (a lot of characters could be on this list). Also, hire a morally grey telepath.
Step 4: Once the pieces are in place, wait for Doom to leave his castle and infiltrate it. Reach his laboratory and hijack his time platform.
Step 5: Time-travel to a few months before Deadpool underwent the procedure that gave him his powers
Step 6: Have the hired telepath suggest to the scientists to modify the treatment so that his healing factor would degrade overtime (to approximately the time I would be returning to the present)
Step 7: Return to the present and inform my employer what I did.
Step 8: Wait for Deadpool to get himself killed, unaware that his healing factor no longer functions.

(Note: Simply killing him as a child would likely change the time-stream too much and create an alternate reality instead of modifying the current one)

Or you could do it in three steps...

Step 1: Hire Molecule Man
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Profit

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

Work with Ant-Man, have him shrink to atomic size, and then reconfigure Deadpool's DNA from the inside so he no longer possesses the healing factor.

Drop a chimichanga into a vat of molten steel, watch as Deadpool jumps after it, freeze the steel, pour 10,000 tons of concrete over it and bury the mix into the earth.

captcha: Cary Grant. yeah, that might work too. Just hire him and have Deadpool OD from Grant's devilish handsomeness.

Spoiler: Oh my, quite the handsome bastard, aren't you?

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Isn't one of his powers, so to speak, fourth wall awareness? Easy. Get his comic cancelled.

 

[Scarim Coral]

If I recalled or rather the Deadpool stories and summaries I have read, there has been these factors that can killed Deadpool in "theory".

1. By removing aka cure Deadpool of his cancer, his healing factor may overwhelm and killed him since his healing factor are what keeping the cancer at bay. That what killed the Super Skull Deadpools during the Secret Invasion.

2. "Dreadpool" had some kind of gun that literally disintegrate any Deadpool including wiping out the healing factor during the Deadpool Kill Deadpool story arc.

3. Get Death to seduce Deadpool enough for him to killed himself so that he can be with Death forever. Granted I know this won't work due to did Thanos somehow make Death put off from loving Deadpool again and also the fact that Deadpool is married at the moment and I don't think he is the typed to cheat women.

4. This is my own unorthodox method. I would somehow breath the 4th wall myself and try to become more popular than Deadpool. Hopefully when the battle actually happened, I may win in favour of the writhers and fan favourites. Granted I know I can't control my fate rather that my fate lies with the writers.

Still I haven't read properly on how Deadpool actually died the first time round (the one when he's in the coffin and somehow T Ray piss ressurected him).

 

[MiskWisk]

Hmm, while it is impossible to actually kill the guy without completely messing about with the timespace continuum, there are a couple of options. If I have absolutely no limits, then tossing him into a black hole should do something so long as i do not mistake a black hole for a worm hole. If I am limited to earthly means then carving him up and putting each piece in its small box and then burying said boxes at the bottom of the ocean under the North pole should work too. Well, so long as no one digs him up again.

Unfortunately, I have no clue of how to get him into that situation in the first place.