Your personal one-liners!

[Baby Tea]

Ok, so I just pulled some left-over lasagna from the microwave and said 'Hello Lasagna, nice to EAT you!' and then took a bite.

While walking back to my computer I thought 'That was quasi-clever!', And thus the birth of this topic! Have you ever come up with your OWN personal one-liner that was really awesome?

My brother works as a paramedic and has to deal with drunk people all the time. One time, this drunk guy was getting REALLY rowdy in the back of the ambulance, so my brother told him to settle down. Well the guy took a swing at him, so my brother ducked the punch, grabbed the guy's head, smoked it off an oxygen tank, and seriously added 'Take a breather'. Awesome.

So how about you? Any good one-liners?

 

[Ursus Astrorum]

I'm not really the kind for one-liners, I'm afraid. If I ever get in a fight I just knock the guy out as quickly as possible without a word in edgewise. That, and I've generally found one-liners to be very bad. In my opinion, anyway.

 

[forever saturday]

whenever anyone says something stupid or just theres something wrong with it, i say "yeah that makes a lot of sense". i also like to tell people their thick, which is wierd to most people because i live in america and most people dont say "thick" for stupid. i also created the word "thicky" as a noun of the word. as in "hey thicky!" and really stupid people are "thick as a brick" which i also made up. and i start a lot of sentences with "actually..." and "you know what..." which might not count as a one liner but still... i also end a lot of sentences with "but still...". i also like to call people "captain obvious" whenever they say something obvious, and if they do this a lot they get promotions like "major general obvious" or something. if it takes them a long time to realize something obvious then when they finally figure it out i say "we have a winner" and whenever people obviously think that i talk too much i tell them "i have a rambling problem".

 

[BlindTom]

"Excuse me but you wouldn't happen to be a child of incest would you?"

 

[Adam Jenson]

Usually I just say "Aw Crap" though that's more of a catchphrase really. There was a time a had a staring competition with a duck. He lost and quickly run away and I said" I didn't mean to ruffle his feathers"

 

[Lyiat]

When I DM any sort of table-top RPG, I'll threaten my players by telling them I'll drop a castle on their heads "brick, by brick, by brick..." when they misbehave.

 

[Baby Tea]

I got one more! Whenever someone does or says something really stupid, I'll usually add "And that is why you don't drink when you're pregnant."

Usually gets a few laughs.

 

[NinjaSkills]

"More screwed than drunk blond at a donkey show"
-NinjaSkills

 

[Fightgarr]

My brother works as a paramedic and has to deal with drunk people all the time. One time, this drunk guy was getting REALLY rowdy in the back of the ambulance, so my brother told him to settle down. Well the guy took a swing at him, so my brother ducked the punch, grabbed the guy's head, smoked it off an oxygen tank, and seriously added 'Take a breather'. Awesome.

You're brother sounds like an action movie.

I play a lot of pool. Off the break I got 3 solids in and quickly said: "Looks like there's a solid advantage".

 

[tomdavi]

"In Soviet Russia _ _ you!" It's not so much a one liner as a flinch reflex.

 

[perfectimo]

'Light me Johnny' with cigarette in mouth and someone else with lighter.

'Dunno ya know' when someone asks me something that I am unsure of the answer. It's said quick like 'Dunno yaknow'.

'Da da da da-ding William' personal joke, when something disgusting is seen or said.

 

[Baby Tea]

I play a lot of pool. Off the break I got 3 solids in and quickly said: "Looks like there's a solid advantage".

Nice. See, now that is a slick one-liner.

Just imagine saying that while wearing a tux, raising one eyebrow, holding a dame in one arm, and looking at a dead guy who just got hit (And killed) by a solid pool ball.

 

[PureChaos]

my friends and i were talking and i randomly said
'are disk jockeys like nob jockey but with disks?' they thought it was hilarious

 

[Fightgarr]

This thread is really making me want to watch Hot Fuzz.

 

[Combined]

"Stand back, citizen." and "Pick up that can." are some of my favorites. Not to mention "Please strip so we may search every orifice for illegal narcotics, alcohol, guns, money, diamonds and other things."

 

[Baby Tea]

This thread is really making me want to watch Hot Fuzz.

"Ever fire a gun whilst jumping through the air?"
"No."
"Ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?"
"No!"

 

[Ago Iterum]

One time I was fingting terrorists, and I noticed an oil leak coming from the plane they were escaping in. Using my knowledge that oil was flammable, I opened my lightere and said "Yipeekiyay mother fucker!" And threw the lighter down, and then the plane blew up.

Wait, was that me?

Don't think it was. Damn.

 

[Danny Ocean]

"And you, sir/ma'am, are why we are still chasing cheese down hills."

There's loads, but I forget them. They are normally the product of unrelenting condescension.

 

[leugim789]

well if i were to duck under a punch and kick the guy in the jaw i could say, YOU FAIL!!

 

[Raddragon]

This thread is really making me want to watch Hot Fuzz.

"Playtime's Over"