your relationship rules

[Quaxar]

My only rule is "if I come home late with bloody clothes and a likewise katana, don't ask where I've been or what took me so long". Just in case...

"We will purposely not celebrate Valentine's Day."

If they insist upon it I'll do my best to deprecate them.

Wow, I read that the first time as "decapitate". Pretty disturbing ^^

Rules:
- If you like country music, please get the fuck out.
- If you criticize something in a way that strikes me as insipid, please get the fuck out.
- If you hit me because I act nice, again, please get the fuck out.
- Screw it, just get the fuck out.
Oddly enough, I am in a relationship. No clue why....

Obvious. Because she clearly violated rule 4. Or she missunderstood it as an innuendo... if so, lucky you.

 

[Plurralbles]

Understand that I have my life(or lack of one even) and friends, and you have your life and friends. They DON'T have to intermingle, *****.

I'll have to lay that claim next time I have a girlfriend. (grasps chest indicating heart pain)

/bitching.

And what my friends think of you is completely irrelevant to how much I love you. Even inverse of it.


God damnit.

And also don't bring me to a wedding and introduce me to all your family and get back to your home and cuddle and then break up with me as soon as I'm about to leave.

You know, respect me at least as much as a person might deserve based on the status that they are a PERSON.

 

[thepj]

1: don't. touch. my. stockman's hat.
2: when i am in a bad mood fuck off
3: get between me and my friends and you will come second
4: don't take anything i say in a joking voice to seriously
5: when i'm laughing my ass of and trying to talk just smile and nod
6: don't take life to seriously, no one get's out alive

 

[MercenaryCanary]

My only rule is "if I come home late with bloody clothes and a likewise katana, don't ask where I've been or what took me so long". Just in case...

"We will purposely not celebrate Valentine's Day."

If they insist upon it I'll do my best to deprecate them.

Wow, I read that the first time as "decapitate". Pretty disturbing ^^

Rules:
- If you like country music, please get the fuck out.
- If you criticize something in a way that strikes me as insipid, please get the fuck out.
- If you hit me because I act nice, again, please get the fuck out.
- Screw it, just get the fuck out.
Oddly enough, I am in a relationship. No clue why....

Obvious. Because she clearly violated rule 4. Or she missunderstood it as an innuendo... if so, lucky you.

You sir, have earned a cookie for actually figuring out that it is, in fact, an innuendo.
Here you go.
http://pixiestixkidspix.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/cookie-bite-web.jpg

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

also I do all the cooking!

I agree with you here. I love to cook, and especially bake.

My rules would be as follows:

Be patient with me.
When I'm in the kitchen, stay out unless I ask you to help.
Don't be afraid to try things in bed, being adventurous is good.
Don't contradict me when it comes to punishing and/or educating children. I know how I want them to be.
Ask me to do things with you, as I will do the same.
Comfort me... I will need it. Be there when I cry.
When we argue, try to look at things from both sides.

 

[Lexodus]

1) Don't touch mah pudding bear nuclear warheads music collection. It's ordered exactly as I want it, and woe betide you if you throw some of it out or tell me to.

2) I shall not go overboard on Valentines Day, if I do anything at all. I hate that day. I may do something, but don't count on it. I expect nothing; you shouldn't either. If I forget a birthday or anniversary, remind me. In fact, remind me beforehand, because I am a busy guy and may forget. However! This is only relevant to our immediate families; I will not remember your great auntie's second cousin once removed's nephew's pet goat's previous owner Graham the cross-dressing midget's birthday, so don't get pissy with me about it. I do not care about Graham (unless, of course, we have met and he is a great guy).

3) Cheat (wilfully and soberly, although I will still be pissed if you are drunk, but not *as* pissed) on me and you're dead. No second chances. Same goes for setting family/friends on fire. Cut that shit out.

4) I will not always be your little gratification machine. I will sometimes be in a bad mood, sometimes need to be alone, or sometimes just be busy. I have a life and feelings too, you know. This is not a one-sided relationship; I may need help or support just as often as you do.

5) If we break up, and modern statistics indicate that we will, do not stalk me. I have had more than my fair share of stalkers, and thus have no patience for them. If you stalk me, I will stab you. This does not rule out conversations, just stalking. If we part on decent terms, don't feel awkward; you shall not suffer my ire this day. If you want to break up, then JUST FUCKING BREAK UP WITH ME. Don't leave me in the dark; get it over with so I can go off and meet some other chick and you can do whatever the fuck you want. Don't make me feel like everything is fine and then drop the bomb.

6) Goddamn it, if we go out with your horde of girlfriends, make sure some guys come too. There's only so much high-pitched screeching a man can take.

7) Do not make me pick between you and my friends. Unless I'm desperately in love with you, you will probably not like the answer.

8) Don't say 'Oh, it's nothing' when it is something. Don't say 'I'm not mad' and then ***** me out to your friends, because I will find out. Tell me how you feel if there is something up; I will have no patience for bullshit and whining that I don't know how you feel when you don't tell me. I will be honest with you; afford me the same liberty.

9) Don't get jealous if I talk to another girl. The majority of people in my life has always been female, and if I'm going out with you, there's a reason.

10) Be a girl. For the love of God, be a girl.

 

[JupiterBase]

Secrets are the basis of the best relationships. Keep as many as possible. Only tell them your name if you absolutely have to.

*At the altar*
Do you take this man as your husband?
WOMAN:Yes i do.
And do you take this woman as your wife?
ME: My name is K, 5'7" 140 pounds Blood Type A/B Negative Serial# 180-032-654 ETC ETC

 

[DownpourLiar]

Hmm... biggest three would have to be:
-I'm not going to stop hanging out with all my guy friends just because were dating.
-Don't try and rush things or force things to happen.
-Don't be defensive when were talking, everything I say is not there to hurt you.

Haha yet to find a guy who can follow all three :/

 

[Sir Kemper]

What relationship?


*Sob*

 

[CaptainREBell]

Rules??? There are rules to these things? Ah dammit >_<
Umm...I guess my rules would be:
-If I have a problem with you, I'll let you know. So please, if you have a problem with me, don't spread shit about me and just leave me.
-You hate my cats? Well I hate your penis. And the brain you keep inside it.
-I'm obviously not a lesbian, you're just blatently jealous
-If I stretch my arms out for a hug, please don't question it. Just hold me.
Everyone can have their off-days (or lifetimes), so guys and I tolerate a lot of the bad stuff we say :3 Someone who can show you something new is pretty nice, I try to make all my boyfriends play games with me

 

[CrashBang]

Since my last girlfriend (*****) my main rule would be:
Don't try to change me in any way, let me be myself and don't force me to do things or give up anything for you.
The reason being my ex gf forced me to stop wearing skinny jeans and refused to let me wear my denim jacket. She was a controlling twat, and tbf it was my fault for letting myself be her *****. Whereas the other day my current gf let me get a mohawk, which just makes her the greatest gf ever

 

[tsatoma]

Rules:
Don't make fun of my comic/manga collections
Don't be cruel to my dogs (only I can)
Do play games with me as often as possible (or discuss games)
Don't be a complete and total jerkwad
Don't diss Muse/Tool/Gorillaz or else (actually just don't diss anything that is considered a fav of mine)
Do tell me if you want something (I prefer bluntness when asking)
Do tell me what is going on in your life (I'm a great listener)
Don't get mad when I don't show the correct emotions for certain situations (it's an issue)
Don't think it's weird that I love some fictional characters (I wouldn't judge you that way!)

And...that's all I can think of. I'm actually not much of a rule person, I usually just go with the flow.

 

[GeekFury]

Not so much a rule as common sense but, don't have sex with anyone thats not me when we're in a relationship, 2 of my ex's seemed to think it was ok to fuck other people.

 

[GreyWolf257]

1. When it comes to me gaming, don't bother me.

2. Don't shove a brick in my ass.

And this last one isn't really a rule, just a recommendation: Don't ask any really personal questions, as you will not like what you hear, I guaran-fucking-tee it.

 

[Mr. GameBrain]

- No Relationships with any living or non-living entity.

There, all potential problems are avoided!

 

[notsosavagemessiah]

Do not assume that they aren't watching you. That they don't see what you're doing. Because they always do.

Also, only one partner at a time.

If you say you love somebody, show it, don't not leave them in the dark.

 

[balanovich]

She must be smart, funny, cultivated.
She must be beautiful, sexy and open to everything.
She must be a good cook and a house cleaner.
And most important of all, the three of them must never meet!

 

[Plurralbles]

1) Don't touch mah pudding bear nuclear warheads music collection. It's ordered exactly as I want it, and woe betide you if you throw some of it out or tell me to.

2) I shall not go overboard on Valentines Day, if I do anything at all. I hate that day. I may do something, but don't count on it. I expect nothing; you shouldn't either. If I forget a birthday or anniversary, remind me. In fact, remind me beforehand, because I am a busy guy and may forget. However! This is only relevant to our immediate families; I will not remember your great auntie's second cousin once removed's nephew's pet goat's previous owner Graham the cross-dressing midget's birthday, so don't get pissy with me about it. I do not care about Graham (unless, of course, we have met and he is a great guy).

3) Cheat (wilfully and soberly, although I will still be pissed if you are drunk, but not *as* pissed) on me and you're dead. No second chances. Same goes for setting family/friends on fire. Cut that shit out.

4) I will not always be your little gratification machine. I will sometimes be in a bad mood, sometimes need to be alone, or sometimes just be busy. I have a life and feelings too, you know. This is not a one-sided relationship; I may need help or support just as often as you do.

5) If we break up, and modern statistics indicate that we will, do not stalk me. I have had more than my fair share of stalkers, and thus have no patience for them. If you stalk me, I will stab you. This does not rule out conversations, just stalking. If we part on decent terms, don't feel awkward; you shall not suffer my ire this day. If you want to break up, then JUST FUCKING BREAK UP WITH ME. Don't leave me in the dark; get it over with so I can go off and meet some other chick and you can do whatever the fuck you want. Don't make me feel like everything is fine and then drop the bomb.

6) Goddamn it, if we go out with your horde of girlfriends, make sure some guys come too. There's only so much high-pitched screeching a man can take.

7) Do not make me pick between you and my friends. Unless I'm desperately in love with you, you will probably not like the answer.

8) Don't say 'Oh, it's nothing' when it is something. Don't say 'I'm not mad' and then ***** me out to your friends, because I will find out. Tell me how you feel if there is something up; I will have no patience for bullshit and whining that I don't know how you feel when you don't tell me. I will be honest with you; afford me the same liberty.

9) Don't get jealous if I talk to another girl. The majority of people in my life has always been female, and if I'm going out with you, there's a reason.

10) Be a girl. For the love of God, be a girl.

Hmm... can't really see how 10 can work with 1-9.

 

[Dys]

I've not bothered with rules, the girl I'm seeing at the moment seems to get it well enough without me having to draw her a diagram. I suppose, as a rule, I need a girl who can read me well enough to know what I want (they obviously have to be motivated to fullfill that within reason). I'm rather strongly against marriage, so things involving 'waiting until marriage' or assuming I'll change with age are call for concern, though I make no secret of it and don't pretend that it's my problem if girls choose to ignore that aspect of me, I won't change and I make it known.

 

[SirDoom]

You want rules? Fine. There are only 2.

1- If you do what my first "girlfriend" did, I will murder you and your family. End of story.
2- Have fun =)