Your very own song

[QuirkyTambourine]

Hey all

So I've been getting into writing lyrics lately, I've found that I have a lot of free time, and a lot of things to write. Here's my problem, I shop my lyrics around to my friends to see what they think, and they always come back with an incredibly positive remark. I don't like this. I like criticism, and I always will feel like anything that I show my friends or family is going to be amazing, because they feel obligated to say that.

Needless to say, I don't ever feel like I can gauge their real opinions accurately, so I turn the anonymity of the internet into a tool to help.

I figured a place like The Escapist, with all of their music buffs out there, would be a good place for people to post the lyrics to songs they've written for judgment. Obviously tearing apart something someone posts is a bit cruel but helpful tips and pointers are always nice to hear.

And I realize that it sounds incredibly insecure asking a group of people I don't know for approval, but that's what music is really isn't it? I won't post my lyrics just yet, just to make sure this thread isn't all about me, but I will post eventually.

So! Escapists! Let's hear your musings!

 

[JRShield]

On a knoll a young maiden named Molly
Her innocence lost through young folly
His name was Sing Chum
And too soon he did cum
And all he could say was "I'm solly!"

 

[QuirkyTambourine]

On a knoll a young maiden named Molly
Her innocence lost through young folly
His name was Sing Chum
And too soon he did cum
And all he could say was "I'm solly!"

Wow just...wow

And I don't think limericks really go to music well or that you made that up

 

[WhamBamSam]

I wrote this about two years ago when I was taking AP Chem and much more into punk music than I am now. It's about Chemistry (specifically thermodynamics), young love, and the wonders of birth control. Enjoy.

Spoiler: Entropy

"Entropy"

Measuring the change in G
There's some negativity
This reaction has spontaneity.
Better loving through Chemistry

I still can hear her say to me
That she wants to get endothermic.
I finally realize what she means,
Because I've been taking all the heat.

Measuring the change in G
There's some negativity
This reaction has spontaneity.
Better loving through Chemistry

I thought the energy was free.
But all I got was entropy.
Chaos is surrounding me.
The temperature's rising too rapidly.

Measuring the change in G x2
There's some negativity x2
This reaction has spontaneity.
Better loving through Chemistry x3

 

[Tonimata]

Night, take me home
Where stars shine bright
Above the winter moonlight

Snow, take me home
Where all I see is white
Liberate me, from this plight

Sleep, take me home
Where we won't need sight
And where all is just and right.

Something I wrote some time ago.

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[Mushroomfreak111]

A friend of mine made a metalsong about being a WoW nerd a while back, don't think he ever recorded it tho... I should ask him.

Also:
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssskk x24 (lyrics for my very own Death Metal song, made in 6th grade^^ (I just threw it in with a guitar riff, worked nicely!)

 

[Mr. Grey]

Freeform Jazz.

As soon as I learn to play said instruments, I can do okay on the drums and it's all improvisational anyways.

 

[DragonsAteMyMarbles]

I wrote this about two years ago when I was taking AP Chem and much more into punk music than I am now. It's about Chemistry (specifically thermodynamics), young love, and the wonders of birth control. Enjoy.

Spoiler: Entropy

"Entropy"

Measuring the change in G
There's some negativity
This reaction has spontaneity.
Better loving through Chemistry

I still can hear her say to me
That she wants to get endothermic.
I finally realize what she means,
Because I've been taking all the heat.

Measuring the change in G
There's some negativity
This reaction has spontaneity.
Better loving through Chemistry

I thought the energy was free.
But all I got was entropy.
Chaos is surrounding me.
The temperature's rising too rapidly.

Measuring the change in G x2
There's some negativity x2
This reaction has spontaneity.
Better loving through Chemistry x3

As much as I hate the term... nerdgasm. I now feel compelled to put that to music.

I'm no good at lyrics, myself. Music isn't a problem, but lyrics are.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

I have a few choruses knocking around in my head but I need to actually write songs for them.
I shall return!


[small]In a very very long time[/small]

 

[Arkhangelsk]

I wrote this in the middle of night. Took me half an hour to come up with it. I'm bad at criticizing myself, so I always assume that everything I write is crap so I can improve it more. Sorry for the overindulgence in the lyrics, I know it's annoying with those kind of songs, but I'm not that philosophical...yet. Anyways, try not to hate it too much. (Also, for those who wonder, the genre of music I write is melo-death metal)

Spoiler: State of Insanity

[VERSE:]
Wanting a glimpse of perspective, I travel to the distant territories of my mind.
I see the destroyed parts of my past self, staring at me like a stranger.
What should I do, where should I look, to find peace again?
When will I see reality again, and wake up from this nightmare?

[PRE-CHORUS:]
Behind me, the shadows follow me, before me, the havoc awaits.
Who can I turn to, where can I go, to escape this dreaded world?

[CHORUS:]
The confusion is taking over, my mind is about to explode.
Show me the path to serenity, I put all my trust in you.
Is it the harsh truth, or my state of insanity?

[VERSE 2:]
Who have I become, when did all of this happen?
All around me, the eyes never stop following me.
I see no end to this madness, just give me a sign
To see that all of this is not real.

[PRE-CHORUS 2:]
Wherever I go, the demons stalk me. Whenever I stop, they surround me.
What can I do, how do I act, to escape this destroyed reality?

[STICK:]
Promise to lead me, and I'll follow.
Tell me to trust you, you will be my guide.
My desperation is showing at a first glimpse.
I don't even know you, yet you see my true self.
Show me how to flee, I have no hope left.

*awaits loads of poo thrown at me*

 

[Aunel]

sure give me lyrics, I can sing.

[small]as might be known by a select few on this site...[/small]

 

[Ganthrinor]

I'm not creative enough to come up with something of my own, so here's a little something from Tool:

Eye on the TV
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavour
It happens to be like;
Killed by the husband
Drowned by the ocean
Shot by his own son
She used the poison in his tea
And kissed him goodbye
That's my kind of story
It's no fun 'til someone dies

 

[QuirkyTambourine]

*Snip*

Relax haha that's why we're here. It sucks writing music, the mindset of the typical musician (at least the ones with music that's decent) is self deprecating to the point of absurdity.

That being said, I liked it, a lot. It's really cool, and I liked that it doesn't really rhyme, not all music has to. Figure out something to play behind it now haha

 

[zen5887]

Em7 F#m7-5 GM9 Bm7

That'll do

 

[RanD00M]

A friend of mine made a metalsong about being a WoW nerd a while back, don't think he ever recorded it tho... I should ask him.

Also:
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssskk x24 (lyrics for my very own Death Metal song, made in 6th grade^^ (I just threw it in with a guitar riff, worked nicely!)

So your song "FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 24 times?

OT:I've written quite a few songs.But can´t remember any at the moment.

 

[QuirkyTambourine]

Em7 F#m7-5 GM9 Bm7

That'll do

Haha for giggles I picked up my guitar and played that, interesting progression, one question. When you say GM7 I'm assuming because you're using uppercase M that it's implying major, but since I'm a student of jazz, GM9 to me would be played as a GM9/7 since the major implies a major seven. Is that right or are you looking more for a G9 chord (with the flat seven)

 

[Arkhangelsk]

*Snip*

Relax haha that's why we're here. It sucks writing music, the mindset of the typical musician (at least the ones with music that's decent) is self deprecating to the point of absurdity.

That being said, I liked it, a lot. It's really cool, and I liked that it doesn't really rhyme, not all music has to. Figure out something to play behind it now haha

I don't have the vocabulary skills for rhyming, limericks, haiku, etc. But when I get free writing, I've been told to be pretty poetic. One flaw I just noticed that does stand out is that there are reoccurring lines describing the person's confusion, something that is already implied. It gives the impression that the lyrics are being dragged on.

One thing that makes me skip the rhyming is that it can fuck up the music itself. Reoccurring sounds in singing can mess up the progression of a melody. And I have actually been working on some melodies and riffs, coming along pretty good, although I've come to a sudden halt lately.

 

[klaynexas3]

right, wrong, it's all the same
just the bullshit we're told to keep us sane

when will it stop, when will it end
the very lies even told by a friend

nothing will ever be the same again
because everyone will do anything just to win

end the lies, end the hate x4

why should i believe you, why should i care
tell me again if you dare
leave me alone, everyone is fake
even if their lives are at stake
END THE LLLIIIIEEEESSS

 

[Mushroomfreak111]

A friend of mine made a metalsong about being a WoW nerd a while back, don't think he ever recorded it tho... I should ask him.

Also:
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssskk x24 (lyrics for my very own Death Metal song, made in 6th grade^^ (I just threw it in with a guitar riff, worked nicely!)

So your song "FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 24 times?

OT:I've written quite a few songs.But can´t remember any at the moment.

It is^^