I ain't gettin married. Too much money spent on a woman who couldn't care. I don't see why i should bother.
Your Views on Marriage
- Thread starter VanityGirl
- Start date
I've been married three years, and I would certainly advise against it. I love my wife and everything, but I probably wouldn't have gotten married if it wasn't for the kids. I get nagged constantly, have to abide by rules that weren't in place before marraige, and barely get enough sex to keep my man drive at a normal level. People treat you different, especially women. I'd say if you're gonna do it, you better be damn sure.
Straight or gay, marriage is not somthing you can just jump into. It is a life long and economical commitment to one person through better or worse. Failing that you will have to go through a divorce, which is never and I mean never a fun thing to do. The idea of getting of a divorce is what scares me the most about marriage.
I just hope I make the right choices when the time comes.
I just hope I make the right choices when the time comes.
Why do you have such a terrible attitude? I'm getting really fed up with the brattyness on this forum. Thanks a lot Yahtzee. Anyways, I had my wedding a a restaurant. In total, it set us back about 500 dollars, not including the rings obviously. I don't see how you could take a beautiful moment and rationalize it to be "empty and materialistic". If you are so against materialism, maybe you should get rid of that fancy computer you're typing on and set up a tent somewhere. Until then you're just going to be a walking display of contradictory ignorance, you know?Abedeus said:
Sucks for you. Sounds like you just didn't get a freaky woman.chronobreak said:
Needless to say, when I get married my husband won't have to worry about too little sex. He might get tired because I want it so much.
And your wife sounds, well... like a downer. I've seen plenty of married couples (with kids) who have fun and make the most of life.
Sounds like you got suck in a bad situation
Well, I wouldn't be too hard on her. She's 35, I'm 23, she's had two of my kids, I'm still trying to figure out how women work but I'm sure that has something to do with it. Things were different before the kids, it just gets tough when there isn't a convienient time for anything. I mean, as a guy, being ready all the time is one thing, but my wife likes the romancing, and there really isn't time for it.VanityGirl said:
I'm looking forward to when my kids move out, even if it isn't for another 18 or 20 years.
My parents have been married for 27 years, my grandparents for about 50. I would say there is something too, a generation gap, nowadays people don't have the time to get to know people, they want to settle down earlier and not have to worry about it.VanityGirl said:
"I want the assurance that the man in question will try to take care of me and won't ditch me at the first sign of trouble."
If you get into a relationship with a person I would hope you would have the sense to get into one with someone who already fitted this criteria, someone who would stick around and sort things out. Ya see most of the people in this thread have been looking at relationships and marriage like seperate entities, if you were to get into a relationship and were thinking of marrying I'm sure you would want to form a meaningful relationship with the person before discussing or even thinking of marriage with that person. Regardless though, even without marriage you can find someone who will look after you and won't ditch you and will be commited to you marriage does not equal commitment, a person having that commitment in the first place, marriage or not, is what will make sure that commitment is fulfilled.
I feel I need to explain my "snootiness" claim abit because it's becoming ever more prevalent the more this topic goes on. It just comes across from many that somehow if you're not married you will never be fully commited to that person which isn't true in the slightest, you can have just as strong a commitment(if not stronger)not married. Don't assume that all those that don't want to get married are scared of commit or don't want to settle with someone for life and want to date around for the rest of their life. This is what I meant by this air of being above those who don't want to get married, like your life nor your full commitment to a person is achieved without having married them, not true. A commitment is a commitment, if the person isn't commited marriage won't make them commit, forcing marriage on them won't make them commit and they won't be commited to you during the relationship either. It's the person in question that matters.
marriage is not for everyone, but i really think too many people rush into it... you should live together for a while first for sure.. i've been with my boyfriend for 7 years.. we're getting married next year... i'm hoping we've waited long enough to know that we're sticking around for good
You make a good point on snootiness. I can say this, marriage does have monetary advantages. I don't think married people are higher than non married people. I was just asking a basic opinion and casting my own opinion into the shark pit.WlknCntrdiction said:
I for one will get married. I will get married when the time is right and I will do so because I love the person and because of the benefits I will get from it. I will be easier for me money wise if I marry versus staying boyfriend/girlfriend with someone.
Also, the snootiness thing on the forum is only counterbalanced by the straight immaturity of some of the posters. And I know an intellegent person such as yourself has seen this first hand. People who just say "It ruins lives" "It's material and worthless" these are claims that show that some people haven't quite thought their ideas through.
You could never sway someone who's for marriage by telling them that it'll ruin their life. Their question will be, "Why?". And having no actually evidence leaves their statement useless.
Anyways, thank you for the well thought out point.
Not really no, many cultures, and it really is a case of culture at the end of the day, have allowed or encouraged polygamy, e.g. the Greeks!VanityGirl said:
Swans stay with the same mate for life though, and if their mate dies they basically stop working.
EDIT: Since I'm here and I don't have to worry about being flamed too much I may as well share my view.
Marriage is really what you make it, at it's most basic level, it's a religious ceremony/ritual/practice where a man is in some way shape or form bound to a women*, this bound could take the form of the woman or man being subservient to the other, or they could only be married in nname or spirit and keep themselves open to other people, in other words they could still fuck about.
What I'm really trying to say is I find marriage to ambiguous a term to pin it down as either a label or binding contract of honour and love.
*I'd be more politically correct, but I don't have the time to.
EDIT2: Also, one of my favourite saying of all times.
"Each to their own"
Aww, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Not.chronobreak said:
I'm just asking about the meaning of a marriage. What, you need some hard proof that you love him/her or she/he loves you? Ehh.
Also, mind you that I'm talking about marriage from a Polish view, where you must have a Christian marriage and all that bullplap. My sister's wedding costed 10k PLN, about $3500.
Never again.
I am 100% against marriage. I dont believe that a massive shiny rock and a "marriage license" is proof that you love someone. Marriage is an old outdated practice that only existed so that people could have sex and not get in trouble for it....that and they usually died at the age of 40. But the Number 1 reason why i am against marriage is because of divorce. 52% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. Coming from someone who's witnessed many divorces in his life, i can say that in a divorce nobody wins, it fucks up the kids, fucks up the "eternally in love" couple, and fucks up just about everything in your life. Marriage isnt worth it.
Note: Just because im anti marriage doesnt mean that i cant see myself loving someone for the rest of my life. Id much rather have 3 kids and not be married than have 1 kid and be locked into a marriage.
Note: Just because im anti marriage doesnt mean that i cant see myself loving someone for the rest of my life. Id much rather have 3 kids and not be married than have 1 kid and be locked into a marriage.
It's no trouble at all. I can be pedantic, sarcastic or serious at the drop of a hat lol.VanityGirl said:
Personally I'm not aware of the monetary advantages here in England but I think there should be advantages for unmarried couples too, but I doubt we'll see those for a long time, if at all. It's good though that you will get married when YOU feel like, I don't hate marriage, I just don't see a point in it, but I won't begrudge those who want to get married, as long as they think about it, REALLY think about it I mean. It has somewhat become a label, but as with everything there's an exception to every rule, for every person who gets married and divorced 2 months later there are people who stay married and are still going strong 40-50 years later, though tbh they are getting far and few between in this day and age.
Those people say things like "it ruins lives" etc may not be going around stating their opinion n the best way but it's not without merit(ok maybe ruining their life is abit much)judging by the amount of divorces nowadays. I think several people have said in this thread that people feel they get to marriage and then they don't need to do anything else when you need to put as much effort(if not more)into sustaining the marriage, it's not an easy ride, and I don't need to be married to say that. Relationships in general aren't an easy ride.
How very mature of you. Anyways, you need to realize it's not about proof. You ever take karate? Even if you haven't, I'm sure you are aware of the belt system. Now, do you NEED the green belt to know the movesets and such? Nope. The belts are both symbolism and tradition that has endured for a very long time. It isn't about proof, the time to prove your shills would be when you needed to use them. I could carry a belt around all day and it doesn't mean a thing.Abedeus said:
My wedding ring, on the other hand, is actually very helpful. It allows other potential mates to realize that I am spoken for and committed. You may wonder why people spend so much on rings. Hell, I spent $6,000 on my wife's ring. It's just because you gotta wear it all the time, you want it to be something good that will stand the test of time, not some rinky dink garbage you get out of a toy machine.
It just seems like your attitude is very immature, and to be honest, it's the way I used to be, so I can't blame you too much. Hopefully with age and experience you will grow out of it, and maybe be able to see all sides of a story.
Well, given that up until a few hundred years ago the only "meaning" marriage had was as a means to secure a male heir to ensure the passing down of estates and the cementing of legal treaties between countries, I'm not sure why it suddenly became the Ultimate Symbolic Gesture Of Love.
I think that if you want to get married, fine, good for you. I personally think it's just a product of Hallmark glorification and an insecure need for social validation ("hey, everyone, I found a mate, I'm not a loser!"), but to each their own. However, before you get married, here are a few tips:
1. Do not marry anyone you have known for less than three years. If you're not still with them after three years, marrying them would have been a bad idea anyway.
2. Do not spend more than $1,000 on your wedding. If you don't feel "right" not having a big fancy all-frills-included church wedding, you don't stand a chance.
3. If you are under the age of thirty OR are not financially stable, do not have kids. Period.
I think that if you want to get married, fine, good for you. I personally think it's just a product of Hallmark glorification and an insecure need for social validation ("hey, everyone, I found a mate, I'm not a loser!"), but to each their own. However, before you get married, here are a few tips:
1. Do not marry anyone you have known for less than three years. If you're not still with them after three years, marrying them would have been a bad idea anyway.
2. Do not spend more than $1,000 on your wedding. If you don't feel "right" not having a big fancy all-frills-included church wedding, you don't stand a chance.
3. If you are under the age of thirty OR are not financially stable, do not have kids. Period.
Maybe you should take some of your own advice, though he is expressing his views in an...unconventional manner you would be wise to not put him(and all those who don't want to get married either)in one basket, I believe I addressed this above in one of my posts. To repeat, age and maturity are NOT mutually exclusive, so hopefully with age and experience you will grow out of it too and might be able to see ALL sides of a story, including the parts you disagree with.chronobreak said:
And last time I checked you do have a mouth also, with which to tell other potential mates that you're taken, like yaknow, make it crystal clear to them? You don't need a wedding ring for that.
For the record, and I know you aren't aware of this, but I've probably done more work for youth rights than anybody on this forum, as I sat on the Board of Directors for the National Youth Rights Association based out of Washington D.C., so I am well aware youth and intelligence are not mutually exclusive. That being said, he's 16 years old. He actually said "not" to me. As was adressed to you by someone else before, you can't say you don't gain perspective with age. Not only age, but it is a factor. A lot of people think I am very young to be married and have two kids, I had people telling me all the time that I wasn't ready, and I wasn't. I can look back and see I wasn't. Now, after a few years, I have adjusted my lifestyle to suit my family and spousal needs.WlknCntrdiction said:
A ring is the universal symbol of being married. Why would I tell everyone when it's right there? What's easier? Are you really going to try and tell me that I should just tell everyone off the bat I am married instead of just wearing a simple ring that says it for me? Come on, now. Maybe you aren't aware of all the different scenarios that can play out, but I'll let you in. For example, having a ring on means certain girls aren't going to bother with me, and that's a good thing. No discussion needed, they see the ring on the finger, it's over. Or, what if I wasn't wearing it, and an interested girl started to make conversation with me? Because this happens at the bar all the time (if it is dark and they don't see the ring), it goes on for a few minutes, and I tell her I'm married. She gets pissed she wasted her time, and goes back to hang with her friends. It's a bother, so why go through it?
I also fail to see the problem everyone has with the tradition. What is the big deal? Why does everyone have to shit on something just because it doesn't suit them? I don't understand why it can't be "I'm never getting married, it doesn't interest me" instead of "Marraige sucks, you'd have to be an idiot to get married" type discussion.