Your Views on Marriage

[DrunkWithPower]

I say, illegal for everybody. It's like taking a toy away from two children.

 

[zen5887]

I dig marriage, but its something that you can't rush into. My parents married when they were 20 and 21 and it didn't end well, they were just too young. I don't think I could marry before 30. I won't be finished studying for another two years, then I want to travel, then come back and work. Because my career isn't that stable (musician), I'd rather struggle for a bit and see where I end up before I settle down.

 

[blackfrancis567]

wanna ruin your life get married

 

[Nickolai77]

What I really meant was child support. If you sire children you are by law required to pay a certain amount of money every month which goes to the parent who the child lives with, meant to help pay for expenses for the child.'

Also, there really sin't much science to conclude that a lack of a father figure is detrimental to the childs development. For instance there are many children who've been adopted by lesbian parents and they turned out just fine (apart from the fact that some ignorant kids at school might have behaved bad about it that is).

So the "father figure/mother figure" concepts and the importance of them hasn't really been proven...

Alamony/child support or whatever, as long as the child is getting some money for their upbringing i'm cool with that.
Ok, farther figure concept and research. Or, for arguments sake- psychological research showing that children from divorced families are disadvantaged compared to children raised by a married couple. Here is what i was able to find-
http://www.physorg.com/news129394365.html

This piece of research argues that children from divorced unstable backgrounds are significantly worse off than children from stable divorced backgrounds and married couples. Children from divorced families that are stable are at a slight disadvantage in terms of academic and achievements in their careers, as compared to children from married couples, whom tend to be the most successful out of the three groups.

This is taken from a book titled A Comprehensive Guide to Child Custody Evaluations

http://books.google.com/books?id=0W3QEqFWXdYC&pg=PA124&lpg=PA124&dq=children+from+divorced+parents+more+poorly+behaved+than+married+parents%3F&source=bl&ots=5NFSnLev3S&sig=pzVe9AFwKBiM_iqOq-tyYGAgFtg&hl=en&ei=4qW4Su2nI5qRjAeLwOnyBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2#v=onepage&q=children%20from%20divorced%20parents%20more%20poorly%20behaved%20than%20married%20parents%3F&f=false

(I attempted to Tinyurl it, but i think i need update to flash 9... damn computors)

Anyway, the link should take you to page 124 where the author outlines several negative effects that children from divorced parents experience, based from the research from several psychologists.

1)- Children from divorced families have on average lower levels of acedemic achivent and more likely to drop out from college.

2)Children from divorced families tend to exhibit higher levels of violence, delinquency, anti-social behaviour, tend to do drugs and smoking, as well as get suspended from school.

3)Children from divorced families are more likely to suffer from depression.

4) Children from divorced families are more likely to have low self esteem and poor self concepts of themselves.

5)Children from divorced families are more likely to struggle forming interpersonal social and love relationships.


So, while i carn't prove the farther figure concept, other psychological research indicates that in general, divorce is detrimental to a childs development in a number of ways. Therefore i would advise that if anyone plans on getting kid's- marry and avoid divorce like the plague, divorce is not doing society any good. Perhaps it is no coincidence that the rising gang violence and anti social behavior in western countries could be attributed to rising levels of divorce.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

So, while i carn't prove the farther figure concept, other psychological research indicates that in general, divorce is detrimental to a childs development in a number of ways. Therefore i would advise that if anyone plans on getting kid's- marry and avoid divorce like the plague, divorce is not doing society any good. Perhaps it is no coincidence that the rising gang violence and anti social behavior in western countries could be attributed to rising levels of divorce.

You haven't really presented much in the way of psychological research here but rather a bunch of statistics. While statistics tend to be helpful when trying to get a grip of the status quo, they are insufficient as proof of context.

Meaning, that they don't really show that divorce in a family is the real culprit behind a child's situation in life. And as I've also said, no proof what so ever has been given that a father figure (or a mother figure for that matter) is necessary for a child to grow up an turn out just fine (homosexual parenting being the main argument for that fact).

As for divorce, there are similar studies that have shown that children who grow up in a family where the mother and father don't show any love towards eachother but simply stick together "for the childrens sake" can be very detrimental to the childrens emotional development.

As for my own suspicion, I don't believe for a second that divorce is the real reason behind why some students are failing. It'r rather because of bad parenting. And by bad parenting im not only refering to how the parents treat the children during a divorce, but rather how the parents treat eachother during a divorce. As most of us know, children rarely do what you tell them to do, they do what they see you do, and if "mummy" and "daddy" are going through a divorce and fight all the time with eachother over trivial matters, then this will of course be detrimental to the child.

One could say that divorce is more often than not a sign of bad parents that shouldn't have gotten children in the first place. Although it doesn't have to be like that of course, since there are plenty of parents who have gone through a divorce in a respectful manner and whose children haven't suffered for it.

So the best advice here wouldn't be telling people to avoid divorce lika a plague, but rather think once or twice before marrying and getting kids. Think of how the relationship has turned out so far, and how stable it has been. If you fight a lot and can't help yourselves from doing that, then maybe getting children would be a bad idea. If however you can resolve upcoming issues peacfully and rationally instead of focusing on pure emotion then you could probably provide a stable enviroment for your child, regardless of whether your love for eachother should wane in the future or not.

As with all problems children go through, it can always be traced back to bad parenting. And frankly, some people shouldn't get kids in the first place. In fact some people shouldn't even try being in a relationship at all...

 

[Iron Mal]

I personally am neutral to the concept of marriage. If my girlfriend wanted us to get married then I'd have no objection but if she didn't want to throw all that money away for a piece of paper then I understand completely.

I can see both sides of the issue, some people feel it's a waste of money and pointless (100% of divorces began with marriage) while others think that it's a special event that deepens the bond and love between two people (it's a sign of a sincere commitment).

Whatever keeps the other half happy is fine by me at the end of the day.

 

[Dr.Poisonfreak]

I personally believe marriage is a beautiful thing, but then i proposed to my fiancee a couple of days ago so i might be a bit biased.
[sub]the wedding isn't for 6 years though so i am not saying anything is guaranteed[/sub]

 

[Nickolai77]

You haven't really presented much in the way of psychological research here but rather a bunch of statistics. While statistics tend to be helpful when trying to get a grip of the status quo, they are insufficient as proof of context.

My second source is largely based on observational evidence gathered from a number of sources, it's not statistical data. The observations are based from a number of studies. If your going to criticise the reliability of my sources, please don't think they are statistics. The first source uses a range of data, including statistical data. I am quite impressed how the researchers surveyed over a thousand participants from 1988 to 2002. Longitudinal studies which have a large number of participants tend to be reliable.

Meaning, that they don't really show that divorce in a family is the real culprit behind a child's situation in life. And as I've also said, no proof what so ever has been given that a father figure (or a mother figure for that matter) is necessary for a child to grow up an turn out just fine (homosexual parenting being the main argument for that fact).

Your making the assumption that there isn't any proof to indicate that children need a farther or mother figure. I'm not saying your wrong, i'm just pointing out that it's an assumption. Besides, the issue here is divorce and parenting, let's drop the mother-farther issue for now, unless you can find some sources to prove your point, i for one am tired of digging around psychology websites.

As for divorce, there are similar studies that have shown that children who grow up in a family where the mother and father don't show any love towards eachother but simply stick together "for the childrens sake" can be very detrimental to the childrens emotional development.As for my own suspicion, I don't believe for a second that divorce is the real reason behind why some students are failing. It'r rather because of bad parenting. And by bad parenting im not only refering to how the parents treat the children during a divorce, but rather how the parents treat eachother during a divorce. As most of us know, children rarely do what you tell them to do, they do what they see you do, and if "mummy" and "daddy" are going through a divorce and fight all the time with eachother over trivial matters, then this will of course be detrimental to the child.

True, i agree that bad parenting can also have a perhaps equally detrimental effect. However, bad parenting usually stems from strife between the parents, and this leads to divorce anyway. Both bad parenting and divorce are then bad for the child, they go hand in hand.

One could say that divorce is more often than not a sign of bad parents that shouldn't have gotten children in the first place. Although it doesn't have to be like that of course, since there are plenty of parents who have gone through a divorce in a respectful manner and whose children haven't suffered for it.

True, and my first source could support that. For stable-divorces the negative effects can be minimalised, but most divorces, caused out of inter-parental strife, are not very stable. This in turn harms the childs development.

So the best advice here wouldn't be telling people to avoid divorce lika a plague, but rather think once or twice before marrying and getting kids. Think of how the relationship has turned out so far, and how stable it has been. If you fight a lot and can't help yourselves from doing that, then maybe getting children would be a bad idea. If however you can resolve upcoming issues peacfully and rationally instead of focusing on pure emotion then you could probably provide a stable enviroment for your child, regardless of whether your love for eachother should wane in the future or not. As with all problems children go through, it can always be traced back to bad parenting. And frankly, some people shouldn't get kids in the first place. In fact some people shouldn't even try being in a relationship at all...

True i agree, (minus the divorce thing) your saying that the potential problem should be eliminated before it could start, which i agree with, but how? Many women want children, and for some this is reinforced because they themselves where never loved by their parents, to them, a child is something that will give them unconditional love. They are a product of a broken family. This is something that their male partners don't get, and in many cases this happens when a couple are not married. If the man find's a kid is on the way, he may simply leave. At least if a couple are married then there is a legal barrier making it a harder process, and not something parents would do on impulse. Married or not, when the parents split it is rarely good for the child. That child is then scarred by a poor upbringing and all the detrimental psychological disorders, and may pas it on to their next child who experiences poor upbringing. It's a never ending cycle.


Not enough people take relationships, child rearing and sex serious enough, why? Well anyone could write a dissertation on that and still struggle to come up with an half decent answer. Humans are far from simple creatures, aren't they?

 

[Kevvers]

I think if a relationship with someone is serious enough to want to have children with them, then you probably should get married for the children's sake. I mean you shouldn't really have children with someone unless you are planning to spend the rest of your life helping your partner raise those children.

Otherwise, what difference does being married make?

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

Don't do it!

Frankly the few benefits you get, which many you shouldn't as they are nothing more then governmental social engineering, do not out weigh the world of pain you will be in if your marriage fails. Given the shockingly high rate of failure chance is not on your side at all hence you could easily find yourself being broken by a legal system that hasn't been renovated in this matter for centuries.

All for a bit of paper that says your in love... as if you need the permission of a religious or government structure for that!

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

This is something that their male partners don't get, and in many cases this happens when a couple are not married. If the man find's a kid is on the way, he may simply leave. At least if a couple are married then there is a legal barrier making it a harder process, and not something parents would do on impulse. Married or not, when the parents split it is rarely good for the child. That child is then scarred by a poor upbringing and all the detrimental psychological disorders, and may pas it on to their next child who experiences poor upbringing. It's a never ending cycle.

There are solutions for these problems you know. They are called "abortion" and "vasectomy".

Take this as a lesson folks:

Men: Don't have unprotected sex with a woman you are not willing to have a kid with. Either go through a vasectomy and freeze some sperm for future procreation, or DON'T FUCK AT ALL! There's no arguing with this.

Women: Don't give birth to children just because you have a selfish desire to have a little baby to cuddle with. Once you have put the kid into existence there's no going back, and the realization that one of it's parents didn't want it in the first place WILL be a burden on that child forever.

Life isn't a "gift". It can be as much a curse as anything. Life is only a "gift" if you can make sure that the life will be enjoyable and not filled with emotional pain and distress. So don't EVER kid yourself into thinking that you are doing the unborn fetus a "favor" by giving birth to it if you can't even give it a stable family to live in...

 

[RADEOCIDE]

To me, marriage is all about government.


Once you're married, money, ownership, bills, etc... all become one with each other.
I think that two people can fall ridiculously in love with each other,
and I do believe some people can stay that way til they die.

But, I do not think it is necessary if people have that are to get married.



My ma has been with her boyfriend for over half of my life,
probably since I was six, and they never got married.


I think that if people can stay together without going through marriage,
then they do not need to think of ever doing that at all.




I myself do not want to get married.

Besides, over sixty percent of married couples these days get divorced.

 

[Captain Blackout]

*snip*image showing marriage = game over*snip*
Pretty much...
And it is pretty much a label, its pretty sad if you need an outside party to deem that you love someone.

If this is your assessment of marriage, you have completely missed the point.

EDIT: Let me add this: Marriage is about making your commitment public and making yourself accountable. This whole "if I love them it doesn't matter" crap is a 15 year old's view and says more about you than about marriage. Way to go pansies.

Right, so let me see if I get this. Your commitment towards someone, which is something only you two know about and will be actively doing, should be made public for all to hear and see? Why? "Making yourself accountable"? When you get into a relationship period I thought you made yourself accountable anyway to be commited to that person, to love them, trust, them, etc, when did this change? When marriage got involved? Oh, I see.

So lets say we get married, that means I have to tell everyone, my parents, my aunties, my uncles, my friends, my work collegues, my grandparents, my boss, the hobo on the corner of my street, the dustbin man, the random salesperson who knocks on my door every fortnight selling me blinds but hasn't got it through his thick skull that I don't want to buy any, I think that covers all bases. And you think the opposite view is a 15 year olds view? Lol.

"Look guys, I'm marrying the greatest girl ever, she's funny, trustworthy, intelligent and I'm rubbing her in everyones faces since she is better than all of you and our relationship is better than yours, our love is stronger than any other couples because we're commited and love each other enough to get married". Sounds stupid doesn't it? Because it is.

EDIT: I don't condone the picture nor agree with it cause I just think marriage is basically a waste of time.

Too many opinions here reflect a bias against marriage as an institution. If you think marriage is a waste of time, don't get married. Telling me my marriage is a waste of time is way to hear me tell you to f' off. That's why most of the opinions up to my post came across as immature: They weren't about individuals who didn't want marriage for themselves. They were about degrading marriage and anyone who was married/planning to get married. I'm calling BS on that.
I got married because: I love my wife deeply, I am committed to continuing to love her, I wanted to show that commitment in a way that was more than "sure, I'll still be here tomorrow", and I had the balls to stand up in front of my community and state and put my signature to that commitment.
Marriage isn't for everyone. After all the idiot fighting regarding gay marriage it occurred to me we really only have one reason to have marriages vs. civil unions: Level of commitment. Civil unions would warrant less rights but you could still get no fault divorces easily. Marriages, on the other hand, would grant full rights but no fault divorces would not be allowed. Never happen because no conservative in America wants to admit marriage is a joke in this country but what the hell, at least I'm thinking about the issue rationally. On a side note, you can get functioning polygamy with the system I listed here. Civil unions need not be exclusive. Marriages still should be for the simple reason that dyads are far more stable the triads, sociologically speaking.
So, feel free to never get married. The moment any one of you pre-pubescents want to say, even indirectly, that my marriage is a waste of time, that the "game is over" for me, or that somehow what I have doesn't matter, you can kiss my ass.

 

[Gaderael]

I cannot wait for the missus and I to finally get married. Just to make it "official". Not that it matters in the end. I just cannot wait for the day when I can say, "This is my wife, Stef." Makes me smile every time.

I f to people love each other, hell yes, get married. Getting married doesn't mean that your life is over, or that you have to change all your habits, or other ridiculous things. You'll both still remain who you were before you tied the knot, it's just you've just shown each other, and the world, just how much you each care for one another.

 

[Gaderael]

-snip-

Too many opinions here reflect a bias against marriage as an institution. If you think marriage is a waste of time, don't get married. Telling me my marriage is a waste of time is way to hear me tell you to f' off. That's why most of the opinions up to my post came across as immature: They weren't about individuals who didn't want marriage for themselves. They were about degrading marriage and anyone who was married/planning to get married. I'm calling BS on that.
I got married because: I love my wife deeply, I am committed to continuing to love her, I wanted to show that commitment in a way that was more than "sure, I'll still be here tomorrow", and I had the balls to stand up in front of my community and state and put my signature to that commitment.
Marriage isn't for everyone. After all the idiot fighting regarding gay marriage it occurred to me we really only have one reason to have marriages vs. civil unions: Level of commitment. Civil unions would warrant less rights but you could still get no fault divorces easily. Marriages, on the other hand, would grant full rights but no fault divorces would not be allowed. Never happen because no conservative in America wants to admit marriage is a joke in this country but what the hell, at least I'm thinking about the issue rationally. On a side note, you can get functioning polygamy with the system I listed here. Civil unions need not be exclusive. Marriages still should be for the simple reason that dyads are far more stable the triads, sociologically speaking.
So, feel free to never get married. The moment any one of you pre-pubescents want to say, even indirectly, that my marriage is a waste of time, that the "game is over" for me, or that somehow what I have doesn't matter, you can kiss my ass.

Dude, you seriously fucking rock. I'm getting my fiance to read this when she gets home. Bravo.

 

[deadlyric]

Marriage is a social-right-of passage that has been in cultures around the world for a long long while. A certain social status comes with being married; then again so does one that comes through divorce; double edged sword.

Whether you marry for love, wed-locks, shotguns, traditionalism, or for economic values it serves more of any one of those purposes; whether you like it or not and sometimes the reasons why you marry someone become the reasons why you no longer want to be with them, or the reasons why you say with them even though they're no longer that person as it is we all are apt to change. Go-Go Human Nature.

However if you're bored here's an interesting read: http://www.wbbm780.com/Census--150-000-married-gay-couples-/5271749.

 

[GHMonkey]

Marriage is a stupid label.

And it's also an economic contract.

That's all there is to it. Sacred? Pfeh! Nothing is sacred.

Also, I'd like to pretty much agree with this guy:

"Once you get married, your life is over."
My dad told me that.
From what I've seen in people. I think it's true.

A good number of people I've known did fuck up their lives through marriage.

dude, and alot more work out and live happy lives. no need to get all uppity and negative.

seriously, this is when i lose hope in humanity.