Zero Punctuation: Bulletstorm
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
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Doomguy isn't technically a space marine... He is LITERALLY a space marine. He is an actual marine, not some game-world equivalent of the marines, they are actually just called marines. And they send him to an assignment on Mars as a punishment (or just because they need more marines in Doom 3), thus making him a space marine. Doomguy is actually the only true example of a space marine in a game that I'm aware of; it's all the other characters that are only technically space marines.
Anyway, yeah. I know I never said any of that stuff back when I was playing Doom. Hell, I still don't say any of that stuff when I play Doom. As for Bulletstorm, I died in the demo because I didn't stay in cover enough. I guess it was my bad for thinking it was more of a Doom type of shooter rather than a Gears/Uncharted/Killzone/huge list of games that want you to take teh coverz here type of shooter. I still want to try it again on PC though, because I kept feeling I'd have better luck getting good skill shots with a mouse. I was doing quite shit with a controller. Yeah I was still killing dudes, but I wasn't getting any of the fun combos.
Anyway, yeah. I know I never said any of that stuff back when I was playing Doom. Hell, I still don't say any of that stuff when I play Doom. As for Bulletstorm, I died in the demo because I didn't stay in cover enough. I guess it was my bad for thinking it was more of a Doom type of shooter rather than a Gears/Uncharted/Killzone/huge list of games that want you to take teh coverz here type of shooter. I still want to try it again on PC though, because I kept feeling I'd have better luck getting good skill shots with a mouse. I was doing quite shit with a controller. Yeah I was still killing dudes, but I wasn't getting any of the fun combos.
So from what I'm taking into the first thirty seconds (or so) of this review is that Epic Games is Master, People Can Fly is Servant?
This review makes me wonder if Yhatzee ever figured out the run button.
Also he played on the 360, I played bulletstorm on the PC and I didn't have any trouble with it.
Also I can't get the "Splatter Airborne Enemies against a surface with the shotgun" skill for some reason, maybe it is bugged or something?
Also he played on the 360, I played bulletstorm on the PC and I didn't have any trouble with it.
Also I can't get the "Splatter Airborne Enemies against a surface with the shotgun" skill for some reason, maybe it is bugged or something?
i called it! i knew he was going to rip Bulletstorm a new one!
well, at least this is better than call of duty
well, at least this is better than call of duty
That avatar looks familiar...Knight? Is that you?Critterbot said:
Anyways...I wonder how the game's creators will react to this review, especially after the flaming tits skin they gave in his honor?
How weird that they mashed up the gameplay like that. If they were going for the self-aware balls-to-the-wall type manly game, why didn't they go the whole 9 yards with it?
Maybe Shooters and the gamers that play them have gotten so use to the style present in GOW, Reach and Black Ops that doing anything else seems like a step backwards now?
Maybe Shooters and the gamers that play them have gotten so use to the style present in GOW, Reach and Black Ops that doing anything else seems like a step backwards now?
That's the thing. In the old days developers made sure the game was fun first and then worried about whether or not any of it made any sense later. That's how we got with a game about a about a yellow ball that eats dots and another about a fowl mouthed orange thing on a pyramid.
So when developing Doom I'm pretty sure the folks at ID Software weren't overly concerned about how realistic it was for one lone space marine to take on the entire legions of hell single-handed and carry and entire armory's worth of munitions on his person. All that mattered was that it was fucking fun!
So when developing Doom I'm pretty sure the folks at ID Software weren't overly concerned about how realistic it was for one lone space marine to take on the entire legions of hell single-handed and carry and entire armory's worth of munitions on his person. All that mattered was that it was fucking fun!
A nod in Killzone 3 direction? Why, this game is as unrealistic as it gets. I'm not discussing other aspects.
As for Bulletstorm - as expected. Will probably buy it when it's cheap. Since I'm not going to bother with Games For Windows Fuck and they borked the PS3 version too. Amateur programmers at Epic.
As for Bulletstorm - as expected. Will probably buy it when it's cheap. Since I'm not going to bother with Games For Windows Fuck and they borked the PS3 version too. Amateur programmers at Epic.
Well this is the only review that properly addresses the fundamental problems I have with this game. It?s completely tied down by the awful bullshit of modern shooters. You can only carry 3 weapons, the levels are completely linear hallways with all the interesting scenery existing in the skybox outside the level, you have to push the alt fire button to ?prepare? shots instead of simply firing them, the game wastes the right trigger on an ADS command, you are crippled by the usual low survivability + regenerating health problem that forces you to squat behind boxes and walls instead of simply running around shooting, and the game constantly tries to pile on the retarded Gears style mantard melodrama. Much of the joy and humor is shoved right out of the game as it wastes time trying to justify mechanics. The game would be better if it shed all these crappy contrivances and sported a completely nonsensical storyline where the characters just drunkenly rampage around the universe for no readily explained reason instead of wasting my time trying to act like a movie.
Modern shooters are shit. They?re all about showing off engine effects in the form of forced non interactive scripted sequences and in-engine cutscenes rather than focusing on actual level design and gameplay. They?re held down by this dumb ass 12 year old ?I want to be in the marines when I grow up daddy? demand for realism. Any sort of fun and creativity evaporates under the corrosive cloud of realism and delusions of story depth. At this point every shooter looks and plays exactly the same. Every single one of them has the same exact military theme, every single one basically plays like a light gun game, and every single one of them is completely stagnate and devoid of any sort of interesting gameplay. You have a bunch of identical machine guns that you shoot at identical men with machine guns and everything is sequestered off into forced hand holding sequences where you're basically putting a square peg in a square hole over and over again. Walk to the end of this hallway and press the use button to put explosives on the thing.
The only modern shooter that really uses these conventions in a good way is Halo. Halo games take you through a series of sandbox battles where the space matters and everything (weapons, vehicles, turrets) is organically integrated into gameplay rather than being sequestered off into pre scripted "set piece moments." Most shooters however just copy gameplay mechanics from Halo without actually using them properly. The vehicles are sequestered off into special vehicle driving levels, the levels are all straight hallways instead of being large battlegrounds, and everything is so static and non dynamic that nothing you do matters. Either go the full dynamic path of Halo and STALKER or be like Doom and Duke Nukem 3d and be as crazy as humanly possible. Bulletstorm could have done the latter, but instead it's ruined by the usual improper co opting of Halo mechanics.
Modern shooters are shit. They?re all about showing off engine effects in the form of forced non interactive scripted sequences and in-engine cutscenes rather than focusing on actual level design and gameplay. They?re held down by this dumb ass 12 year old ?I want to be in the marines when I grow up daddy? demand for realism. Any sort of fun and creativity evaporates under the corrosive cloud of realism and delusions of story depth. At this point every shooter looks and plays exactly the same. Every single one of them has the same exact military theme, every single one basically plays like a light gun game, and every single one of them is completely stagnate and devoid of any sort of interesting gameplay. You have a bunch of identical machine guns that you shoot at identical men with machine guns and everything is sequestered off into forced hand holding sequences where you're basically putting a square peg in a square hole over and over again. Walk to the end of this hallway and press the use button to put explosives on the thing.
The only modern shooter that really uses these conventions in a good way is Halo. Halo games take you through a series of sandbox battles where the space matters and everything (weapons, vehicles, turrets) is organically integrated into gameplay rather than being sequestered off into pre scripted "set piece moments." Most shooters however just copy gameplay mechanics from Halo without actually using them properly. The vehicles are sequestered off into special vehicle driving levels, the levels are all straight hallways instead of being large battlegrounds, and everything is so static and non dynamic that nothing you do matters. Either go the full dynamic path of Halo and STALKER or be like Doom and Duke Nukem 3d and be as crazy as humanly possible. Bulletstorm could have done the latter, but instead it's ruined by the usual improper co opting of Halo mechanics.
I'm idly wondering whether the motorbike for Painkiller was a Judas Priest reference. Or is it actually in the game? I should probably play it, actually.
Bloody screen! So real!
I can't bring myself to be surprised that the review is what it is. What I am surprised about is that there's actually a gun with flaming tits? That's cool.
I can't bring myself to be surprised that the review is what it is. What I am surprised about is that there's actually a gun with flaming tits? That's cool.