Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

Falseprophet

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Andy Shandy said:
Although he is definitely right about Tony Todd having an obsession with the word "cocksucker"
Clearly the game writers have been reading all of post-1994 Tom Clancy's works. You know, when Clancy turned shit and every third word of dialogue is "cocksucker", almost always immediately preceded by "that fucking".
 

SNCommand

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I still have to give it to Black Ops 2 that having a character trying to start WWIII still makes him the villain despite how much the US and its allies have punished his drug selling ass in the past
 

ARCTIC_EAGLE

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finalizer said:
Ah, I've been waiting for this roast with anticipation ever since the game had been released to obnoxious, undeserved praise by the larger chunk of gaming publications. Nice to see Yahtzee telling it like it is.
HOW CAN YOU SAY ITS UNDESERVED? God, why don't people understand that this game is God distilled into gold then converted into code? I rated COD:BO2 9001/10 because it was that good and not all the same game copy/pasted for the last 5 years.
 

RJ 17

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Assassin Xaero said:
I didn't know who it was with the bag over their head...

I knew it wasn't who they said it was, but I thought the guy you shot was still following me, or at least somewhere around me. I did zone out a bit while playing that level.
It was pretty easy to tell, you just have to pay attention to the cutscenes throughout the mission of Old Man Woods telling the story. It's pretty clear that "that person" didn't make it through the mission, furthermore I believe it's the cutscene just before the deed is done that David Mason says "Tell me that fat greaseball didn't do him in." to which Woods says "It didn't go down like that kid." And then you play "that part" of the mission...pretty obvious by that point who the dude with the bag on his head was. That's why I didn't go for a headshot! :3 and got a good ending for it.

OT: Given that until the last moments of the game, you're under the assumption that the main bad guy intends to use the US drones to destroy cities all over the world, killing millions of innocents, yeah, I'd say that's a good reason to consider him a terrorist rather than a freedom fighter. His desire for revenge is certainly understandable, but that doesn't excuse the mass genocide he intends to commit.

Not to say your observations about the military and their motivations are accurate, I just think you painted Menendez too sympathetically. Not much moral ambiguity in sending a massive fleet of drones to destroy LA.

...Alright, considering the types of people that live in LA, maybe there is some moral ambiguity there. *drum rimshot* :p
 

Bindal

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Honestly, I actually liked the singleplayer. It ain't outstanding, but it's worth it's 20$. And no, it is NOT the linear railroad he claims it is. It regularly is (and the early levels are just that), but not always. For example, the mission "Fallen Angels" is split in three parts. First is a combat. Linear, nothing special, but you can order two CLAWs to shoot targets. Second is a semi-stealth section as usual. BUT you can go and hide whereever you want! No, really. For example, in a dinner, I was told to wait at the entrance to hide. I ran through it and hid at the exit. Worked fine. Following that I ran to the next car instead behind a pillar as ordered. Again, it worked.
And following THAT is either a driving sequence with a linear track and two or three sidepaths every now and then - or a simple (yet rather unforgiving - miss one target and you lost - and bit boring, too) railshooter.

Also, the "semi-option Tower Defense" is actually a "FULLY OPTIONAL Realtime Strategy". Tower Defense is something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, MY DEAR YATHZEE! (Espically considering that in three out of the five missions, you are the OFFENSE! Only ONCE you are the DEFENSE and once, you're escorting four trucks where at least one has to survive - not hard, but boring). Yes, the AI ate the soup with a fork, but at least you can count on them to shoot the target you ordered to shoot. And the fact that you can take over a guy and go nuts yourself gives it a nice change, allowing you to pull of things you couldn't do just as commander.


And yes, he left out 2/3 of the game (Multiplayer as usual and Zombie Mode), which no matter as what you see his videos (Review or whatever), it kind of makes it pointless in that regards when he didn't even bother to play more than half the game.



Note for the Stealth suit - it works, if you keep some distance and aren't shooting. The enemies see you the same way you see them. So, obviously they shoot you if you turn that thing on and then hold up a big, red arrow over your head saying "SHOOT HERE, PLEASE!"
 

RaikuFA

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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
I hate the fact that I'm gonna be the one to break it to you but...

A lot of people are getting sick of spunkgargleweewee. The bubble's about to burst. The only reason reviewers give them high scores is cause they get paid for them. BTW Santa ain't real.
 

Connor Lonske

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i like how zero punctuation for a big game like Call of Duty or Halo comes out about a week or two so after the game in question comes out, hence meaning his opinion and critique on the game falls on ether deaf ears because they already played the game or never were going to anyways.

i also wonder why that is and who's causing it. both it being the work of yahtzee or the escapist seem equally likely, although i'm pretty sure if it's yahtzee who causes these games to be reviewed so late after release it's likely for him having a fucked up crazy schedule and nothing else.

and obviously i have nothing to say about the escapist staff at all nor am i implying anything. those guys sure are great. totally not sold ou-*is shot by an assassin before i can finish my sentence*
 

scienceguy8

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Kinda surprised. I was expecting Yahtzee to praise the game for doing something a little different for a change (the ability to change the outcome based on actions taken) then completely ripping it for not going far enough (as there are only really 3 or 4 key missions that determine how your game ends).
 

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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.


OT: No surprises here, the last COD game I really enjoyed was MW2, I tried my brother's version of MW3 but got bored once I'd got past the London level. Liked the political rant too :-D
 

Vausch

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FelixG said:
I feel the need to point out

Well, the Obama only sinks if you kinda suck at the game, funnily enough...

The Chinese save it if you do things right.
I see what they did there. VERY SUBTLE Black Ops developers!
 

Sidmen

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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
Well, Yahtzee isn't a "reviewer" and doesn't put out reviews. He's a critic and critiques games.

Besides, axe the mulitplayer (which matters nothing to myself and Yahtzee) and all modern military shooters are incredibly short adrenaline-fueled garbage.

Also, you need to tone it down, your trolling isn't very effective when it is laid on that thick.
 

Bindal

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Connor Lonske said:
i like how zero punctuation for a big game like Call of Duty or Halo comes out about a week or two so after the game in question comes out, hence meaning his opinion and critique on the game falls on ether deaf ears because they already played the game or never were going to anyways.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/3540-Hunted-The-Demons-Forge THAT should answer your question:
He doesn't have a time-machine. Unlike normal reviewers, who usually get the game pre-release, he gets them only on release, spends a week playing them and then a week writing the review and making the video. Ergo, he needs normally two weeks per game.
 

zvate

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Fantastic Review. A pity it and its sequels will still probably earn more money than many nation's GDP.

What actually is wrong with everyone?
 

Storm Dragon

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ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
Wow, worst review EVER! Any professional review would give this game, the most amazing in history, a 90-100 or 4/5. Every single part of this game is new and interesting and amazing, you're inability to recognize that demonstrates how bad you are at reviewing. When COD:B03 comes out in 2 years you can correct you mistake by giving it a 90-100 like every other reviewer will. Be sure to do the same for COD:MW4, COD:MW5, COD:BO4, COD:MW6, etc. They will ALL be amazing and look amazing and just be more amazing then the amazingly amazing game that came before. In fact they'll be so amazing they'll amaze you into an amazement coma of amazement.
ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
finalizer said:
Ah, I've been waiting for this roast with anticipation ever since the game had been released to obnoxious, undeserved praise by the larger chunk of gaming publications. Nice to see Yahtzee telling it like it is.
HOW CAN YOU SAY ITS UNDESERVED? God, why don't people understand that this game is God distilled into gold then converted into code? I rated COD:BO2 9001/10 because it was that good and not all the same game copy/pasted for the last 5 years.
Is this Poe's Law at work? I can't tell if you're a sarcastic joker or a blindly loyal fanboy.

Also:
ARCTIC_EAGLE said:
I rated COD:BO2 9001/10
Obligatory reference in 3... 2... 1...
 

finalizer

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Connor Lonske said:
i like how zero punctuation for a big game like Call of Duty or Halo comes out about a week or two so after the game in question comes out, hence meaning his opinion and critique on the game falls on ether deaf ears because they already played the game or never were going to anyways.
From what I understand, unlike the other big names in game reviews, Yahtzee doesn't get advance copies of games from the publishers (unsurprisingly, since you basically have to be giving them journalist fellatio to get in on that), so he has to wait until copies of the game arrive to stores near him, personally buy them, and then sit down and play them for a week before he can churn out his own review.
 

Coffeejack

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Falseprophet said:
Andy Shandy said:
Although he is definitely right about Tony Todd having an obsession with the word "cocksucker"
Clearly the game writers have been reading all of post-1994 Tom Clancy's works. You know, when Clancy turned shit and every third word of dialogue is "cocksucker", almost always immediately preceded by "that fucking".
Or, if you want to be even more depressed today, you could say that the inspiration for this came from Bulletstorm!