Zero Punctuation: E.T. - "The Worst Game Ever"

[Callate]

I keep beating this drum, but it's really not that bad a game.

It tries to find a way to allow a large number of different powers to an eight directional joystick and one button, and it actually half-way succeeds. It can be played from beginning to end successfully, and it doesn't crash (not high praise, admittedly, but there are certainly plenty of modern games that fail that test.)

Yes, one spends way too much time falling into pits, but it is possible to learn to avoid doing so accidentally. And once one gets the hang of leaving pits from the bottom side, one stops falling back into them.

It also actually has something to do with the movie franchise its based on, rather than being some other game with a hasty coat of paint.

That Atari spent more on it than they ever could have hoped to make back isn't the game's fault; there's plenty of evidence that Atari was run really badly in a number of ways.

I'm not going to claim it's a great game, maybe not even a good game. But there are hundreds of titles and even probably at least a dozen titles for the Atari 2600 alone that were far worse.

 

[TheBlueRabbit]

Have to admit, I like the idea of just doing a look at some of the history in ZP style as opposed to just grabbing an old or overlooked game. Kudos, Yahtzee. Feel free to make some more of these (as if my permission will make all the difference....or as if you'll even read this...).

 

[Kenjitsuka]

Lol, that end joke was great!
I was wondering how you'd cover like... 2 bytes worth of game in 5 minutes, but then I noticed the whole "period" thing, which is nice.

 

[Logience]

Well, good to see you understand /a/ so well, Yahtzee.

On that note: Have you played anything on the 3DS other than OOT? Because with you being an X-COM fan, I'd really love to see what you'd think of FE13, even if it is made from Japan, the country you hate so much you refused to play Valkyria Chronicles because of it.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Oh OH! Do a review of the negative impact of Half Life! I am so sick of that game being praised as the Nirvana gold standard of gaming and story telling.
Or please PLEASE take FF7 fans down a peg! What an awful, messy and melodramatic game!

 

[Xman490]

I was surprised when Lincoln was used as at least a placeholder for a moment in history who one - being Obama - in a similar position today does not consider. I guess the lesson to keep in mind is not to have controversial policies and/or appearances without properly dealing with the threat of assassins. The Secret Service seems to be doing its job, though there could be a way to appease the nutters who call Obama a Communist Muslim without natural-born citizenship.
Gee, this tangent is depressing. Let's just go back to that jingle:

"Let's all laugh at an industry that never learns anything. Tee hee hee."

 

[Logience]

Oh OH! Do a review of the negative impact of Half Life! I am so sick of that game being praised as the Nirvana gold standard of gaming and story telling.
Or please PLEASE take FF7 fans down a peg! What an awful, messy and melodramatic game!

Yahtzee may be an ass, but an attention whore he ain't. Please take your bait elsewhere.

 

[Lapin Logic]

How i miss "Q-Bert", the gleefully profane stair climbing cousin of pac man, enjoyed by 4 year olds everywhere then he said "@#%*~"

 

[The Dead Singer]

Oh OH! Do a review of the negative impact of Half Life! I am so sick of that game being praised as the Nirvana gold standard of gaming and story telling.
Or please PLEASE take FF7 fans down a peg! What an awful, messy and melodramatic game!

Yahtzee may be an ass, but an attention whore he ain't. Please take your bait elsewhere.

Not to mention Yahtzee loves Half-Life to death, so the first one is never gonna happen even if he was.

 

[ewhac]

Quality control was done entirely on a trust based system, and with the lack of licensing on Atari's part there was no reason to not go with the shovelware route and gouge like a ************. Grab a license, spend a pittance on development, sell for megabucks. Repeat. It's not like anyone could know the quality of content until they played it.

So consumer trust was betrayed time after time, priming the market to go over the edge.
And then Atari grossly over-committed on E.T., and rightly fell.

This, several times over.

E.T. gets a lot of stick, but really, it was only the "last" betrayal from Atari, the one that helped kick them over the edge. The biggest broadside against the consumer was, as has been mentioned earlier, Pac-Man.

If I wasn't at work at the moment, I would very much love to take the time and tell you the tale of gaming and computing circa 1980. TL;DR Version: Anyone who was into video games was also probably into computers, and Pac-Man's smash popularity in the arcades made it one of the most widely cloned games of the time. Everyone and their dog and their dog's chew toy were cobbling together Pac-Man clones, some of which were really damned good (check out H.A.L. Lab's "Taxman" for the Apple-][). So by the time Atari got around to developing their own copy, the die had been cast; a standard had been established; various signs around the gaming landscape had been posted reading, "You must be at least this tall to publish a Pac-Man clone." In this environment -- and after trying to sue all the clones out of existence -- Atari finally released its long-anticipated effort.

And It. Was. Shit.

I'm reminded of a quote from the very fun movie review site Teleport City [http://teleport-city.com/], where first appeared the greatest review of the Star Wars Holiday Special, and in which appears this passage:

I can remember only two times in my childhood when I was pissed beyond the capacity for rational thought. The first was after finally getting Pac-Man for the Atari 2600. I waited for months, and that game was so pathetic that I wanted to reach into the TV and choke the life out of that pellet-eating piece of crap. The other incident was watching this special.

So, there you have it: Atari's Pac-Man for the 2600 was as bad as the Star Wars Holiday Special.

 

[Darth_Payn]

So now Yahtzee reviewed THAT game, the game we dare not speak of. The theme song (which I hope we'll hear again) was a laugh riot and I liked how "SPECIAL" covered up "RETARDED". I think this video (with its Take That to otaku) will be a hit with next year's ZP marathon at Fanime. Funniest line to me was "vuvuzela in the ass of an elephant dying of flatulence."

 

[IamQ]

Perhaps instead of talking about the summer drought he could do games he haven't gotten around to yet like Sniper Elite 3 :/

I don't think there's an audience big enough that cares about sniper elite 3

 

[Optimystic]

Perhaps instead of talking about the summer drought he could do games he haven't gotten around to yet like Sniper Elite 3 :/

Seriously, this. Where's Divinity: Original Sin? or Halo Spartan Assault? Or WildStar? Or etc.

 

[marioandsonic]

"Let's all laugh at an industry that never learns anything. Tee, hee, hee."

I got a few good chuckles out of that. I'll have to use that someday...

 

[Thanatos2k]

Oh OH! Do a review of the negative impact of Half Life! I am so sick of that game being praised as the Nirvana gold standard of gaming and story telling.
Or please PLEASE take FF7 fans down a peg! What an awful, messy and melodramatic game!

Why would he bash good games for no reason?

 

[Dominic Crossman]

How come yahtzee has never revi... torn apart a ratchet and clank game, the series is/was popular enough but it always seemed to get overlooked without mention.

 

[Zombie Badger]

And Rei Ayanami is clearly (clearly) the better embodiment of the word "waifu". Between her and Asuka, there's no debate. (Disclaimer: I have never watched Evangelion, but I have read the F*ckin' Otaku review [https://web.archive.org/web/20101120143240/http://catsonmars.com/otaku/articles/eva.php] of it.)

The fact that some people actually discuss which seriously emotionally fucked up 14-year-old would make the best wife proves that our culture is doomed.

 

[Logience]

And Rei Ayanami is clearly (clearly) the better embodiment of the word "waifu". Between her and Asuka, there's no debate. (Disclaimer: I have never watched Evangelion, but I have read the F*ckin' Otaku review [https://web.archive.org/web/20101120143240/http://catsonmars.com/otaku/articles/eva.php] of it.)

The fact that some people actually discuss which seriously emotionally fucked up 14-year-old would make the best wife proves that our culture is doomed.

/a/'s continued existence has guaranteed us all a spot in hell no matter what happens.

Still, I would like to see Yahtzee go through a Japanese game all the way for once, and not just a widget.

 

[el_emmens]

I'm going to out and say it.
I'm a little tired of Yahtzee's "man this drought is so bad" schtick as well as his mocking of the current consoles. I get enough "pc master race" cock swinging from friends and 4chan.

 

[The Dead Singer]

Also, nobody was fooled with the Xbone - I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out everyone who owns it for no other reason than simply wanting one is into self-torture.

I'm going to out and say it.
I'm a little tired of Yahtzee's "man this drought is so bad" schtick as well as his mocking of the current consoles. I get enough "pc master race" cock swinging from friends and 4chan.

The drought IS bad though, try to think of something new that's actually worthwhile outside of more indie shit that you can start and finish in a single lunch break. And the current consoles deserve whatever criticism they get - They're a joke without a punchline.