Zero Punctuation: E.T. - "The Worst Game Ever"

[rembrandtqeinstein]

ET wasn't a bad game for its time. From what I remember it was the first one with a contiguous 2 dimensional map system (pitfall had a contiguous 1 dimensional map system but you almost never made it around the loop). And if you think about it ET was the first "open world" game where you could complete the objectives in any order.

And the pit thing you could avoid falling back into the pits if you held the button until your sprite was 100% off of the pit area.

Also I'm old....

 

[A3sir]

Huh. So Activision was formed by developers escaping greedy corporate douchebags. Interesting.

 

[Aiddon_v1legacy]

Your a Nintendo fanboy if you think the "You cant make any non-nintendo games for a certain amount of years just to be allowed to make a game on the system" was anything but Dictatorship. Probation is a terrible comparison. It was plain extremely anti-competitive practices.

Really? "Fanboy?" I didn't realize we were in high school. Furthermore, there was another problem that caused the crash: too many platforms. It became a goddamned clusterfuck with all the consoles on the market, many of which were just plain terrible. Yet another reason Nintendo had to play hardass. Hardware developers also proved to not be trustworthy with that. And hell, those practices still happen; SEGA, Sony, and MS are all guilty of it to certain degrees. Not as strict as Nintendo, but they engage in them nonetheless. And again, we must once again remember the context: 3rd parties had proven they couldn't be trusted thus Nintendo was forced to play hardass. These weren't innocent victims, these were culprits being given just punishment and they were lucky to only be given that.

 

[harryhenry]

Every time they've been trying to sell their next title as the "ONE." Y'know, the game that'll convince everyone to get on board with the next gen. But it's not happening. Titanfall didn't do it. Dead Rising 3, nope. Ryse, uh-uh. Killzone: Shadowfall, pffft. Infamous: Second Son, LORD NO. Then it was Watch Dogs turn and that failed too. So far every attempt to sell the new gen has fallen flat and we wonder if the new consoles were released not because of devs truly needing new power to give us exciting new ideas, but because they realized they could no longer distract the public with spectacle and thus the thought of them having to use actual SKILL was a terrifying prospect. So, the hardware is fine, it's just that the people who tried to push it have shown that they're not using it correctly.

When you say those games "Failed", in what way did they fail? Aside from Ryse, which actually did fail, all of those games were well received, and (From what I can tell) sold well. Do you mean failed in terms of the reception from "REAL gamers" or something like that?

 

[somonels]

So why isn't Yahtzee's post removed and his account given a warning for confirming the existence of - let alone his own admission to have commited - piracy?

It's people like HIM *spits into a spitoon, clang* that drove Atari bankrupt.

 

[ImBigBob]

So this new feature is basically just the Jimquisition but less good. All it does is highlight just how irrelevant, pandering and obvious Yahtzee's become compared to Jim, as well as being simply not as funny.

Why is Yahtzee the only reviewer who seems to have a problem with this so-called 'drought'. Other reviewers are finding games to review, so can he. The Wolf Among Us is the obvious choice, not to mention Divinity. I know he said it was boring during his Extra Punctuation, that shouldn't matter. If it's boring, that's the angle for the review.

"Boring" makes for a boring video. If a game is awesome, he can make jokes about how he punched a nun in the face because she asked for money, thereby distracting him from playing it. If the game is awful, we get a hilarious video about how stupid the plot gets and the wackiness that comes out of glitchy graphics. If a game is just dull... it's dull. There's not much to say about it.

 

[LenticularHomicide]

Fate Testarossa would make a good Waifu
http://cdn.myanimelist.net/images/characters/13/72711.jpg

A quick Google indicates that Fate's a lesbian (oh yeah, spoiler alert), but on the other hand...she's an emotionally-scarred girl who's unquestioningly obedient to a fault, with a tragic backstory involving serious Mommy issues...yeah, she's basically one corrective schtupping (consensual or otherwise, this being anime after all) away from Waifu-hood. Probably even a fanfic, or twenty, where that happens already.

[sup](Disclaimer: Despite the joking mention of "corrective schtupping" in the previous paragraph, I vehemently reject and repudiate even the faintest rationalizations of so-called "corrective rape". It is an inhuman and inhumane practice that is deserving of nothing but unalloyed scorn and ridicule.)[/sup]

 

[keniakittykat]

Oh yahtzee. I enjoyed this review as I do every review, but you're avoiding battlefield 4 as hard as you can, aren't you? I mean, seriously, you could so bust that game wide open and watch it bleed out on the floor. And we'd be applauding you.

I don't know, you can only say "It's a game about grimy white dudes shooting in the desert, being dicks" so many times before it becomes boring and repetitive.

 

[LenticularHomicide]

"It's a game about grimy white dudes shooting in the dessert, being dicks"

Yep, right in the plums. ;-)

 

[Ima Lemming]

Thank Yahtzee, I found myself singing your jingle while dealing with the laundry this morning.

As for E.T. itself, I played and finished it years ago and found it to be bad, but not the soul-scarring experience everyone makes it out to be. Sort of like Mario is Missing, which I can understand people being mad at it they picked it up thinking they were getting a legitimate Mario adventure and got a game where you piddle around towns as Luigi answering trivia questions about landmarks. But by now everybody should know what it is and if you go in understanding it's just a dumb edutainment game it's totally harmless.

"Maybe, but did Mario is Missing crash the game market?" Well, look back at Yahtzee's video.

 

[Bedinsis]

If the drought is this bad, could you maybe consider reviewing Crusader Kings 2? It has been described as a gateway-game into its genre, so a lack of experience wouldn't be a problem for people looking for actual consumer advice. Besides which, variety is the spice of life.

If nothing else, if it turns out to be a game not to your liking there is a lot to make fun of in Crusader Kings 2, so it could be a fun review.

 

[ThunderCavalier]

Everyone's talking about the implications of a possible new sub-Zero Punctuation series or whether ET was truly the cause of the Video Game crash long ago or simply the straw that broke the camel's back, and I'm here just wondering whether ET will claim the rightful crown of "Worst Game Ever" from Ride to Hell: Retribution.

 

[maximara]

Everyone's talking about the implications of a possible new sub-Zero Punctuation series or whether ET was truly the cause of the Video Game crash long ago or simply the straw that broke the camel's back, and I'm here just wondering whether ET will claim the rightful crown of "Worst Game Ever" from Ride to Hell: Retribution.

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is even more broken then Ride to Hell: Retribution. Of course for totally broke games the king of the mountain is Action 52 more broke games on a cartridge then anyone wants to remember.

 

[Ima Lemming]

As broken as Big Rigs and Action 52 are, Ride to Hell sounds like it's deeply offensive what with the misogyny and all. The other two are more like "terrible children's fingerpaintings" bad.

 

[keniakittykat]

"It's a game about grimy white dudes shooting in the dessert, being dicks"

Yep, right in the plums. ;-)

Ah, goddamn it! I always get those mixed up. But you know, I speak Dutch, so... No, no it's still inexcusable. I fixed my post, though! =D

 

[ThunderCavalier]

Everyone's talking about the implications of a possible new sub-Zero Punctuation series or whether ET was truly the cause of the Video Game crash long ago or simply the straw that broke the camel's back, and I'm here just wondering whether ET will claim the rightful crown of "Worst Game Ever" from Ride to Hell: Retribution.

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is even more broken then Ride to Hell: Retribution. Of course for totally broke games the king of the mountain is Action 52 more broke games on a cartridge then anyone wants to remember.

Is Action 52 even considered a video game or merely a social experiment in seeing how many people are gullible enough to waste that much money.

 

[VincentMm]

Oi.
Bananarama were ace.

 

[gameboy1234]

Barely a month after Yahtzee's review, there's an article on CBS about this game literally being dug out of a landfill and put back on the market. Proving that publishers consider nothing is too crappy to fob off on consumers. Especially if they can attach the moniker "retro" or "old-school" to it.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/worst-video-game-ever-back-on-the-market/