Zero Punctuation: Eve Online

[nastykerm]

One plays games to have fun.
Yahtzee played the game and didn't have fun.

I played call of duty for about 5 minutes, running around at some indoor training ground wtf boring as hell piece of shit game.

Alright? We clear?
We play games to have fun.
Not to run a business.

I expect games to be fun the instant I power up my console/computer. If not its not fun.




I hope you see the error of your opinion.

 

[nastykerm]

Yahtzee you are right again.

To all the people ho play EVE: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE! you actually have to click somewhere in space to get where you want!

If there is any real spacesim multiplayer game that is actually worth anything it's Freelancer.
It has: A decent controll system, lots of space, you can do whatever you want (it's the spacesims answer to GTA), you have a reputation(friend with one faction might mean anotherone gets angry at you), you have lots of cool weapons/spaceships/stations. And most importantly the community is better than in any other game I have ever tried!

If you like EVE then I can promise you you will LOVE Freelancer, if you do not LOVE it feel free ot drop by my house kick me in the gnads and force me to eat the entire house of which I live in.

EVE isnt freelancer, nor does it try to be. EVE is more like a space version of command&conquer rather a combat flight sim.

It's really frustrating to read peoples opinion of EVE when they dont even know what type of game it is.

 

[Wargamer]

Here's the funny part: there are so many people trying to tell me that EVE is the best thing since sliced bread and bashing Yahtzee for not liking it. Here's my two cents:
One plays games to have fun.
Yahtzee played the game and didn't have fun.
Alright? We clear?
We play games to have fun.
Not to run a business.

So buy a fucking wii if you can't handle a bit of virtual economics or strategy in your games. Some people can find fun in more complex games.

Anyone who defends this as a serious review when it doesn't even give the game a proper look is a moron.

Or maybe they all have a point. Concepts such as "realism" are really great and all, but I don't think I'd want to play a Call of Duty game where you have to deal with "real" military issues, such as paying your troops a monthly wage, paying their benefits, dealing with the press you're getting at home about how your invasion of Iraq is unjustified etcetera etcetera.

EVE does not sound fun. EVE sounds like more work than my fucking job!

 

[Odjin]

Great how nerds can close their heads of to not read. So let's put it simple in a few sentences so nobody can complain:

1) Games are not for socializing. If you need that you are either a big emo or have no life. Games are for fun, tickling, mind challenging or just giving you a great time. If you need there a socializing system to get friends... then you utterly failed at life

2) Tactics and strategy is if both sides have equal abilities and resources and using them clever cuts the deal. 100 versus 1 is NOT strategy NOR tactics it's just fucking GB ( Gang-Banging ) and is called a loosers battle. MMOs are full of such loosers

3) A demo is here to show you how good a game is. If it fails to do so after 14 days the entire game fails. Also if a game requires half a year to get to the good bits it fails too. And if you are mostly watching the CPU play for you the game fails too.

Shorter than that is not possible.

 

[Brett Alex]

Here's the funny part: there are so many people trying to tell me that EVE is the best thing since sliced bread and bashing Yahtzee for not liking it. Here's my two cents:
One plays games to have fun.
Yahtzee played the game and didn't have fun.
Alright? We clear?
We play games to have fun.
Not to run a business.

So buy a fucking wii if you can't handle a bit of virtual economics or strategy in your games. Some people can find fun in more complex games.
Anyone who defends this as a serious review when it doesn't even give the game a proper look is a moron.

Or, he could y'know... not. Instead, he could stick by his opinion and not enjoy the game. And all clever rebuttals you come up with about someone being a casual gamer won't change that. I used/kind of still do/hoping to break an addiction to WoW, but I have friends who hate it. I know that no matter how many times I tell them how fun winning Arathi Basin is, it won't make them suddenly see the error of the ways, take out a subscription, make a Troll Priest and join me on Lumber Mill defense.

So yes, some people can handle "virtual economics or strategy in your games" and "Some people can find fun in more complex games", some people however can't, and do enjoy the Wii, or Halo, or CoD4. Because someone doesn't find EVE as fun as you doesn't make them a lesser person, and because you enjoy EVE, it doesn't make you a lesser person.

 

[nastykerm]

EVE does not sound fun. EVE sounds like more work than my fucking job!

What is sounds like, and what it is, are two completely different things. I think champagne sounds crap, but I know it tastes great.

 

[nastykerm]

Great how nerds can close their heads of to not read. So let's put it simple in a few sentences so nobody can complain:

Oh snap! A person on an internet forum dedicated to gaming called me a nerd. I'll never get laid now

 

[Vitalix]

Ben has developed a habit of sacrificing content for scathing commentary. While much of his review focused on EVE specifically, the large part was simply a critique of characteristics to MMORPG's generally. That's not particularly helpful. MMORPGs, like all video games, assume that gamers appreciate and enjoy certain activities. That includes leveling up, killing monsters, and suspending disbelief.

Imagine if a reviewer said, "Halo, Metal Gear Solid, Portal, and Half-Life 2 all suck. All of these games are just a bunch of console clicking mass of pictures and sounds. You just stare at a screen for hours. None of it is real. The Combine are fake. Master Chief is fake. Why would you waste your time pretending to be something that does not exist? Thus, all of these games are crap."

It's a critique sure, but not really a good one. Games and certain gaming genres have basic characteristics to them. FPSs have guns, etc. Attack those in a game, and you are not really critiquing the game but the genre, which is not a terribly useful review.

Ben knows better. His earlier reviews show it.

 

[Pandy]

Halo, Metal Gear Solid, Portal, and Half-Life 2 all suck. All of these games are just a bunch of console clicking mass of pictures and sounds. You just stare at a screen for hours. None of it is real. The Combine are fake. Master Chief is fake. Why would you waste your time pretending to be something that does not exist? Thus, all of these games are crap.

Damn straight.

 

[Sir_Substance]

Yahtzee you are right again.
If you like EVE then I can promise you you will LOVE Freelancer, if you do not LOVE it feel free ot drop by my house kick me in the gnads and force me to eat the entire house of which I live in.

sweet, give me your address and then you'd better wander out and get a box and a huge spoon, because in my opinion freelancer sucked. X3 was superior in every aspect.

 

[Wargamer]

EVE does not sound fun. EVE sounds like more work than my fucking job!

What is sounds like, and what it is, are two completely different things. I think champagne sounds crap, but I know it tastes great.

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

Secondly, I doubt I would like EVE even if I tried it. It's the whole "summary on the cover" thing. Take Viking. A lot of people told me Viking was a "bad" game, but I loved it. Why? Because if I had to sum the game up in one line, it would be thus:

You are a Viking sent to slaughter entire armies with a fucking big sword and a fucking big axe and you have dragons helping out.

Vikings?
Slaughtering entire armies?
Fucking big sword?
Dragons?

SCORE!

Would anyone care to sum up EVE in one sentence? I realise you probably can't, what with the game being so very complex, but it makes a point - you CAN'T convince me in one line. Oops, sorry, you're out of time! I'm already listening to the next guy whose game lets me pick up circular saw blades with a Gravity Gun and fire them at Zombies.

I am not going to sink my money into a "maybe". I need something that will reel me in hook, line and sinker. Some games can do that whilst still being big and clever, whilst others can't. I may have been drawn into Warhammer due to its truly Epic background, but I can't deny I was drawn into Puzzle Pirates because of the second word in the title.

 

[nastykerm]

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

That didnt make much sense.

Secondly, I doubt I would like EVE even if I tried it. It's the whole "summary on the cover" thing. Take Viking. A lot of people told me Viking was a "bad" game, but I loved it. Why? Because if I had to sum the game up in one line, it would be thus:

You are a Viking sent to slaughter entire armies with a fucking big sword and a fucking big axe and you have dragons helping out.

Vikings?
Slaughtering entire armies?
Fucking big sword?
Dragons?

SCORE!

Would anyone care to sum up EVE in one sentence? I realise you probably can't, what with the game being so very complex, but it makes a point - you CAN'T convince me in one line. Oops, sorry, you're out of time! I'm already listening to the next guy whose game lets me pick up circular saw blades with a Gravity Gun and fire them at Zombies.

I am not going to sink my money into a "maybe". I need something that will reel me in hook, line and sinker. Some games can do that whilst still being big and clever, whilst others can't. I may have been drawn into Warhammer due to its truly Epic background, but I can't deny I was drawn into Puzzle Pirates because of the second word in the title.

I'm not trying to convince you. What I'm trying to say is that EVE isnt crap for the reasons mentioned in the review, not the reason most people have given as they obviously dont know what EVE actually is.

Different strokes for different folks and, not your cup of tea etc etc. Just because I dont like guitar hero type of games, doesnt mean I will automatically say its crap. It's just not my type of game.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

I can't watch the video but I already know he hated it, EVE is Yahtzee's nightmare, it's the deepest MMO out there and since he can't get through it in 2 hours he's gonna kill himself if he goes on any farther.

*sees EVE online and Age of Conan advertised like crazy on this site*

Uh-oh...Good thing Yahtzee is way more valuable than Jeff Gertsman.

 

[mbv-]

lol eve..my friend tried to get me into that but my response just a plain and simple no

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

OK why do people call UI's "intuitive"? Do menu's have "intuition"?

Alright, whatever - back to the review

Isn't the skill system there so you DON'T have to grind? You click the skill, and then you PLAY THE GAME WHILE IT LEVELS UP FOR YOU!

Eh, I guess I thought it was a good idea.

 

[Wargamer]

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

That didnt make much sense.

Champagne is only produced in the Champagne region of France. If it comes from anywhere else, it isn't Champagne. This is why I cringe when some dipstick tells me he's had some really nice Californian Champagne. It's rather like claiming you're Black when you're skin is whiter than Paris Hilton's bedsheets.

 

[Pandy]

Yahtzee you are right again.
If you like EVE then I can promise you you will LOVE Freelancer, if you do not LOVE it feel free ot drop by my house kick me in the gnads and force me to eat the entire house of which I live in.

sweet, give me your address and then you'd better wander out and get a box and a huge spoon, because in my opinion freelancer sucked. X3 was superior in every aspect.

True, but then, even X2 was better than Freelancer and X2 had all the depth of a really deep teaspoon.

 

[Brett Alex]

Firstly, champagne is crap. Especially when it isn't actually champagne.

That didnt make much sense.

Champagne is only produced in the Champagne region of France. If it comes from anywhere else, it isn't Champagne. This is why I cringe when some dipstick tells me he's had some really nice Californian Champagne.

So far off topic now, but don't you find that a slightly elitist opinion? I know that because of legal action it officially isn't Champagne when it comes from somewhere else now, but it seems almost like saying "Well Kiwi-Fruits are clearly only from New Zealand because they have Kiwi in their name, and if you grow a kiwi fruit in Australia then it isn't actually a kiwi fruit and you'll have to call it 'Sparkling Fruit' instead of an Australian grown Kiwi-Fruit."

So personally I don't think it sounds like claiming your black when your actually white, that would be like calling Carlton Cold 'Carlton Champagne'.

 

[bigwillystyles]

Maybe you guys who don't like eve should go to the doctor and talk to him about your lack of opposable thumbs?

 

[p0nda]

So far off topic now, but don't you find that a slightly elitist opinion? I know that because of legal action it officially isn't Champagne when it comes from somewhere else now, but it seems almost like saying "Well Kiwi-Fruits are clearly only from New Zealand because they have Kiwi in their name, and if you grow a kiwi fruit in Australia then it isn't actually a kiwi fruit and you'll have to call it 'Sparkling Fruit' instead of an Australian grown Kiwi-Fruit."

So personally I don't think it sounds like claiming your black when your actually white, that would be like calling Carlton Cold 'Carlton Champagne'.

It's actually more like selling "genuine Cuban cigars" that are made in South Korea. But the man is correct even if he has a poor analogy. Your kiwifruit analogy is also poor however, since they've only been called kiwifruit since the 60's because Chinese gooseberry had poor marketing appeal during the cold war. And were only introduced into NZ at the turn of last century regardless.

ANYHOW, this was my favourite ZP in a while. I haven't been finding it as funny lately, but I enjoyed this one no end.