Zero Punctuation: Eve Online

[Krunkcity3000]

Please, review Too Human next.

 

[Phandaal]

What I find most telling is that almost all of the people supporting the review have clearly not played the game to any meaningful extent.

Furthermore, a quick glance at the comments reveals that the majority of people certainly do take Yahtzee's reviews as information about the games first and entertainment second.

How thoughtless and unprofessional of him then, to smear an independent game that is trying to do something different. Made by a company that has released in the order of 8 expansions to it's product over the years (including a complete graphics overhaul recently) - all for free. And smear it in such as way as to make it clear to anyone that HAS played the game all the "information" contained in his review is patently false. In fact, I would be surprised if he played more than 14 hours of the free trial, let alone the alleged 14 days.

And to top it all off, they advertise here and you didn't make the effort of giving them a fair hearing. Talk about shitting where you eat, you putz. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson "You've just lost yourself a customer!".

 

[yourkie1921]

Your point is incredible flawed. Chess is also a type of 'one click combat' yet its probably the most popular game in history. I think its a more a case of you not being able to see the point of the game. In short, you are doing it wrong.

Chess is moreso an RTS than an MMO if you ask me. NO GAME WHERE YOU ONLY CONTROL ONE PERSON CAN HAVE FUN ONE-CLICK COMBAT, there now

No he didnt. It's blatantly obvious his EVE review is uninformed without any real substance.

That was the most irellevant piece of shit arguement I've ever heard.

No, not really.

is this a challenge?

Why, because *you* say so?

No, because if it takes up more than 20 full days to learn the game only people with no real lives will play it.

Nope, you will not win, and it will not be impossible to win.

Ok. That second part is all I need to know.

And to top it all off, they advertise here and you didn't make the effort of giving them a fair hearing. Talk about shitting where you eat, you putz. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson "You've just lost yourself a customer!".

Do you think he cares?

Eve is not twitch based, but it is heavily tactical. If you have your dream ship there are at least two or three other ships which are a counter to it, if they are flown correctly. That means actually maneuvering the ship and choosing when to turn your guns on and off, choosing what range, choosing when to engage, when to turn on your speed boosters, when to turn on your tank, what range to warp in etc.

Ok, enough is enough. Can you find me a youtube video of one of these fights.

 

[Phandaal]

Ok, enough is enough. Can you find me a youtube video of one of these fights.

Google them yourself, that is if you can free up one of your hands long enough from gripping tightly to Yahtzee's nuts.

 

[yourkie1921]

Eh, gripping yahtzee's nuts would hurt him, it'd be a poor way to show affection

 

[SystemWarrior]

Yahtzee did what he always did. And I think it's fair enough to play a 14-day trial and try to go solo so you don't have to say to your new companions, "Sorry, I have to go and never come back because I've run out of playtime."

More to the point, did you ever really expect Yahtzee to like it? He pretty much always bitchslaps games except for a few very notable exceptions. So why not grow up and either go back to playing EVE because you like it or doing something else if you don't.

 

[Eipok Kruden]

Hm, Yahtzee making an effort to find a new and inventive MMO? Is it raining custard? Have my legs suddenly turned into Belgian tourists?

Good God, it's for real.

Oh, wait, he's ripping the shit out of it. Thank goodness, I'll spit out those Asprin and keep typing.

Never even heard of EVE until today (no I didn't look at the ads, what do you take me for, someone with money?), and after today, well, I won't go near it without a flamethrower and a spray gun full of Holy Water. Never being much of an MMO fan myself, you pretty succinctly pointed out eveything that needed to be said:

Tries to be WoW.

Fails miserably.

Still murders your social life with a pickaxe.

Good man. Funny, angry and laced with bile. Not unlike my porn collection.

I'm sorry, but what? Tries to be WoW???? Ok, I'm lost. HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY MENTAL?!?!?!?!?!? Just play the trial. It's 14 days long and is completely free. You'll see that EvE doesn't try to be like WoW in any way whatsoever except for the fact that there's money in it, it's an mmorpg, and it has people that play it (and the combat kinda, but not really). If you can't wrap your head around player owned corporations with shares and shareholders and a Ceo, COO, CFO, founder, board of directors, etc..., then how do you wrap your head around actual corps? How do you wrap your head around life in general? Give EvE a try. It's for your own good.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Does anyone else get that SSBB feeling again?

 

[bride_of_lister]

Am I the only one that keep getting the %^$%-ing Warhammer Online ad over and over? It won't play!

 

[nastykerm]

Chess is moreso an RTS than an MMO if you ask me. NO GAME WHERE YOU ONLY CONTROL ONE PERSON CAN HAVE FUN ONE-CLICK COMBAT, there now

How apropriate. EVE *is* in most ways a RTS.

That was the most irellevant piece of shit arguement I've ever heard.

And that was the most rubbish attempt of refutal I have ever read.

is this a challenge?

Yes.

No, because if it takes up more than 20 full days to learn the game only people with no real lives will play it.

Ah crap. A person on an internet forum dedicatde to games say I dont have a life. How am I going to loose my virginity now?

 

[bawsoot]

Yeah I get a stupid advert for Warhammer, followed by... the same stupid advert for Warhammer.
Sort it out Escapist!

EDIT: Nevermind, it works all of a sudden.

 

[DarthTirith]

EVE entertained me for about four hours before boring me to death.

 

[bmike210]

Hm, Yahtzee making an effort to find a new and inventive MMO? Is it raining custard? Have my legs suddenly turned into Belgian tourists?

Good God, it's for real.

Oh, wait, he's ripping the shit out of it. Thank goodness, I'll spit out those Asprin and keep typing.

Never even heard of EVE until today (no I didn't look at the ads, what do you take me for, someone with money?), and after today, well, I won't go near it without a flamethrower and a spray gun full of Holy Water. Never being much of an MMO fan myself, you pretty succinctly pointed out eveything that needed to be said:

Tries to be WoW.

Fails miserably.

Still murders your social life with a pickaxe.

Good man. Funny, angry and laced with bile. Not unlike my porn collection.

Eve - First released in North America and Europe in May 2003

WoW - First released on November 23, 2004

So logically, even if the games were remotely similar (which they are not), then it would have to be the other way around. WoW would be trying to be eve. Fortunately, as someone else pointed out, the only thing they have in common is that they are MMOs

 

[Khazoth]

Eve is a fundamentally bad game and the arguements for Eve, in a way, prove that the game is bad. A game shouldn't have to be defended. "Well you need to play for a few months to have fun." or "You need to do this, or that, or join this and do that to have fun."

You know what a game should be?... A GAME. It should not require you to do something to have fun, it should treat you like its savior if you are so kind as to sink money into their pathetic company then they should GIVE YOU FUN. Fun isn't something to be earned unless you DON'T HAVE A JOB. We have a job so therefore we already earned our fun and should not have to do something so tedious and boring to get to the fun parts in a game.

 

[Idaeus]

I make my money in EVE by scamming people and the scams pay for my three accounts. Other then that I log in when there is an op, shoot people and log off when the op is over.

Rest of the time I'm at the beach with my kids or something. EVE as a second job? It doesn't have to be.

 

[yourkie1921]

How apropriate. EVE *is* in most ways a RTS.

I'd believe that if you played as a whole civilization, or the leader got a screen similar to that of an RTS and can tell you to move to X or shoot x the same way you could in an RTS. Making the game that much more interesting since it's an RTS where your subjects are actually human.

And that was the most rubbish attempt of refutal I have ever read.

Yea "he played the way the normal person does"
"he found no substance" how what that relevant?

Yes.

Than too fucking bad my computer probably can't download this game and I don't make a habit of downloading things I know for sure I'm not going to keep (because I barely get 15$ a month)...you know what, do they have an all knowing wiki or accept alertpay as a form of payment?

Ah crap. A person on an internet forum dedicatde to games say I dont have a life. How am I going to loose my virginity now?

Ok, a person with less of a life than me? And it'd shock me if you're not a virgin. Yes, hookers count.

 

[bmike210]

Eve is a fundamentally bad game and the arguements for Eve, in a way, prove that the game is bad. A game shouldn't have to be defended. "Well you need to play for a few months to have fun." or "You need to do this, or that, or join this and do that to have fun."

You know what a game should be?... A GAME. It should not require you to do something to have fun, it should treat you like its savior if you are so kind as to sink money into their pathetic company then they should GIVE YOU FUN. Fun isn't something to be earned unless you DON'T HAVE A JOB. We have a job so therefore we already earned our fun and should not have to do something so tedious and boring to get to the fun parts in a game.

That is quite possibly the most stupid thing I have heard all day.

"You know what a game should be?... A GAME."

"it should not require you to do something to have fun,"

wow... just... wow. Go smoke some more pot and stare at the tv screen.

 

[yourkie1921]

... A GAME. It should not require you to do something to have fun, it should treat you like its savior if you are so kind as to sink money into their pathetic company then they should GIVE YOU FUN. Fun isn't something to be earned unless you DON'T HAVE A JOB. We have a job so therefore we already earned our fun and should not have to do something so tedious and boring to get to the fun parts in a game.

Why should an online game EVER treat you like it's savior. You're supposed to feel like you are one out of the party of 2-4-8-8000-800000000000*10 to the power of 10000000000000000000000-whatever. It's supposed to treat you like everyone else and if everyone is, why are you so special. I don't care whether you communicate with other players or not.

 

[MikePhilbin]

10 contract some weird disease that causes FLOW CHARTS
20 flee to Cheltenham
30 next

classic Z.P. anger

 

[Violator[xL]]

-The interface is a freaking nightmare.
-There's no bloody cockpit-view! Part of what makes space-simulation great is immersion. Yes, that feeling that you're in the cockpit of a spaceship instead of playing a top down point and click rpg.

On these 2 points: The interface could use some work, and infact is being worked on. However it does grow on you. (That doesn't excuse it in the least, it should be immediately understandable) So I agree with you on that one, the other point however...

A cockpit view would be impossible within EVE's background.
All players in the game are Pod pilots, and effectively immortal because of it, you see your vessel and everything around it through the eyes of camera drones that transmit their image directly into your brain.

There is no cockpit or bridge, you're literally flying your ship through willpower alone.

You, the pilot, are inside a small egg shaped device that links your neural pathways directly to the control systems of the ship you are flying. Larger vessels have additional crew to help run things but in the end you ARE the ship. There is no need for a cockpit since the control for the ship happens inside your head. A cockpit view as such would be rather useless.

What utter bullshit. If I AM the ship I still wouldn't have a birds-eye-view looking onto my own ship, I'd still look OUT of it.