Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Chancie]

Haha, I absolutely loved this one. I have FFXIII but I haven't put it in yet. I'm trying to keep an open mind for it but so far, it's not working so well. xD

 

[Samcanuck]

Havent [layed...but I fail to realize how in the age of sandbox gaming the developers thought hey....lets make an rpg linear. THATS what people are looking for.

 

[Suskie]

OKAY, SO. The chocobo in Sazh's afro. Can we all agree to start calling it "frocobo"? Yes?

More on topic: This was easily one of my favorite Yahtzee reviews in recent memory. I kinda like the game, sort of, but then I'd totally understand why anyone would hate it. The old "it gets better later" excuse from two weeks ago gets pulled right back into play (although, to its credit, it really does get better later).

Edit: Oh, and WHAT I WOULD DO to see Yahtzee review Final Fantasy VII.

I've never been into Final Fantasy as the concept of the series doesn't interest me much. With all the hype of Final Fantasy 7 (not using roman numerals) I'd like to see his perspective on that one as well. Seeing as how most people I talk to say it's the BEST GAME EVAR, I'd like to see someone with a brain point out why it isn't.

I agree. I don't hate FFVII or anything, but I am a bit sick of people saying it's literally the best game ever made when there are so many things obviously wrong with it. I kinda think it would take a Yahtzee review to finally knock some common sense into some of these people. (And that was going to sound like a flame no matter how I worded it, so whatever.)

He'll never do it, of course, but I can still dream.

 

[CyanLink]

Whoever said FFXIII <--(seriously this is getting ridiculous) Is either joking or extremely thick. I had my reserves the moment I heard about the new combat system.

 

[blalien]

I'm getting a slight hunch that Yahtzee is not a fan of Vanille.

 

[diddykonger]

all the characters are annoying as heck in this precise order starting with the most: Snow, Hope, Lightning, Fang, Vanielle, Sazh

 

[Proteus214]

Oh

my

GOD!

He actually reviewed it! I didn't think that would happen.

And yup, sounds about accurate for the first five hours.

 

[JenXXXJen]

Ha, that was hilarious. Especially the bit about Hope pulling a boomerang out of his arse. It's true.

Have to say though, Vanille being completely 'out there' is the main reason I like her.

 

[Danpascooch]

Woah! for Unskippable they pretend they are going to do FF13 for April Fools. Yahtzee, the JRPG hater, actually DOES do FF13. As an April Fools WTF moment, Yahtzee wins, lol.

 

[Nosaj Irenicus]

Oh my god, I haven't loved Yahtzee this much since the Portal review.

 

[wooty]

Liked the review there, seemed to hit on the things I too found a bit irritating in the game, but I actually liked it....sort of...I guess

 

[Mirroga]

I haven't played Chrono Cross because, you know, PAL, but with my newly acquired PS1, and also being a fan of Chrono Trigger, it will be one of the first I buy when I chip my console (yeah I know I could just download it, but I like actually having the real disc)

I made a mistake here my friend. The one I considered as the best JRPG story is indeed Chrono Trigger. I always mistake Cross and Trigger. At least you know what I consider as a very immersive or entertaining JRPG plot. It may just be taking over the world for bad guys, but the different timelines made it very memorable.

 

[Ace01]

Banging coconuts together, oh i get it, monty python reference.

Anyway, i liked the early FF's but after 7 it felt like i had seen this before, oh yeah the sonic the hedgehog games after adventure. Well, at least the graphics are nice, and the case can make a decorative paperweight.

 

[The_ModeRazor]

Funny!

Oh, I'm supposed to contribute something...
I'm never, ever going to play a JRPG because Final Fantasy VII didn't start on my goddamn computer, so I hate JRPGs now. Angst.

 

[JordanMillward_1]

disappointing. i was looking forward to this review, but only playing five hours of the game makes it completely pointless.

Aye, I was a bit disappointed too. Still, there's always next week I guess.

 

[sephiroth1991]

This dosn't seem like a game i will like

Fuck off!!

The game plays it's self hmm WHAT FUCK IS THIS MGS4 gone too far.

He's right about the those kids i find it hard to beleve they fight in the game.

 

[Equality]

I only survived about 2-3 hours before I couldn't take it any more. The "it gets better 20 hours in" view out there is incredible, what a great sell for the game - yeah, it's shit for almost a whole day's worth of hours from your life ... but don't worry things will be fine later on. I've paid for the damn thing, I want it to be good right from the start and get even better later on. Will never bother with Final Fantasy again - until, that is, they can do a matrix-style virtual reality version of it and I can beat the snot out of Hope.

 

[Rayansaki]

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO VANILLE YOU MISERABLE TWAT I HOPE YOU DIE OF SQUIRREL AIDS!

Also, for me, it got good about 5-6 hours in, and excellent 15-16 hours in.

 

[comet5002]

Honestly, from what I've played of FFXIII so far, I like it (However, this is probably because I like both interactive storytelling games AND JRPG's). However, he does bring up good points about some things.

All of the characters are completely unlikeable and annoying and I want to slap them all in the face. The redeeming quality about other FF's were that for every Squall/Garnet and Tidus/Yuna, there were characters like Quistis/Irvine and Lulu/Auron/Rikku. The characterization categories that these characters fit into are taken to such EXTREMES that it's laughably ridiculous. Let me take each character into perspective:

Hope: Hope has officially dethroned Squall as the "KING OF ALL EMOS" and it's really infuriating because the emo characters are always the ones that I hate the most.

Vanille: I've always loved Yuffie and Rikku and similar "comic relief characters" because they add humor and light to the otherwise dark plots, but Vanille is just RETARDED and it's extremely annoying.

Lightning: Auron's stoicism is what made him cool and tough. Lightning's stoicism makes her annoying. Why is that? Because Auron has a personality and a background that people can relate to and empathize with. Lightning is literally a brick wall that has legs and carries a sword.

Sazh: Besides having the most ridiculous name imo of any character in the FF series, his character is also blown out of proportion. Although I don't think he's as annoying as Barret, but that's not saying much. Easily the most "real" out of all the characters. I say "real" instead of "likable" because I still find him annoying.

Snow: See the Hope section and replace Hope with Snow and Squall with Zell and it gets my point across pretty well. The "manly" characters are my second most hated categorization of characters.

I can't say anything about Fang because I haven't acquired her yet. Sorry for the extremely long post, but I felt like I had to say this and even though I know most of the people who are viewing this thread are here to make fun of EVERY aspect of this game, I just wanted to get my two cents in.

EDIT: I just remembered something. Move "emo kids" to 2nd place and "manly men" to third. A GREAT thing about this game is that there's no "girly girls" who play the damsel in distress (see Garnet, Rinoa, Yuna) who OFFICIALLY take my number one "most hated" award.

 

[SirMax]

Am I the only one who thinks that "it gets good 20 hours in" is an insult? Seriously, without that I could imagine that it gets good later and Yahtzee was just getting through it really slow because he was distracted or something, but the fact that people who are long time FF players could take 20 hours of playing until it starts getting fun is absurd. I could play Portal ten times before FF13 got fun. I didn't even LIKE FFX, but it was fun before the 20th hour of gameplay.