Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[jericu]

I'm a big fan of Yahtzee, but this felt like a very unprofessional review. He admits that not only did he not finish the game, he only got 5 hours in and proclaimed it as ass, which is like taking a nibble off of a slice of cake and decreeing that the cake is disgusting. He can make all the arguments about how a game shouldn't have to take a long time to get good, but it doesn't make his decision to only play 5 hours any more valid. If it was taking him so long to get through the game then he should have A) Waited to review it until after he finished it and review a different game this week instead, like he did with Mass Effect 2, or B) Mark the review as a "First Impressions" like he did with The Witcher.

Are you serious? Who the hell plays a game that isn't fun for 5 hours? I wouldn't play a game for more than one if it isn't fun or any good. And then people claim the first 20 hours are boring? What. The. Hell.
If a game is bad, then you don't need to fully play it, to say it's bad. Easy as that.

For the average gamer, this is absolutely true. However, Yahtzee is a game CRITIC. That is, someone who plays and reviews games as a living. Thus, as a critic, he is expected to at least finish a game before giving his opinion on it. Playing a game for 5 hours and saying it's bad without finishing the rest is like doing an eighth of your paperwork at work and telling your boss that you're done. If I was doing the paperwork out of boredom, and had no professional obligation to do all of it, then it would be fine to stop. However, if it's my FREAKING JOB to do it, then my boss has the right to expect me to do all of my work before saying I'm finished, as opposed to a fraction of it. Yahtzee may not like the game, but if it's his job to play through games and tell people how he feels based on the whole product, he doesn't have the right to do his review after 5 hours of a much longer game. He doesn't like the game, and office workers don't like paperwork. But you're getting payed to do it, so you have to do it, or find a new job.

 

[RetroFlush]

I hate to say it, but he's spot on about FFXIII

linear maps (to an almost literal degree), uninvolving combat, and the first 20 or so hours feel like the intro.

If you can play this game for 5 hours straight then I salute you, and shall lay a flower at your grave

 

[Mr.Lucifer]

To be fair about the linerality, the creators did that because one of the themes was that the characters were being chased. The creators thought ot wouldn't make sense forthe characters to casually stroll around towns when they're on the run.

 

[whycantibelinus]

Only five hours? Damn, son, I'm impressed. I'd be good for like 2 hours, tops.

I was surprised he would even review this game, it seems like he'd equate it to chopping off his own dick you know?

 

[sunshine89]

ammm... am i the only one that noticed he played the harp wrong? you're actually supposed to sit on the other side (where the pedals are and lean it on your shoulder...

 

[ironlordthemad]

Are you serious? Who the hell plays a game that isn't fun for 5 hours? I wouldn't play a game for more than one if it isn't fun or any good. And then people claim the first 20 hours are boring? What. The. Hell.
If a game is bad, then you don't need to fully play it, to say it's bad. Easy as that.

This man speaks the truth!
In fact I commend yahtzee for getting 5 hours into a boring/bad game. I've thrown away one or two bad/boring games in under 20 minutes because sometimes you just know that a game just isn't right for you. If its a good (or even an agreable) game you don't need to grind through it, you should realise suddenly that several hours have just disapeared.

 

[RetroFlush]

For the average gamer, this is absolutely true. However, Yahtzee is a game CRITIC. That is, someone who plays and reviews games as a living. Thus, as a critic, he is expected to at least finish a game before giving his opinion on it. Playing a game for 5 hours and saying it's bad without finishing the rest is like doing an eighth of your paperwork at work and telling your boss that you're done. If I was doing the paperwork out of boredom, and had no professional obligation to do all of it, then it would be fine to stop. However, if it's my FREAKING JOB to do it, then my boss has the right to expect me to do all of my work before saying I'm finished, as opposed to a fraction of it. Yahtzee may not like the game, but if it's his job to play through games and tell people how he feels based on the whole product, he doesn't have the right to do his review after 5 hours of a much longer game. He doesn't like the game, and office workers don't like paperwork. But you're getting payed to do it, so you have to do it, or find a new job.

Film critics are allowed to walk out on a film, and then say they did in the review. He admitted he only played the first 5 hours and explained why - his review was still entertaining. Job done. If you want a thorough, humourless, professional review then there are plenty about

 

[BatOtaku13]

ZP doesn't like FFXIII? who would have thunk it?!

 

[1nfinite_Cros5]

I was surprised you actually liked Final Fantasy before the series turned into a pretentious mess.

While I agree with your argument that Final Fantasy became too mediocre after VII, I'd have to say that IX was a nice nostalgic throwback to the originals before the parade of angst-driven continued to annoy me.

 

[Mr.Lucifer]

We really must stop turning this threads into flame wars.

 

[Oskamunda]

@MatsVS

It's not chest pounding. I have been playing the American releases since their debut in 1990. That is not meaningless ad hominem, it is fact. And it was brought up to illustrate my support for the series--even that monstrosity that was FFX-2--not to say that you should listen to me over someone else. I was TRYING to point out that this horror of a game has turned even a vet like me onto his head...and that this is the ONLY time I have ever wished that the inclusion of the word FINAL in the game's title was an honest admission to the end of the franchise.

If you would like, I shall opine at great length upon a discernible argument [seeing as my general summation was not sufficient...oh wait, did you even READ the first post?]...but I was trying to spare you, everyone else, and MYSELF from that. And guess what, it would be an HONEST REVIEW, where we could even talk about the mathematics behind the game mechanics that illustrate that the AI is a cheating bastard and that Hironobu Sakaguchi NEEDS TO RETURN.

I mean, come on...when I have to work out the sum of an arithmetic series to work out how many particle accelerators or ultra compact reactors to buy after my 36 vibrant oozes have raised the multiplier to >501 for a x3 so that I don't overspend the gil that this game is so tightfisted with that even Mike Duke would blush, it's a little much. [See, that run-on sentence and many others like it were what I was hoping to spare you from, but apparently, like other supporters of this game, masochism runs deep.]

In any case, you may mail me if it's that important to you, and I'll let you know exactly why you should not spend money on this game. Until then, I shall leave you all to your rantings, as I have already let myself get pulled in far enough...one must remember the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, after all.

Remember that game...the one that you can't win? Goes like this:

There is a game that you cannot win, although that is debatable. The only rule is that when you think of the game, you lose the game.

There is, in fact, only one way to win this game, and that is not to play it. So you guys have fun being so GIFTed.

 

[De Ronneman]

Great review, even for 5 hours. I think you're totally right quiting, because I too, like all other people in the world, like to have some fun at that point...

Also, this is the first video in how long exactly in which the Imps haven't been in the end credits AT ALL

 

[Mr.Lucifer]

I actually like X-2. I didn't take it seriously. It was fun for me.

 

[SirMax]

Again, this whole '20' hours thing has been blown out of the water as well.

The game is actually pretty fun and opens up within the first four hours. Jesus. Stop being sheep and listening to everything your internet celebs say.

You're right, we should listen to you instead! You have a such a sterling reputation for having an eye for quality.

Or perhaps I should buy every game that has ever been published and devote 20+ hours to each of them to wait for them to be good before forming any opinions about what I should buy and/or play. At some point you have to trust someone's opinion, and you are not at the top of my list.

 

[rokkolpo]

this one really cracked me up.

nice work yahtzee you slick paparazi.

 

[qbanknight]

happy mana bar's going well for you man, to be honest i'm amazed you lasted for five hours without going psycho-kill crazy

 

[jpoon]

Hehe, that was pretty funny stuff!

I do still play the game though

 

[Cavouku]

Good thing I watch AVGN, or I wouldn't have gotten the "I only liked FF6" when the box said "3".

I expected nothing less from Yahtzee, but at the same time, nothing more from Final Fantasy. I don't know why, but something about a lot of Japanese media has just completely lost appeal to me. Or at least, stuff that takes itself seriously. I loved Nerima Daikon Brothers recently.

It's just me though. I think it just got too... everywhere(does that make sense?) for me.

Yahtzee is a completely unbiased critic. He is. And also really hated that chick in the ending slapstick.

 

[qbanknight]

oh yes, people stop bitching that he only played for 5 damn hours. if that's not long enough for a game to be fun, what makes you think the next 25 hours are going to be amazing? the word of some ass of a game reviewer on ign or gamespot who said it gets good as his website hosts advertisements for said game? at least yahtzee has mercilessly shredded games that are prominently advertised on this site

 

[Beauwight]

@Beauwight

You, sir, are not raised to a higher intellectual being by using such words in so uncreative a manner. You are obviously TOO much of a fanboy to realize the GAME FUCKING SUCKS...this coming from a 20 year veteran of the series who IS willing to look at [GASP] the truth. I think your face wouldn't reach your dick even if you HAD your spine removed.

I mean, Christ, I've been a user here for almost 16 months, and have only made three posts...one of which I had to dedicate to YOU, the excrementally-challenged version of we respectable JRPGers who have the common sense to not only know that Magna Carta is Korean, but that it, also, sucks rectal tissue.

Etc., Etc.

@Oskamunda

As a fellow 20-year veteran of the series, I beg to differ. Whether or not the game sucks isn't the issue. My point is Yahtzee could have bothered to play this game despite his dislike of the first few hours, just as he has (assumedly) played many other games. I chose to utilize my impression of Yahtzee's game review banter to illustrate my point.

I never claimed to be a JRPGer, whatever that is defined as. I just said I was a fan of the FF series. This may lead me to give the game a bit of a buffer. However, I didn't really like VIII and I thought XI was a joke. However, I put more than 5 hours into both before making a final decision.

Oh, and at least I didn't have to resort to ALL CAPS to try and make a point. I make posts even less frequently than you. I usually enjoy Yahtzee's taking on games I enjoy. But, this was just lazy.

So, basically:

What I wish is that Yahtzee would finish playing the game and give us a second review, this time maybe more than five minutes flat, extolling the horrors that is poor game design coupled with a AAA-title-making franchise and fanboy rabies. It might be the only thing that makes me feel like the game was worth playing through.

If you'd re-read my post, I think you'd see that we want the same thing, if for different reasons. I just used Yahtzee-styled language to request it.